Pray it away
Shelby ran out of the park trying to get away from Toni as fast as possible, she was so scared. Why did she do that? Why did she kiss Toni? She’s not like her, she can’t be, its wrong…right? That’s what daddy always says that it’s not ok to feel that way, it’s not ok for Shelby to like another girl, she’s supposed to like boys. She’s spent hours hanging out with Tommy and his friends, but it never felt right. She held hands with Tommy’s friend Andrew, but it didn’t feel the same as when she held hands with Toni, Fatin, Leah, or any of their friends really. She gets a flutter around Toni that she’s spent a long time ignoring because it’s not right. How were Toni and Fatin so ok with talking about being gay? It was an abomination; Shelby was an abomination. She can’t handle this, her legs finally giving out after running for a solid twenty minutes. She crashed to the ground with a solid thump, her hand covering her chest as she tried to catch her breath.
Shelby tried so hard to hide this part of her, then she gave it up so quickly to Toni. What was wrong with her, Shelby could feel tears falling down her face as her anger grew. This was all Toni’s fault, if it wasn’t for her then none of this would be happening and Shelby wouldn’t have lost the only friends she ever had. Shelby finally managed to stop crying as she stood up, her legs almost giving out again. After taking in her surrounding Shelby noticed in her panic she actually ran towards her home and was only half a block away. Taking one final deep breath, Shelby headed down the road to head home.
Walking into her house once again Shelby was relieved to see her siblings playing in the front room and her parents seem to be elsewhere. Maybe she could avoid questions about her day.
“Shelby, come into the kitchen please.” Or maybe not. Shelby sighed as she trudged into the kitchen, stopping right before the doorway. Taking a deep breath Shelby put on her pageant smile before walking though. The first thing she noticed was her father laying his phone on the table as if he had just got done using it. Dave wrapped his hand around his coffee mug as he watch Shelby sit in the chair across from him.
“I just got off the phone with a friend from church, is there something you would like to tell me dear?”
“N…no…why did something happen?”
“I was hoping you could answer that for me, you see my friend was concerned about your little friends, there were some rumors going around. You know how small towns are when it comes to rumors. They snowball so quickly I just wanted to check in on you.” Dave said as he lifted his mug to his lips.
“What, uh, what rumors?”
Dave sighed as he set his cup back down, “They are saying some of your friends are sinner, do you know anything about that?”
“We aren’t really talking lately.”
“I see, well, honey I still want to talk to you about it because I don’t want you to go down that same hole, of sin and loneliness.”
“Wh…what?”
Dave laid his hand on the table palm up, and Shelby slowly put her own hand into his, Dave stared into her eyes, “Shelby, that type of life, the type your ‘friends’ are leading, is a very lonely one. Those people end up alone, without friends, family, anyone to care for them.” Shelby could see the tears forming in her dads’ eyes as he spoke, “I don’t want that type of life for you. You’ve seen the people I’ve helped in this very house. They are so broken when they come to me and that’s all that waits for you on that side of life. So, you can’t follow them because you will never be happy that way, honey, believe me.”
Shelby looked down at their joint hands before looking back up at her dad, “I’m not going to be alone dad, I’m not like that, I promise.”
“Well, there is another reason I wanted to have this conversation, I was told something happened at the park between you and that young girl Toni, you two were fighting then you ran off?”
“That’s a mistake daddy, nothing happened.”
“Even so, I need to talk to your mom, but you might have to go away for a while.”
“But-”
“No, none of that, we are doing this for you and to keep you safe from bad influences, just remember all I’ve said on the topic and go play with your siblings until your mom gets home.”
Shelby stood up, avoiding her father’s eyes as she headed back into the living room where Melody and Spencer were playing.
The following day Shelby was told she had to pack her bags; they were sending her away. That terrified her more that the conversation with her father the day before, she didn’t even know where they were sending her or for how long. What was she supposed to do or say to her parents? Why did it all play out this way, why did she kiss Toni? That was such a mistake, she’s not like her at all. She packed her backpack full of clothes, being told she wasn’t allowed anything else. She zipped up her backpack before throwing it over her left shoulder then heading down the stairs at a slow pace.
