Bell Test
Naruto leaned back in his chair, bored out of his mind. He pulled out a senbon to chew on and checked the clock again. It had been three hours since all the other jounin sensei had collected their teams, three hours since he had been stuck in a room with a seething and silent Sasuke and an endlessly chattering Sakura.
Tired of sitting down, Naruto stood up and walked to the front of the room. He considered drawing something scandalous on the chalkboard, then instead chose to go through the teacher’s desk. When that didn’t yield results, he turned back to the chalkboard. His eyes landed on a dusty eraser, and he smiled as an idea formed in his head. He grabbed the eraser, and dragged a chair over to the door.
“Naruto, what are you doing?” Sakura shouted.
Naruto climbed onto the chair and wedged the eraser in at the top of the door. “Nothing.”
“You’re obviously doing something,” Sakura said. “Our sensei is a jounin, he’s going to notice that.”
Naruto put the chair back and found his own again. “It’s just a distraction.”
“A distraction from what?”
“Back to pranks?” someone asked.
Naruto turned around and was unsurprised to see Shikamaru in his old seat.
“What are you doing here?” Sakura demanded. Shikamaru ignored her, focused on Naruto.
“Yeah,” Naruto admitted, “Only because someone wouldn’t let me—”
“I said you could paint bomb that one store and you—”
“All I heard was bomb.”
Sakura looked back and forth between them, aghast. “No! You blew up a store?”
“It was just one store,” Naruto mumbled, blushing.
Sasuke snorted. “Once an idiot, always an idiot.”
“Shouldn’t we tell someone?” Sakura asked, looking at Sasuke imploringly. He too ignored her.
Their heads turned in unison as the door slid open, revealing a masked, one-eyed, bored man with gray hair. As the eraser began to fall, Naruto spat his senbon at their new teacher’s face.
The jounin caught it with one hand, then looked at Naruto. The eraser hit his head. Naruto pulled out another senbon and stuck it in his mouth.
“Naruto, you idiot! What the hell are you doing attacking our sensei?”
“What? He was late.”
“That’s no excuse,” she growled, raising her fist. Naruto shrank away, but thankfully the jounin interrupted.
“My first impression of you guys is…I hate you. Meet me on the roof in five minutes.” He disappeared in a swirl of leaves.
Sakura quickly switched targets and made a grab for Sasuke. “Come on, let’s walk together!” She glared at Naruto, then marched Sasuke out of the room.
Naruto checked the back of the room again, unsurprised to see Shikamaru gone, then took a shortcut through the window.
When he got to the roof, the jounin was already there and putting on a new pair of gloves. Naruto took the furthest seat from the door and watched the man warily.
“That was poisoned,” the jounin said bluntly.
“Yeah,” Naruto admitted. “And?”
“Is that one poisoned too?”
Naruto smiled at him.
They stared at each other for a few more seconds, then the jounin pulled out an orange book and pretended to read. A few minutes later, a bright red Sakura burst through the door. She paused when she noticed Naruto, then pointed an accusing finger at him.
“Why are you here already?”
“I took a shortcut.”
Sasuke walked around her, distracting her once again. He looked at Naruto, snorted, and took the middle seat. Sakura sat down happily beside him, taking time to shoot more evil looks at Naruto.
Naruto wondered who thought this team would be a good idea.
“Now that we’re all here,” the jounin drawled, “let’s start with introductions.”
“Why don’t you go first, sensei,” Sakura said sweetly. “You can show us how it’s done.”
“Fine.” The man closed his book and put it away. “I’m Hatake Kakashi. I like…well, the things I like or dislike are none of your business. My hobbies…hmm, I guess I have a dream.” He pointed at Sakura. “You next.”
“All we learned was your name,” she muttered, before abruptly brightening again. “I’m Haruna Sakura. I like…” She blushed and looked at Sasuke. “I dislike, no, I hate Ino. And Naruto! And my dream…” she giggled and blushed, still looking at Sasuke.
Naruto couldn’t wait for this to be over.
“You, in the middle,” Kakashi said.
“Uchiha Sasuke. I don’t like many things, and I dislike a lot of things. My future dream isn’t a dream, it’s an ambition I’ll turn into a reality. I will restore my clan, and kill a certain man.”
Naruto pinched his lips together, trying not to laugh at Sakura’s awestruck face.
“You, the last one,” Kakashi said.
“Dead last,” Sasuke said, much to Sakura’s delight.
“Uzumaki Naruto,” Naruto said, taking the senbon from his mouth and twirling it between his fingers. “I graduated when I was five, became a chuunin at six, and jounin at twelve. My sensei was the fourth Hokage, Namikaze Minato. I like dogs and eggplant, I dislike people who abandon their comrades but have no problem abandoning my former comrade’s children. My dreams are as dead as my teammates.”
