The Funny Kunai 2 (Funnies, Insanity, and Parodies)
Sweet Kagamine Kiss
presents...
The Funny Kunai 2
(Funnies, Insanity, and Parodies)
Mikonaru
"Naruto," Sasuke muttered, twitching every once and awhile.
"... Ne...?"
"You got my mother pregnant," muttered the raven-haired Uchiha.
"... She was lonely and dragged me into her bedroom. I can't say no to her while she was depressed," was the response of our favorite ramen-loving teen blonde.
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched once. As for Uchiha Mikoto... she was giggling in delight, whispering to herself.
"Say," spoke up Sasuke's mom, "how about Mikonaru as the baby's name?"
Oh, Sasuke so wished he could smash Naruto's face into the wall, and hope the Shinigami ravaged his soul into unrecognizable shreds.
Naruto's Loli Complex 2
Hinata watched them from the distance. She was disappointed that Naruto saw her as a good friend while she still loved him. But as her attentions shifts, she would grow angry. Sitting in the lap of her beloved Naruto was her younger sister Hanabi. She was giggling as he cuddled her and she continues to be taught how to play a western game called Chess with one of his Kage Bunshin.
"Yup... Rook to E4," the clone calls out, moving the white piece.
"Now... what else can you do, Hanabi-chan?' Naruto asks the younger girl, who smiled.
"Queen to intercept the lone pawn, Checkmate," she said, with the foxy grin she adopted from Naruto.
Hinata growled grinding her teeth. Behind her, a scared Kiba and Akamaru watched as she had an aura of doom around her. Hinata's aura spiked when she heard Hanabi giggle.
"Naruto-kun," she would say.
"C'mon, please... for me?" he would beg.
And then she would concede to Naruto, and a poof later, under Naruto's special henge abilities, would giggle and purr a bit as her fox tail sway. Naruto would play with her lavender fox ears, smiling as he would rub the tips, and nuzzle the smaller Hyuuga.
Must break lolicon curse, Hinata would repeat in her mind.
How? Hanabi's a cute girl in the series (with little screen time)...
Never Bet against Naruto's Singing Talent
"Like you can sing," said Ino, not believing Naruto. Everybody else in the Rookie Nine also did not believe Naruto, well except Hinata, but being too shy prevents her from speaking up and defending her crush. Oh, and did I forget to mention this is the Chūnin Exams, and that a certain ANBU Interrogator was running late?
"I can too sing," Naruto argued with the Yamanaka heiress.
Kabuto was resting up with his team mates after that little stunt with the Oto team, whom were now sitting as far away as possible from the other ninja teams. Few gave no care about the ensuing argument between two blondes.
"Oh yeah, how about a bet? You fail at singing and you work at my flower shop for a month after the Chūnin Exams," said Ino.
"Fine, but you're going to eat your own words and owe me a month of treats at Ichiraku Ramen," Naruto tells the girl, both shaking hands on it.
"So... go on dobe, try and sing," Kiba snickered
Too easy, Ino thought with a smirk.
Naruto however gave a smile that made Ino's falter a bit as the smoke erupts around the male. As it slowly dissipated, music suddenly blares from near him. It had an upbeat rocking tune. And when the finally cleared, jaws dropped and eyes were glued to him... or rather her. Naruko stood there, no longer wearing that orange jumpsuit. Instead, she wore a short dark gray plaid wool skirt, and knee-high pink socks with dance slippers. The shirt was a fitting white tee, with a short leather black vest. She smiled prettily, as she adjusted a headset she's wearing on her head, her hair tied into it signature twin ponytails with a white bow perched on top of the headset.
"What the fuck?" muttered Temari.
"Holy shit dude, he turned into a girl," spoke Kankuro.
Gaara, the only one showing no emotion, only arcs his right eyebrow a bit.
She's... beautiful, thought a blushing Hinata, noticing the stereo system that was sitting next to Naruto on the teacher's desk.
"Eat your own words, Ino-chan," she said, before she begins to sing. Ino and Sakura both stared, disturbed at how beautiful Naruko sounded.
DEETO no owari sabishii kaerimichi
Modotte konai konyaku no aji
Kinyou no yoru uPUnushi ga kiiteru RAJIO wo kiita
KalP wa nozomi
Jikan no muda ka, nanimo umaranai
Dainasoo hadeni abarete!
Maguro *karupii
Kyou mo oyoguyo
Nozomi *karupii
Hageshi deshou?
Sabishisa wo keshite! Wasuresasete!
Kimi ga inai koto
Sakana taberu
Kimi ga suki nya
Sake ni makenu otoko no ko ne!
Hitori ni shinaide donna toki mo
Omou no yo! Aitai nya!
Asahi ga someru uchi ageta sakana
Modotte konai shinsen na aji
Renraku nai kabe wo keritsukeru nya
Onaka ga suita shake demo taberu
Denwa kakero yo mune de tsubuyaita
Iwarenai to kidzukanai no?
