Trapped Inside

All Sasuke wanted was to be the first choice at least once. He gave everything and yet Naruto chose someone else. All he did was try to keep the relationship alive. To keep it romantic. To keep it intimate. To keep it from falling apart. But just like group projects, nothing can be accomplished if only one person were to do everything. He didn’t know why he was so accepting of Naruto’s behavior. One simple favor, one simple rule and he couldn’t even follow it. This was probably his last day with Naruto, he didn’t know if he wanted to be with him anymore. It’s hard to find a partner for queer people in Konoha because no one wants to be known as a “dirty homosexual”.

As Naruto drove back to his girlfriend’s house, he started to replay the whole fight in his head. He didn’t understand why Sasuke reacted that way. No, it wasn’t the first time he did it, but why didn’t Sasuke forgive him this time? He forgave him all those other times. He knew that after that fight, he wouldn’t do it again. He doesn’t want to make that same mistake, but why does it matter since he probably won’t pick Sasuke?

Sasuke was so mad at Naruto that he decided to clean everything that he touched. He wanted to shower and scrub off the scent of Naruto on his body, to change his clothes, to wash his bedsheets, he wanted to mop the floors, exfoliate the dirty feeling of Naruto off his lips, and brush the disgusting taste of Naruto off his tongue. He wanted nothing to do with him. He didn’t regret the way he acted. It wasn’t even the first time Naruto pulled this shit. Several times in the relationship he didn’t respect Sasuke’s wish.

Naruto has been at her house for half an hour. They celebrated with hugs, kisses, and compliments. Naruto still had something eating at his chest. He wanted to make up with Sasuke. He wanted everything to go back to normal – but who would call that relationship normal? He told his girlfriend that he needed to go to the bathroom. When he reached the toilet, he took out his phone and started to dial Sasuke’s number. He waited with the phone against his ear and his eyes lit up when he heard a click.

“Please leave a message for **********.” Naruto got frustrated that Sasuke didn’t answer his phone. He was just trying to apologize and Sasuke wasn’t accepting it. He decided to blame all his problems on Sasuke. Sasuke was the reason why they fought in the first place. If Sasuke didn’t make up that stupid rule they wouldn’t be fighting. If Sasuke wasn’t so picky they wouldn’t be fighting. If he wasn’t so goddamn in love with Sasuke, they wouldn’t be fighting. If Sasuke didn’t give him butterflies, they wouldn’t be fighting. If Sasuke didn’t exist they wouldn’t be fighting. But where would Naruto be if Sasuke was never a real person?

Naruto threw his phone in anger, making his girlfriend run to the bathroom. She knocked twice and opened her mouth.

“Uh is everything ok in there, Naruto?” she asked. Naruto let out a big sigh and sat on the toilet.

“Yes, everything is fine in here. I just dropped the air freshener.”

“Ok.”

“Wait, I wanna say I’m really happy for this baby. He or she is going to be raised by two great parents.”

“Well, I’m really happy too.” Naruto opened the door and embraced his girlfriend in a hug. She smiled and hugged him back.

“So, I know I don’t have everything to make this special, but I’m really glad to have met you. I’m really excited to raise this child with you. You already make me the happiest man on Earth and I was wondering if it’s ok to make you the happiest woman on Earth. Hinata Hyuga will you marry me?” Hinata broke down in tears and nodded her head yes.

“Yes! I will marry you!” They both shared a passionate kiss, giggling and smiling at each other.

Although this may seem like a happy moment, it really isn’t. Naruto acted on impulse and wanted something to distract him. He wanted something to make him feel happy because dealing with Sasuke leaves him tired. Just anytime where Sasuke pops into his mind, it makes him sick.

Sasuke was furious when he saw the missed call from Naruto. What makes him think it’s ok to call him at a time like this? A time when they are not in a good place. Sasuke hopes that everything is going downhill at her house. He hopes that she wants to get an abortion and Naruto disagrees and they get in a big fight, then Naruto comes to him for a shoulder to cry on. However, Sasuke doesn’t want any of that to happen. If she makes Naruto happy, then so be it. All he wants is for Naruto to be happy, but he didn’t expect him to get happiness from someone else. All Sasuke did for the rest of the day was lie down staring at the ceiling.

