Crave his touch

Sai isn’t curious by nature and is well aware of the fact that he is clueless when it comes to feelings, both his own but also those of others.

It has served him well as a member of Root but he has certainly suffered some difficulties based on misunderstandings lately.

Sakura’s right hook is very forceful if he is honest with himself and even if he still doesn’t understand why she is so prone to violence when he opens his mouth, he wishes a part of him was better at understanding what that tricky mystery called emotions is all about.

And because of that, despite his normal lack of curiosity, he can’t help but wish that he had at least a few clues to help him navigate himself better in the current situation he has been forced into.

Well, forced is the wrong word of course.

He is simply following Danzo’s orders. He has no problem doing that, he has done so for many years now and he knows of little else.

But even this particular order has something that is nagging at the back of his mind, something that he would be able to see more clearly if he wasn’t so inept at the concept of understanding human nature better.

The order in itself is pretty straightforward.

Approach Orochimaru and tell him than Danzo is interested in forming an alliance with him against Konoha.

And then kill Sasuke Uchiha.

Mainly because Sasuke is a traitor but also because, as Danzo himself sourly put it: “That Uchiha brat is all Orochimaru can think about these days, so it is absolutely necessary for the boy to stop being a hindrance.”

It’s such an unusual thing for Danzo to say, Sai can’t wrap his mind around what it might actually mean, but Danzo’s tone of voice sounded harsh and bitter around the words, more so than usual.

As if he was jealous.

There is also the fact that he even said anything to Sai about Orochimaru at all. Danzo never bothers to explain his plans to anyone, least of all an underling, so why do so this time?

Not that he seemed to expect a response, it was more like he was muttering to himself and Sai shouldn’t overanalyse everything that comes out of his mouth, he knows he doesn’t have the skill required to put the pieces of the puzzle into a passable result.

Besides, he shouldn’t need to, he is nothing but a tool after all.

Danzo is his master, the one who gives the orders and comes up with the strategies. More an entity than a human, as uncaring and unsentimental as Sai himself.

But there had been a strange glimmer in his dull eyes, a glimmer Sai couldn’t decipher and that has kept him wondering about the nature of this mission far more than he usually tends to do.

So when he finally meet up with his target and gets to see Orochimaru with his own eyes, he must admit that he senses a tingle of what he assumes must be curiosity.

He has walked into this mission without any presumptions about anything, he knows what’s expected of him and that’s all he really needs.

But he can’t help but study the snake Sannin intently, now that he has finally found him, wondering, not for the first time, why Danzo is determined for his ally to be this man in particular.

Unfortunately, his scrutiny is not well perceived and they end up on the wrong foot immediately.

Orochimaru does not like him.

He sees right through the façade of insincere niceties and becomes displeased, calling Sai rude almost straight away and does not seem willing to hear what he has to say.

It escalates quickly, like a morass underneath their feet.

Sai says something that displeases the other, as usual he’s unsure of what exactly it is that offends, but he finds himself stabbed in the chest all of a sudden with a sword shot straight out of Orochimaru’s flexible mouth.

Good thing Sai came prepared.

Good thing Orochimaru only wanted to make a point.

Sai knows he would be dead otherwise.

There is no easy way coming back after that shocking lesson and the situation turns even worse when Sai is, seconds after, hit to the ground from behind and the content of his backpack scatters to the ground, landing in the dirt in front of Orochimaru’s feet.

The person on top of him, pressing a sharp kunai to his throat, is the bespectacled grey-haired young man Danzo told him would probably linger nearby his master, always ready to protect him.

“Don’t see the appeal myself, but if nothing else, Kabuto is fiercely loyal and devoted to Orochimaru, and true commitment is hard to find these days. Even though Orochimaru always was very good at persuading others to join his cause, it would not surprise me if he had Kabuto under some jutsu spell. The boy follows him like a pathetic dog, no gain nor glory to be had for giving that treacherous snake everything he has. I simply don’t understand it.”

For someone who wants to form an alliance with Orochimaru, Danzo certainly isn’t sugarcoating anything about his future partner. It makes his whole agenda seem even stranger.

While pressed to the ground, Sai can see Orochimaru smirk at Kabuto’s overprotectiveness and something passes between them that he knows is way above his knowledge of interaction.

An intuitive communication.

He can’t see Kabuto’s face but he can hear it in his voice, that trace of worry, of concern, of something dark and singed that Orochimaru laps up with a pleased purr.

He looks content with what he sees, Kabuto pressing Sai to the ground, holding the sharp tip of a kunai against his throat.

Sai is pretty sure that someone like Orochimaru doesn’t need this kind of protection.

He can take care of himself better than most.

He just fought against Naruto’s inner monster and regurgitated himself afterwards to look as whole and complete as before the fight.

Impressive.

Proud.

Indestructible.

Yet his closest subordinate has created this scene, and Orochimaru is clearly enjoying it, even if he tuts at Kabuto to take it easy with “the child”.