Matome? Nai yo
Hito no kimochi sagashidashite
Tsukamaete yo
KOKORO yonde mite tabete mite yo
Atashi dake wo mite!
Sakana sakana
Gyogyou suki nyaa
Sashimi sashimi
Otoko no ko ne!
Hitori ni shinaide donna toki mo
Omou no yo! Aitai nya!
Jaws were hanging lose. Hinata was blushing even more. Guys were shocked. Girls were surprised and half of them jealous and envious of Naruto's female form looking so damn beautiful. And with the music fading to an end, Naruko winked with a giggle escaping her.
"You owe me a month of ramen," she told Ino, cutely flicking the stunned girl on the nose.
Sasuke's Mom
Everybody was enjoying lunch at this new bar in the village. It served food and drinks, and they were items with no alcoholic beverages on the menu. It was a place specially reserved for Genin. Naruto was rather... happy today. And the others did notice that he had a bounce in his step. As they were served what they ordered, the man who ran the place looked at Naruto, who then chuckled.
"So... Naruto..."
"Yeah?"
"Judging by the smile on your face, you must be having a good day, ne?"
"Yeah," he said with a happy grin.
"You fucked Mikoto in the past, haven't you?"
Naruto blinked, as the other Rookies, including Sasuke, stared at the blonde with utter shock. Hinata however looked as if her entire world was crushed.
"... How did you know?" he asked narrowing his eyes at the other blond with tanned skin and purple eyes.
"Because I fucked her too," said the purple-eyed young man. He then smiled, walked around the counter, and wrapped an arm around Naruto, "Naruto-kun, welcome to the I Banged Mikoto fan club. We're the only two in that rare and exclusive club. So, what picture she gave you?"
"Picture... oh, yeah." He pulled out a photo and showed it to the older man, who whistled. Mikoto had her legs spread in a naughty pose, wearing a red bra and lingerie with garter, and real lacy panties. Red ink in the lower right corner reads: Good things come to those who work HARD. What a MILF...
She was a fun girl... that is before the Uchiha Massacre incident...
"Hehehe. Nice, very nice," said the young man. Naruto must have found the photo again and remembered the good times he's had and thus was very kipper.
Naruto grinned to himself. He was a bit young when it happened (age 10), but he oddly enough developed early for his age, which few medics under the late Sandaime Hokage passed it off as the Kyuubi's chakra within the seal. In other words, puberty before age 8 (and the "hair in awkward places" not occurring until age 13).
"What about you, Sekai?"
"Oh?" He reached into a pocket, and showed it to Naruto.
"HOLY SHIT!" he exclaimed, before coughing rather quickly and says in a calmer vice, "I mean, nice..."
"Very nice... hehehe," Sekai giggled rather pervertedly. The picture was snatched from their view, and Sasuke looked at it... and then stopped responding. Before anybody else could see, Sekai took it back and pocketed the image. What Sasuke saw was his mother, legs spread seductively and striking up such a naughty pose for the camera... she had a very naughty look on her face. You DON'T want to even KNOW how different this photo was from Naruto's. Trust me, if you did you'd faint after an explosive nosebleed.
"So... let's ditch these little boys and girls, then Naruto-kun. Tell me... how was your experience with Mikoto, hm?"
Slowly, but surely, Naruto was being led away by the majority of his still-virgin friends. And Sasuke... his mind had shut down.
Naruto and Anko 1
"Hey! Where were you? We were supposed to have brunch today," Anko said, taking a bite of her dango.
"Sorry, rough night," was Naruto's reply.
"Late night, huh? I see. So tell me Naruto: who was she?"
"Who?"
"I'm just saying who was she? You're date of the night."
"No one important," he said.
"Spare me the bull; I can see what's going on."
"Nothing much going on, Anko," Naruto said.
"Then when can I see her?"
"No... I rather not..."
"Oh, then she's hideous," Anko responded.
"She is not hideous," Naruto said
"Oh. Then tell me: does she have an alibi?"
"Well, no. Why do you ask that?"
"Alright then, we have established that she ain't got no alibi! She's UGLY! She's UGLY! U-G-L-Y! She ain't got no alibi! She UGLY!"
"Screw off," Naruto said, storming off amidst Anko's giggles.
"M! She's major ugly! O! She's fat and pugly! Oh! My! God! Know the cow says MOO!"
She laughed her ass off, until she got struck in the face with a shoe.
Nuthin' But A G Thang
It's the Chunin Exams. This time, Naruto will finally get a chance to advance from Genin to Chunin. Of course he wasn't the only Jinchuuriki in Genin Rank. The Raikage's younger brother, who went by the name Killer Bee, was also in this place. However, the world would soon learn how bad it is to have two ninja rappers in the same match at these finals today. Of course, the fight began, but the two started spewing their rap rhymes, until one comment set Naruto off. Twirling his headband cap around so the flap was backwards, Naruto snapped his fingers. As if my magic the lights in the enclosed dome went off except some lights that now gained various different color.
