Locksmith

I managed to avoid the boys on my run back to my room the night before playing on repeat in my head. Each of my mistakes was highlighted in bright yellow so I could see them over and over again. I tried to silence the voice in my head that wouldn’t stop screaming at me, but I couldn’t. The onslaught of insults was too loud; I needed to silence them or quiet them at the very least. I planned to order a bottle of wine to my room and drown out every screaming voice in my mind. As I waited for the elevator, I heard footsteps coming toward me. Panic started to set in once more, worried someone I knew and didn't want to see would come up on me in the midst of a breakdown. Thankfully, the elevator pinged and opened to let me on. I quickly hit the button to shut the doors and used my key card to go to my room. I drummed my fingers on my leg as I waited for the elevator to come to a stop. As soon as the doors opened, I was running into the room and diving straight into bed. I used my phone to place an order for room service and turned on whatever movie I could find, desperate to quiet my mind. But no matter how hard I tried, there was a barrage of memories flooding my mind.

I stumbled into the kitchen, looking for anything I could eat. Yelena had fallen asleep, and I didn’t want to make too much noise. My head was inside the fridge looking for food when the light in the kitchen turned on. My stomach dropped, and panic set in as I froze in the fridge. I had no idea how I was going to explain my current state to Alexei and Melina.

“Find anything good?” A familiar voice asked.
“Jesus! I thought you were your parents.” I said with a sigh.
“Well, that’s not great for my ego,” she said with a laugh.
“No! That’s not… I didn’t think you were going to be home tonight.” I said with a sigh as I closed the fridge.
“Well, well, look at those rosy cheeks. What did she talk you into this time?” She asked with a smile.
“Scooby snacks,” I said with a grin.
“I bet they were good.” She said with a hum.
“So yummy,” I confirmed with a nod.
“And where is the bartender?” She asked, scanning the kitchen.
“Sleeping in her bed,” I said with a laugh.
“Then what are you doing down here, little mouse?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.
“Hungry,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands.
“Ah, I see. Do you have any idea of what you’re hungry for?” She questioned, tilting her head to the side and studying me.
“Pizza?” I said, slightly unsure.
“What kind? Mushroom and pepperoni?” She asked easily.
“God, yes, please,” I said with a groan.
“Sit. I’ll make us a pizza to share.” She said, pointing to a chair.
“You can cook?” I asked in surprise.
“I’m ignoring that question.” She said, rolling her eyes and turning on the oven.

I couldn’t help but giggle to myself as she started to pull out the ingredients. Watching her move through the kitchen with ease had me smiling brightly to myself. I wanted to spend every day watching her do even the most mundane things. Something about the way she carried herself made it impossible to look away. She put everything on the crust and waited for my approval before putting it in the oven to cook. Without warning, my legs carried me over to where she was, and I started to help her clean up. She didn’t stop me from helping, but she did look at me with curiosity as I moved. I tried not to melt under her gaze and kept myself focused on the dishes. I knew that she was likely to tell me I hadn’t needed to do the dishes or clean up after her, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to help her since she was making my late-night snack for me. When I finished, I could feel her presence behind me, and spun around to face her.

“You didn’t need to do that little mouse.” She said with gentle eyes.
“It’s the least I could do. You’re making me food.” I said with a shrug.
“The least you could do was sit there and wait like a good girl.” She said, rolling her eyes.
“What defines a ‘good girl’?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Why do you ask?” She asked, raising an eyebrow in response.
“Well, I’ve never been able to live up to my parents’ expectations… I’m just trying to pinpoint yours.” I said, my eyes darting to her lips.
“Wands, that’s not what I meant…” She said with a soft sigh.

I shook my head, letting her know that I wasn’t upset. She just watched me and gave me the space to figure out what I wanted to say. But instead of words, I decided to take a risk for the first time in my life. I leaned in, and she didn’t stop me or move away. My heart was racing so fast that I could feel my pulse in my ears. The one thing I had thought and dreamed about for months was about to happen, and I wanted to throw up; I was so excited about it. Just as our lips were about to touch, she backed away slowly, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. My eyes shot open in embarrassment, and a panic started in my chest.

