Misplaced Princess

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own. 

BTW, I love hearing your thoughts about the story!

Thinking  (+ flashbacks, Naruto speaking to Kurama in her mindscape, etc .)

Emphasis

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

"I want my ramen, Mina-kun, and I'm gonna kick Genma's ass. I even gave him the ryo to buy it," Kushina declared.

"No, I'm going to kick that boy's ass and have a very long talk with him," Minato responded darkly - a sinister look on his handsome face.

"Bullshit - I'm kickin' his ass and that's final. That guy ditched me and he said he was buyin'," Naruto added. She ignored Kushina's call of "Language, Naruto," as she was just too fired up from having her favorite food taken away from her. Come to think of it, part of the reason I don't have a happily ramen-filled tummy is Yondaime's, er- dad's fault. Kushina's eyes had already gone wide, though, and her mother was making that face that just screamed to Naruto that lunacy was about to ensue. 

Sure enough…

"He was buying? Like, as in he took you out on a date?!"

What? What a ridiculous idea, Naruto thought.  Minato made a sound that made her jump: it sounded like a balloon was suffering and dying, rather than just losing air. "Of course not! It was free food!"

"Oh, well that's understandable! Had I known, I wouldn't have given him any money," Kushina nodded, although she looked a little disappointed before her face began to turn red in anger. "And I did give that little shit money! What the hell's his problem, 'ttebane?!"

Minato shook his head, aghast at both his daughter ever dating and at this increasingly ridiculous conversation in general. He wasn't really sure whether he'd pleased the gods, so had been blessed with these two beautiful and lively young women in his life - No, no, no. Naruto's a little girl, nowhere close to being a woman: that's not allowed - or if he'd actually screwed up and was being just slightly cursed to live with such (when it came to men and boys) clueless females. He tried to find the right words and not say something insensitive, although his nerves felt fried. "How can the two of you not understand this desperate situation?!"

"Desperate situation?!" They both chorused as one, before looking back at one another and laughing like naughty sisters, in Minato's opinion. Proceeding to completely ignore him, Kushina pulled Naruto down onto the couch beside her and both began eagerly plotting increasingly painful pranks to teach Genma a lesson. Minato once again covered his daughter's exposed skin, up to her neck, with his Hokage's cloak, which she just ignored and pulled back down as she listened to her mother's ingenious plans. The third time he tried to do the same since flashing her home, Naruto finally got upset.

"What's the deal, dattebay - er, seriously! I'm not cold or nothin'!"

"It's not about you being cold, Naru-chan, it's about you being exposed. And the word you're looking for is 'anything,' rather than 'nothing,'" Minato argued.  "'I am not cold or anything.'"

"Exposed?! I'm not exposed! I mean look," Naruto gestured down at her body, "almost all of my legs are covered: I mean the pants are a little long, but I haven't blown out the butt, have I?" She got up to bend over and look between her legs. Kushina looked at her daughter's behind, too, and told her that she was fine, which was when Minato blew a gasket.

"Fine? Fine?! Look at her, Kushi! You can see her almost - almost… her everything! She's not even wearing bandages, and - and!" Minato babbled on until he saw his daughter's eyes begin to well up with tears; her face downcast and red. He would swear that her hair went limp… Kushina's however, had begun to rise dangerously. "Honey, you can't use your chakra, remember?!"

"Don't. You. DARE body shame our daughter, Minato! You PRUDE!" Kushina tried to reassure Naruto that everything she was wearing was just fine - which it really was if she had been anyone else but his daughter to her stupid Minato - but the girl had whimpered and gone running upstairs.

"I - I didn't mean anything bad!"

"You idiot! I remember when YOU went through puberty, which took you long enough to complete, you ass! Do you know how much harder it is for a girl?! You just had to worry about your stupid girly voice changing…" Kushina ignored Minato's manly squeak of dissent at her words and continued, ready to throttle her occasionally stupid genius of a husband. "...And zits and stuff! It's not like anybody could see your junk getting bigger - as if it did!"

