Crave his touch

Kabuto is watching him as he dresses and it annoys him just as much as it boosts his vanity despite circumstances.

The pain in his arms is tortuous, it burns like poison through his veins and he feels perspiration coat his forehead, from the agony as well as from a raging fever, but despite the fact that he reached the end of his tether a long time ago, he knows that giving up isn’t an option.

He has to keep enduring and hope that he can persuade Tsunade into helping him.

So he has pulled out one of his nicer yukatas, one he hasn’t worn in ages but knows will make him look the part he needs to play in order to convince his former teammate to heal him.

He does not look like a warrior; he knows that would bring up bad memories for her.

He looks handsome, well-dressed and eminent, his hair carefully combed by Kabuto, a task he knows Kabuto enjoys, so each strand glistens in the candlelight.

He remembers how Tsunade used to envy him his hair, how thick and long it was, never messy the way her own became during practice.

She had to put her hair up in a poor excuse of a ponytail that never survived a whole day of physical activities and it made her look somewhat dishevelled.

He can still recall the time when he, Tsunade and Jiraiya accidentally overheard two of the village elders lament the fact that she lacked the elegance expected of her on account of her prestigious family origin. They had mentioned that Orochimaru had much better poise and gracefulness despite being simply a strange little orphan, thereby managing to insult him as well as her in the process.

Orochimaru is used to being referred to as strange, he has been called that his entire life, so he hardly cared, but Tsunade had taken great offence and had cried afterwards,
uncharacteristically hurt for a person who otherwise rarely cared about the opinions of others.

That’s what he liked about her.

He has no idea if she is still like that, they haven’t crossed paths in years, but he hopes that time has taught her the same lesson it has taught him, that by accumulating wisdom about how the world really works it has only intensified the need to keep marching to the beat of your own drum and never yield to the opinions of others, the unimaginative and narrowminded masses.

She used to be a bit like him in that regard, but sorrow and heartache managed to break her quite badly.

He hopes he will be able to persuade her to help him out, despite the terrible reputation he has, especially among the villagers of Konoha.

He knows she doesn’t wish to return to her old village, even less so than he wants to, so if old friendly ties don’t do the trick, their united hatred of Konoha might work in his favour.

Tsunade was never as close to Hiruzen as he and Jiraiya were, always sensing that their sensei cared for her the least, so it is possible that he can use that to his advantage as well.

If not, he will have to resort to more effective incentives.

As he and Kabuto step outside in the late morning light and begin their walk towards the village where Tsunade is rumoured to be drinking and gambling her life away in effort to forget old sorrows, Kabuto is unusually chatty, curious about the person they are about to meet, just like most people tend to be when about to encounter one of the legendary Sannin.

It’s difficult to tell if he is actually curious because of who she is and the famous legacy attached to her or because he believes that getting information about her will earn him deeper knowledge about his master.

Kabuto is always strangely hungry for more details about him, lapping up every morsel that comes his way and if it wasn’t so futile and pathetic, Orochimaru might find it annoying.

But as he knows that Kabuto will never truly know him, no matter how much effort he will put into piecing the puzzle together, Orochimaru tolerates his curiosity and doesn’t even berate him for it.

Fact is that he doesn’t know Kabuto that well either.

The difference is that he isn’t that interested in getting to know his right-hand man to any deeper extent than what is important enough to make their relationship work.

He knows enough, he knows how to keep Kabuto close and loyal most of the time and he knows that devotion like Kimimaro’s for example, combined with true talent and intelligence, isn’t easy to come by, and usually you have to pick what is most useful to you and settle for that instead of hunting the perfect combination.

Anko was once a very promising candidate that checked all the boxes he wanted from a loyal acolyte but in the end she wasn’t of much use to him and he wasn’t terribly sorry to let her go and replace her with someone new.

People have been coming and going for most part of his life, some of them useful for a longer period of time, others being mere sparkles that soon fizzled and lost their value.