“Wanda, wait. I’m older than you.” She said with a sigh.
“I know how old you are, dummy,” I said with a giggle when I realized she wanted to kiss me.
“Okay, well, you’re drunk.” She said quietly.
“Sober enough to know that I stare at your lips, wondering what they’d feel like against mine,” I said with a shrug.
“Wanda.” She said with a warning tone.
“It’s true,” I mumbled.
“I don’t want to be something you regret.” She mumbled.
“I could never regret you,” I said, shaking my head.
“I don’t want to be an experiment.” She said, trying to find a reason to stop me.
“You’re not. I am not straight.” I said with a quiet laugh.
“I’m sorry, what?” She asked slowly.
“I know I’m into you,” I said with a shrug.
“And you’re not just saying this because you’re drunk?” She asked slowly.
“I mean, I am… But I know it when I’m sober. I’m just not brave enough to tell you when I am.” I admitted.
“You’re Yelena’s best friend.” She whispered.
“And you’re her sister,” I said with a soft sigh.
“You’re two years younger than me.” She stated.
“And still old enough to legally give you permission for anything I want,” I said with a hum.

“And you’re giving me permission to do what, exactly?” She asked slowly.
“Please turn my daydreams into a reality, Nat. I need you to kiss me.” I whispered breathlessly.
“I knew you were going to be trouble when I met you.” She mumbled as she leaned in.

Her lips were gentle against mine, and for the first and only time, nothing existed outside the two of us. My breath got stuck in my throat, not that I really needed it. Her hands were confident, and the way she touched me made my body feel awake for the first time. Everything I’d ever wondered about clicked into place with one kiss. I did everything I could to commit it all to memory. I was desperate never to forget the kiss that changed my life and confirmed who I was. The timer went off, and we parted, faces flushed from the kiss we’d shared. Something about her lips was highly addictive. I immediately wanted more from her. I never wanted to stop kissing her. She quickly kissed my forehead before grabbing oven mitts and pulling the pizza out of the oven.

“Thank you for the pizza,” I whispered gently.
“That’s my thanks for the pizza?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah. Is that bad?” I asked quietly.
“Means I need to make a lot more pizzas.” She said with a breathy laugh.

The phone began to ring, pulling me out of my memories. I blindly reached for it and answered the call. Room service let me know that the bottle of wine I’d ordered would be coming up in the elevator. I happily thanked them and hung up, making my way over to where the elevator was. When it dinged to let me know the doors would be opening, excitement built in my chest, and I grabbed the bottle as soon as I saw it. They’d sent it up in a bucket of ice, and I was more than grateful that it was going to be chilled and I wouldn’t have to put ice in it myself. I decided against using a glass and instead chose to drink from the bottle. My show had ended, and I saw that Tangled was on. It was one movie that the boys had loved to watch with me, and since I was already in a storm of emotions, I figured it couldn’t hurt to watch the movie. 

“Let me in!” She called from my window.
“Nat, I’m sick!” I argued.
“What part of me outside your window told you that that bothered me?” She asked with a laugh.
“You’re supposed to be at school.” I countered.
“Please refer to the fact that I do not care. Come on, princess, let me into your tower.” She asked with a whine.
“What’s in it for me?” I asked curiously.
“I come with gifts… And I’ll watch anything you want.” She said slowly.
“Gifts?” I asked, perking up slightly.
“I’m using the spare key. Is it still in the same spot?” She asked, not enjoying the cold.
“How do you know where it is?” I asked with a frown.
“How many times have I had to come over to make sure no one broke in to kill you?” She asked with a sigh.
“And you rescued me each time,” I said with a hum.
“Of course I did.” She said easily.
“What are my gifts?” I asked with a grin.
“Wanda Djanga…” She said with a warning tone.
“Wait, who told you that?!” I asked with a frown as a blush bloomed on my cheeks.
“I have my sources. That key better be there, Wands.” She said firmly.
“I’ll see you soon,” I confirmed.

After a few minutes, I heard the front door open and waited for her to come up to my room. I was anxiously waiting for her to ascend the stairs, curious about the gift she promised as well as desperately wanting to see her. After a few minutes, I started to worry that something may have happened to her. What could’ve happened between the front door and my room, I didn’t know. But that was the only way I could explain her not being in my room five minutes after coming in through the door. Finally, after nearly ten minutes, I heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. My stomach twisted with excitement, though curious about what had kept her for so long. My door opened slowly, and I watched as she came backward into the room.

