one
Agatha scowls as she steps out into the frigid air. It was the bitter sort of cold that immediately seeps into your bones and makes your eyes water. Which only made it worse when they would freeze on your cheeks. Despite the cold, Agatha inhales deeply, the air searing her lungs and creating a familiar burn that grounds her to her current circumstances.
She glances up as her girlfriend, Wanda, exits her very warm and comfortable apartment. The redhead is bundled in one of Agatha’s jackets because she had “conveniently” forgotten hers at home, and has a hat pushed haphazardly on. Wanda shivers, and Agatha offers her hand to help her girlfriend down the stairs.
Wanda grips her mitten-clad hand as she tries not to slip on the icy stairs that led down to an equally icy street. Her girlfriend had made the mittens for her and practically forced them on Agatha’s hands as they were preparing to leave the apartment. Usually she would placate Wanda, but the Christmas trees and bells that she had hand-stitched on them had ruined any ounce of patience she had.
It was the principle of it all. Agatha hated Christmas, it was simply a fact about her. She slotted it between the fact that she had blue eyes and chestnut hair. The season only caused the ever-present tightness in her chest to increase and be constantly pressing on her mind. She shudders as she glances at them again as Wanda lets her hand go.
“They are just mittens,” Wanda whispers as she turns to Agatha, zipping up Agatha’s coat before looking up into Agatha’s stormy blue eyes. She gives a cute-sort-of pout, and Agatha tries to offer a smile, but based on her girlfriend’s face it ends up being a grimace. Wanda rolls her eyes, a tinge annoyed at Agatha’s antics, before pulling Agatha’s hat over her face, which annoyingly causes her glasses to press painfully into her nose.
“Exactly,” Agatha mutters, pushing her hat back on top of her head, “So I don’t know why they are such a big deal.” She does end up leaving them on, ignoring the twinge in her heart. Wanda smiles softly, and it causes Agatha’s stomach to sink with some sort of guilt. She holds her arm out for Wanda to grab on to as they set off down the street.
She liked Wanda. That was the issue, she liked her, and that was it. The other girl looked at Agatha like she hung the moon in the sky sometimes, and it made her a bit sick sometimes. She was so eager to meet Agatha’s friends and family at this stupid Christmas party, which Agatha had been so reluctant to do. Not that she was ashamed of Wanda, but she was afraid that her friends would look in her eyes and know that she did not feel the love that she had convinced herself and others, mainly Wanda, of.
Not even that they should be at that stage. Agatha and Wanda had only really been dating for three months, and before had just been a way for Agatha to release her anger in the only way she knew, fucking it out. It hadn’t filled the hole in her heart, but it made the ache slightly easier. And Wanda was kind and good to Agatha, and Agatha sometimes felt like she owed the girl more. She was aware it was selfish, but Agatha made herself feel better by knowing that she had come a long way since they first started dating.
They walk in silence on the slippery sidewalks, Wanda trying not to slip in her high-heeled boots. She clutches Agatha’s arm as a sort of lifeline, and Agatha lets her. She wasn’t big on touch, for the most part, but for Wanda, she would let her.
“Okay so, who am I meeting again?” Wanda says as they turn a corner. Agatha scowls at the sight of one house covered in Christmas lights and decorations. They were even playing some obnoxious music to go along with the garish display. A little boy plays out front, his mother watching from the porch as he jumps around.
Agatha looks away quickly, and tries to ground herself in the conversation. “Lilia,” Agatha starts, and the woman's name finally brings a soft smile to her face.
“-She’s the one who took you in?” Wanda interrupts. Agatha only replies with a nod. “And she is the one hosting?”
“Yeah,” Agatha answers. “And I am guessing that Billy, Alice, and Jen will be there too.”
“And Alice and Jen are together?”
“Yeah, me and-” Agatha stops before mentioning the final name. It was her ex’s name, and it only brought a fresh wave of emotion that Agatha was sure she wouldn’t be able to handle again. Wanda only looks at her expectantly, an eyebrow arched as if she knows what is coming. “Rio introduced them.” The rest of the words rush out, as if Agatha couldn’t wait to get the name of her tongue. Wanda stops Agatha in her tracks, using her other arm to spin Agatha to face her. Agatha curses as she nearly falls, catching herself at the last second. She opens her mouth as she glares at Wanda, but she stops at the woman’s gaze on her.