"Kushina!" Minato was about to rebuke that she knew exactly how big and awesome his "junk" was, let alone remind her of all the difficulties boys have while going through puberty when he heard a munching sound coming from the hallway entrance. Sure enough, there stood Tsunade-hime watching them with a look of glee on her face, stuffing her face with popcorn.

"Ya know I'm starting to really enjoy being back," the slug princess snarked. Jiraiya came up behind her, whispering something into her ear before the two Sannin began snickering at the arguing young couple.

Naruto tried to find something else to wear in her bedroom closet - even though it pissed her off: it's just so embarrassing!  Finding only stupid and girly pink and patterned clothes with absolutely no orange in sight, she gave up. Wiping the tears from her face, Naru hesitated before knocking on Kakashi's bedroom door. They had a sorta nice talk about terrible things the night before, and she really hoped that he would help her. He seemed nice enough. What other hope did she have?

Kakashi greeted her and Naruto was sure that she smelled dried blood. "Are you okay, Kakashi-kun?"

Worried at seeing her puffy eyes and pink face, both indicators of "girl crying," he reflected the question back at her. "Me? I'm okay. Oh, I did have a bloody nose, but umm - just a second."

Naruto watched him turn his back to her as he pulled off his mask, replacing it with another. She looked away, afraid to admit that she was a little worried about just how ugly or messed up his face must be to stay masked for what had to be years and years considering how he had looked in the future. Er- her past. Poor guy…

"So what about you? What happened?"

"Uhh - well, me and Genma-kun went out to lunch for ramen," she began as she looked at the floor, not seeing Kakashi's eye widen in shock before turning into a glare, "and uhh - I guess I look real bad, and it's just embarrassing, ya know, cause all the clothes I have just don't… Well, I mean they're just GROSS, Kakashi-kun!" Naruto's eyes began to tear up again as she looked up at the boy who was (hopefully) her friend and definitely at least her next-bedroom-over neighbor.

"What did Genma say?" Kakashi asked darkly.

"Genma-kun? He didn't say anything - I mean, he DID, o'course: it's not like we were just sitting there at Ichirakus not speaking, ya know! He's real nice and funny, and…"

Kakashi wasn't sure what this dark pressure was that was coming over him. Probably protectiveness. Yes, I must protect Naru-chan from that creepy senbon sucker.

"... so anyway, do - do you think you have any clothes that I could wear?" Naruto asked, blushing miserably. "I promise I'll wash 'em and give 'em back asap, ya know! I just need to graduate and stuff so I can start going on missions and makin' money then I'll be able to go out and buy some non-pink clothes because pink's just the worst and…"

"Naruto, breathe," Kakashi demanded, putting his hands on the shorter girl's shoulders. "And yes, of course, you can borrow some clothes," he added, finally looking down at the blonde's clothes - er, skin and the bit of view he had of her br- er, chest. Sternum. He quickly looked away and patted her awkwardly on the head.

"Oh thank you, Kakashi-kun! Naruto threw herself into his arms, giving him a big hug. "You're a lifesaver, 'ttebayo!"

Kakashi could already feel his nosebleed starting again, something he decided to pay overwhelming attention to since he also had a rather curvy female in his arms. He sniffed up the blood from his nose again before wiping at his mask, awkwardly patting his "little sister" on the head again as he turned to take some things out of his chest of drawers. She smells good, too. His brain and something else were screaming at him that the girl in his room was in no way his little sister - after all, my little sister was a baby, and Naru's no baby… Gah! What's wrong with me?!

Naruto took the black pants and shirt the sweet silver-haired boy offered and beamed at him, bouncing on her toes. "What would I do without you, Kakashi-kun? Thank you so much!" She dove in for another hug, feeling that she may have gone too big or strong with her embrace as she heard him whimper rather pathetically. "Gomen! My strength gets away from me sometimes!" She turned to see Jiraiya standing at the doorway. The man was silently shaking with laughter and rather badly hiding his impish grin. He gave Kakashi a thumbs up and nearly dragged Naruto out of the room and into her own.