“Naruto!” Sakura yelled. “None of that is true! First you attack sensei, now you lie to him?”
Naruto rolled his eyes. “He’s already read all our files, and he’s probably broken into our homes. Or tried to, in my case. What’s the point of this? Let’s just do his test and get it over with.”
“Test?” Sasuke asked, eyes narrowing. “We already passed the test.”
Kakashi cleared his throat, getting their attention again. Naruto was happy to see the jounin’s normal pallor had turned clammy. Naruto knew almost all the older ninja knew who his parents were, and knew who he was. And sure, most of them weren't as actively hostile as the villagers, but none of them had tried to help him. Based on the stories Kurama told him, he knew his mother would be pissed at how he had been treated. There wouldn’t be a village left when she was done rampaging.
“As Naruto said, there will be another test to see if this team will work out. Meet me tomorrow at the training ground at 5 AM. I suggest you don’t eat breakfast. You’ll probably throw up.”
He then disappeared in a swirl of leaves.
“Did he say which training ground?” Sakura asked, looking at Sasuke.
“Probably the one near the Memorial Stone,” Naruto said. “That’s where he spends all his time when he’s late.”
“No one asked you, idiot!” Sakura said. “I can’t believe you, do you want him to hate us?”
Sasuke, apparently reaching his social limit for the day, stood up and walked to the door. Sakura jumped after him.
“Wait, Sasuke-kun! Do you want to get something to eat? We’re a team now, we should…”
Naruto listened to their steps fade, watching the sky. After a while, Shikamaru materialized beside him.
Naruto sighed. “These team selections are horrible,” he complained. “The whole Ino-Shika-Cho thing doesn’t make any sense. What exactly is the point? Not to be mean to Choji, but his clan’s techniques aren’t exactly great for infiltration or interrogation. And why are there three trackers and taijutsu specialists on one team? They should have been split up. Like, I get why we’re with Kakashi, since he has a Sharingan and he was my tou-chan’s student, but I can’t see us working well together. Both Sasuke and Sakura hate me.”
He felt a tentative hand on his shoulder, and leaned into his friend.
“I’d trade you for Ino,” Shikamaru said.
“Ino and Sakura with Sasuke? I don’t like Sasuke, but I don’t hate him.” Naruto sighed, then picked at a loose thread on his pants. “Did you finish your second test?”
“Yeah, Asuma-sensei did it right away,” Shikamaru said. “He just wanted to evaluate our individual strengths. Since our parents were all on a team, I think he assumes we’ll do well together. I checked on Kurenai’s team, and they basically did the same.”
“So we’re the only ones doing the bell test,” Naruto said. “It’s going to be so annoying.” Naruto stood up, checking his pockets to make sure he had his supplies. “Might as well get started. You in?”
Naruto flinched as the clone’s memories hit him. Kakashi was still loitering at the Memorial Stone, but it had been nearly five hours since the meeting time and he’d show up soon.
He left the seals he was working on and grabbed a few things to eat, shoving them into a storage scroll for later. He left through the window, the barrier humming in recognition of his chakra, and sprinted over the rooftops to meet his teammates. Once the bridge was in sight, he dropped to the street and walked the rest of the way.
“Naruto!” Sakura shouted once she saw him. “You’re late!” She ran up to hit him, but Naruto stepped out of the way.
“I thought he said to be here at 10?” Naruto said innocently, jumping up to sit on the rail.
Sakura recovered, then spun around with her hands on her hips. “He said 5!”
“Don’t ruin this for us, dumbass,” Sasuke said. “If you mess up my chances to become a ninja…”
“What Sasuke-kun said! This isn’t just about you!”
“Mm, we’ll see about that,” Naruto said, pulling out a book.
“What are you doing now?” Sakura demanded.
“Reading.”
“I didn’t know you could read,” Sasuke said. Sakura’s laughter was cut short at Kakashi’s timely arrival.
“Good morning, children,” Kakashi said lightly. “Ready for your test?”
“You’re late too!” Sakura said, pointing at him.
“Too?” Kakashi looked around them, eyes finally landing on Naruto. He gave an exaggerated sniff. “Did you eat breakfast?”
Naruto smiled at him. “I did. Also, you can smell that? Gross.”
“Idiot, Kakashi-sensei said not to!”
“He suggested we didn't,” Naruto said. “It wasn’t an order.”
“Mah,” Kakashi said, consoling his prospective students. “Come on.” He started walking to the training ground, not looking to see if he was being followed. “As you all know, not everyone in the Academy can become a genin. There is a 66% fail rate. The Academy’s standards aren’t what they were back during the war, so it’s up to us jounin to make the final call.”