"Yo Bee, rap time, homey!"
"Yeah homeboy! Prove your worth!"
And the music starts... Oh Kami... You can see the attendances from Kumo pale when the rap music started.
[Naruto]
One, two, three and to the fo'
Uzuumakii Naruu an' Killa' Bee is at the do'
Ready to make an entrance, so back on up
(Like ya know how to rip shit up)
Gimme the microphone first, so I can bust like a bubble
Raimaai and Sui Mushu togeth', now you know you in trouble
Ain't nuthin' but a "G" thang, baaaaabay!
Two loc'ed out (bleep)s so we're craaaaazay!
Death Row is the label that paaaaays me!
Unfadeable, so please don't try to fade this (Hell yeah)
But uh, back to the lecture at hand
Perfection is perfected, so I'ma let 'em understand
from a young G's perspective
And before me dig out a bitch I have ta' find a contraceptive
You never know she could be earnin' her man
and learnin' her man - and at the same time burnin' her man
Now you know I ain't with that shit, Lieutenant
Ain't no pussy good enough to get burnt while I'm up in it
(Yeah) And that's realer than Real-Deal Holyfield
And now you fangurl's and ho's know how I feel
Well if it's good enough to get broke off a proper chunk
I'll take a small piece of some of that funky stuff
[Bee and Naruto]
It's like this and like that and like this and uh
It's like that and like this and like that and uh
It's like this and like that and like this and uh
[N] Bee, creep to the mic like a phantom
[Killer Bee]
Well I'm peepin', and I'm creepin', and I'm creep-in
But I damn near got caught, 'cause my beeper kept beepin'
Now it's time for me to make my impression felt
So sit back, relax, and strap on your ninbelt
You never been on a ride like this befo'
with a ninja who can rap and control the Eight-o
At the same time with the dope rhyme that I kick
You know, and I know, I flow some ol' funky shit
to add to my collection, the selection
symbolizes dope, take a toke, but don't choke
If you do, you'll have no clue
on what me and my homey Naruto came to do
[Bee and Naruto]
It's like this and like that and like this and uh,
It's like that and like this and like that and uh,
It's like this...
[B] And who gives a fuck about hoes?
[N] So just chill, 'til the next episode...
Anko somewhere in the stands was giggling like a crazed schoolgirl. Half the audience, whom had to deal with Bee's rapping tendencies, was all too much in shock to say anything. Yugito however was mumbling incoherently. If one could read her mind, one would see that she was begging Kami to strike them with lightning.
[Naruto]
Fallin' back on that ass, with a hellified gangsta lean
Gettin' funky on the mic like a ol' batcha' collard greens
It's the capital U, oh yes I'm fresh, Z double-U M
A K double-I N, A R double-U, ya see
Showin' much flex when it's time to wreck a mic
Pimpin' ninjas and clockin' a grip like my name was Sasuke
Yeah, and it don't quit
I think they in the mood for some muthafuckin' G shit
(Hell yeah) So Bee... (Whattup kid?)
Gotta give 'em what they want (What's that, G?)
We gotta break 'em off somethin' (Hell yeah)
And it's gotta be bumpin' (City of Raimaai!)
[Killer Bee]
It's where it takes place - so when asked, yo' attention
Mobbin' like a muh'fucka, but I ain't lynchin'
Droppin' the funky shit that's makin' the sucka (bleep)s mumble
When I'm on the mic, it's like a cookie, they all crumble
Try to get close, and your ass'll get smacked
My muthafuckin' homie Naruto has got my back
Never let me slip, 'cause if I slip, then I'm slippin'
But if I got my Nina, then you know I'm straight trippin'
And I'ma continue to put the rap down, put the mack down
And if yo bitches talk shit, I'll have to put the smack down
Yeah, and you don't stop
I told you I'm just like a clock when I tick and I tock
But I'm never off, always on, to the break of dawn
R-A-I-M-A-A-I, and the city they call Sui Mushu
Puttin' the shit together
Like my (bleep) D.O.C., "No One Can Do It Better"
[Bee and Naruto]
Like this, that and this and uh
It's like that and like this and like that and uh,
It's like this
[B] And who gives a fuck about hoes?
[N] So just chill, 'til the next episode...
The Raikage was mumbling face palming, thinking the world has gone to shit and pigs began to fly. The Sandaime Hokage in spirit was wondering if it was a bad idea for Naruto to watch television when he was still younger and impressionable. Tsunade was wondering what the fuck just happened. The two down in the center of the Lightning Dome arena were enjoying their new-found respect for one another.