Nowhere...
„Still not dead yet, sis… “
"I'm not dead yet..." Jinx murmured in her head as she looked at the first sentence of the half-written letter on the wooden desk in front of her. For some reason, these lines seemed so difficult to write. It wasn't just the usual brain fog that floated through her mind, preventing her from continuing with the letter. No, this was different. It felt different.
It was almost comically ironic that, of all things, this single piece of paper confronted her with a problem she couldn’t solve. She had never been good at putting her feelings into words, except perhaps with Vi. Especially when she was younger. But now, everything seemed so difficult. So different. It had only been three months since the battle against Noxus. Since she disappeared. Since she left her sister. Zaun. Piltover. Just everything. To keep distance. To find herself again. Maybe one day, at least.
Jinx let out a frustrated sigh. She pushed herself away from the desk in her swivel chair and spun around a few times before coming to rest a few feet away in the middle of the room. It was the same cabin inside that abandoned airship where she had lived and, more importantly, worked for the past few weeks. Books, drawings, some finished, some unfinished, lay scattered all over the floor.
She lowered her head and buried her forehead in her hands, her elbows pressing heavily into her knees. Another sigh, this time much louder, left her lungs as she slowly rubbed her hot head against her cold hands. This would undoubtedly have been a blessing were it not for the poisonous thoughts that began to flood her mind, threatening to obliterate the last vestiges of clarity and sanity.
Her head began to spin. Faster and faster. As much as she wished for it, it wasn't the result of her enthusiastic spinning of the chair. She had been through much wilder rides. And times. In addition, her arms and legs began to shake, and her breathing became more and more labored until her wheezing could be heard throughout the room.
“Concentrate Jinx… Focussssssss…” She hissed to herself, while she trembled and whimpered almost uncontrollably. Every word interrupted by a heavy breath. “Just… a… normal mental breakdown… as always…”
And just as she spoke, the faded images of Vander and Silco flashed through her mind: Both smiling at her from behind the counter of the Last Drop, hitting her with an almost brutal force. No blow, not from Ekko, not from Warwick, not even from Vi, could match that level of pain, which tormented her to the last fiber of her body. So much so that heavy, bitter tears began to roll down her cheeks.
"GO AWAY!!!" Jinx screamed, raising her head and looking around the empty room. There was nothing to see here. Except for the chaotic mix of her signature graffiti and paintings she had scrawled to the walls, floor, and even the ceiling during her so-called 'renovation’. Amidst it, the repeated scrawls of “Jinx… Powder…” scrawlings stood out, etched haphazardly among the other chaotic designs that covered every surface of her working chamber. But seeing it now through her blurry eyes, it really made no sense at all.
"Who am I?!" She screamed, grabbing her head with both hands. Her eyes widened just as this 'episode' hit her mind with full force. Memories of Vi, Silco, her old life, or better: lives, now flashing before her eyes.
"You're not real..." She muttered silently as she put her head back on her hands, now looking at the reappearing images of Vander and Silco at the other side of the room.
"YOU… ARE NOT REAL!!!" The chair crashed to the floor as she leapt to her feet, her whole body trembling violently. Her heart was pounding in her throat, the heat creeping steadily up to her face. For a moment she stared at them challengingly, ready to strike at any moment. All while she was still breathing heavily, each gasp feeling like a fight for air. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to focus on the two men who had once both raised her. They met her anguished cry of despair with nothing but wry, humiliating smiles before slowly vanishing into a shimmering mist. The defeated girl slowly sank to her knees and succumbed to her tears, unleashing her toxic emotions all at once. “I didn’t mean to do it… Forgive me… Both of you…” She sobbed into the wooden floorboards after falling to the ground.
"I miss you all…" she whimpered, her voice trembling as she lay curled up on the floor.