“What do you have there?” I asked as she backed her way into the room.
“Yelena let me know you weren’t feeling well, so I faked a stomach ache to get sent home. I went home, deleted the voicemail from the school, made you some soup, and then stopped for your favorite flowers on my way here.” She said with a smile as she turned to face me.
“You didn’t need to do all of that,” I said with a soft frown.
“My love, if you and I hadn’t been out in the cold, you wouldn’t be sick right now. This is the least I can do. Plus, I didn’t want to say this while I was out there, but I am also offering you snuggles in bed, as many kisses as you want and need, and you can use me as a pillow for as long as you’d like.” She said gently.
“I don’t want you to get sick,” I said with a frown.
“I’m willing to risk it.” She said, shaking her head as she walked toward the bed.
“You’re too wonderful,” I said with a sigh.
“I can’t think of anyone more deserving of being treated like this than you.” She said with soft eyes.

She put my favorite sitcom on for us to watch, and she pulled me into her embrace. I tried to protest, but she insisted on feeding me the soup so I wouldn’t have to waste the energy bringing it to my own mouth. Something that was completely unnecessary, but I was almost never likely to win an argument with her. When I finished my soup, I relaxed into her and allowed the show to play on the screen. She allowed me to drift in and out of sleep all day, never once moving. When it was time for her to leave, she leaned in, trying to kiss me goodbye, and I put my hands up to prevent it.

“No, no, Nat. No kisses.” I whined with a frown.
“What? Why not?” She asked, her frown matching mine.
“You’ll get sick,” I said with a groan.
“Sweetheart, I will risk it. I signed up to be your girlfriend, and part of that means that I get to kiss you and contract whatever ailments you have.” She said with a soft smile.
“But you’ll be sick then. I don’t want you to get sick.” I argued.
“Then you’ll just have to skip school to take care of me.” She said before connecting our lips to cut off any protest.

I did the one thing I had been able to resist for years, and I started to look up her social media profiles. I knew how stupid it was, but until now, I hadn’t wanted to know what she was up to. I knew that if I looked into her, I would see things that would hurt me. Things that would probably make me want to leave Victor sooner than I had. In retrospect, I probably should have done it earlier than I did; maybe then the boys wouldn't feel the way they do about me. But I couldn’t go back and come to my senses sooner, so I focused on the profiles I found instead. I scrolled her profile and soaked in all of the information. Leave it to her to not have any privacy settings on her profile to keep people from finding her. A twinge of jealousy pulled at my stomach when I saw a picture of her with Carol. Knowing that they stayed friends, close enough that she would harbor her when she came into town so that I wouldn’t see her, filled me with anger I wasn’t allowed to feel. I had no right to be angry about the fact that she leaned on a friend; she’d always assured me that they were just friends, but something in my gut and the way Carol was looking at her on their ski trip made me think otherwise.

“Are you ever scared?” I asked quietly.
“Of what?” She questioned gently.
“Growing up? Getting older?” I asked with a sigh.
“Not too much. Why? Are you?” She asked, turning her head to look at me.
“A little bit. There are too many questions about everything.” I said with a shrug.
“I think that’s fair. What scares you the most?” She questioned with a soft frown.
“Probably the fact that there’s no concrete answers about anything, I guess,” I mumbled.
“Well, how about, for now, we focus on the present and watch our movie? Think we can do that?” She asked softly.
“I can try to,” I said with a nod.
“We have no way of knowing what’s going to happen in our future, let alone after we’re gone. The only thing we can do is focus on living while we’re here.” She said as her eyes searched mine.
“You’re really smart. You know that?” I asked, snuggling into her.
“I may have been told once or twice. But you are very sweet.” She said with a hum.
“Whatever you say. You’re the genius here.” I said, hiding my face in her.
“I’m not a genius.” She said with a scoff.
“Whatever you say, genius,” I said with a grin.
“Shut up and snuggle in.” She said, tightening her hold on me.

We continued to watch The Little Mermaid and eventually ended up shuffling around so that I was leaning back into her. It was beyond comfortable, and I could finally feel myself starting to relax into her, my intrusive thoughts fading away. She began to braid my hair silently, and my eyes couldn’t help but flutter with her fingers sliding through my hair. I knew that she was doing everything she could to put me at ease and allow me to relax into her, and I was beyond grateful for it. It didn’t take long for my eyes to stay shut permanently.

I groaned as tears slid down my cheeks and rolled over to put my phone on the charger. There was no point in torturing myself when I could be sleeping instead. I needed to get myself together in order to be prepared for our activity. I had a feeling that feeding dinosaurs would require me to be alert and paying attention. Even if the dinosaurs at the park didn’t have a craving for meat, it didn’t mean they couldn’t still kill us if we did something wrong. I did my best to think about anything that wasn’t related to dinosaurs or Natasha in an attempt to fall asleep and actually enjoy it. The last thing I needed was to be haunted in my dreams by her.