Wanda’s eyes search Agatha’s, as if she’s desperate for any sort of information she can glean on Agatha’s current emotional state. When it came to Rio, Wanda knew that it was a precarious subject, but she still was desperate to push and find out. It is a bit endearing if Agatha can look beyond the hurt. Agatha thinks that Wanda desperately wants to fix the hole that Rio has left on her. She doesn’t let her girlfriend know the whole story, but Wanda is protective over her in a way that makes her feel slightly warmer inside. “Will she be there?” Wanda whispers, reaching up to tuck a stray bang that had escaped Agatha’s hat.
Agatha’s laugh was a cruel sort of thing. “She wouldn’t dare to show her face. Rio is a coward.” Still, Agatha pretends that a jolt of fear doesn’t go through her at Wanda’s question. She knows the others have seen Rio, various posts through the past year evidenced this. Perhaps, Wanda can sense Agatha’s turmoil about it, so she doesn’t push her further. While she can be pushy, Wanda seems to know exactly when to stop before Agatha can break down. It is a breath of fresh air, not being pushed to expose every corner of her heart to a lover.
Wanda simply frowns lightly before interlacing her arm in Agatha’s and allowing them to continue walking in silence. “If you want to go, just let me know. I can make some sort of emergency,” Wanda whispers as Agatha slows to a stop in front of the familiar house.
It is a kind sentiment, one that Agatha can’t help but feel like she doesn’t deserve, but Agatha appreciates it nonetheless. It doesn’t calm her heart as she takes in the familiar sight of Lilia’s home. It was decked out, Agatha knew it would be, she had spent years being forced to help the woman decorate for any and every holiday. Her eyes flicker to the door and Agatha feels like she may faint. She squeezes Wanda’s arm as some sort of comfort, and Wanda rests her head on Agatha’s shoulder, letting the girl have her moment.
Perhaps that is what made Agatha guilty, knowing that Wanda would give and give, but Agatha had only ever known how to truly love one person. She had been working on it, though, and Wanda’s patience seemed to be everlasting.
Agatha shakily sighs, her breath freezing in the cold air as she knocks on the door in front of her. The fear curls around her throat, and Agatha suddenly feels as if she can’t breathe. The door slams open, and Agatha can feel a sense of deja vu.
Lilia had always had a fierce sort of kindness that Agatha never really understood. The way she grew up made it hard for her to ever understand a mother’s love, but Lilia was perhaps the closest thing to that that Agatha would ever have. The older woman stands before her in a stupid Christmas sweater, and Agatha recognizes it as one that she and Rio had gotten her, waving a cookie batter covered spoon at someone behind her.
“I will be there in a mo-” Lilia stills as she turns to fully look at Agatha, her face softening in the way it always has for her. Her hair has gotten grayer, and the wrinkles on her face have gotten deeper.
“Hello Lilia,” Agatha says, her voice uncharacteristically soft. Lilia’s face twitches, but she doesn’t say anything about Agatha’s timidness. Lilia’s gaze rakes over Agatha, as if memorizing every new feature about her.
“Hello Agatha,” Lilia says, leaning on the doorframe. Clearly, the woman wants to mention the year that has passed between the time that Agatha has seen her last. But her kindness wins over her anger, which Agatha is grateful for – she doesn’t know how to explain ignoring everyone she loved. Lilia’s eyes finally leave her and dart over to Wanda, and Agatha can see the emotions running through her pseudo-mother’s face at the sight of a new girl by her side. It’s a mix of pity and confusion, which perhaps angers Agatha more than it should. “Whose this?”
Agatha opens her mouth, but Wanda beats her to it. She drops Agatha’s hand to reach out a hand to greet Lilia. “I’m Wanda! I have heard so much about you from Agatha,” she gushes, and Lilia’s smile becomes more genuine at the girl’s earnestness. Wanda had that sort of effect on people.
