Chapter 10
Iruka was staring at the small set of keys he'd grabbed from his vest pocket. He'd found them there when he was stuck at the hospital; and without knowing what they opened, they were useless and had just become a dead weight that he'd been carrying around. But now, they were valuable. One of these keys would let him see what he was missing, and give him a glimpse into the life that had been taken from him; and he couldn't help but feel nervous. What kind of life did he live? Would he remember anything?
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm just… not sure what to expect." Iruka said hesitantly.
"You will be fine. I'm right by your side." Kakashi said softly, placing a hand across his back.
Kakashi's assurances settled Iruka's nerves almost instantly; and, taking a deep breath, he fit the first key he had instinctively grabbed into the lock, and twisted. A small click confirmed that he had used the right key; and he exchanged a glance with Kakashi before opening the door and letting them in.
With no lights on and the curtains closed, it was hard to see inside the apartment, so Iruka fumbled at the wall for a switch; and when the main entrance was illuminated, he was met with a splash of colour everywhere he looked; from the hanging indoor plants decorating the room, to the painted scrolls that lined his walls, and ornaments and photos displayed in cabinets all around. The apartment felt warm and inviting, unlike the atmosphere of Kakashi's place; and Iruka ventured forth, curious and eager to explore the rest of his home.
He found the experience quite abstract. Everywhere he looked, there was something that caught his eye, and a ball of excitement would squeeze in his chest, telling him this was something he knew all about, that he had a history with that he was studying; but as he was, without his memories, Iruka felt like he was wandering through an art gallery. He was able to appreciate everything, but only as a stranger; like anyone else who visited.
He ventured through the lounge room, and stepped into the kitchen, where the first thing that caught his eye was the window by the sink. It had a wide sill with herbs growing along, sitting neatly in small pots beneath a thin lace curtain that filtered out the sun; and there was a splash of blue light decorating the wall, lit up by a glass dolphin ornament hanging by the edge of the curtain rail. It looked worn, like he had carried the ornament around for years; and he wondered who had bought it for him - he didn't think it would be something he'd buy himself.
A bright gleam distracted Iruka from his thoughts, and his attention was brought to his fridge, which was decorated with a collage of mementos - cards, drawings, and notes that had been stuck on with magnets. He wandered over take a better look, and discovered that all the cards seemed to be from children, and all the labelled drawings were from Naruto; and he felt a sense of pride as he imagined what his students were like. And Iruka was grateful, not for the first time, that he still had his feelings to remind him about the things that were important to him.
But he had to admit, he was also very puzzled. Ever since he'd started exploring and taking everything in, he'd been slightly on edge, like something wasn't quite right. It was definitely his home, and everything felt very familiar - so much so, that he was expecting his memories to return any minute; but his instincts were screaming that something was missing, and he couldn't make the connection and figure out what was wrong. He should have pressed further - it was what any good shinobi would do; but he dismissed the nagging sensation, deciding he probably felt strange because he was taking in so much all at once; and continued on, opening the curtains and windows as he made his way through the rest of the house.
Kakashi liked Iruka's place. It was a lot smaller than the clan house he inherited, but it felt more like a home than his ever had. Iruka's apartment was full of life wherever he looked, and it had a familial atmosphere that made him feel welcome and protected, like this was a place he could always come to; and there was something about it that made him want to stay. It had everything his own house was missing, everything that would make it a home; and Kakashi had a strange sense of longing, like being here was giving him something he had been deprived of for so long, something that he needed at his place; and he wondered if Iruka's presence was what he sought.
"Kakashi?" Iruka called out.
"Y-Yes?" he fumbled, hoping he wasn't blushing as much as he thought he was. "I'm in the living room."
Iruka appeared from a hallway and walked over to him, seemingly uncertain and thoughtful, like he was a little worried about something.
"What's on your mind?"
"I was just thinking… I want to stay here tonight." he said. "Is that okay with you?"
"Uh, yeah, that's fine. This is your home, after all." Kakashi answered, a little surprised at being involved in the decision.
"Did you, ah… Did you want me here, too?" he asked more hesitantly. Iruka shot him a confused glance.
"I thought that was a given. Why wouldn't I want you here?"
"I don't know." he mumbled, slightly embarrassed. "I just thought I'd ask in case you wanted some privacy to take it all in, or something…"
"Being alone is the last thing I want." Iruka sighed, taking both of Kakashi's hands and gazing into his eyes. "I need you, 'kashi. You're the one thing keeping me sane through all of this; and the only one who can make me feel okay, even though everything is a real mess right now. You give me strength; and I don't know what I'd do without you by my side. I don't want to be apart from you."
An explosion of fireworks surged through Kakashi's body from his chest, sending a glittering warmth across his entire being as Iruka's heartfelt words reached him; and his heart skipped a beat as he became entranced in his earnest expression. Iruka had a way of making him feel special, like his life had meaning outside of serving the Hokage and protecting the village; and Kakashi was realising, with every moment that passed, just how much he had fallen for him. He couldn't part with Iruka, even if he tried.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere." he murmured, tightening his grip on Iruka's hands. "Not when I'm already home."