Kakashi's door slammed shut behind them.

"Is he mad at me?" Naruto asked the Toad Sage in a whisper.

"Nah! Boys are stupid, Naru-chan! Always remember that." Jiraiya patted her head, then dug his fingers into her hair, messing it up terribly. "That is my first lesson to you, gaki!  Behold!" The white-haired man jumped up and spun in a circle. "I am the Great Toad Sage: your lord and master!"

Naruto watched, somehow both off-put and amused as the "Great Toad Sage" continued doing a little dance, even when a big toad poofed into the room underneath him. "Is that a toad? Awesome!" Naruto wondered why Kurama was grumbling so much that it actually distracted her, but Jiraiya was now nearly stomping and in the middle of a hissy-fit, complaining that she liked his toad better than him. "No, I don't! Oh! Excuse me, Toad-san! Maybe when I get to know you a little I will like you better than the Pervy-Sage here."

"Brat! Don't call me that!"

Kurama let out a pathetic moan and finally decided to speak. "Brat, tell The Pervert about our situation."

"Tell him what?"

"About - about the other… chakra. The Pervert has been… helpful in the past. Sort of." Kurama winced as his other self gave him a look of absolute revulsion. I'm so sick of that guy!

"Jiraiya-sama! Kur…" Hearing a growl, Naruto remembered not to say his name. "The uhh, Kyuubi says we need your help!" Jiraiya and the toad stopped their teasing of one another and both looked at her with widened eyes, before the Sage shut her bedroom door.

Jiraiya dispelled the toad. "Whaddya mean 'help'? You can't trust that fox, Naru-chan. Bijuu are known to be…"

"No, no, no! HE's not the problem, Pervy Sage! Well, it's the OTHER fox that's the problem."

Jiraiya knelt down right in front of her. His now-serious expression changed the man's entire appearance and Naruto suddenly felt that his previous antics just might have been a facade. Seeing his goddaughter shrink back, he smiled goofily at her and asked her what the fox wanted with an old man like him.

"Yeah, right," she said, rolling her eyes.  It was obvious he was trying to fool her.  "Anyways, he said - the good, er- nicer Kyuubi: the one who can talk, I guess? Or is willing to? I dunno, but that other one's always just pissed." Naruto said, looking up and scratching the back of her head - just like Minato does when he's uncomfortable, Jiraiya thought. "He said his father mighta fucked up the extra seal or something, cause now I've got a big fox, who's actually two halves so like a whole Kyuubi in there. Plus on the other side, there's my friend who's the half fox that I guess I've had since I was just born or something?" She noticed that Jiraiya was just staring at her, so she continued. "So I've gotta either get rid of or just not use both of their and/or my chakra 'cause it'll hurt me. There's just too much of it! But even if I don't use it, it'll build up too much, so I really need to do some bijuu bombs," she said, feeling great about making her and her bijuu's issues clear.

Kurama sighed and rolled his eyes inside the seal. He couldn't wait until the brat got a little older. Surely she'd calm down and begin to speak and think more clearly and slowly once again so that others didn't stare at her like she was nuts: the way The Pervert was looking at her now.

It took a lot for Jiraiya to keep his face blank; he was reeling at this new information and his goddaughter's request. And it's the fox's request too?! The Toad Sage had been on the other side of a bijuu bomb twice, and it was as far from pleasant as was humanly possible. He was lucky to be far enough away years ago in Kumo and survived when a jinchuuriki had taken out a platoon of his comrades to the east of his command. The other bijuu bomb had come courtesy of the lava-wielding jinchuuriki's rockhead comrade, Han, and had nearly fried his ass. As well as the rest of me!

"Bribe him."

"Huh?"

"He's not going to agree." Kurama could smell the wariness coming off the old pervert and was a little disappointed Naruto didn't, as well. "I suggest you bribe him: money, Naruto. PROFIT."

Jiraiya was nervously asking her something or other about the two foxes, talking fast and muttering to himself, but it was hard for Naruto to pay attention to the pacing man. What would earn him some money or perverted stuff? What had he ever revealed that… Oh! 

