four for a boy
“Madara!” Konohanasakuya’s voice was sharp and worried as she raced to his side, her pink silk kimono with primrose wrinkling beyond hope as she knelt next to him, her hands light on his back as Madara gasped and retched, trying to adjust to the weight in his chest. He – he had to understand, he had to know (had Tobirama even wanted him?), he had to understand; reckless and foolish Madara forced himself to his feet, staggering to the mirror and breathing out on the silver surface, forcing it to take him when he wanted as he all but fell through before it even cleared, his mother’s screams loud behind him. He was standing in a strange place, a memory again (good) with the same odd light but half of it looked like Madara’s vague impressions of the Senju villa, all hard lines and traditional starkness; and the other side – it could have been any rich merchant’s manor in Fire, lavish and over decorated with riches the man probably couldn’t afford. What-? “Father please, you have to understand –“ Tobirama’s voice was a soft tenor but strained with pain and Indra whipped around to Senju side, trying to ignore the messy and shifting seam between the buildings. Tobirama was kneeling in an empty room, his white head ducked and stripped of his shirt (kami he was thin) the red lines on his cheeks and chin echoed with a large seal on each shoulder and over his heart in the same red and he jolted harshly as the sheath of his father’s blade slammed down over his shoulders, not making a noise but clearly struggling as Butsuma hissed, “You could have killed that rat Yuki-onna, I saw you, I saw you hesitate, you could have killed him and you didn’t.”
“I-“ Tobirama started but Butsuma wasn’t done and the wood came down with another sharp crack, “You were afraid” the man sneered as his shivering son “you looked at the Uchiha heir, I saw it, you looked at him and how close he was to you and you didn’t kill his brother. You failed” (what?) “you failed Tobirama, I told you to use those seals, I paid enough for the damn things to keep you from hesitating and you didn’t. Why?” “I – it’s cold, it’s so numb.” Tobirama nearly sobbed through his teeth, clearly hanging on by the edge, and Butsuma just spat on his son, shaking his head in disgust. “Turn them on. Turn them on Tobirama, Yuki-onna, you will get used to using them or kami help me I’ll make them always on.” That threat made Tobirama’s red eyes blow wide in shock, terror painted over his face and then – the seals flared red on his face and shoulders and the pain and fear and life just, drained out of him; his pale face going still and calm in a way Indra recognized (he did that the day he broke the bond too, he used the seals, these monstrosities that must seal away his emotions somehow – that – that must be how Madara hadn’t felt more of his pain, he had been wondering about that).
“I nearly killed him” the voice was calm from Indra’s left and he ripped his eyes from Butsuma was beating his blank faced son to look at the same still face sitting at a lit alter with two small images. “I nearly killed my soulmate’s brother, the one thing he loves most and I nearly took it from him. I wasn’t thinking, just, fighting, and I nearly did it. What – what kind of monster does that? What kind of monster could do that? What kind of monster can do this?” his fingers flicked at his face and the monotonous, emotionless way he spoke made Indra’s skin crawl. “What kind of person wants a monster for a soulbonded?”
“No one!” the shout had Indra whipping around, distantly noting that that the Butsuma and first Tobirama had returned to the beginning on the memory and were translucent as a guard in the merchant’s manor behind him yelled out to another, “All clear here, I just have to check the treasury and I’ll be out.” Only Indra could see Tobirama, blood dripping down to the floor, crouched behind a pillar in the guard’s path his hand fisted around something; he open his hand and glanced down and Indra glimpsed the glitter of a fire opal in his hand before it closed again, the teen biting his lip harshly, murmuring “It will be worth it, for Madara I can do this, he deserves to have a choice other than a monster. He – he deserves that, choice, and if I ever – if Izuna –“ no, no this – the way the boy’s voice cracked on the words, trying so hard to be strong and hating what he was doing every second, a sob edging his words. “No” Indra breathed stepping forward, hoping that Tobirama could see him, “No, oh sweet boy no, you’ll find a way, I swear you will. Remember that you wanted it to be a choice, remember-“ but Tobirama was just looking at him with confusion like he couldn’t understand why Indra was here and talking to him but then he gasped, bloody hand letting go of his wound to grab Indra and yank the older man behind him as the guard rounded the corner.
The flight smeared together in the memory, but Tobirama only had one hand and was already wounded and there was another knife in his gut within moments, sending him stumbling back into Indra who caught him and burned the guard and mansion around him in a sea of flame, sinking to the floor with Tobirama pressed to his chest. “Tobirama, To’ra, hey, come on, I know you survive this, you have survived this, you’re going to be ok, I know you are.” Indra rambled wildly pressing on the wounds trying to stave the bleeding, kami this was – behind him “Father please, you have to understand – What kind of person wants a monster for a soulbonded?“ and the red, red eyes looking up at him with huge pleading in them, as Tobirama breathed, pleading “I just want to do right by him, he shouldn’t be trapped with me; not if he doesn’t want to.” The bloody fist knotted in Indra’s white mantle, “To’ra” he breathed as slowly the albino unpeeled his fingers, revealing not the fire opal but a feather, covered in blood that matted the barbs together and the broken shaft “Tobirama” Indra grated, “sweet boy” he clutched the memory but it was already melting through his fingers, returning to the beginning and leaving the feather to fall to the floor, Indra just snatching it up before it hit the dirty hall.
It was like being hit by Hashirama’s thousand hands, Indra’s breath kicked out of him as the bloody feather touched his fingers, soft wet barbs thick and soaked with pain, the bleeding wounds in Tobirama’s soul that his self-worth drained out of; the shaft, broken, the failed attempt to do right and protect Madara, something Tobirama believed he had failed fundamentally and couldn’t make right without drastic action. Indra stared at the feather, unable to make himself place it in his chest without knowing what it would cost him to carry this (no, he had his answer now, Tobirama had never not wanted him, only been so convinced that he would never be good enough that he had sought out an alternative and so broken- not a clear mind indeed- by his life and those seals that he had done the only thing his fracturing mind could think of. Surely he hurt his soulmate so, logically, remove it). A Tobirama raced around the corner, his eyes widening when he saw Indra, hand pressed to the wound and the other cradling to his chest the opal, “I-“ “I’m not going to hurt you” Indra choked out, the Tobirama chewing at his lip “Do I kno-“ “No one! All clear here, I just have to check the treasury and I’ll be out.” Fire, burning everything but the Tobirama, the memory huddling close to Indra like he was safe port in a storm, clearly knowing him on some level as Indra’s arm locked around the slender shoulders; taking a deep breath and pressing the feather and boy to his chest, it would hurt, but at least they would be safe.