Reasons (Hashirama)
He was such an idiot. After a sleepless night, Hashirama ruffled up his hair with his right hand and let his eyes wander around the long scroll Tobirama had brought him a few days ago again. He read a certain paragraph again and again.
Like tradition demands of us
I propose a marriage of Senju Hashirama and my sister Mito Uzumaki
to reaffirm our long lost bond.
Unfortunately, he came to the same conclusion as before. He was still an idiot. He should have told Madara yesterday. That would have been the right thing. He should have definetely told Madara about the Uzumaki clan and their letter, he already held in his damned hands.
Everything had been fine. After training together, feeling the much needed adrenalin rush, Madara was finally opening up to him a little bit, even allowing him to visit him this day. That was a sign of trust, wasn't it? Then this weirdly specific question came out of the blue. Madara had looked so stern, serious as if his whole life depended on the answer. In hindsight, Hashirama had this inconvenient feeling it had never been more important for him to stick with his principles, but of course he had to screw everything up.
Suddenly, Hashirama's mind had been a blank slate. His ears were ringing, cold panic made his legs freeze in place. He had felt like a child again, somehow helpless, powerless, scared of something, he couldn't even fathom. It has been a long time, since he had felt like this.
He had lied a lot to his father. He had eventually accepted, they would never come to an agreement on certain topics. He had lied about his whereabouts, his thoughts, how he would definetely defeat the demon Madara Uchiha in the next instance they clashed on the battlefield. He wasn't sure, whether he was proud of it now, but he had become pretty good at it.
Everytime he had panicked on the inside, his body had reacted the only way it knew. He smiled, told the other, what they probably wanted to hear to avoid conflict and -in his father's case- another beating. Unfortunately, lies never travel that far and the truth eventually came out. Lying wouldn't avoid the conflict, it would just postpone the date of the reveal. He had learned that more than once.
So he wasn't entirely sure, why his whole body was so reluctant on telling his best friend the propostion, that had already reached him. He should know better, but yesterday some unknown reason had been there to hold him back. Just as he was reluctant to act on this letter.
He wanted to scream at this piece of paper, to tear it apart, until the letters become unreadable. It was the cause, that his very own mind became a battlefield the more often he read it. He didn't know, what he was supposed to do. No, that wasn't exactly the truth. He knew very well he was supposed to accept the marriage in the eyes of those, who knew of this scroll beside him.
'The Senju elders have already approved' his brother's voice echoed in his head.
Marriage was a common way to form alliances with other clans. The Senju and Uzumaki had often renewed their bond this way in the past. An omega of the Uzumaki would be sent into the fire nation to marry the head of the Senju clan. An oath of protection was a central objective of those old alliances, that had lasted many years.
But the assertive Senju eventually got too demanding. They wanted more and more resources, dowries than before and the Uzumaki cancelled the next marriage in the dispute. Their century old relationship lay in ruins for a few decades because of it.
Why would they seek a renewal now? They had been proud to not be reliant on the dread only the name of the Senju could induce in every corner of the world. He had been told about the rising tensions to the east, but was the situation that concerning for them, that they would come back to them, begging on their knees?
As he had been laying awake last night, he had thought about the reason behind his strange gut feeling, this odd resistance, that had formed within him.
A few years ago, he probably would have accepted this offer without batting an eye, rushing to the frontlines to protect those distant relatives, he didn't even know, because that was, what he always had done. Fighting, killing to protect those, that are dependend on him, but just in a two years things had changed a lot. This marriage wouldn't just renew an old alliance with the Senju clan, but form a new one with the whole of the hidden leaf village. He was not just the leader of his clan anymore, but the hokage, a representative of many.
Konoha was supposed to bring shinobi together for a peaceful future, to show a new way. He couldn't singlehandedly entangle all of them into a certain war on the other side of the continent, could he? But what if the Uzumaki really needed help? Hashirama felt so torn, thoughts going back and forth, always a new question to bother him, making him even more unsatisfied with the situation than before. He felt like he would lose no matter his decision.
He should tell Madara about the marriage, Hashirama decided. Together they could find a way out of this mess, right?
He made himself look presentable. Straightened his ruffled up hair, decided to wear a green robe and left the hokage residency. He pushed all those bothering questions off the forefront of his mind. He would think about those things later, because he had another problem he needed to care about.