He knows he’s fickle and cold but he decided at an early age that committing to someone through love would only cause damage and pain he has never been prepared to suffer, so this way is easier.

Hold on for as long as they serve a purpose and then discard them the second his interest has died.

This kind of thinking has served him well so far, and he knows to never trust anyone fully.

Kabuto isn’t completely loyal and he certainly has his flaws, jealousy and pettiness being among those traits that make him untrustworthy to a certain degree. But Orochimaru knows how to play him fairly well, and as they are now walking through the forest, side by side, the silky fabric of his clothes slightly rustling from his movements, he feels generous enough to answer the questions Kabuto keeps peppering him with.

He keeps to the stories taking place in his early days and he finds himself even sharing the pointless but funny memory of that time when Jiraiya asked him to put on a mask and scare Tsunade so Jiraiya would get the opportunity to “save” her and play the hero in an effort to earn her love in a way that had failed him so far.

It was a scheme that obviously failed because Jiraiya just simply wasn’t good at planning, Tsunade had a mean right hook and he himself was far too naive to realise that he was being used as a means to an end.

He actually tells this to Kabuto, in a whim of generosity, a nugget of information that he can afford to share because everyone knows that he is far from innocent and trusting these days.

He doesn’t need to look at Kabuto to tell that his eyes widen in disbelief, like it surprises him that Orochimaru was once just a human like the rest of them, a child with the mindset of someone wanting to belong, at least for a little while, willing to engage in silly games to help out a friend.

When they were children, Jiraiya always chased after Tsunade, as well as all other females in the village, like a dog in constant heat, so it came as quite the surprise when he pressed his lips to Orochimaru’s unexpected mouth the first time.

And just like that episode with the fake rescue of Tsunade, Orochimaru just went along with it, allowed Jiraiya to kiss him until he came to his senses and pushed him away, giving an affronted glare as he walked away.

As expected, this drove Jiraiya wild and he started chasing Orochimaru with the very same eagerness that he officially did with the females in the village and it turned into a new kind of game between them.

Tsunade was quick to figure out what had happened and even if she at first disliked the idea of no longer being the focus of Jiraiya’s attention, as well as being hesitant if a relationship between her two best friends was a good idea, she eventually accepted it.

He tells none of this to Kabuto though.

Kabuto doesn’t need to know about all his youthful activities, especially as they no longer matter.

No doubt Kabuto would only turn jealous and grumpy anyway and they have a long journey until they reach Tsunade, Orochimaru is not interested in spending all that time with a sulking companion.

As the day progresses, his mood changes along with the pain that is continuing to plague him.

It never goes away but while he was talking about Tsunade his thoughts were elsewhere and the agony was momentarily put on the backburner, always there of course, but manageable.

Now, when Kabuto has asked what he wants to know about the person they are going to meet and Orochimaru is no longer willing to humour his curiosity, he feels himself grow agitated once more, his clothes sticking to his body in an uncomfortable manner and his skin damp from fever.

He feels disgusted with himself, he pointlessly curses Hiruzen for putting him in this position and he is on the verge of throwing a fit from pain and exhaustion when Kabuto suggests that they take a rest in the shadow of a large tree, cool down and grab something to eat before they continue.

Orochimaru isn’t interested in eating and waves the offered food away, but he does agree to Kabuto changing the bandages on his arms and applying a soothing ointment that at least theoretically should improve the pain he is suffering.

They both pretend that it works, if only because he doesn’t want to admit that he is about to go insane from the curse he is suffering from and Kabuto because he wishes that his medical expertise will be of at least some help, if he isn’t able to completely cure his master.

They normally don’t indulge in deluding themselves, so it feels strange to do so now, but circumstances, even if not the worst they have ever faced, make the usual rules deviate from their normal conduct and if Kabuto’s fingers linger far longer than they otherwise tend to do against his skin, Orochimaru doesn’t acknowledge it, not even by a raised eyebrow, the way he sometimes does when Kabuto takes some liberties with physical contact.

