The Ambivalent Son
~~~
Senju Tobirama was an enigma.
At least, that is what Madara had come to surmise as he toiled through his thoughts amidst piles of endless paperwork, hands stained in ink and his mind shrouded in a never ending, dense fog of contemplation. The six month mark of the courting was steadily approaching, far too quick for the Uchiha to comprehend in all honesty, and Madara felt as if his relationship with Tobirama had only worsened in that amount of time. Every tactic, every gift, every word he spoke seemed to unnerve the Senju, the man wearing the same facial, stone cold expression every time they interacted with one another. So many hours he had now spent, pondering over what mistake he must be making, fingers tangled in his mane of obsidian out of pure frustration as he scoured every inch of his mind for answers. A part of Madara scoffed at the Senju’s indifference, saturated in generational abhorrence towards the clan of his betrothed, flickering images of the White Ghost standing opposite of him on the bloodsoaked battlefield-.
The Uchiha slammed the brush clutched in his left hand against the chabudai set before him, the resounding clack of bamboo meeting cedar echoing throughout his silent study. Daunting irises of solid vermillion that were ingrained into his very skull peered at him from behind closed eyelids, bare of any emotion, so much so that it made Madara feel as if he was staring into the eyes of the dead.
The same eyes that had continued to haunt Madara’s dreams.
The very same eyes that had become succumbed with restrained reluctance that had met Madara’s across the battlefield as Senju Tobirama held back the hit that would have taken Izuna away, just like Kasai and Kaji, Ryuma, mother and father.
It was that show of emotion, of conscious mercy, that solidified Madara’s resolve for peace between the Uchiha and the Senju once and for all. Tobirama had the opportunity to kill Izuna and deliberately chose not to go through with the act, effectively not only sparing Madara's little brother but his sanity as well. The Demon of the Senju had disproven the widely believed rumor that he was an unfeeling monster with one move, one that fed off the bloodshed of war, that he was not indeed the wraith Butsuma had summoned to slaughter countless Uchiha.
Senju Tobirama had proven himself to be a human being.
Madara had felt so many emotions that day, each one more conflicting than the next, for as he stood opposite of the white-haired Senju, clutching Izuna to his chest with relieved desperation, all he could feel was cautious befuddlement. Oh how many times he had replayed that very moment in his mind, searching for rhyme or reason in what the man had done.
Had the roles been reversed, would Izuna have withheld the killing blow?
Would Hashirama have cradled his own brother as Madara had, not out of protective thankfulness but in mourning as Tobirama laid dead in his arms?
Would Madara have felt remorse, a shred of guilt for the death of his best friend’s remaining brother, the very brother that had murdered countless of the Uchiha clan head’s clansmen?
Hypotheticals such as these had plagued the man for months now and each time he found himself looking at Tobirama, a single-worded answer came to mind.
That answer was one that Madara refused to face, even now.
“Tadaima!”
The sound of Izuna’s voice echoing down the halls roused Madara’s from his heavy thoughts, forcing the clan head to tuck away the past and face the present. Madara looked up from his messy handiwork just in time for the door of the study to slide open, revealing Izuna’s scowling visage whilst he stormed into the room.
“I’m going to kill him!”
“Careful, Izuna, someone might just believe you.” Madara deadpanned the younger Uchiha with a healthy helping of dry wit, moving to cross his arms over his chest. “Who troubles you this time, otouto?”
“Who do you think,” Izuna growled, throwing his hands up in frustration, voice overflowing with irritation.
Madara, always one to tease his younger brother, put a thought hand to his chin, his own voice saturated with ridicule. “I don’t recall any current quarrels with Hikaku, nor with Megami. Have you fallen out with the Senju woman you’ve been admiring from afar?”
“Don't play dumb with me! You know who I’m talking about, you conniving bastard!” The Uchiha clan heir pointed an accusatory finger towards Madara with unbridled rage, practically seething out of discontent. “Your damned Senju scrapped the proposal I’ve been working on for the Academy for the last month and then proceeded to propose his own like a goddamn narcissist!”
The arranged marriage between Madara and Tobirama was proving to be an incredibly sore spot for Izuna, to the point that the younger of the two Uchiha refused to even acknowledge Tobirama’s presence as his future brother-in-law unless absolutely necessary. How distraught the young man had been when Madara revealed his strategy in ensuring the Uchiha received a bit of an upper hand in negotiations, yelling for what felt like hours about how stupid Madara was, how he was sacrificing himself for a pointless cause. Such distaste only grew when Izuna realized just who Madara would be marrying; they went without a week of communicating with one another after that ground shattering revelation.
A part of Madara dreaded his role in the arrangement, that he was going to be marrying the would-be-killer of his little brother, and originally he treated the albino with indifference. This marriage was not one out of love, as per Uchiha tradition, but one of political and social gain, of reluctant but necessary sacrifice.
At least, that is what it had been initially.
Even with his unbearably blunt, almost flat affect personality, Madara, for some goddamn reason unknown to him, felt drawn to the Senju. Six months ago the man had been his enemy, his brother’s fiercest rival, a murderer of Uchiha, and now? Now, in another six months' time, Madara would be calling Tobirama husband and they would exist in what was turning out to be a loveless, strife-filled marriage. Perhaps his growing infatuation was due to the countless hours Hashirama spoke of his younger brother, of brilliant, selfless Tobi’, the one that left Madara curious and subconsciously yearning for more as a child, wishing to protect the boy from the pains Senju Butsuma and the Senju clan inflicted upon him. Tobirama had been a protector of his and Hashirama’s younger brothers, just as Madara had been and still was for Izuna, and both had faced bitter failure in doing so as well.
To simply put it, at moments, when Madara gazed at his betrothed, when he searched his features and memorized every inch of Senju Tobirama’s thin but muscled form, he felt as if he was gazing at his own reflection.