As if to soothe Kabuto’s overprotective violence, he refers to Sai as a child who is to become a new addition to their team now. Someone insignificant, not worthy of this open display of protection

If it is the content in Danzu’s file that makes him say that or if it is to calm his minion down or if it’s on account of something completely different is difficult to say and Sai doesn’t even try to make a guess what Orochimaru is planning behind that pale mask that is his chiselled face.

All he can do is to get up on his feet when Kabuto finally removes his kunai and then tag along when Orochimaru orders him to, hoping that he will be led to Sasuke to finish the second part of his assignment before he ends up even more bewildered.

Or dead.

The travel back to the hideout is very eventful and certainly keeps him busy, yet he manages to catch glimpses of Kabuto and Orochimaru’s interaction that helps him garner a couple of pieces of the puzzle his curiosity has built for him, but not nearly enough for him to answer the questions that keeps lingering inside his head.

What the hell is it that draws people like Danzo and Kabuto to a creature like Orochimaru?

He can tell that there is something hidden underneath the surface of their controlled features, want perhaps, but for what, he doesn’t know.

In his opinion, Orochimaru is as mad as they come. Blackened to the core, dangerous beyond any normal foe and Sai feels a shudder when he recalls their first encounter.

He supposes that people might get intrigued, and maybe that is the answer to Danzo’s scheme of alliance and Kabuto’s deep devotion, but at the same time, intrigue can be dangerous.

You don’t reach out to pet a lethal snake after all, no matter how much its scales might glitter invitingly.

Sai knows that Danzo has a cold heart and no sense of compassion, but he has never known him to be reckless with his plans. Engaging with Orochimaru seems unusually risky.

Sai knows that Kabuto used to work for Danzo as well, back in the day, and that he was much like Sai – effective but unemotional.

Then he left for Orochimaru and look at him now - the way he cares.

Sai turns it over and over in his head but he fails to catch what he is supposed to be seeing.

It isn’t until they have encountered Sasuke, and Orochimaru tells Kabuto to assign Sai a room of his own, when the meeting between hunter and prey have gone terrible wrong and Sai is still smarting from the experience, that he gets to see a short but meaningful exchange of words play out.

Sasuke and Orochimaru has clearly formed some sort of bond, a bond Kabuto fiercely dislikes and when the snake Sannin walks away with Sasuke and leaves his subordinate to deal with the aftermath of the encounter, Sai can sense the power balance tip in favour of Sasuke instead of Kabuto, and notices the hatred burning bright behind the spectacles for a fleeting second.

He can’t help but prod at the observation he has made even if he knows that people tend to dislike being faced with his observations.

But if nothing else, there is always a kernel of truth to what he sees in their reactions and even if he seldom knows what to do with the intel he earns by asking questions no one wants to answer, Danzo always told him that knowledge is a far greater weapon than strength and the least he can do is pay attention to his master’s words.

So he takes the plunge and opens his mouth when it’s just him and Kabuto, trailing the endless hallways of Orochimaru’s hideout.

“Must be though," he begins, "doing everything for your master while he still prefers the company of a prisoner over yours.”

Kabuto doesn’t reply, he doesn’t even pause for a second to take in what Sai is saying to him.

Maybe he has heard it all before, maybe he doesn’t care, although Sai highly doubts that.

Perhaps he is simply very good at pretending to be aloof.

Sai has no way of knowing, as with everyone else, Kabuto is difficult to read and if he sends out any signals, Sai doesn’t have the competence to interpret them.

This doesn’t stop him from prodding further though.

“Why do you even do this? What’s in it for you?” he continues, a good distance between him and Orochimaru’s henchman, just to make sure he is out of punching range.

He knows from experience that people are quick to lash out, even Orochimaru himself took offence, sending that viper sword through him without so much as a blink of an eye in warning.

Sai isn’t stupid, if Orochimaru wanted him dead, he would be. It was just a warning, but a painful one nonetheless and he is pretty sure that Kabuto must have some high skills as well if he has managed to slip up the ranks to become the snake Sannin’s right hand man.

Or servant is perhaps a better description, whatever it is they call this arrangement between them.

Danzo referred to Kabuto as a dog.

It might be accurate; Sai isn’t sure yet what to make of him. But his curiosity is piqued.

This time Kabuto actually looks at him, even if it is with dull, expressionless eyes.

“What are you yapping about?” he finally says, sounding as if he is loath to even acknowledge what Sai is saying but at the same time determined to show that he doesn’t care what is implied.

“Well, ever since I met your master, you have been the most loyal shadow, at his beck and call, making all the arrangements and…well, keeping him safe, I guess.”

It sounds strange to say that someone like Orochimaru might even need protection, he seems to be doing just fine actually.

And at the same time not.

Sai can’t put his finger on what it is, but Kabuto is vehemently protective, possessive, bordering on absurdity, and even if might all be on account of Kabuto’s nature, Sai has a feeling that there is more hidden underneath the perceptible surface.

He can’t pinpoint exactly what it is but, if possible, he intends to find out.