“What do we have to do?” Sakura asked, suddenly demure.
Kakashi pulled two bells from his pouch. “You’ll have to get these bells from me. Come at me with the intent to kill, otherwise you don’t stand a chance.”
“But there’s only two bells,” Sakura pointed out.
“So only two of us can pass,” Sasuke said, looking at his teammates with a scowl.
Kakashi smiled at them, then tied the bells to his pouch.
“Are you really the two top students?” Naruto asked. “There are no two person genin teams. Either we all pass or we all fail.”
“What do you mean?” Sakura asked.
“It’s a teamwork test,” Naruto said. “Hokage-jiji did it with his students, then his student, the Toad Sage Jiraiya did it with his students. Yondaime was Jiraiya’s student, and Kakashi was Yondaime’s student. Now Kakashi-sensei is carrying on the tradition with us.”
“How do you know all that?” Sasuke demanded.
“I asked around,” Naruto said. “Didn’t either of you?”
Naruto smiled at Kakashi, who heroically managed to keep his bored expression. “Are you finished? Good, now begin!”
Sakura and Sasuke darted off to hide among the trees. Naruto stood his ground.
“Aren’t you a bit different from the others?” Kakashi said. “Shouldn’t you be hiding too?”
“What’s the point?” Naruto said. “You’re too good at tracking, so none of us can hide. We need the bells, so we can’t run. The only other option is to attack!”
Clones burst into existence and dove at Kakashi. The jounin nimbly evaded, dodging kicks and punches and moving deeper into the training ground.
“I have to trust my team to help me!” A clone said, trying to grab Kakashi’s leg.
“Shouldn’t you talk to them first?” Kakashi said, twisting away from a grabby clone.
“Both of them hate me, and I already told them what the test was about,” a clone climbing on his back said. “It’s their decision, I can’t force them to be a team.”
“He’s in position!” A clone shouted.
Real Naruto, still on the bridge, smiled and activated the seal.
The training ground exploded.
Naruto ran for the trees that weren’t blown away, taking cover from falling rocks and grass. He crashed into Kakashi.
“I think you need a time out,” the slightly burning jounin said, grabbing him by the back of his shirt. Naruto let himself go limp as Kakashi carried him to a post and tied him to it. The post had unfortunately been spared from the explosion, while the rest of the training ground had turned into a crater.
“How many explosive tags did you use?” Kakashi asked.
“Just one. The forest is trapped too.”
Kakashi frowned at him. “You should have told your teammates that.”
“Shouldn’t they have talked to me first?” Naruto countered, grinning.
Kakashi shook his head and walked away, off to find other genin to harass. Naruto slumped on the ground and waited for the test to be over. Clones spread out to keep watch, and Naruto laughed once the memories hit him.
The timer went off, and a traumatized Sakura and a dusty Sasuke returned, Kakashi trailing behind them. All three were covered in orange paint and glitter. The color suited them.
Once Sakura and Sasuke were seated, Kakashi revealed two bento, handing the boxes to Naruto’s teammates.
“You’ll have half an hour to eat, then you’ll try again after lunch. Don’t untie Naruto, and don’t give him any food.”
Kakashi vanished, and Sakura took the opportunity to punch Naruto. “What the hell were you thinking, going after him by yourself?”
Sasuke snorted, stabbing at a tomato. “Naruto doesn’t think.”
“What were you guys thinking?” Naruto said. “I told you the point is teamwork, and you both ran off. Neither of you helped when I was fighting Kakashi, when there were plenty of openings.”
A clone that had been hiding near the river walked up to them and cut Naruto down. He pushed the ropes off, then pulled out a scroll to retrieve his own lunch.
“Now what are you doing? Kakashi-sensei said not to help you!”
“Why wouldn’t you help a teammate? That’s stupid,” Naruto said. “Anyway, I helped myself, so don’t worry about it.”
Sasuke gripped his chopsticks so hard they snapped in two. “Naruto, I swear, if you fuck this up—”
“One of you got caught in a simple genjutsu, and the other got trapped in a hole,” Naruto said. He turned to Sakura. “I thought you’d at least go to Sasuke, but when you found him trapped you passed out.”
“How do you even know that?” Sakura asked, blushing.
Naruto pointed at the clone. “He told me.”
“Okay…”
Lunch was interrupted when Kakashi returned in a flashy display of killing intent. “I told you two not to help Naruto,” he said, glaring at them all and crackling with energy.
“I know you were watching,” Naruto said, “And you know they didn’t.” He bit into his onigiri. “So whath th bith deah?”