Lilia’s gaze flickers to Agatha. “So the girl can speak of me, but not call or visit?” Agatha can recognize that the light tone is to acknowledge the time now, without making her uncomfortable. The question is said jokingly enough which causes Wanda to giggle, and Agatha appreciates her girlfriend breaking the slight tension that has begun to build.
“I can barely get her out of the house, especially in the winter,” Wanda jests, but she doesn’t exactly get the response she wants. Lilia’s eyes grow worried at the statement, but Agatha can feel her heart in her throat. Wanda has unknowingly exposed Agatha in a way that she did not want, and it makes her feel as lost as the first time she showed up on this stoop.
Lilia saves her again, just as she did then, ignoring Wanda’s comment and barreling ahead. “Well! Come in! I have Billy in the kitchen making the garlic bread, and I fear he will somehow mess it up.” As the pair follow her in, Lilia continues, “The boy once burnt pasta, I don’t know how he will ever survive on his own.”
Agatha’s heart thrums at the mention of Billy. He was her old neighbor, who had been weirdly infatuated with her that she had begrudgingly grown to enjoy the company of. Well, at least, before this year. Not without lack of trying though, Billy had been pretty persistent in trying to call and talk to her, which she had thoroughly ignored. He comes around the corner from the kitchen, and Agatha notes the few inches he’s grown, the longer his hair has gotten, and the more notable eyeliner that makes his blue eyes stand out. She also recognizes panic in his eyes and the distinct smell of something burning that seemed to occur whenever he was let in a kitchen.
“Do you think that maybe, people would be fine without garlic bread?” He asks, not registering the newcomers yet. His hands are wringing, and Agatha fondly remembers him doing that at her door and asking to talk to her about her writing. “I just think we could have a different appetizer, I mean-” Billy stops as he finally realizes Agatha is standing right there. For a moment, Agatha is worried the boy will be angry, but he simply trips his way over into a hug. She hesitantly hugs him back, not exactly surprised by his reaction, but relieved that he isn’t angry. He pulls away, staring at her intently. “You left me to write my college essay by myself,” he says, and it brings out Agatha’s first laugh of the evening.
Agatha sniffs as she regains her composure, “I figured you needed to figure it out yourself, gain a little independence. But given the smell in here, I don’t think independence is the right fit for you.”
BIlly simply grins and pulls her back into a hug, and this one she lets a grumble out in protest. Lilia and Wanda are talking behind them in comfortable murmurs, something about cats and the animal shelter that Wanda works at. Agatha already can sense Lilia becoming more endeared to the girl, and it startles her out of her comfortableness.
Finally, Agatha pushes Billy off her. “Let a woman breathe,” she says gruffly, taking off her coat as a means to distract her. She expects more of a reaction, or another quip, but she only gets a sad smile out of him.
“I missed you, I am glad you’re okay,” he finally mutters, and his eyes flicker to Wanda as she comes to stand by Agatha. He looks back at Agatha and back to Wanda, simply raising his eyebrow.
“Billy, this is Wanda, my-”
“Girlfriend!” Wanda chirps as Agatha pauses. Her hesitation seems to make Billy smirk slightly, but he comes forward to shake Wanda’s head.
“I am Billy,” he says. “I’m-”
“Someone who will never be able to cook,” Lilia finishes as she comes from where she was placing their coats in the closet. She places her hands on her hips and shakes her head. “It smells awful in here, and I was gone for only three minutes.”
“A lot can go wrong in three minutes” he cries, and Lilia only lets out a laugh and shakes her head.
She strides by the pair, ruffling Billy’s hair which earns her a pout. As she makes her way into the kitchen doorway, she turns back to them. “Feel free to head to the living room, I was just about to set out the snacks.” Wanda moves first, taking in the surroundings as she finds her way to the living room from the front hallway. Agatha moves to follow her, but is stopped by Lilia’s voice. “Agatha,” she calls softly, and Agatha turns around. Lilia’s eyes are slightly sad as she offers the woman a soft smile. “Welcome home.”