Sweet Kagamine Kiss presents Naruto's Strangest Crossovers (A TruTV presents World's Dumbest Parody)
Sweet Kagamine Kiss whistles, calling an immediate silence in the giant spacious arena. A very powerful projector was used and a giant white screen was displayed on the front built stage.
"Well... I'm glad everybody important enough could make the trip. I'm glad to say I have created a nice little home movie... and I do hope every one of you will enjoy it."
And Sweet walks off the stage, and after he reaches his seat, he takes the wireless remote to turn off the lights, start the projector, and then presses play.
Naruto dressed in Sephiroth's costume stares, unsure what to say on camera as he resists the urge to scratch his head due to the itchy silver wig. Then a make-up artist comes in and fixes up his face, making him halt the words about to spew out his mouth. The REAL Sephiroth, sitting next to him, stares at Naruto with an annoyed look.
"I'm not a pedophile... I'm not a, not a pedophile?" Minato says, catching his words at the last moment. "The hell does that have to do with anything... that come out of nowhere." The Fourth Hokage shakes his head in shame, arms crossed.
"Okay," mutters Tsunade, taking a swig of sake.
"Please, erase that! It'll ruin my reputation," Minato told the camera guy, as his friends off-screen and wife Kushina gave him odd looks.
Shino sighs, gazing around. "I hate people..."
-CUT-
Sakura and Ino were glaring at one another, both having a tight grip on an arm attached to Sai. Sasuke in the corner felt oddly jealous and was looking to use his sword on the pale-skinned ROOT ninja. Next, Ē is captured on video drinking Sake straight from the bottle. With the condensation the bottle held, it shows it was bucketed under ice. Seeing the camera rolling on him, he swallows his chug-full of alcohol, and walks off the set.
Shikamaru holds up a copy of the Limited Edition Cheers to You. "Just what I need, a CD that lies to me. Please, I have Temari for that."
Temari stares at him, subconsciously taking out a kunai.
"Excuse me? Mind repeating that?"
"So Earwigs crawl into your ears," said Kiba to Shino, "does that mean Cockroaches crawl into your...?"
Shino stares at Kiba blankly.
-CUT-
Jiraiya looks at the camera. "I don't like that much hair on my pussy," he says. He then bends down, and picks up a short-haired black and white feline. "Cats," he added.
Danzo stares at the camera not speaking at all, before lifting his non-bandaged arm and hand, and sticks his middle finger up. Then Kurama's paw comes crashing down, smearing Danzo into a bloody puddle of flesh. Adding insult to injury, Kurama makes a big disgusting loogie, and spits where Danzo once sat.
-CUT-
The Third Hokage turns the TV off and faces the camera again, picking up a stapled packet of papers. "Sorry about that, now what do you want me to say?"
He's flipping the pages.
"Page four, Line six," the producer tells Hiruzen off-screen.
A horror-themed ringtone starts playing (the one in reference to the horror film Halloween), and Hiruzen reaches into his pocket and takes out his cell phone.
"Sorry, sorry." He answers it, "Yo, what up?"
Orochimaru sits there; arms crossed wearing all the clothing fashions of the 1970s, complete with his hair turned into a large poufy globular afro. Next to him was Sarutobi Asuma, forced to wear everything a Geisha would wear in traditional dances. That meant he had to shave his beard off.
"How was I roped into doing this?" Asuma complained, feeling unmanly due to the lack of facial hair.
"I don't mind. I feel funky fresh," Orochimaru comments, petting his large afro.
"At least you're not pretending to be Leif Garrett."
Leif, off to the side, waves his hands into the air in an exasperated manner.
"Sheesh, why do people pick on me all the time?"
-CUT-
Cheers and whoops are heard as post-time skip Chōji stands there in a Sumo get-up, before Brad Loekle walks up and easily bitch-slaps him into unconsciousness, silencing the crowd.
"Now you're my bitch, bitch!"
-CUT-
"Why am I here? What's my purpose?" asks the Mayor of Quahog, Rhode Island, Adam West.
"Are these menthols?" Brian asks a person off-camera, before lighting up the cigarette he took out of his pocket anyway.
"Oh god... Why am I here? What? Are we doing something funny or just adding filler time for closing credits?" Stewie questions looking around, before he takes out a can of Pepsi and pops the tab, and then takes a long sip before smiling at the camera.
"Are you stealing my soul? Witch doctor!" Mayor West says to the camera guy, before getting up and punching the man–
-CUT-
"Smile, dillhole!" Kakuzu yells, laughing.
"Fucking bitch!" Hidan shouted, nose bloodied by the earlier sucker punch.