Hashirama had told his brother, he wouldn't be in his office today. He was still utterly disturbed, how little Kagami Uchiha had been bullied by those three students. He always wanted to make a peaceful world especially for those children, where they wouldn't have to lose siblings, parents, friends. He never had this luxury. How could they turn against each other now?
He had promised Taree to act, to support them. Therefore, he wanted to talk to the teacher to find a solution. So he decided to visit the academy himself. He wanted to finish this, before the festival started in two days time. No bad blood should ruin such a beautiful celebration.
After walking for a few minutes, there was now one of the many buildings belonging to the academy in front of him. The main building was planned at the base of the Konoha mountain, connected to the Hokage tower itself, but it was still under construction. Therefore, many already finished, but smaller buildings were used temporarely.
Tobirama was actually the first to come up with the concept of a ninja school shortly after Konoha's founding, but Hashirama had felt a little unsure about this idea for a while. Why would they need so many shinobi after the era of warring states had ended? Sadly, he soon found out why. The joy he had felt as he had been informed other hidden villages had been created in other nations. The terror, that hit him as he heard about the accompanying militarisation within them.
It was better to train children in a safe environment than to be underprepared, if things turned for the worse. With lines like this he tried to justify his action to himself as he allowed his brother to found the first ninja academy.
But after a few weeks, he began to see the good side of this system. Children of every clan learned together, played together, even forming friendships. Once he had asked a student, why she wanted to become a kunoichi. 'Because I want to protect our home!' That answer had melted his heart and he understood the great opportunity this academy good bring.
Now he had seen one of the downsides and he needed to fix it somehow.
He walked through the main entrance. It was one of the smaller houses, only having a few suitable rooms for teaching, but it was near the training ground. Class would begin later, but he knew the teachers had to be there already, preparing the lessons for today or having open consulations. Therefore, the hallway was mostly empty and Hashirama thought, no student would cross his way.
His thoughts proved to be false, when he heard the sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. Someone was running in his direction. Someone, whose steps were quick and light. Around the next corner came a little boy, about half the size of him. Hashirama swore he had seen this child somewhere before, but he couldn't really tell where.
The boy froze in place as he saw Hashirama in front of him. He had brown hair with short spikes, that were all over the place. He had a patch on his forhead above his left eye and a few other scratches across his face. Hashirama knew instantly, this kid liked to get into trouble.
Then the expression of the boy turned from a suprised shock to anger at the man in front of him. His eyes focused on Hashirama and his stance became tense and defensive.
"Hashirama Senju, I challenge you to a duel!" His voice squeaked, as he jumped forward in order to attack without furtherado. This kid wasn't joking around. Hashirama only had a second to react, normally more than enough for a man of his caliber, but he was too stunned by the absurdity of this little child attacking him.
He felt the impact of the punch in his stomach, but it wasn't strong enough to seriously damage anything even without Hashirama wearing his battle armour. At least, it got him out of his state of shock. The boy hissed and continued his assault on the much stronger man with kicking his legs. Hashirama played along a little bit, dodged and blocked for a few seconds. He had to admit, the execution of those moves was nearly flawless, but it lacked the physical strength.
Now the Senju had enough. He easily grapped the collar of the dark jacket the boy wore and lifted him a little bit into the air. He looked angrily at the Hokage and began to struggle with his arms and legs.
"Let me go, you coward. This isn't fair!" The boy yelled, as he tried to get out of the grasp.
"If you tell me, why you attacked me, I might let you down." Hashirama proposed with an innocent smile. Sometimes he liked to play a little bit dirty. The boy stopped his flailing and looked at him sceptically.
"You promise? You have to promise!"
"Okay. I promise."
The boy eyed at him for a little bit longer, as if he didn't know, whether he could really trust those easily said words. But then he looked at him full of convidence as he spoke proudly.
"If I beat you, they have to let me become a shinobi! Now let me down and fight me properly!"
Before Hashirama could say anything further, he noticed something about this boy, he honestly hadn't expected. It was his scent. It was weak, barely there. A sign, that he had presented not too long ago. Underneath all of his interwoven emotions of contempt, frustration and determination, one thing stayed the same. The underlaying fragrance of an omega.
