It’s the begging, the begging of a fresh new start
Hijame Kusume was tired, he was tired of his family mainly. He was tired of their beliefs- not like he doesn't believe in them at all it's just, he doubts it almost on a daily basis and thinks maybe part of of it doesn't sound right. He was looking for something in their belief, it was as if he is trying to discover some holes, faults in their teaching, like a swiss cheese. He was not exactly an orphan, but not really directly related to his father. His mother and his father as he could understand took a 'break' during their marriage with a two year old in a crib, and during that his mother Hanako had a drink too many- and put her frustration out during sex... with a stranger she never got the name of... with a person she could hardly remember expect he was also drunk- and always wore a mask with gray hair covering one of his eyes everything else was a blur. .. real descriptive. She didn't mention age- she had no idea. And no name either, neither has bothered to even ask. Even his body type was a blur expect he was taller. Hijame sadly had no real ( he'd pretend that he does or at the very least he was connected to the man by blood) connections to the father he never knew. A week later they, his parents, got back together, had sex, and a few days later found out she was pregnant. They talked about their problems together, and Hanako even admitted to sleeping with a man she doesn't even remember when drunk with sadness, her lust helping to distract her from the pain. He doesn't blame her entirely, after he left things and said nasty stuff, but he was disappointed. Hanako promised to never do it again, hopefully getting drunk and cheating Chaisu thought positivity. When running blood tests after Hijame was born, they found out he had three parents. It was a possibility, and his parents knew that but... His parents couldn't help the anger inside of them at his mere existence, especially when he got older. Hanako then knew that part of Hijame was the man she slept with, and apparently a large part too sense Hijame didn't look much like his parents at all - as if adopted. And that is exactly how he feels, adopted.
After the incident, (basically calling his existent a mistake whenever brought up), his parents thought two kids are enough already despite their plans to have more earlier in their marriage. They would have had three children, if the first born wasn’t a miscarriage. His mother wrapped for their unborn child, that didn’t even have a gender yet. His mother had beautiful straight black-brown hair that reached just below her shoulders with kind dark brown almost black eyes and when she showed her motherly smile her dimples showed on each side. She a pointed nose curled upwards at the very end slightly and she was short but had a stubbornness and her kindness could make tumble any grown man-either out of sheer anger, fear, or by the happiness they felt from her.
His father was half-bald, and it seemed to be the joke of the family. His hair was thin and right above his large forehead the hair was thin and short in numbers, making it seem a part of his head was bald. He had a gray-white beard and his eyes were a hazel but it never seemed to fit into one category. His eyes were chocolate brown but if you looked closer, you could see some dark green floating around, weren't they called fleeks? He couldn't tell, but when the sun shined on those honey-warm eyes, his eyes lit up and a honey-brown with dark green shimmering around took it's place and it was memorizing to watch. He was very tall being 6’1 after a sugary lifted his neck slightly making him an inch taller, and his stomach was rounded. His older age of 48 and his mother's age of 37. His parents were eleven years apart, but both were happy as they could be -despite their second born child- and they loved their son -often forgetting to add their daughter(son)-.Hijame was told that his grandmother had beautiful blue eyes and that he had the color of his grandmothers ice-blue. His grandmother was still alive, but with his family keeping a close eye on him, he never truly opened up. But he always would whenever he could- or at least the topics he knew his "family" wouldn't get too upset about.
Hijame had heterochromia, in more ways than one. For example his eyes were two completely different colors. His right eye was a dark rusty orange-red and his left was an a foggy white-blue hue, almost looking white with dark blue lining around his eye and his pupil. It did not help his freakish look, that his eyes changed colors from time to time. His ice blue eyes could change into an ocean blue, and his orange-red could go from a burnt brown-red, rusty orange, or other similar color. His hair was a mixture of auburn and the ends harshly and suddenly faded into a silvery-white at the ends. His hair though looked more wavy and messy than it did curly, but some strands came into a delicate curl, and he didn't know what else to call it... Not like he would be explaining it to anyone anyway, after all, who would be interested in a nobody's hair? He was short in size like his mother, being about 5'0 in height. His mother commented that when she was a child that her hair was a beautiful auburn color before it darkened into a dark brown-black. Chaisu, his father, chin was sharp and defined, while his mother's were more soft but they were there just not as noticeable. His mother almost always wore some make up on, it wasn't as much as the others, but it was noticeable unnatural and not the best look on her which Hijame thought was even worse. His brother had brown hair, more on the darker side, but it was neither dark or light. His eyes were a dark chocolate like her father's expect without the hints of green and instead had hints of blue in them. His hair was a bit messy and wavy, that waved to the right and whenever some bangs seemed to escape, he brushed them back with his hand and a flip of his head/hair. His hair was a bit long but he liked it. Hijame wasn't the only one born with... a defect. His brother's right eye couldn't look over to his left, and when he did look to the left without turning his neck, his right eye would stay forward and his left looked to the left. Although it was considered a hinderance, but he learned to use it to be a good shinobi, looking to the left often and able to also look at his front.
