in halls of sunlight
Deep in the winding halls of Amaterasu’s palace Madara lounged on a amber colored chaise, his dark hair trailing off to pool on the floor with the folds of his open gray kimono with its purple wisteria; his fingers making absent patterns on Tobirama’s bare nape where his black yukata with its bright phoenixes had fallen low and his hair was slipping out of the way. The silence lay over them much more comfortably than it had however long ago it had been since they arrived in the kami’s realm; it had taken a lot of uncomfortable conversations and Amaterasu taking Tobirama aside to show Tobirama Indra’s history – after his divine mother had gently explained to Madara that simply walking away from the past wouldn’t work for them. Tobirama needed a chance to understand Madara the way he understood his soulmate or they would never make it to the peace they both wanted; it had been…hard, Madara wanted to let the past be the past and just move on with his soulmate in peace, not to make Tobirama even sadder with what had happened to Madara in all his lives. Still, he had bowed to his mother’s wisdom when her brother came in on her side since Tsukuyomi was closest in temperament to where Tobirama had ended up and in return he had spent hours in this timeless place holding his sobbing soulmate. It had been hard, Madara had hated it but over time and with many conversations with Omoikane and lounging together in the sunbeams that filled his mother’s halls slowly he and Tobirama were finding an equilibrium and peace together (turned out that both of them needed to work on integration when it came down to it).
Through long hours together they had slowly talked through their lives and though there was somethings that they still skirted around (Hashirama being a big one, and....Saburo, they needed a bit more time before they addressed her) they had come a long way to finding peace with their respective pasts together and apart. Now Madara (he had chosen to go by that name most of the time because it was the one he shared with Tobirama though he had kept the mixed shape) was just glad that they could do this, rest together in the endless sun and just be together peacefully without the lingering tension of past pain that had plagued them in the beginning. “Mmm, what are you thinking?” Tobirama murmured into his chest, shifting a little closer and pressing a lazy kiss to Madara’s bare chest, his fingers pulling gently at Madara’s hair where they were tangled through the strands. “You, us, time,” Madara rumbled back “just – how glad I am that we’re together and finding peace.” Tobirama hummed in agreement, shifting further up to nose at Madara’s neck before pulling back and bracing his elbows on Madara’s chest, eyes glinting with humor at the Uchiha’s grunt at the pointy elbows, “I am lucky you never gave up on me, you know that right? How glad I am to have you as mine.” Madara smiled a stupid infatuated smile at his soulmate, discomfort forgotten in the wash of affection and pleasure at the sight of the light in Tobirama’s eyes that he associated with Yuki-onna (it was always a pleasure to see that part showing more as Tobirama accepted it more).
He trailed his hand down Tobirama’s lithe back, letting his fingers linger at the sweet dip of his spine as the Uchiha smiled at his soulmate, “As am I, and very glad you helped me when you could as best you could, choosing you was the best choice I have ever made.” Tobirama’s smile softened and he pushed up to kiss Madara slow and lingering, both of them happily letting themselves fall into each other and lose track of the outside world – at least until there was a soft cough from the door to their room and Madara reluctantly drew back to look over at one of Amaterasu’s attendant spirits of fire flickering in the doorway. “Y-“ Madara coughed to clear the arousal from his voice as Tobirama’s head dropped to mouth at his throat, sneaky, “Yes?” The spirit flickered in an abashed way to Madara’s trained eye, speaking out of the vague suggestion of a mouth “There is someone here to see you lords” the flame crackled in its wispy voice and Madara tensed, Tobirama growling softly on top of him, “Is it the Sage again?” he asked sharply, more than fed up with his first father’s attempts to interact with him which had started as soon as the Sage had realized that Indra wasn’t coming to him or the wheel anytime soon. Luckily Amaterasu had no problem kicking the old man out or turning him away without letting him see Indra rather than interrupting their meals (which always had fish) or resting.