"Oi, Pervy Sage," she interrupted and ignored his scoffs at his perfectly coined nickname, "you're like a bazillionaire in the future, ne?"

"Naruto, you need to tell me what's important here," he continued as if he hadn't heard her. "Gods, it's still weird calling you that name. Can't believe I agreed to it," he muttered. "So this technique you mention is a dangerous business! Wait! Did you just say 'bazillionaire?' As in RICH?  Me?" Ryo signs were practically dancing in the man's eyes. Naruto wondered if it was a genjutsu.

"Yeah - well you've gotta be!"

Kurama made a grunt of approval. "You told me once that The Pervert had hundreds of millions of ryo in his bank account. He watched as Naruto's eyes nearly bugged straight out of her head. That information didn't come from me, though. He won't trust what I say, Naruto."

Naruto watched Jiraiya pacing excitedly in front of her while also listening to Kurama's advice and information but wondered why he would tell her Jiraiya-sama's bank balance of all things, but so little about her own previous lives. Can I really trust Kurama?

Meh, whatever. She needed to get rid of all this extra chakra anyway. It was painful and would apparently really screw with her jutsu. "Dude, I seem to recall something about you being like, seriously, a billionaire," she exaggerated. Jiraiya fell on his ass. Maybe I went too far. "I don't know if that's true or just an exaggeration, but you're definitely well off. It's gotta be 'cause of those books."

"The best lie is one that is also a half-truth," Iruka-sensei had lectured so many times. Teaching kids to lie: what a world we live in... Naruto shook her head in dismay at the thought.

Jiraiya was muttering something about a boat and taking a princess out on it now, but finally snapped out of it. "I take a lot of missions, too, but not enough to be a billionaire," he reasoned aloud. "Alright. That's pretty exciting and all, but so what? And Naruto, these bijuu bombs you're talking about are probably the worst things known to mankind! How would you even know how to do one, and you really can't just trust that fox!"

"I know how to do a raisin gun and that's like a - I don't know - maybe like a poor man's version of an awesome bijuu bomb? The concept's the same." Naruto could almost see Kurama face-palming considering the whine he made. She wasn't sure what she'd said wrong though.

"What the hell does shooting raisins have to do with bijuu bombs? And more importantly, what does that have to do with me being rich?!"

"'Ra-seng-gan,' idiot," Kurama enunciated slowly.

"Oh, I meant Rasengan." Jiraiya's eyes widened but she continued even after he slapped himself in the face, feeling a little angry on behalf of her fox friend. "Oi, and maybe you CAN trust a bijuu if he's your friend! I mean, I sorta trust you and I just met you a short while back: you should give people a chance. Bijuu, too," she pouted. "And K- Kyuubi's been with me ever since I was born, dattebane."

Jiraiya didn't believe in trusting or even willingly speaking to the bijuu, although Naruto's life had been saved by one many, many times. Lives: more than one… And another thing caught him especially off guard: "I just met you a short while back." Where the hell had he been during all those years she was alone, and why? I'm her godfather, for fuck's sake! Minato trusted me to take care of his kid should anything happen, and I didn't! 

At least he hadn't for a long time - in her memories, anyway. And never before in what she considers to be this life of hers...

Jiraiya had spoken with Inoichi alone several times now since being back in the village. He knew more about his goddaughter's past lives than he prayed Minato ever would. He believed that there were still certain things that the Yamanaka left out about the girl's life, which made him feel even worse!  Considering all the shit that went down in her past, I was probably out on missions or doing spy work. Still, he felt he somehow owed this kid.

It wouldn't be long until Jiraiya couldn't stand his guilt or worries anymore. The next time he was sent out on a mission, he stole his goddaughter away from her room in the middle of the night. She, of course, was thrilled.

Minato stood outside his daughter's bedroom door, brazenly listening to what was going on inside, using chakra to enhance his hearing as he pushed his ear against the door.