Ah the prodigy Kenji, his brother who graduated the academy a year early. He wasn’t considered a prodigy because he graduated a year early, he was considered a prodigy because no normal civilian was able to become shinobi, much less keep up with clan members at an alarming rate- he only started learning chakra in the academy. Many clan children learned two years earlier! He grew fast and that is why he was considered one because the prodigy like Itachi was much better than him skill wise. But they believe that if he had been born into a clan and had started learning like ‘normal’ then he could be on par with Itachi. It does help that Itachi and a retired Anbu shinobi took Kenji under their wing and trains him to be stronger. He was smart, but not the smartest text-book wise anyway. He had good grades and made it into the top five smartest, but he wasn’t at the top (which still got under his skin). He was very tall like his father, and stood almost 5'7 feet tall. Hijame almost huffed when she only reached his chest with the top of her head. She always grumbled about how annoying height is, his mother and him always getting teased about it constantly. His mother he knew for good laughs but for him... He knew they all meant it- he was short and at a young age almost was forced to take growth shots.
His father always had on shorts and a t-shirt always, after work hours, somehow being warm or hot, even in cold weather where he simply had on a jacket. He worked at the jails, working on improving and keeping the technology they used well, useable. He knew finjustu, as they used that a lot. His brother seemed to know even more sometimes about finjustu and was learning fast about technology. He hoped to invent his own creations in his spare time as a shinobi and often his senses helped him experiment and craft things even if they didn’t work out. His brother always had on standard jonin wear expect Hanako sowed his name in Golden on his weapons pouch. His mother had on a beautiful light purple sleeveless short kimono, a white Haori with vines, brown sandals, her hair ties into a loose ponytail with strands of hair by her hair loose and dangle by the side of her head occasionally pushing the strands past her ear, and a golden chain necklace, his father also had a matching one underneath his shirt, with two hands making a handshake.
It represented a popular belief among civilians, and his family were strict followers. It was the famous belief called Issote, “together hands”. It was a mindset, the more converted the closer they thought world peace and understanding would become. A invisible hand is said to be on top, as a godly figure is holding the world, their hands, their hearts, everything, in his hands. The shinobi were to make no comment of such or any religion or belief like such. Civilians saw it, or more so believers, saw it as a sign that the hokage approved. But there are those that know the truth. Many shinobi, and himself Hijame. Hijame knew it was to keep hope in civilians eyes and to stop an uproar from happening, and even few shinobi strongly beloved in it. The religion was called Issote, but the believers called everyone who believes part of their big “family”, particularly appeasing to those in orphanages without any family. Half of the believers that Shinobi a should stop being a thing, to wipe out the use of chakra and think shinobi think too highly of themselves. The other part however believes that by being powerful shinobi they could stop more wars, and preach the religion better. Or they gain status and use their power to influence others into the religion. No one knows exactly where it started from only it was only rumors until it grew like wild fire. The rumors of such religion go back as far as the first shinobi war, and possibly before that- it just never was a thing until after the third shinobi war as people were fed up with the ears wanting peace to last and by their eyes, that was the way of keeping it. The religion heavily supported in large familys to spread the word, and if you did not have children at a certain age, all the believers looked down. Ah yes, they were believers in woman staying in the kitchen when settled down, but before that they were free to work. The believers cared for the poor, hungry, weak, and many converted through the acts of kindness.
It annoyed Hijame how those who were helped how easily they were converted. It was as if they converted out of dept or guilt or pure pressure rather than the actual belief in the religion itself! He hated how they forced the konoichi to let themselves be weaker, not have much drive but to gain self defense into becoming a konoichi. They were driven like hell to become konoichi and their religion, but they knew they would leave the life behind and settle down when old enough to get married. Many married young... too young, in arranged marriages. And he hates how his own mother tries to force him into doing the same, being the same old konoichi that settled down too soon and focused on staying alive than actually getting stronger because not many were expected or even wanted one to get a higher title than chunin. The men were supposedly the ones in power, supposed to be the ones in control and lead, not the woman. Konoichi were woman ninjas and shinobi were males- some woman used shinobi as well though...
hijame was a... special case you could say. His birth name was Jun, a very... female name. He was what some people called closeted, he was not “out” to anybody but his friend about his... situation. He was female biologically, but he yearned for a male body most of the time, males could easily look androgynous especially if they were very pretty. They could choose if they wanted to appear female or male, not only. Useful for a mission if needed to take a role as either gender, but they could choose which gender to present themselves with! Biological Females have a harder time if they wanted to because of their breasts. Hijame was a unisex name chosen by the protagonist instead of the female name Jun.
when his friend asked why he picked he simply smiled with his eyes closed and took a deep breath with a satisfied sigh, “Hijame... it’s the begging, the begging of a fresh start.”
This time Hijame could tell Rin with a bright grin and without needing to put on his mask, he felt genuinely refreshed, energized, and finally, happy, for what seems like the first time in months maybe even years. Thinking back on it, it wasn’t so much of a stretch to have it years to not bring up the mask when needed to give a smile. Maybe things would change... maybe. maybe things would get better. With that thought, he saw Rin smile happily, and knew without a doubt then that it would get batter. Because he has Rin, beceause he has his other friend Akimistu, and he wouldn’t change that for the world.