to be whole
Madara came back to consciousness to hands on his hair, skirting carefully around his bare skin and a worried voice ringing in his ears accompanied by a sense of unbearable lightness and emptiness (where – where was his soulmate?). “To’ra?” Madara croaked, pained and hoarse and the hands paused a sound like a choked sob above him as his clearing vision showed him a pale blur leaning over him. “Madara, you’re ok, thank all the kami. I was so worried…” a hiccupping sound above him and Madara realized that Tobirama was crying, raising a clumsy hand to try and brush away the tears only to choke and gasp as bare fingers (where had his gloves gone?) brushed over bare skin, the first time he had touched Tobirama’s whole soul bare skin to bare skin and therefore the initiation of their soulbond (oh, that was why Tobirama had been avoiding it). It rushed through him like a golden tide, all the fillements of Tobirama’s soul latching on to their old places and filling the echoing emptiness that had plagued him since he woke, a bond, a perfect bond, filled with devotion and hope and duty and sacrifice and peace and protectiveness and love and dreams and will and survival and stubbornness and regret and that amazing mind whispering around him, cool and soothing (everything that the bond with Saburo had never been).
“Tobirama” Madara nearly moaned, realizing distantly that his arms were locked around his soulmate where Tobirama was sprawled over his chest shuddering, “my soulmate, my own” on top of him the albino whined, struggling to press closer, his cold nose shoved into the space behind Madara’s ear and thin hands clutching Madara’s thin mesh shirt, each brush of bare skin sending new shivers of liquid sunlight down Madara’s spine (how could he have ever thought what he had with Saburo was enough when this was what was waiting for him?). It was quite a while before Madara could gather himslef away from the purring warmth rolling through their bond where their souls were entangled and the laughing wind through the grass to think somewhat coherently, “Tobirama” he repeated, more to hear the name than because he had something to say, “To’ra” the albino curled tighter around Madara, and he wondered again where his gloves were – unless, had he shifted to the mix of Indra and Madara again? The one with Indra’s eyes and markings in scarlet and the long nails but Madara’s hair and physique, that shape hadn’t come with gloves so that would make sense – and it would make sense that when Yuki-onna forced Tobirama’s soul back together outside of Madara to save them both Madara shifted to the most even mix of both his selves that he could to match.
“’dara” Tobirama whispered, barely audible and shaking with uncertainty that made Madara’s arms tighten around the slender waist, smoothing his hand up the bumpy spine as he rasped “Right here, not going anywhere, nowhere we have to go, we can just stay here as long as we like.” He promised and Tobirama curled an arm around Madara’s neck shyly, a stuttering purr starting in his chest as the wind sang and Madara relaxed back into the tall grass and the star filled sky, letting it all pass over him and just drifting as their bond settled. Time smeared and blurred, distorting with the wind and the unchanging sky as Tobirama slowly settled against him and the purring eased into something more even and sure.
“Madara” Tobirama said finally, sounding a little unsure but more confident then Madara had feared, as he pushed back enough to look at Madara without truly moving off him, his weight still comfortingly draped over Madara’s ribs which still felt too light without the weight of his soulmate. “Madara” he breathed again, brushing one long, cold finger under Madara’s eye over his marking, “you – I don’t, I don’t understand, all those memories that don’t – I don’t –“ (so, some part of Tobirama did remember what happened to his feathers, that was good) “- don’t, Madara why?” a crystalline tear glimmered on those white lashes and Madara framed Tobirama’s lovely face in his hands, thrilling as the bond trilled in his soul. “Tobirama, my stardust, why wouldn’t I come after you? I know – I know what you heard that day and it wasn’t, it wasn’t really about you, the Elders were badgering me, and one said something I won't repeat about my relationship with you because I was- well I was being less of an ass- and I…I lost my temper, you know me, I said things I didn’t mean to get them off my back without thinking. That’s on me, and I didn’t know you well enough then to have much opinion on you and I shouldn’t have said what I did even to get the Elder to back off, but, To’ra, you – kami you shouldn’t have done that. If you had just given me time to get to know you it never would have been needed because as soon as I did know you I chose you.”
Tobirama’s eyes were wide and shocked, looking devastated and shattered as he tried to pull back only for Madara’s hands to keep him in place, unwilling to let his soulmate pull away; Tobirama had to face this, he had too, Madara wasn’t willing to lose him to this, not now, not after everything. “Don’t, after everything, don’t.” Madara nearly begged, relieved when Tobirama reluctantly stopped pulling away, leaning into the Uchiha again slowly and shivering a little under his hands. “I – I – I hurt you.” Tobirama choked out “I, I hurt you and all because I didn’t – I didn’t give you enough time? I –“ shit, this was spiraling, Madara had to stop this before Tobirama was lost under the weight of his self-hatred again, “Stop, just, stop, Tobirama, please, don’t do this, don’t, I can’t lose you to this again.” Madara rasped, twisting swiftly to roll them and pin the albino underneath him, “Please stop, I know you have probably never heard this before but it is ok to have messed up, I mean, I don’t like it but I don’t hold it against you, just ask Yuki-onna if he is still a disassociated identity. I know –“ Underneath him Tobirama’s eyes were squeezed closed, tears leaking out over his pale lashes, muffled sobs slipping past the hand covering his mouth. “I know why you thought it was right and why you did it, I know this has never happened before but, can we just set the past aside and start now? Please?”