"What was my first lesson to you, brat? 'Boys are stupid,' remember?!" Jiraiya's words were met with Minato's approval.

See Kushina, he's a terrific choice for her godfather!

"I already knew that," his daughter sniffed.

She's still upset.

"Well, that's your pops for ya. Just a big stupid overgrown boy…"

Minato screwed his face up and finally just decided to knock. Gods only knew what that man was telling his daughter! And Kami help him if he tries to have one of those discussions like he had earlier with Kakashi-kun. He really didn't want his kids growing up to be perverts.

"Come in," Naruto sighed. Jiraiya ruffled her hair again, making it stick up everywhere even more, before leaving the room.

"You're wearing Kakashi-kun's clothes?" Minato asked first. Had Naruto been anyone but his little sister, Minato knew Kakashi would have never given them to her. Kakashi did not exactly willingly share unless he was on missions, and even then you never knew if he'd share or not with anyone other than Minato.

"Yeah, I changed a few minutes ago," she sighed again. "Don't worry, the pervert didn't watch or anything: I went into the bathroom."

Minato's eyes widened in horror for a millisecond. Good Lord: I never thought of that. Jiraiya was a pervert - no, he's a "Super Pervert" - but he wasn't THAT kind of pervert. Surely. "Oh, okay." He rubbed the back of his head and noted that his little girl still wasn't looking at him. "I -uhh, shouldn't have said what I did downstairs, Naruto. I'm just, well, I suppose I'm just a stupid man…" He noticed that the younger blonde's lips turned up and felt slightly more comfortable. "I'm a new father with a beautiful little girl, and it'll take some getting used to. You'll give me a little time to get smarter, ne?"

"I'm not little," Naruto said immediately before grumbling that she wasn't beautiful, either.

"Ridiculous! You are both small and gorgeous - just like your mother. Oh, Kami, don't tell her I said she was small."

Naruto finally looked directly at him with all the seriousness in the world in her expression, although she was still grinning just a little. "I want to be tall like you," she said before ducking her head down.

"Hmm, we'll just have to see about that," Minato said, feeling his heart warm at his daughter wanting to be like him. "Gotta eat your vegetables and not just ramen, Naru-chan." He ignored the horrified look on her face. Your mother was the same, but she grew out of it - well, not in height. "You're a growing girl, so you have to eat good things."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So what can I do to make my stupidity up to you, Princess?"

"Blaa! Don't call me that! Oh but hey!" Naruto's eyes lit up as she looked into her father's blue eyes. Just like mine. "Ano, I, umm. I had Gama-chan with me that - uh - that night I came here, I think. I guess some villager coulda just stole it off my dead body or what have ya..." She didn't notice Minato's wince.

"Who is Gama-chan? I'm very sorry, Naruto, but you were the only one to arrive from your previous timeline."

"No! Gama-chan's my wallet, 'ttebayo! I mean, I really need it 'cause I don't wanna be greedy and mooch off ya!" Minato's face lit up at her words and he flashed away in a yellow streak. Wow: that seems really unnecessary, Naruto thought. He came back a second later with her wallet in his hands, making her day.

"Yatta! Now I can pay ya back for keeping me here all safe and stuff! Plus, I don't mean to be mean or anything, but look at those clothes!" She pointed to her open closet. "I think I might have enough ryo to buy some new ones, plus some lighter fluid," Naruto said happily.

Minato snorted before getting serious. "Naruto, you will never need to pay us back, okay? You're my daughter: it's my role to provide for you," he said, tilting the girl's chin up to look at him in the eyes while he swore it to her.

Naruto's eyes welled up in tears again. It took her a while to get her throat under control so that she could say what she wanted to say. "Kyuubi-sama told me, ya know," she said in a hushed whisper, looking away from him. She sighed heavily and gulped down another lump in her throat. "Said that you're - well, that you're like, really my dad and that I'm not… Not in a genjutsu." Suddenly she was enveloped in warmth, and someone was kissing the top of her head. 

A hug from my dad!

Naruto silently cried even more, but held on tight to her really real dad who was hugging her back.