It had ached a bit to be told as soon as he was ready to pay attention to the world that Izuna had already re-joined the wheel for reincarnation (Sasuke, it suited him and he had another older brother that was- oddly enough- Itama; thought Tobirama had been very grieved to not see both his little brothers when Kawarama visited with Konohanasakuya and Miyuki) but Madara wasn’t truly surprised and other than his mother he didn’t mind his lack of visitors as his other siblings had moved on already and Kosuke wasn’t ready to come yet (waiting for her siblings Madara was willing to bet), so who… The spirit flickered uncertainly as Tobirama pushed up to sit next to Madara, straightening both of their clothing as he did, “No lord, it is not the Sage, it….its your brother, Asura.” Ah. Madara hadn’t – time was hard to track in this place but he should have seen this coming once Asura died, “Is he –“ Madara glanced at his soulmate and sat up to slip an arm around his waist “is he just here for me or to see both of us.” Tobirama flinched minutely in his arm and Madara curled a bit closer, twisting to press a kiss to his albino’s temple – now rather wishing he had pushed on the topic of Hashirama. The flame ebbed slightly, “It was unclear lord, he just kept asking for ‘his brother’.” Singular. Crap.
“Stardust, we don’t have to-“ Madara started, eyes on his soulmate as Tobirama twisted his fingers and shook his head, “Better to get it over with, he’s not the Sage” there was a flash of anger over his pale face as always at the mention of the man “and, well, you have history you really should talk about with him. You wouldn’t get anywhere with the Sage and I think cutting him out was the right choice so he can’t fuck with anything, but if you can have peace with Asura…I want you to, I know it bothers you.” Madara’s hear squeezed in his chest, both at his soulmate’s kindness and the way that Tobirama had assumed that the man was here for Madara not him. But, Tobirama wasn’t wrong, if this was Asura then Madara really did want a chance at clearing the air with him – the chance he had with so few people from his first life; swallowing hard he pressed a firm kiss to Tobirama’s temple, kami he loved this man. “Give us five minutes to get cleaned up and ready and then we’ll be out, take him to the west tea room please and alert mother of our visitor but that we are talking with him first. Maybe send word to Asura’s divine mother as well.” the flame bowed and slipped away as Madara pulled his soulmate into his lap, curling around Tobirama’s calming presence as Tobirama’s long cool fingers fixed his hair into something like neatness.
“Indra?” Tobirama asked softly and the former Ōtsutsuki shuddered, “Confronting my brother is not something I am looking forward too.” He admitted after a moment, glad when Tobirama only hummed without asking too many questions; he knew how much Indra was confused by what had happened in his first life, how it had all gone so wrong (though Tobirama was insistent that his father had been a big part of it) and how he had ended up as…mad as he had been at the end. Finally their time was almost up and reluctantly Madara-that-was-Indra stood and fixed his kimono, sloppily belting it without worrying to much about covering all his skin (he knew how much Tobirama loved this look on his and had no problem dressing to his soulmate's taste), Tobirama rolling his eyes even as they lingered on the strip of showing skin and fixed his own clothing much more fussily, pushing his draping white hair back out of his face; Madara frowned as the movement showed a small scrape on his temple, the wound there tended to show on his physical form when Tobirama was feeling pushed into a corner and stressed but as long as it wasn’t bleeding the stress wasn’t critical yet.
“Ready?” Tobirama asked softly as Madara took his hand and lifted it to press a kiss to the palm, “No, but I’ll do it anyway. You?” the Uchiha murmured and Tobirama huffed, a thin Yuki-onna smile curling his lips “No, but I am with you, always.” Which – look, Madara couldn’t be expected to not kiss Tobirama when he said that, even if it made them late. Finally the flame cleared their throat at the door again and reluctantly they parted, Madara winding his fingers together with his soulmate, their bond humming like background music at the touch, and nodded to the spirit, following them through the halls to the western tearoom.
In the western room the light was slanting through the open doors that showed the garden painted in colors of Autumn like the draping of a phoenix’s feathers, colors that were echoed in the tearoom décor where a pot of Gyokuro tea was softly steaming in front of Asura. And it was Asura. The only difference was that his hair was like Hashirama’s though his forelocks were wrapped in the Ōtsutsuki way, but his physical form was far more Asura than the more even mix that Madara had settled on in the end where both bodies were mixed into a new shape that was both and neither (and, maybe, a little influenced by Tobirama’s taste); which meant – fuck, he was almost certainly not here to see Tobirama then, Madara’s soulmate once again looked over in favor of him by Hashirama-that-was-Asura. Squaring his jaw Madara tightened his hold on his soulmate and stepped through the door, “Asura” he stated as evenly as he could as his brother nearly jumped out of his skin, his eyes widening on Madara’s (Indra’s) shape and then widening further when they followed his arm to Tobirama, whose face was set in an inscrutable mask.