They have been on the run together plenty of times in the past, so this hardly constitutes as more than a walk through the forest in a leisurely pace, Orochimaru unable to move as quickly as he normally does on account of his arms and the fever that is raging inside of him.

If they both pretend that this isn’t what it actually is, a hunt for person they have no idea if she will be willing to help them, it would be easy to take this game of pretend to the next level and just call it an excursion through the forest, Orochimaru nicely dressed for the occasion and Kabuto more or less bringing along a picnic basket.

Orochimaru wonders if this scenario is something that actually goes through Kabuto’s mind as he tries to coax his master into taking a bite of the sandwich he has prepared, but he is too tired and tense to make a scathing remark about it.

It’s cool in the shadow and it helps a little against his clammy skin.

Kabuto eats his sandwich in silence but never takes his eyes off him, black beads in a young man’s face that looks far too kind for the personality that hides behind the benevolent façade.

He can be downright cruel, Orochimaru is well aware of that fact and he isn’t sure he likes that trait, because a person with such a twisted character can never truly be trusted.

On the other hand, it makes Kabuto a little more exiting to be around, the same feeling he gets when summoning Manda, never truly knowing if the giant snake will follow orders or simply turn against its master.

Right now, Kabuto has lust on his mind, that is his weakness, he craves Orochimaru with such intensity that it will overrule any thoughts on betrayal.

But how long will that last?

It is risky business to put your faith in such a fickle thing as infatuation, but Orochimaru is secure in the knowledge that if the day comes when Kabuto for some reason decides to try something treacherous against him, he will be able to defeat him.

Except now, that is.

He would perhaps be able to summon Manda and order the snake to kill Kabuto, but he isn’t sure the haughty animal would actually do it or even deign to show up at all.

Despite the unpredictability this entails, he still respects the snake for how it behaves, he would never want another summoning animal, because this one suits him perfectly, mirroring his own arrogance and personality, making the two of them the perfect pair.

It is somewhat similar to how he feels about Kabuto.

Even if he doesn’t downright respect him, he likes the fact that Kabuto is a double-edged sword that he can use for his own benefit but always needs to keep an eye on so it won’t end up stabbing him one day.

And right now, when he himself is in a weakened state, he should tread more carefully than ever.

“How are the bandages, Orochmiaru-sama? Should I finish binding them for you?” Kabuto says, interrupting his line of thinking.

Orochimaru’s arms are only wrapped to his wrists, the hands still free, probably because Kabuto wanted him to eat something and be able to use his fingers better while holding his food.

But since he has declined the sandwich and Kabuto knows better than to push, there is no reason why he shouldn’t finish the job of bandaging.

Orochimaru notices how he is staring at the pale skin of his master’s neck instead of the cursed arms and he feels a smile spread inside of him that never reaches his features as he moves closer to Kabuto, sensing the other man’s pulse increase in rhythm without even needing to touch him to confirm that this is the case.

Despite knowing so little about Kabuto he knows enough to interpret the signs of dilated pupils behind the round spectacles he hides himself behind.

They are mere inches from touching and Kabuto is frozen to the spot, still staring intensely at the pale, slender neck in front of him before he manages to tear his eyes away and turn his attention to Orochimaru’s upturned hands that lie waiting in his lap for Kabuto to wrap.

Orochimaru knows that he won’t need to do much more than remain quiet and unmoving, he won’t even have to look at Kabuto, things will settle themselves to his advantage anyway.

A strand of his black hair is caught by the wind and it falls across one of his eyes, catching Kabuto’s attention.

A moment passes where both of them awaits Kabuto’s next move before his hand hesitantly rises towards Orochimaru’s face, crossing the line where they can still pretend that he is just going to tend to his master’s hands.