Kabuto hasn’t even raised an eyebrow to question where Sai is going with this, he’s just looking at him with a blank stare, as if indulging a simpleton, but only barely.

Sai decides to continue.

“And yet, despite all that servitude from you, he went with Sasuke, without even a second of hesitation. Definitely makes you look like a fool, doesn’t it?”

This earns him a crack in the placid mask, if only for a brief second.

Kabuto is clearly trying to mimic his master by trying to appear unmoved, above the petty jabs of someone insignificant. But in reality, Kabuto is no better than Sai, just an underling working for a master who pulls all the strings in his own personal puppet show.

“I’m not sure you’re in a position to call anyone a fool. You’re working for a pathetic old has-been like Danzo after all.”

If Sai was the caring kind he would take offence. But he isn’t, so he just keeps pushing instead.

“Maybe. But at least I have a specific task assigned to me. What you do for your master is a little more… unclear.”

This finally makes Kabuto narrow his eyes, the corners of his lips tuning downward in anger. His voice is frosty when he speaks.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve for a brat who is here as our prisoner. Did Sasuke mess you up with his genjutsu so badly that you think you can run your mouth like that to someone like me?”

Sai just shrugs.

“I was never told that I’m here as a prisoner. I believe I was referred to as a new addition.”

Kabuto snorts and his eyes glimmer behind his spectacles.

“You really are as dumb as you look. You should be grateful Orochimaru-sama didn’t just kill you on the spot. You might serve a purpose to Danzo, although he most likely has a dozen others just like you to take your place when you’re gone. But make no mistake about this, to us, you are nothing.”

“Maybe. Although, to me it looks like you’re in that same position as well. If your master truly cared about you, he wouldn’t be waltzing off with someone like Sasuke Uchiha.”

“You don’t know anything about us…” Kabuto begins but Sai cuts him off.

“I know that Danzo refers to you as a serpent’s dog.”

There is a second of silence where Sai thinks his words have managed to make an impact. He even braces himself for an attack.

But to his surprise, Kabuto instead starts to laugh.

That’s not the reaction he was expecting and Sai finds himself staring at Kabuto in pure bewilderment, unsure of how to react to this sudden outburst of high-pitched merriment.

When Kabuto finally manages to catch his breath for a moment, he wheezes:

“Do you know how many Sasuke Uchihas that has crossed Orochimaro-sama’s path during my time with him? Not to mention the ones that came before me?”

When Sai remains quiet Kabuto’s laughter eventually fades and his features shifts back into place.

“The number is endless, it’s a never ceasing line of people that come and go in his life, that catches his attention until he grows bored of them and moves on to the next. I’m the only one who always remains. Sasuke Uchiha has been flavour of the month for quite some time now, but make no mistake, he will cease to be of interest one day as well, just like everyone else.”

Sai furrows his brow, trying to come up with a response to a statement he isn’t sure he actually understands.

“What if he grows bored of you?” he finally settles on, because he can’t see Orochimaru favouring Kabuto over Sasuke, not now, not later.

But Kabuto just smiles.

“Oh, he has grown bored of me several times over the years. His fascination with someone only lasts until the next person of interest comes along. The difference between them and me is that I am not accepting the role of the discarded. He will never be rid of me. Never. Because I’m more than those capricious fancies he has. Being fickle is his weakness so I forgive his wandering eye, because I know that I am be the only one who will by his side forever.”

With that he makes a gesture to a door to the right, indicating that Sai should open it.

“So don’t you worry your foolish head with matters you don’t understand. He might be with Sasuke right now, but that will come to an end one day, probably sooner than you might think, and after that, the Uchiha brat will be nothing more than a fading memory of no importance.”

Sai opens the door and walks into the room he assumes will be his while he stays here.

Kabuto talks to him in the background but Sai doesn’t really pay attention. The matter of Sasuke has dropped from the conversation but still lingers inside his mind.

His and Kabuto’s goal of getting rid of Sasuke coincidentally seem to align with each other, even if it is for different reasons. Kabuto seems willing to wait it out but Sai has no such luxury.

His master has given him an assignment after all, to kill Sasuke Uchiha, and that is what he needs to do.

So Kabuto is certainly not wrong for presuming that Sasuke’s days are numbered.

But there is still the matter of Danzo’s intentions that forms a question mark inside Sai’s head.

When Kabuto is about to leave, Sai turns to him, reaching for a final clue.

“Was Danzo also a person of interest to your master once?”

Kabuto stops in the doorway, his hand already on the handle, not turning to face the room again.

After a moment of silence, something similar to a shrug comes.

“Danzo?” he mumbles, as if surprised by the question, and uncomfortable with the suggestion.

“They were close once. I know that,” Sai persist, because he wants to understand even if he suspects he won’t get any answers.

The silence stretches between them, an uncomfortable tension sucking up the stifling air in the dusky room and the hallway outside, the knuckles around the doorhandle white from the tension of the hold.

“Who cares about Danzo anyway?” Kabuto finally settles with, before closing the door behind him.