Hashirama let the boy down, whose brown eyes still were as aggressive as before, just as two other people came running around the corner. One of them was Osamu, the teacher Hashirama wanted to talk to. The other person made him finally realize, where he had seen this child before.
"Hiruzen, you can't just run of like tha-Oh!" The other stopped himself from rising his voice any further, when he saw Hashirama in front of him. He bowed down respectfully.
"Good morning, Lord Hokage, It's a pleasure meeting you. I hope my son didn't cause you any trouble," he laughed nervously and looked with concern between Hiruzen and Hashirama. Osamu also greeted him.
"Not really, Hitomu! I actually just wanted to talk with you, Osamu" Hashirama answered, intentionally deciding not to mention Hiruzen's attack on him. The boy hadn't done any real harm and he had the feeling, he already was in enough trouble. Hiruzen on the other hand seemed to notice this, but didn't comment to correct it.
Hitomu was a male omega and the mate of Sasuke Sarutobi, head of the Sarutobi clan, which had been one of the first to ally themselves with Konoha alongside the Shimura clan. He had met him and their son Hiruzen during the long negotiations. He had noticed even back then, how Hitomu's flowing brown hair fell onto his small shoulders and framed his well-proportioned face with large brown eyes and small nose. He always had their son by his side, holding hands. The son, that apparently had presented as an omega as well.
"Then we don't want to further delay your plans, Lord Hokage! And thank you for taking your time, Osamu" Hitomu bowed down again. This time was quicker than before. Hashirama could tell, he was agitated somehow, even though his lips were still showing that perfect smile.
"Hiru, let's go ho-"
"I don't want to! I want to fight him!" The boy rudely interupted his parent and pointed at Hashirama.
"Don't talk such nonsense, Hiruzen. We're going home." Hitomu's voice stayed soft, but his shoulders tensed up a little.
"I hate you!" The boy suddenly screamed with all the power of his lungs as he turned around and run past Hashirama, through the door behind him. Hitomu looked to the ground and shook his head.
"Please forgive his behaviour! He is just a little confused and... overwhelmed with his situation."
Hashirama just gave an understanding nod. He didn't know how to respond to something like this. Honestly, he felt a little uncomfortable, but he wouldn't let that show. That would make everything even more awkward.
The omega apologized again and politely said his goodbyes to follow his runaway son. Hashirama looked after him as he gracefully walked down the hallway. He really resembled a traditional painting with a lot of common omegan characteristics. From the way he hold himself, to his openly displayed small neck, showing everyone the claiming bite. His slim body underneath thick, colourful fabric to hide most of the curves, except his growing belly, the sign of a joyful expectation for most.
Hashirama didn't know, how to feel about those depictions. Everytime he saw those, he thought of Kawarama. That his brother despised, how he was suddenly supposed to act differently, wear those suffocating clothes, that were too big at one place and too tight at the other. Did Hitomu want to dress that way or was it demanded of him? He seemed to be happy with his life, but could Hashirama really know that? Why was he thinking about those things anyway?
"You came to talk to me, Lord Hokage? Would you come back to the classroom with me?" Osuma broke in on his thoughts. Hashirama nodded and followed the beta in the other direction. Hiruzen's attack still lay in his mind. Maybe he was a little too curious, but there were some perks to be the hokage for once.
"Would you tell me the cause of this argument just now? Hiruzen seemed really upset." Hashirama asked the teacher as they reached the last door on the hallway and walked inside the room.
"He was one of my students, very talented and motivated. He had great potential!" Osamu began talking.
"But two days ago he presented as an omega and he doesn't want to accept, that had to be signed off. Today he wanted to ask for us to make an exception, but sadly it would be against the rules of the academy, if he attended my classes any longer." Osamu summarised.
"I see..." Hashirama mumbled, but couldn't ignore this bitter taste, that spread out on his tounge, that made him nauseous. It was the ugly question, why history could repeat itself so brazenly.
"So what do you want to talk about, Lord Hokage?" Osamu changed the subject, after Hashirama didn't make any further attempt to explain his desire to meet him.
"It's actually about one of your other student, Kagami Uchiha..." Hashirama described the incident, he had witnessed. He didn't let a single detail unsaid, described the other three students, made his absolute disdain clear. Osamu listened carefully and could identify those other students by their description.
To Hashirama's shock, he was informed, that this wasn't just an single incident.