Orochimaru can feel Kabuto tremble when he pushes the errant strand of hair away, tucks it behind the ear where the tomoe-shaped earring dangles like it has done for years now.

For a second, careful fingertips touch the blue material, as if reverent of it, despite the fact that Orochimaru knows for a fact that Kabuto once sneaked inside his private chambers and picked them up from the obsidian box where they are kept when he isn’t wearing them.

He didn’t do anything unsavoury, he just touched them, bringing them to his nose as if trying to catch a waft of their bearer’s scent. Then he put them back in the box and sneaked out.
Orochimaru has never mentioned this incident, the fact that he knows what Kabuto did.

If he needs to, he will use this knowledge at a better time, right now he doesn’t want to break the spell Kabuto seems to have wandered straight into, all by himself.

Kabuto’s hesitant hand moves back to Orochimaru’s pale cheek and cups it, the thumb stroking softly against his sharp jawline while looking at his movements as if perplexed by his own doing.

A strange giggling sound escapes Kabuto’s lips when reality hits him, a sound Orochimaru has never heard from him before, undignified in its resemblance to the way an uneducated simpleton might sound, and he sighs internally.

Such a pity.

All that effort into appearing to be logical and collected, a worthy acolyte that has risen from his humble origins to serve one of the greatest minds alive and yet he giggles like a child when enticed by something he wants.

That’s just pathetic.

He has to supress the urge to sigh in disappointment while Kabuto reverently continues to caress his cheek.

Orochimaru lets him be lulled into thinking that he is allowed to do this, that a line has been crossed that might lead to the thing Kabuto desires most of all in the world.

Because Orochimaru knows that during current circumstances he can’t rely on old rules and limits, not while he is in this weakened state.

He needs to make sure that Kabuto stays by his side and doesn’t try to overthrow him, but he doesn’t want to offer something he has no desire to give away.

So he leans into the touch, lets himself rest in Kabuto’s trembling palm for a moment, even closing his eyes as if taking pleasure from their proximity.

He takes a grip around the other man’s wrist, pulls it towards his mouth, seeing through his long lashes how Kabuto’s lips fall apart, his eyes blown wide with the supressed desire of someone who has waited far too long to be rewarded for his efforts of service.

He looks like he’s about to combust at any moment.

The sensitive skin of the wrist touches Orochimaru’s lips and he can hear Kabuto inhale shakily. His eyes close as Orochimaru’s opens and it feels like having a trembling baby bird in his grip, excited and nervous, all at the same time.

But instead of offering the expected kiss, Orochimaru’s teeth breach the soft surface and he bites down, hard, the way he would do when leaving his curse mark on someone, except now he doesn’t let any poison seep through his fangs, his chakra remains unmoved.

He just bites to draw blood, to show Kabuto that he can still inflict pain and misery despite his current pitiable condition and by the sound of a frightened yelp he understands that the message has been received loud and clear.

His tongue licks up the drops of blood that wells up from the bitemark, the taste of iron mixed with salt lingering in his mouth before he swallows and leans back, away from Kabuto who looks crestfallen, cradling his wrist, shocked and unsure of what really happened.

“Hurry up and wrap my hands, we need to get going if we want to catch Tsunade on the tolerable side of intoxication. Beyond a certain point there is no logic left in her and we will be forced to listen to the bemoans of a drunkard for hours on end, until she falls asleep or I pass out from the pain, whatever happens first.”

This time Orochimaru pushes his hands forward demandingly and Kabuto, bless his ability to push down his disappointed feelings, is quick to reach for the bandages and starts wrapping carefully, his own wound at the moment ignored, if definitely not forgotten.

When finished, Orochimaru is the first to rise from his position, straightening out his yukata and then turning his back on Kabuto, ready to continue walking.

He was after all not joking about Tsunade’s ability to drink herself into a useless stupor.

If there is a sign of distress on Kabuto’s features, he makes sure not to take any notice.