“I – you, brother, what is –“ Asura’s confused eyes flicked to Tobirama, making it clear what he was asking about, and Madara felt his jaw tighten in anger, nearly purring “What, should I have not brought my much beloved soulmate?” Asura frowned, glancing at Tobirama with guilt on his face before he looked back at Madara, “But, Saburo was your soulmate?” the other Ōtsutsuki offered uncertainty and Tobirama leaned into Madara’s shoulder, eyes glinting with Yuki-onna’s cold fire, “I always wondered if you had forgotten when I told you who my soulmate was as a child, you were quite young at the time and have always been forgetful- I don’t know if that was the alcohol, the Mokuton, or just you- but still, only a few years later and you were playing on a river bank with my soulmate without telling me so that you could keep him for yourself. I thought that maybe after my absence and death you might have gone over our conversations enough to remember but, apparently not. Not even when he died days after me. How very you. Though, I suppose you’re not really Hashirama anymore – or are you? It would be very Hashirama to come looking for Madara after death rather than your blood kin.” Tobirama’s voice was scathing and cold as hoarfrost, and Asura visibly flinched and withered under the cutting words; looking away and down with clear shame (definitely Asura, Hashirama would have been deflecting by now, one way or another).
Madara snorted, stroking Tobirama’s spine in quiet praise for him defending himself and speaking up rather than just letting things happen to him and accepting it as his due, gently pressing at the base of the albino’s spine the Uchiha led the way into the room and sat across from his brother with his soulmate almost in his lap as he lazed like he had with Rhiannon. “Why are you here Asura?” Madara ask crisply, aware he should probably be nicer given this was Asura and not Hashirama but not caring much in the face of Tobirama’s pain; Asura licked his lips, glancing sideways at Tobirama but not looking him in the face as he looked toward Madara. “I – your life was always so – I wanted to make sure you were ok. I was met by Father when I died and he indicated that he was concerned about your refusal to reenter the wheel and reincarnate” Indra’s back straightened in anger and Tobirama growled lowly and Asura raised a hand “I’m not stupid – or I’m not always stupid, in retrospect there was a lot wrong with how Father treated you and us and the double standard we were subjected to on top of his self-righteous clinging to his own ideas and morals without consideration of the fact that he’s not human! Or all that you had to do to keep the clan going when Father was just being a religious figure, or the way he ignored your worry about Ninjutsu, or the way he didn’t want you to have his dōjutsu so badly and was so envious of his power or – well, I’ve thought about it a lot between lives and after you and he were both dead the first time. His fucking with our reincarnation after your threat was insane and doomed us to never heal and I have tried to talk to him about why he did all that and never gotten anywhere, he refuses to admit he might have been wrong. But, still, that you were hiding worried me and Mito is still alive, so…”
Madara chewed on his lip, more than a little surprised that Asura had put so much thought into this and come to the same conclusions that Tobirama had pushed Indra into, “You talked to Lady Izanami didn’t you” Madara said slowly and Asura shrugged, unashamed, Madara sighed and looked away, scrubbing his face as Tobirama pressed closer, his chin nearly resting on Madara’s shoulder. “Well, I can’t say I’m not glad you came to those conclusions but, it wasn’t just Father and the eyes that drove me to it all; I still haven’t figured it out though Amaterasu has said she would look into it, but….there was something…” Indra trailed off and Tobirama spoke next to him, his breath brushing over Madara’s neck, “There were whispers, Indra isn’t sure when it started but thinks it was around the time he got his Sharingan. He thought that he was just dealing with trauma but – having truly managed to fracture my personality though dissociation, I can honestly say that I don’t think that was what was happening, Indra’s memories of the later days of his life before the last battle are hazy and fractured but the name ‘Zetsu’ keeps coming up. It is my belief that there is an entity called by that name that was influencing him to more extreme reaction and trauma; something that has almost certainly persisted in every life and which I was created to counteract for all that I failed in that.”