"My collegues have told me similar stories regarding their Uchihan students, but none of them have described the delinquents. Our hands were tied. Noone knew, it was them"
Or no one wanted to know, Hashirama held himself back from making a cynical remark, that surpised even himselg. His mood had just turned from bad to worse.
"I won't tolerate this behaviour any longer" Hashirama said calmly. He hated this, hated, how his voice sounded grave and harsh, how his scent turned stifling for a second. This wasn't him. He didn't want to act like this, but he knew it was a necessitiy at this point. He had to protect those, that are dependend on him. Osamu gulped visibly.
"Of course, Lord hokage. I will immediatelly contact my collegues to discuss the next appropriate action. Then we will contact the student and their parents."
"That sounds acceptable for now."
Hashirama excused himself a short while afterwards and left the building on the same way, he had entered it. A few students were already in front of the building, laughing and talking in smaller groups. He had hoped the fresh air would lighten his heavy heart a little bit.
Unfortunately, he still felt terrible. He had gotten, what he wanted, but not on the way he would have preferred. His behaviour, his voice, his scent. All of it had been wrong, against everything he wanted to represent. As he began walking down the street, he thought about Hitomu and his son Hiruzen again, both male omegas.
During his younger years, he often heard, how alphas talked about the few rare omegas at the Senju compound. The filthy words they used could never even touch his lips. The image of his brother's corpse hold him back to closely associate with those kinds of people. It also made him avoid omegas, especially male ones. He was never sure, how to act around them. They made him nervous, as if he was tiptoeing around many shards of glass. Shards that would cut into him, would make him bleed out, while he suffocated on his feelings of guilt. He couldn't protect his brother. Kawarama had died because Hashirama hadn't been strong enough.
He had hoped the situation of omegas would improve with Konoha's founding. There were a few positive changes, that could be a small atonement, but it wasn't enough. The perception of omegas was slowly changing, but Hashirama didn't like, where it was going. From being a burden in war, another mouth to feed in times of little resources to be sought after, while stability formed. To be traded off like a mere luxurious good, something another person could own. It wasn't that bad in Konoha. Human trafficking was forbidden here since the beginning, but Hashirama knew the situation in the rest of the fire nation was maybe just as dire as before.
He realized reason number two, why he hesitated to respond to the proposal of the Uzumaki clan. Mito was definetely an omega as well. He had never met her, didn't know her thoughts about this arrangement and yet they should marry. One coud interpret this as a trade-in for Konoha's military aid. Wasn't this exactly, what he condemned?
Hashirama had never felt a strong attraction towards an omega before, not male or female. No female alpha or beta had caught his attention either. He always had other things on his mind, dreams he wanted to achieve, but he always wanted to marry out of love someday, as cheesy as that might sound. But now they wanted him to marry a person he didn't even know. Was he being selfish, if the dreamer inside of him didn't want to accept that?
This day went horrible so far. All those questions he had no answer to, confronted with injustice, he couldn't simply fix. Everything was so unnecessarilly complicated and might make him betray his own principles, if he wasn't careful enough. He stopped for a second, close his eyes took a deep breath. He shouldn't think like that. He should look at the positive sides, at the progress, that was being made in Konoha. He should stay positive.
Hashirama's next step already became more effortless, breathing wasn't as straining as before. With his work for today finished, he could visit his friend. Even though he remembered to tell Madara the truth about the Uzumaki, he didn't lose any precious time to get to the Uchiha compound. It happened yesterday, but It felt like an eternity since he had talked to his best friend.
A smile fell on his face without his notice as he knocked on the wooden door. He counted the seconds for Madara to open it while he tried to straighten his hair again. His heart skipped a beat, his stomach filled with a cozy warmth at the sight of his friend, that washed all the negativity of the day away. To stay positive was suddenly so easy.
Maybe there was another reason, why he hesitated to accept the engagement. A reason, that wasn't concerned with politics, wars or omegas at all, that wasn't concerned with the grand scheme of things. Something simple and entirely personal, that explained, why he kept quiet to Madara yesterday, why he panicked at the mere thought, he could drive the other away from him, why he never had eyes for a different person than the Uchiha.
Maybe Hashirama himself didn't even knew it yet, but it was the same reason, why the term 'best friend' couldn't fully describe and capture all of Hashirama's feelings for the Uchiha anymore.