Kami, Madara didn’t know what to do or what to say as another sob leaked through simply crushing his soulmate to his chest and holding him as close as he could, rocking them back and forth and crooning lowly to his poor broken soulmate; something in him cracking when the hand not over the albino’s mouth moved to clutch at the back of Madara’s mesh shirt, grip slowly tightening as he got more confident and Madara only whispered praise to him. It wasn’t much, but, Madara would take any sign that Tobirama was willing to reach back at this point. “Let it out, just, let it out,” the Uchiha whispered into the albino’s temple “its ok, I don’t mind, I want to be here with you and it's ok to cry.” A horrible strangled noise ripped through Tobirama’s lips and his hand fell from his mouth to fist at his shirt over his heart and terrible sobs stripped his throat bare as they tore through him; had Tobirama ever been allowed to cry like this before? Certainly not with his father and with Hashirama and his over the top emotions the only way to deal with him was to go the other way and refuse to have any emotions and run the risk of encouraging him (Madara had wondered a time or two if that was exactly why Hashirama did it but tried not to consider that too hard or where it may have come from).
Around them the wind wept, singing through the tall grass in a mournful lullaby, as Madara curled over his sobbing soulmate, cathartic tears slipping past his lids and dripping down his cheeks as he pressed his face into the thick white hair. It was oddly calming, crying together in this empty mournful place; and by the time Madara’s tears had dried and Tobirama had stopped shaking with sobs he felt oddly light, like he might blow away if it weren’t for the warmth of the bond holding him down. “I – I never didn’t want you.” Tobirama forced out, sounding hoarse and exhausted as Madara squeezed his soulmate a little tighter as he responded “I never knew you were an option, but, once I did and knew you I did want you- do want you-; so much.” Tobirama let out a shaking breath against Madara’s shoulder, snuggling a little closer with a small sigh, “Yuki-onna is reincorporated by the way, mostly, there is a little whisper but – not the full hallucination that it was at the end, I guess when he- we- forced us back together so we didn’t fade outside of you that meant actually coming together all the way.” Madara hummed softly, tilting his head to press a kiss to Tobirama’s temple, “Good, I am glad, I like that part of you and didn’t want you to keep being fractured like that.”
Tobirama shivered slightly and tipped his head into Madara’s mouth, “I – I have tried so hard not to be…that and now – now you’re saying you don’t mind?” he asked, sounding a little dazed as Madara pressed another kiss on his high cheekbone, speaking into his skin, “I think you put me on a bit of a pedestal stardust, I’m not that kind a person, not with my past lives for sure. You killed yes, and some were my kin but…so did I, so did I first, and – well, not like death means much after you have already died. Death is a tragedy to the living, to the dead it is just another step forward. I like that part of you that hits back and fights and gets angry and doesn’t back down, I like feral Tobirama frankly; it gives me a little more space to be the ugly parts of myself as well – and if you remember that fight you know I needed it and, well, enjoyed it.” Tobirama huffed softly, inching a little further closer to Madara and curling around him silently, apparently thinking about that.
Finally he spoke again, “What now?” he asked in a small voice and Madara shrugged, wondering if Tobirama would mind if Madara kissed him, “Now we heal, as best we can. The kami have a place set for us in their realms so my fucking father- not Madara’s father, Indra’s, I’ll explain later- can’t find us when I don’t reincarnate the way he wants. We take as long as we need to heal and get stronger and just, learn each other and maybe plan for the next life so this doesn’t happen again and then we reincarnate together and try to do better next time.” Tobirama’s fingers flexed in his clothing, and Tobirama hummed shakily, sounding uncertain and concerned but like he was trying to be brave for Madara. The Uchiha twisted a bit to press a kiss closer to Tobirama’s lips, “I know, I know it’s scary, but it’ll be peaceful and quiet and they’ll be nice or we’ll go somewhere else, ok? Whatever we do it will be together, promise.” Tobirama shivered against him and turned to kiss Madara properly, lips sliding together and sending starbursts of pleasure and warmth rushing through the Uchiha until breathing became an issue, finally pulling away with tingling lips and nuzzling at his soulmate’s temple. “I adore you, you know” Madara whispered, words hidden in the wind from everyone but Tobirama who shuddered against him and dragged Madara back into another kiss with a hand fisted in the back of his hair.
“I – I love you” Tobirama breathed against his lips, Madara shivering as sunlight spilled down his ribs with the words “I love you and I will go wherever you go, as long as you want me too.”