The camera turns to Itachi and Kisame. Itachi was calmly eating a box of Pocky, while Kisame was holding rubber plastic erect nipples in his hands. "Seriously? Body Perks? That's what they call this?" he questions aloud, flopping the erect plastic nipples.
Naruko in her Akatsuki outfit walks onto scene; she's wearing the Body Perks so it looks like she's got erect nipples underneath her t-shirt. She grabs the edges of her cloaks and swings them open like a flasher, revealing said products worn under the shirt. "Nipples by choice," she says with flaunting flair.
Kisame gives her an odd annoyed look.
"Turkey's done!" Deidara pops in from the side, before tapping a bellhop bell in his hand.
DING!
"PASTA~" Italy cheerfully exclaims, popping above Deidara holding a plate of lasagna.
-CUT-
"Ahem!" interrupted the producer.
Append Len and Append Rin break apart, and fix their ruffled clothes with blushes on their faces.
"Please, even WE aren't that horny," stated pre-time skip Naruto, holding pre-time skip Hinata's hand. Hinata was blushing in a shy manner, but cuddling close to her boyfriend.
-CUT-
"Motherfucker you can't beat me, I'm the fuckin' Killer Bee. You fuck be whiter than an albino, like Sasuke's leaky vagino. Ino 'n Sakura be cryin like a bitch, 'cuz (bleep)'s merchandise we ain't buyin' for the shit! I'll slice an' dice up your whack-ass krunk with my sweet-o blades, and still have room to fuck a hoe, punk!"
Snoop Dogg chuckles in amusement, grabbing the microphone and steps up next.
"Yo homies now listen to this dog's sleazy rhythm; I'm telling you now I'm winning this shit. You ninja wannabe can never fucking beat me, even with the dope burnin' down your balls. All I be buyin' is the weed in the mother fuckin' world, be smoking up a haze to hide your failing rhymes. Listen up, listen good, cuz' I'm saying it once: I'm Snoop Dee-oh-double-gee, respect my ass bitch!"
Yes, Killer Bee and Snoop Dogg were having a rap off. Off in the corner, Yugito, the Raikage, Naruto, and Gyūki (the Hachibi no Oni-Ushi) were staring at the spectacle that was happening between Killer Bee and Snoop Dogg. They all had one conscious thought: what the hell is this?
-CUT-
Uzumaki Naruto and Kyuubi Pyrus from the story Ryuusei no Naruto are sitting together.
"Okay, this next scene is about the cash register, and the dupe who can't break in using a pocket knife."
Pyrus noticed something off-screen.
"Why are Orochimaru and his group dancing to funk with the Akatsuki?" Pyrus pointed off-camera.
The camera swerves to the scene of Orochimaru, the three Sound-nins from the Chūnin Exams Arc, Kabuto, The Sound Four, and Kimimaro, all wearing clothes of the Disco era, and dancing to the funky song Somebody Call My Momma complete with sparkly glass ball hanging on a near invisible string. Joining them were the Funkettes Naomi and Cameron, and all the members of the Akatsuki in disco era clothing, including Akatsuki!Naruto.
"What da funk," RN Naruto said off-camera.
Cut to Brodus Clay "The Funkasaurus", who applauds the funky dance-off. "Bravo. I loved it."
-CUT-
An unknown person smiles in amusement at this particular scene, as the camera had to pull back far enough to capture the entire group of women. In the center was Naruto, and surrounding him were the following: Every known Female Vocaloid in existence, Amaru, Guren, Supergirl, Kyrie, Lady, Trish, Mito, Tsunami, Tsubaki, Hinamori, Moegi, Gabrielle, Tonks, Susan, Hannah, Tsunade, Yūgao, Ino, Sāra, Sāra's Daughter, Tamaki, Kurenai, Terra, Yoshino, Tsume, Batgirl, Mei, Hibana (Hinata's mother), Kushina, Mikoto, Yuzuki (Ino's mother), Yachiru (sitting on Naruto's shoulders with a happy grin), Tifa, Yuffie, Aerith, Elena, Hermione, Starfire, Sakura, Hinata, Toki, Ayame, Yoruichi, Suì-Fēng, Hana, Karui, Jinx, Konan, Kurotsuchi, Matsuri, Anko, Samui, Shion, Shizune, Rukia, Tayuya, Hanabi, Koyuki, Rangiku, Temari, Daphne, Tracey, Kin, Tenten, Ishtal Rin (Sekai's twin sister), Ginny, Orihime, Haruna, Naruko, Hotaru, Luna, Winry, Riza, Fleur, Raven, the Village Headman's Granddaughter (from Naruto Shippuuden Episode #195)...
