Chapter 16
Her meeting with the Hokage was shorter than she had thought. The time she spent there felt more like a day rather than simply an hour. She supposed that is what fear and constant paranoia does to people. It makes them feel as though they are so very tired.
Her mind came to a halt when she thought of her exhaustion before she frowned. She couldn't allow herself to feel tired. She had no time.
Danzo was still lurking around, scheming his next move. And unlike him, she did not have an army of brainwashed orphans at her command. It was at this moment of time; she felt frustrated at her own powerlessness. The regret of not having become a ninja so that she could protect herself at the very least, was something that she did not think she would ever feel. She knew it may very well be foolish of her to regret not having become a government sanctioned murderer but, that rational part of her could not convince her whole self.
Her steps felt heavy as though she was carrying something thrice her size on her shoulders. But her blank expression and the way she carried herself still remained as that of a prideful princess.
Her steps eventually led her to her own house. She took in a deep breath, which sounded close to a sigh, and opened the door.
For the first time in years, she was reminded of the woman who had given birth to her in this life. Regrets poured in her mind and she found herself struggling to control the cursed eyes she was blessed with. She felt blood on her hands rushing out from her nose, and cursed out loud. Her breathing was getting erratic and she could feel the weakness seep in her bones.
Chakra control was taught to all Uchiha. For the dangers of not having a controlled sharingan were much more severe than anyone could imagine.
She sat down on the floor and let her eyes bleed red in an irregular pattern. Blood was pouring out of her eyes and nose. She was sure she looked like someone out of a Japanese horror story with her now bloodied clothes and her face smeared in blood. She could feel her head spinning and sweat covering all of her skin. She needed to control herself. She needed to maintain her chakra flow before something happened to her.
She couldn't breathe.
She needed to breathe.
Why couldn't she breathe?
She closed her eyes shut and took deep breaths. She had always known that the suffering she would have to face as someone aiming to 'save' the Uchiha clan would be much greater than whatever she had experienced till then. But she had wanted to live a long and happy life.
She had simply wanted a happy and safe life with Shisui. [She never thought she would be so honest with herself when she was having a panic attack.]
She did not care for the village. She did not care for the Uchiha. She did not care for the idiot called the Hokage.
But he did. He who was so kind. He who was so bright. The one who would smile at her and hold her hand through the night. He who would only ever look at her with eyes full of love. He who would give her so much, and too much of it was not what she deserved.
She took in another deep breath.
And she realized, that she too was more than willing to forsake the world for Shisui.
Suddenly, as though her heart decided that it had enough, she found some strength in her to try to switch off her Mangekyou Sharingan and get up. She took off the jacket she was wearing and used it to wipe the blood of her face before tossing it to the ground. Taking in another deep breath, she pushed her feet to walk forward and towards his house. She did not exactly know why she needed to see him.
The sky had gotten dark and the streets were devoid of people.
She faintly saw a glimpse of white hair but she paid it no mind as she walked towards her destination. She did not have the strength to run anymore but she still pushed forward. It was only when the door to his house came to view did she stop and paid some mind to her actions. He would think of her as crazy for coming to him at that time of the night while looking like a mad woman.
Sighing, she decided to simply knock on the door rather than leave now.