“-Uchiha children need to have a Uchiha teacher, not some Nara or hell, a Senju for crying out loud! God forbid if the Demon taught an Uchiha! Are you even listening to me?!”
Madara wasted no time in sidestepping his brother’s complaints, moving to pinch the bridge of his nose with a sigh of annoyance. “I fail to see why you are so up in arms about this, Izuna. The clan has decided that regardless of the Academy, the children will have additional lessons on clan hiden. You of all people should be viewing this as an advantage, not a point of contention.”
Charcoal irises dug into Madara’s flesh as Izuna glared at the man with utter contempt. “Are you seriously taking his side right now, over your own brother?!”
“I’m not taking any sides for there are no sides to be had, Izuna!” The Uchiha clan head slammed his hand against the chabudai with fervor, the once playful annoyance becoming true irritation. “If we wish to hold a founding position within this village, one of influence and reverence, we have to be willing to compromise over matters such as these! How can you not understand this?!”
“I understand everything perfectly fine! However, what I don’t understand is why you’re defending him of all people!” Izuna slammed a hand of his own against the chabudai’s surface, face morphing into an indignant snarl. “He may be your future husband but that does not make him a Uchiha nor someone worth defending! Hasn’t he met your courting gifts with indifference, has he not been the thorn in your backside all of these months?! Senju Tobirama has been nothing but a bane of your existence and yet here you are, choosing him over your own brother-!”
“ENOUGH!”
The shout that escaped Madara’s lips was deafening, the man rising to his feet in an act of objection that he was not even aware of until he found himself at equal eye level with his brother. Effectively silenced by Madara’s surprising outburst, Izuna watched on with wide eyes and the clan head wasted no time in laying down the law.
“You’ve absolutely no right to accuse me of such things, especially when it comes to you! Everything I’ve ever done is for you! I’ve bled, fought, hell I’ve killed for you! Whenever you’ve been in trouble or in need of comfort, who’s always been there?!”
His words seemed to have struck a sensitive spot in his brother, Izuna swiftly tearing his eyes away in shame, coming to protectively cross his arms over his clothed chest.
“I’ve done everything in my power to ensure that you, my last remaining brother, stay alive and I will continue to do so as long as I live, even if it means I have to marry the very man our people despise with all of their beings! This village, this cursed arranged marriage, it’s all for you! How can you not see that?!”
“Of course I see it! An idiot can see what you’re doing,” Charcoal eyes identical to his own latched onto Madara’s, thick tears running down the teenager’s furious facial features. “-but that doesn’t mean I agree with what you’re doing! You didn’t ask me if this is what I wanted, kami you never do! All you do is assume and fuck, you never think about how I might not want you to protect me, for you to sacrifice yourself like you don’t matter! Have you fucking forgotten that your my only brother too?!”
It felt as if Madara had been dunked in water cold as ice. The two brothers stared at one another with abandon, the younger of the two panting out of exertion as both stood before each other, feelings out on the table for all to see.
“He’ll never love you like you should be, aniki! You deserve to be married to someone who loves you, not some unfeeling monster goddammit!” Izuna’s features morphed into utter anguish, voice cracking with unbridled emotion whilst he tore his eyes away from Madara’s form.
Vermillion irises flashed across the clan head’s vision at his brother’s tear-stained words, dead and unfeeling on the surface, something indescribable lurking underneath. Kami, Madara wanted to know what lay beneath the Senju’s frigid, almost minty chakra. Would he ever be given the chance to do so though if his future husband was a man of only apathy?
Did he truly deserve better than Senju Tobirama when he was a monster of his own?
Madara had killed just as many Senju, adults and children, all for the name of clan pride and avid desperation. He had served his father without a second thought, allowing himself to be wielded as a weapon of mass destruction simply because he had the ability to do so. Their hands were equally stained with the blood of each other’s clansmen; how could Madara even begin to see himself as the superior one in any god given reality?
Uchiha Madara was a monster in his own right and Kami, what a monster he was.
A gloved hand came to cradle Izuna’s left cheek, forcing his younger brother to look at him, eyes wide in surprise. Madara gave the teen a soft, shaky smile, heart sinking in surrender. “Peace and safety for our people means far more to me than my own happiness, Izuna. I’m not expecting you to understand my reasons for this arranged marriage, but you do need to accept that no matter how avidly you object and fight against it, I will be marrying Tobirama in the end. I can only hope that you’ll continue to stand by me, just as you always have, otouto.”
Perhaps he was being unfair and asking too much of his brother. Tobirama was Izuna’s near-murderer, the one he had fought for years, the ire that fueled his internal fire on the battlefield-.
Izuna let out a huff of feigned indifference, cheeks becoming tinged with a light, pink dusting as he tore his gaze away with embarrassment. “Do as you please, aniki. Just don’t expect me to welcome that demon into our family with open arms.”
Before Madara could get another word in, the nineteen year old stood to his full height and glided over to the study’s doorway without a sound. His right hand came to tightly grasp the door, fingers turning ghostly pale with strain, conflicted charcoal eyes meeting Madara’s own one last time.
“Promise me, Madara, promise me that if it ever comes down between choosing your life or Tobirama’s, you’ll choose your own.”
I don’t want to be left alone , was left unsaid but could be heard from a million miles away.
Madara nodded in affirmation, steeling himself in his answer. “You have my word.”
His sole purpose in this life was to protect Izuna and if meant sacrificing the enigma of a man that was Senju Tobirama, he would do it without hesitation. At least, that’s how he would have answered once upon a time. Now, as he watched Izuna disappear from sight and those vermillion irises returned, Madara found he now felt ambivalence towards the White Ghost of the Senju.
And all he could do was wonder why.
~~~