"Shit Naruto... got enough?"
Some other guys from other universes behind the person with the censors hiding his face and disguising his voice however were glaring at Naruto. Urahara just found Naruto's super harem amusing. Jiraiya was crying manly tears of joy for his pupil. Naruto's overall reply is smugly giving the one-digit salute.
Cut to Meg Griffin, all alone... with crickets making their noises in the background to lift off some of the deafening silence.
Everybody hates Meg...
She sighed depressingly.
"Hey Meg!"
She looks up, and gets struck in the face by a brick.
-CUT-
The scene is moving. A naked Naruto seen from apparently the waist up is lying on his bed, and apparently, he's getting some loving. He opens his eyes, and blinks.
"Mei! Is that one of those Hat Camera things from Meka?"
"Yeah... I'm recording this for my own amusement," she replied with a hint of a pleasured moan.
"Okay." And Naruto closes his eyes, and returns to enjoying Mei riding him. The "shaking" of the scene increases...
-CUT-
"Okay! Here we-"
Iruka then falls fast asleep in his chair.
"Douche bag," Punk!Naruto and Punk!Hinata mutters.
Gai is seen next, and he strikes some manly shirtless poses. "Yeah... Aren't I youthful?"
He turns around, and the camera guy silently groans at the sight. Gai was wearing one of those thongs and it had dug up into his crack so... his ass hangs free in the wind. And oh my god... the flexing...
"Oh what power! What strength! What grace! Allow me to join you my youthful friend in the posing of strongmen!" yelled Alex Louis Armstrong, walking onto the scene. When he flexes his powerful muscles his entire clothes disintegrated in a shredding of strips, and he was left in just a red thong. Some eyes in the vicinity (Neji being one of the many unfortunate victims) were blinded at this moment.
"Yes! Of course my new youthful-looking friend! Join in the passion of YOUTH!" Gai shouts to the heavens. Armstrong commences with his own manly poses complete with those pink sparkles blasting full force around him, and soon Gai joins with such posing... at that moment in time, the epitome of HOLY SHIT just exploded past its limit.
A ruffle of pages is heard in the air as the camera turns to Kakashi. He's getting out of his seat. "This is... that... that's it! I'm done! I'm out of here..." He walks out the door, shuddering horrifically. "Where's that doctor who makes use of the Omoide Sakujyo no Jutsu (Memory Deletion Technique)?"
-CUT-
"I like big butts and I can not lie! You other brothers can't deny!"
"Hey! Why is the toilet paper singing?" yells Kabuto from the bathroom.
Naruto is snickering off-scene.
-CUT-
Anko takes a sip from the Giant Wine Bottle, filled with an entire bottle of Sake. Classical music plays in the background, and she's sitting in a Victorian-era plush seating in front of a roaring fireplace. She wore a pantsuit that looked all roguish for her, and that included a monocle.
"I applaud the person who made such an elegant invention such as this," she says in a Queen of England British-accented voice.
-CUT-
"Hey, has anybody seen Coco? He has my body."
In wanders Jimmy Fallon in Conan O'Brien's body, thus interrupting the scene. Intergalactic Bounty Hunter Naruto points to the right where Conan in Jimmy's body was making a run for it. Jimmy in Conan's body gave chase followed by Steve Higgins, and The Roots.
The camera moves back to IBH Naruto, who shrugs in confusion.
"What the hell was that about?"
"Oh, Conan O'Brien went to Dr. Victor Frankenstein and switched brains with Jimmy, thus stealing his body," the camera guy replied. "Something about being confused for a ghost and 2012 Royal Rumble Winner, Sheamus."
"Ah... strange," comments IBH Naruto.
-CUT-
So, there's Pokémon Trainer Naruto Uzumaki, with his anthromorphic collection of all the Eeveelution's, all female with beautiful-sized breasts, and yet all the attention was focused on another situation: Lolicon!Naruto, who was making out with Loli!Sakura and Loli!Ino. This was naturally annoying all the girls crowding their lucky Pokémon Trainer. Eevee however was the luckiest, the A-cup girl able to sit directly in Trainer Naruto's lap...
"Oh c'mon! We got big boobs and yet he gets the spotlight," mutters Leafeon, arms crossed.
"Yeah I agree... sheesh, what a lolicon," Flareon said.
The author likes to note Leafeon and Glaceon were B-Cup, Flareon, Vaporeon, and Jolteon were C-Cup, and Espeon and Umbreon were D-Cup. The door off-screen slams open with a loud bang. Adult!Sakura and Adult!Ino, both with mad looks, rush in and drag Lolicon!Naruto away as soon as they saw this in the break room across the hallway.