She was met by her parents at the bottom of the stairs and Shelby tried hard to swallow the lump in her throat at the look in her father’s eyes. Shelby looked over at her younger siblings playing in the next room, they seemed unaware of what was happening.
She looked back at her father when she felt his hand on her shoulder as he started to direct her outside to his car. After putting her bag in the back seat Shelby climbed into the front seat and stared out the window as her father started to drive away. Shelby watched her mother stand in the doorway of their house until they made a turn, and she lost sight of her.
The drive was quiet and long, three hours in silence, with a racing heart. They finally pulled up to a compound, Shelby reading the sigh as they drove past.
‘Rising Hope, a chance to start a new and end your sins’
Shelby has heard her father talk about this place before. She has heard her dad tell his friends about this place when they showed concerns about their own children. Anything from drugs to suicidal thoughts, mental health problems to sexuality and gender identity, from premarital sex to going outside normal gender roles. Anything that Dave and his community consider a sin. Dave kept his hand on her shoulder the whole walk to the main building. Entering the hall, Dave walked up to Father Matthew to shake his hand, “Hello Father. My name is Dave Goodkind, we spoke over the phone about my daughter Shelby.”
“Of course,” Father Matthew said as he griped Dave’s hand, “I have a couple forms for you to fill out, but Shelby can head to her dorm if you would like.” Father Matthew dropped Dave’s hand before turning around, “Roman, come here my boy.”
A tall lanky boy in his early twenties walk up to the group with a dopey smile on his face, his blonde buzz cut hair covered by a baseball cap and his green eyes shining, “Hello Father, is there something I can help you with?”
“Dave, Shelby, this is one of our success stories Roman, he took the same course that Shelby will be enrolled in. After completing his course, he started to volunteer here. Roman, would you please take young Shelby to cabin number seven? Introduce her to Mrs. Missy before you leave.”
“Sure, no problem, Father. Come alone young Shelby.” Roman said as he tried to put his hand on Shelby’s shoulder. Shelby yanked back fast causing Roman to chuckle, “I know this is scary, I was scared to at the beginning, but this is truly what’s best for you.”
Shelby shrugged before following Roman out of the main hall and down the dirt path to the cabin marked with a roman numeral seven with a giant cross hanging above it. Shelby took shaking steps up the steps and opened the door followed by Roman.
“Mrs. Missy, I have someone for you to meet.”
A woman in her mid-twenties turned around at the sound of new voices. Her brown eyes light up at the sight of a new person, a new child, joining them. “Hello, I’m Mrs. Missy, and you must be Shelby. I’m in charge of this cabin; you will be staying here along with four other girls.” Mrs. Missy gestured to the other side of the cabin where three girls were busy making their beds. “This is Elisabeth Tiller, Abby Valler, and Becca Gilroy, your other roommate Sandy Dunn is currently participating in one of her courses. You each are on your own path and will follow your own curriculum, when you’re not in courses, the mess, or with a counselor you must report here.”
Mrs. Missy walked up to Shelby and held out her hand, Shelby shook it reluctantly, Mrs. Missy looked up at Roman, “You may leave Roman, you know how Father Matthew’s feels about males in the female cabins.”
“Of course.” Roman turned to leave the cabin, that smile never leaving his face.
“Now Shelby there are rule here, you are not permitted to leave the grounds without an adult. There is no communication with the outside world while you are here. You graduate from the course when the councilors agree that your sin has been expunged from you. Follow our rules and the course and you will be out of here in no time. Now I know this is all scary for you, but this is for the best, we are all about healing here so make yourself at home and follow the house rules.” Shelby walked to the bed Mrs. Missy gestured to and set her bag down. Shelby looked around the room that would be her home for who knows how long and could only think of one thing…
How did I get here?