“Naruto,” Kakashi said warningly.
“Don’t you ever shut up?” Sasuke said.
“Haven’t you gotten us in enough trouble?” Sakura added. She smiled up at Kakashi. “Can we still take the test, sensei? We’ll do better this time.”
Naruto unrolled his scroll and put away the rest of his food. “You two can, I’m going home.”
“You can’t do that!” Sakura said, jumping to her feet. “We’re a team! We have to work together!”
“Hn.”
“But I already got a bell,” Naruto said, pulling one out of his pocket. They all looked at Kakashi’s waist, where indeed only one bell remained.
“How did…when did you do that?” Sakura asked.
Sasuke glared at the little bell, which twinkled in response.
“When I was fighting him, obviously,” Naruto said. “When the clones disappear there’s a lot of smoke.”
Kakashi tilted his head. “You’re lying. I had both after I tied you up.”
Naruto shrugged, stood up, and threw his bell into the river. “Whatever, figure it out yourselves. You guys can fight over the last one. I’m done.”
Sasuke’s baby killing intent began to radiate, tickling Naruto.
“What about all that stuff you said?” Sakura asked. “Aren’t you going to help your team?”
Naruto shook his head and kept walking. “He has to pass us anyway,” Naruto said over his shoulder. “It doesn’t matter.”
He felt more comfortable when he was past the training areas, back in Konoha proper. After a few blocks, Shikamaru strolled out of an alley to join him.
“You look messed up,” Shikamaru said. “Bad fight?”
Naruto looked down at himself. Old flip flops, black shorts, orange shirt with a few new holes in it he’d have to sew later. Mostly intact, and no blood to wash out. “No worse than usual. It worked out in the end.”
“He didn’t notice the kawarimi?”
Naruto laughed. “I can’t believe it. Switching one of the clones for a bell wouldn’t have worked if—”
“He used a seal, I know,” Shikamaru said with a groan. “That’s your answer to everything.”
“It is! Shika, what you have to understand is…”
Naruto flawlessly navigated them to Ichiraku Ramen, barely taking time to breathe during his incoherent rambling. Shikamaru gamely nodded along, pretending to be distracted by clouds and other drifting things.
When the first bowls of ramen arrived, Naruto turned to Shikamaru and asked about his own day.
“We did training this morning, and we’re starting D-ranks this afternoon.”
Naruto checked the position of the sun, which refused to tell him the actual time. “Are you going to be late?”
“Who knows.”
Their lunch date came to a tragic end when Kakashi showed up, nose deep in smut. Naruto signaled Teuchi for another bowl, while Kakashi took the seat Shikamaru had mysteriously abandoned.
“Are you going to tell me what all that was about?” Kakashi said, turning a page and dripping paint.
“Are you an actual customer?” Naruto said, slurping messily to the shock and horror of nearby pedestrians.
“Are you paying for all those?” Kakashi said, pointing to the precarious stack of empty bowls.
“Are you going to be an actual teacher, or will we die on our first mission outside of the village?”
Kakashi sighed, and put down his book. “Naruto, I know you’re upset—”
Naruto snorted into his miso.
“—but you have to work with your team.”
“Or I could be like all those other missing orphans and join Root.”
“How do you…you know what, never mind. You know way too much about things you shouldn’t know anything about.”
“Including you?” Naruto asked.
“Especially me.”
“No one tells me anything,” Naruto said into his sadly empty bowl. “I had to find stuff out on my own. Do you think that was on purpose? Most other orphans know who their parents were. Why not me?”
“It was too dangerous—”
“For who? Pretty much all the jounin know. I know you do, I know Shikamaru’s parents do. I know I look exactly like him! I’ve seen pictures.”
“You look more like your mother,” Kakashi said. Naruto ruthlessly ordered another bowl.
“Yeah, I’ve seen pictures of her too. Whatever. Did you pass those two?”
“You didn’t give me much of a choice.”
“Neither did the Council, I bet,” Naruto said.
Kakashi ruffled Naruto’s hair, and despite himself Naruto leaned into the gesture. “If you’re going to be spying on the village, you need to be more careful with the information.”
“Yeah, I know,” Naruto grumbled. “I’m not stupid, no matter what my grades say.”
“Well, you three passed. We’re going to be training tomorrow—at a different location since you blew up the last one—and then we’ll start taking D-ranks.”
“Great!”
Naruto completed his pyramid of empty ramen bowls and waved Teuchi over for the check. “Thanks for lunch, sensei!”
Naruto vanished in a whirl of leaves and pages torn out of Icha Icha Paradise. Kakashi blinked at the now vacated seat, then looked up into Teuchi’s smiling face. At that moment, he knew true fear.