Chapter 9
Kakashi was particularly quiet on the walk home from Tsunade's office. He was slowly breaking out of his dazed state, and was blushing furiously under his mask as he replayed the entire moment with Iruka in his head over and over again. Iruka hadn't just flirted with him; he'd straight up told him exactly what he wanted, and was much more comfortable and confident about it than Kakashi had ever expected him to be. He supposed that came with believing they were already in a steady, loving relationship; and he wondered if the reason Iruka had thought they'd already slept together was assumption, or belief based on sexual fantasies. And if it was sexual fantasies…
A warmth spread through Kakashi's groin as his heart skipped a beat, and he felt his face grow even hotter as he imagined the kind of things Iruka might be into and wanted to do with him. He quickly pinched himself and dismissed those arousing thoughts, not wanting his erection to grow any harder from when Iruka had seduced him; but Kakashi couldn't get him off his mind, and his thoughts trailed to the sudden kiss and everything else, instead. More specifically, when he told Iruka he loved him.
He never imagined he would say the words so easily, or even at all. Love was something he didn't know how to deal with and didn't really have much experience with; so Kakashi had always thought he'd have trouble the first time he wanted to tell someone he loved them, that the idea would be on his mind for a while before he said it, and that the first time he tried to say it, he might not even be able to at all. That was what he had expected, and what he had been prepared for; not for the words slip out so easily. And now he was confused. He had certainly felt something when he said the words, but he wasn't the sort of person to fall in love in three days; so did that mean he'd liked Iruka even longer than that? Had he been completely oblivious to his own feelings this entire time?
"Kakashi…" Iruka said suddenly, interrupting his thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"I know this area."
Kakashi stopped by his side and looked around, studying the streets carefully. He hadn't been paying attention to where they were going, and it looked like they had taken a wrong turn somewhere, because they were now on the outskirts of an entirely different neighbourhood to his own; and he didn't recognise a thing.
"Let's go this way." Iruka suggested, taking his hand and leading him down a sidewalk.
They turned down a lively street, and the path led them through a park where a small group of children were pretending to be shinobi, using bark as shuriken, and small sticks for kunai. The kids had split into two teams, and the 'enemy' had taken members of the other team hostage, leaving the leader and one other to rescue the rest. Kakashi watched distractedly as the leader threw a pinecone; and when it landed in the enemy's territory, the enemies stopped moving, allowing the heroes to quickly grab their teammates and run. A couple of seconds later, the enemy started chasing after them again; and Kakashi wondered if the pinecone was supposed to be some sort of bomb. He had become mildly interested in what they were doing and found it hard to take his eyes off them. Although it was only a game, the children clearly worked well as a team; and he imagined them passing the bell test if they stuck with their morals as they grew.
"I wonder if I teach them at the academy…" Iruka commented as they passed the kids. "They look like they're the right age."
"Well, if you do, you've been teaching them right. They've got the Will of Fire that the Sandaime used to talk about."
"The Will of Fire…" Iruka repeated pensively.
The words filled him both with pride and heartache, and he wasn't sure why. He felt like the Will of Fire was important and symbolic in some way; but the title also made his stomach sink and his throat close up; and then there was an emptiness in his heart, like he'd just found out he'd lost someone important to him - was that why it hurt so much? Iruka wiped away the tears that had welled up in his eyes, and swallowed hard as his emotions threatened to leak out of him - the pain had come so suddenly, and he just wanted it to go away.
"Iruka, what's wrong?" Kakashi asked in alarm, stopping suddenly and turning to face him. One minute he had been content and enjoying the walk, and the next, he looked like he was about to burst into tears.
"I don't know." he sniffled. "A sad memory… that I don't remember."
Kakashi's heart ached for Iruka; and he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. He didn't want him to hurt, and hated seeing him look so distraught, like he was about to break. Iruka was emotive, and Kakashi had read so many things in his expressions before, from pure joy, to fondness, to frustration; but he had never seen that kind of pain in his eyes before, nor his tears, and he wanted to erase all of it. It reminded him of himself; of what he had seen in the mirror, staring back at him countless times before; and Kakashi wondered what had scarred Iruka so badly he could still be affected without remembering what happened. What kind of horrors had he faced?
"I'm okay." Iruka said softly, gently pulling away.
"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked, brushing a thumb across his tear-stained cheek.
"Yeah." he smiled, taking the hand and holding it in his. "Let's keep going. I feel like we're close."
A few minutes later, they were out of the park, and the path that they had been following was coming to an end; and had led them to a neighbourhood that seemed to be a mix of upper-class houses and simple apartment blocks. Iruka's pace picked up, as though he was more confident in where he was going; and Kakashi became very curious about their destination. What had Iruka remembered?
As they neared the end of the street, Iruka slowed down, studying the buildings carefully; and when they reached a group of small apartments, he stopped and stared. His heart was beating fast, and excitement welled in his chest, like a snippet of his memory was returning; just enough to see a silhouette through the fog in his mind, just enough to invite him in, and encourage him to go forth. Iruka looked at Kakashi, and then back at the group of apartments.
"This is it." he said.
They entered the gates, and Iruka hesitantly walked over to the block of mailboxes. There were four numbers; and he found himself gravitating towards the second one. He was nervous now. What if his instincts were wrong? What if he had led them nowhere important? Or what if he had, but was checking the wrong mailbox? It was too late to second-guess himself and back out, so he took a deep breath and opened the latch; and pulled the letters out. He flipped them the right way up, and read the name carefully, making sure to go through all of them; and when he was finally done, he turned to Kakashi again and took a deep breath.
"These are mine..." he said. "This is my home."