Madara turned, focusing on his soulmate, the arm around Tobirama’s waist tightening and taking a cool hand in his own to nuzzle as he spoke softly to his lover, “To’ra, you know that that was on Amaterasu, she should have been more careful with you, she has told you this.” Tobirama smiled faintly at the Uchiha, twisting closer to kiss his jaw and brush his fingers over Madara’s cheek, “I know, it still stings but I know. I just wish we could find more in the face of this, I fear what we will face when we finally return.” And that Madara couldn’t argue with much as he would like to. Reluctantly he released Tobirama’s hand and turned back to his slightly flushed brother who winced under Madara’s gaze, “About that…” and then Asura revealed the great shinobi was that the five countries had fallen into with the tailed beasts as superweapons. “All I can tell you is that Reina is a force and unlike my ideals having seen this war I doubt she will let it stop until she has all of the shinobi in the five countries under her control and she has always hated the seal of the tailed beast so with luck she will find a way to fix that.” Madara hummed, thinking of Rhiannon’s prophecy about her blood ruling all shinobi, how would that affect Zetsu if it did exist?
Shaking his head Madara tossed the thought off, the mortal world was none of his concern until he and his soulmate rejoined it, in death all that mattered was rest and reconciliation with the past; it was that that he would have to focus on, but now that Asura had already acknowledged their father’s failures and the mess of their past, was there anything more to discuss? Madara-Indra had thought so firmly that confronting Asura and that part of his past would change things but – now….so much time had passed, so much had changed, they had all changed so much and even hearing that Asura had thought about why Indra had done it alleviated none of the tension in the gorgon knot in his chest. He refused to give the Sage anything when he would get nothing back, but, what did he need to move forward with Indra’s past if talking to Asura wasn’t enough?
Asura’s eyes were intent on his face and his younger brother softly murmured “If it matters, I forgave you lifetimes ago and knowing there might have been something else involved how could I ever blame you? It was the Ōtsutsuki legacy of blood and greed that broke us one way or another and that’s not our fault, we just have to try and do better.” Indra nodded slowly, unable to argue with that analysis. “I never blamed you Asura, I know I might have said otherwise in my madness but, I never really blamed you. Still though, I am going to stay here with my mother and soulmate until we are both healed and ready to rejoin the world, we need time Asura, Tobirama and I both even if his was more obvious. And the Sage is not going to stop bothering you about it, so I apologize for that.” Asura bowed his head, eyes flicking again to Tobirama before going back to Madara and quirking his lips in a pale smile, “Maybe I too will stay with my mother for a bit until Mito joins me, I can’t say I relish the idea of being in Father’s reach.” Madara snorted at that, saying nothing about Tobirama’s tension against him as Asura stood, the untouched tea still steaming as the younger Ōtsutsuki started for the door without a goodbye only to pause at the door Madara shifting to look at his still back as Asura seemed to think something over.
“Tobirama, I – I am sorry I don’t have more for you. I don’t know why but my last life is…blurry, a mess unless Mito was there; I don’t know if it was the alcohol, the Mokuton, just who I was trying to run away from and how I did it or all of the above but – I am sorry. For how it affected you. It was not a life I will ever be proud of no matter what we accomplished.” And then Asura was gone as Tobirama sucked in a sharp breath, turning to press his face into Madara’s shoulder as he shuddered for a moment. “To’ra? Stardust?” Madara asked softly, concerned for his soulmate as Tobirama let out a shuddering breath and pulled back a moment later, giving Madara a thin smile, “I didn’t really expect more. I – I’ll be fine, we can talk to Omoikane about it later. How do you feel? You don’t seem to feel better about it like you thought?” Madara sighed, giving up and hauling his compliant soulmate into his lap, “I think…so much time has passed. Asura has changed in ways I never had the chance to. I thought….I thought that it would make a difference but it – it doesn’t, it doesn’t change any of what happened and the person that I need acknowledgement from will never give it to me. So, how do I find peace?”
Tobirama hummed and nuzzled at Madara’s jaw, arm wrapped tightly around the Uchiha’s shoulders, “I think my own, that the only way forward is accepting that what happened, happened; that in the end the only way to win is to accept that and own it moving forward like I have owned Yuki-onna. I used to hate myself so much and it was you that showed me that I didn’t want to hate anymore; I’m not all the way there but I still know I don’t want to anymore, and I know you don’t want too either. So, let's just move forward together, away from the hate we can never erase from our pasts knowing that every day we choose not to hate we are doing better than we did before.” Stunned Indra (Madara) sucked in a sharp breath as the thing in his chest tightened and then – loosened even as his throat squeezed and his eyes stung; oh. Oh. Of course. Of course. Closing his eyes Madara buried his face in Tobirama’s white hair and just breathed, choking out a soft “Alright, alright, let's do that.” and just holding on in that sunlit room looking over the fire draped garden. Together and slowly becoming whole.