"Yay! Justice!" Jolteon, Vaporeon, Espeon, and Umbreon cheer, while Glaceon records this epic Smackdown on digital camera. The lolis cry out with tears in their eyes.
The women commence to beating the living hell out of him off-screen. Lolicon!Naruto's screams of pain are heard...
The camera cuts away to the Technical Difficulties: Please Stand By screen.
-CUT-
"Ladies and gentlemen! The world's cutest terrorist, Tobi!" a mysterious announcer introduces the orange mask-wearing man who walks onto the stage amongst a loud applause.
"Yay, Tobi is loved~"
Chelsea Peretti stares as Tobi is applauded by a nation-wide audience, fireworks, flying confetti, and an orchestra band playing a ballad version of the song The Wind Beneath My Wings. And he accepts the thrown flower bouquets with tears streaming out the single eye hole of his spiral mask. Some women walk onto stage, give him a King's Crown to wear, and drape satin-made royal robes over his shoulders.
"You love Tobi! Everybody loves Tobi!"
"And here's to another afternoon well-spent. Thanks," the woman sarcastically comments in the corner.
-CUT-
"You know, there ARE more ways of getting drugs than JUST Vicodin. Isn't that right, Shikaku?" Inoichi says, looking to his friend.
Shikaku blinks. "Hey, I don't do drugs or get hopped up on Vicodin. You're thinking of Dr. House and Leif Garrett."
Camera turns to Leif and House.
"Bite me," House stated rudely, flipping the bird.
"Ugh... why am I here?" Leif mutters.
"Because you'll do anything to get noticed," answers Danny Bonaduce, taking the camera spotlight. He picks up a cinder block plate. "Now, watch as I break this with my head." He takes a deep breath.
-CUT-
"Oh my god!" moans an Evil Sexy version of Hyuuga Hinata.
"What? What's wrong?" asks a concerned Dark Evil version of Naruto (Evil Sexy Hinata's boyfriend).
"Chōji's dad just hung two cinder blocks to a pair of cables off his scrotum standing on a stone cube!"
A chorus of disgusted exclamations echo from our various guests.
"I think I threw up in my mouth a little..." muttered someone in the back.
Chōza looks around. He was all alone in the next room, completely nude, and the only thing giving him any form of self respect was the camera's censorship blurring his crotch area.
"What? If that one guy could do this with packs of beer, I can do better than him with heavier objects!"
He was however straining with the weight turning his scrotum into laffy taffy rubber.
-CUT-
Bender fire belches while drinking alcohol, while behind the fog hat gray robot was the original Undertaker and an Undertaker-personified Naruto glaring at one another. They've been venomously glaring at one another for the past fifteen minutes. Barely a twitch, nor blink... and ignoring the smell of burnt human when Sasuke tried to get in-between the two and was flash-BBQ'd to death by summoned lightning bolts.
-CUT-
Danny takes a deep breath, looking as serious as a former child TV actor could, before he finally takes the dive... and collapses to the ground crying out in pain. He failed to break the cinder block with his head. Sweet Kagamine Kiss, John Enos, Loni Love, and Anko Mitarashi, were staring. Sweet and Anko were wincing feeling sympathetic pain for the man, while John was snickering.
"That had to hurt," comments Loni.
"It's a fucking cinder block," says Tonya Harding, "Hello?"
Sweet sighed. "Okay, let's stop here. Someone help him up, he's starting to bleed."
The camera is set down as medics emerge on screen and help Danny after he did that stupid stunt.
"Well, at least he didn't hook up car battery cables to his nipples," John Enos was heard saying off-screen.
The camera is then grabbed and Stewie's face is shown. "Remember kids: Do not try any stupid things you see on television shows at home. It's no fun if someone gets hurt."
"Stewie, let's go home before Lois discovers we're missing again," said Brian off-camera.
"Okay!"
Stewie sets the camera back on the chair side-ways, and we can see Danny being helped away, while he's holding a towel to his forehead. The woman helping him was Shirley Jones, famously known as the widowed mother of five children in the situation-comedy television series The Partridge Family. Then the camera's picked up once again, only this time it's turned off.
And the short home-made movie ends there and soon the film projector's turned off and the lights flip back on. Sweet Kagamine Kiss returns to the stage. He's apparently the only person applauding.
"Well, what do you think?" he asks the entire audience.
Everybody was silently staring at him.
Cut to Wile E. Coyote view of Konohagakure no Sato, as Sweet Kagamine Kiss can be seen as a small human dot running out the village gates. Seconds later, a giant angry mob pours out of the village chasing Sweet, who was pretty fast for someone who's not a chakra-enhanced shinobi...