After a two-minute thinking session, Naruto decided that he wanted to take the marriage seriously. He wanted to have a family, something that Sasuke won’t be able to provide for him. If he was being honest, he knew that the relationship with Sasuke wasn’t going to work out. Naruto wanted to have kids, something Sasuke won’t be able to do. He wanted to be admired by everyone around him. He wanted to be like everyone else: straight and accepted. How could he be accepted by everyone else if he can’t even accept himself?

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The next day Naruto knew he wanted to end things with Sasuke, but he wanted to let him down gently. He contemplated sending him a text or voice mail or meeting up with him in person. He knew that he wouldn’t feel closure if he sent a text, so he decided to visit Sasuke. He took everything he needed and went to go see Sasuke.

Sasuke was feeling better today. He knew that they haven’t officially broken up yet so he thinks that Naruto would still be open to a relationship with him. It was very unusual for Sasuke to think this way, but he just wanted a reason to be alive. While he was dusting the countertop, he heard a knock at the door. Sasuke wiped his hands on his apron and went to go answer the door. His heart dropped when he saw Naruto at the door. There were a few possible reasons as to why Naruto was here: for his slippers, to break up with him, or to get back together.

“Naruto, why are you here?” Sasuke asked.

“Because I made my choice.” Sasuke’s eyes widened. “I choose her. I know it isn’t the answer you wanted but I just want something that you can’t provide. I want a family and with her it’s possible. I want everyone to admire me and with her it’s possible. I hope you can accept my truth.” Sasuke scoffed.

“Why? Why come here to tell me if you knew that I would already know the answer? It would’ve been better to just text me so I could just read it and block you later on. It’s like you wanted to see the disappointment on my fucking face. Of course, I knew you were going to pick her. It was so obvious that you were going to pick her. I went through six years of hell just to be told that I’m not wanted anymore. I did everything in this relationship and you don’t even realize how much I actually do. I was fed scraps when I was with you. I treated you like a god and you treated me like a regular individual. How am I not able to provide a family for you? It only needs to be the two of us to be considered as a family, but if you wanted kids we could have adopted or done surrogacy. Sakura even volunteered to hold our child if it meant that we would be together forever.”

“Sasuke you’re overreacting. You know that I love you and that I will never forget you. I just wanted closure.”

“Tch don’t tell me you love me and then go pick someone else. Does she know you’re fucking lying to her too? I won’t be surprised if she broke up with your sorry ass, considering how big of a jerk you are. And then what happens if she leaves you and takes the kid? You should stop lying if you want to have a stable relationship. You want closure? I hate you and we’re fucking done. I never want to talk to you and I hope your child’s life turns out to be great even if its going to have a bum as a father.” Naruto was surprised by Sasuke’s answer. He never thought that he was going to react that way. But that’s the problem with Naruto, he never fucking thinks.

“I’m sorry for causing you all this pain, and I know sorry won’t bring back those six years of your life but I just want to apologize.”

“You’re right, it won’t. Now get the hell out of my face before I start yelling again.” Naruto just stood there, not a single muscle in his body moved.

“Can we share one more kiss, I want to remember what it feels like?” Sasuke scoffed and then started to laugh loudly.

“HAHAHAHAHA you fucking blew it, leave me the hell alone you worthless piece of shit.” Sasuke slammed the door in Naruto’s face, a gust of wind slapping him straight in the face. Even after the door was closed on him, Naruto still stood there. All those things Sasuke said ran through his brain. Sasuke was right, he lied too much and Sasuke did try to patch up any rough spots in the relationship. But now Sasuke hates him and he never wants to see him again. Naruto worked up the courage to move his feet and he did.

On the other side of the door, Sasuke was tearing up. He meant all those things he said about Naruto, but why does he feel guilty? He did what he needed to do and hopefully, he can learn from his mistakes and find a man who’s not like Naruto. He started to break down. His cold tears fell onto the freshly mopped tiles. He was bawling for what felt like forever, and whenever he tried to stop, he started to cry some more.