Itachi-sama gives advice
After returning from lunch at the middle school, Itachi walked towards the council chambers, hoping to spend the rest of his break in the peace and calm that was sorely lacking in the school yard and hallways - especially at the middle school block, which constantly suffered the terror of one Naruto Uzumaki.
Speaking of Uzumaki, Itachi caught a glimpse of dark red hair falling in step with him.
“Excuse me, President, if I may ask - do you have a moment to spare?”, a quiet voice asked and Itachi turned his head slightly, taking in the appearance of the student beside him.
Just like the Uchiha himself, the boy held himself with the pride and confidence befitting a clan heir, the air of authority and power in stark contrast to his sickly pale skin and alarming thin frame.
If Itachi had not known the crimson hair and piercing lilac eyes already, he would be highly concerned of the students mental health status, but Nagato Uzumaki always looked as if he was one step in his grave.
“Of course, with what may I help you.”, Itachi answered and he immediately felt him shifting into “clan-heir-mode” instead of the “student-council-president-mode”.
Obviously he knew that he should treat everyone of his students, especially those in his same year, equally, but Nagato was just…different. They had known each other since they were kids but only in the context of clan politics and their highly complex social dances. From early on Itachi knew that Nagato was on par with his intellect, constantly challenging him for his number one spot on the exam lists - and though he didn’t like to admit it, a part of him knew that Nagato could have easily cost him his position if he had decided to run for council president himself.
Together they entered the council chamber and Itachi was immensely relieved that it was otherwise empty. This was a highly delicate situation and Deidara’s brashness and Kisame’s snark were a diplomatic nightmare.
Itachi bid Nagato to sit down and immediately put on hot water to prepare the best tea their little cabinet could offer for this esteemed guest.
Carefully pouring the hot liquid into their best porcelain cups, Itachi precisely measured just enough honey to perfectly complete the exquisite taste of the chosen Oolong tea.
“Thank you very much.”, Nagato said as the Uchiha passed him the cup.
Now that the necessary courtesies were out of the way, Itachi asked his classmate what brought him to the council chamber.
His answer nearly brought down both their finely crafted and maintained appearances as the picture perfect clan heirs. “Pardon me?"
A small blush brought some well needed color on Nagato’s cheek as he repeated his answer.
“I was wondering if you could offer me some advice or help in regards to the romantic feelings I harbor towards a female classmate.”
Itachi took a big sip of his tee. “I…see.”, he responded eloquently.
Nagato blushed even harder, nearly arriving at a healthy and normal skin shade.
“I know that this is hardly council work nor is it any of your responsibility or duty. But I don’t know who else to turn to. I tried to ask my cousins, but they both lack the tact and…uhm.. social awareness to actually help me. I thought it would be best to ask you, Itachi, als we are of the same age and I trust in your intelligence and impeccable manners.”, Nagato explained further.
Itachi nodded slowly. “Of course I will help you to the best of my abilities. Not only as the council student but as a friend as well.”, he said diplomatically and Nagato smiled courteously.
“I am most grateful. If I may say so, rumor has it in the hallways, that you are quite…how should I put it… experienced in the manners of love.”, he added with a curious look in his eyes.
Itachi raised his eyebrow minimally. Did he call me a fuckboy?
His grip tightened ever so slightly around his cup. Is this a trick? Is he toying with me to compromise my honor? No, he wouldn’t dare, Nagato is not this kind of person… There is no malice or underhandedness in his eyes. Maybe…maybe…
Itachi took another long sip. That's genuinely what people think about me. I mean, I guess I can kind of understand where they are coming from. A rich, smart, influential and handsome clan heir has to be the ideal fantasy for a lot of people. Considering how many erotica feature heroes who can be easily compared with me, it’s easy for some airheads to blur the line between real life and fiction! I have to tread carefully now. This is the dilemma of my life: if I am said to be a casanova, a rapturing heartbreaker I will lose face and honor in my life that is controlled by clan politics and tradition. If the truth comes out that I am but a humble virgin, I remain an honorable young man in the eyes of the clan elders but am the laughingstock of the school yard. What to do, what to say?
Itachi smiled gently and put his cup down. “People talk a lot about what they desire, chase after and still can’t have.”, he said vaguely and Nagato gave him a look of both respect and amusement.
“Well…we shouldn’t dwell on my past further, with what can I help you?”
—
What Itachi neglected to do was to lock the council chamber and through the early spring winds, the door had opened just enough to hear what was spoken inside.
Kisame hid behind the thick oak wood and listened carefully to the two noble boys.
He too had heard of the rumors about Itachi, about his Harem of lovers, about the things he allegedly did to them. He knew they were all bullshit, but Nagato seemed to believe them to a point, and he was certainly not an idiot.
Itachi’s answer to it was too vague, conforming his awareness of his following but deliberately putting himself above them.
Still…even if Itachi was just an ordinary virgin, Kisame was curious to know what he thought about young teenage love.
—
Nagato cleared his throat and looked shyly at his tea.
“Well, to put it briefly - I have romantic feelings for one of my friends, Konan.”, he paused and smiled gently to himself. “We’ve been friends since elementary school and I fell in love with her a few months ago. The thing is, I’m not sure if she sees me just as a friend or not… And if she just sees me as a friend, wouldn’t a confession ruin everything between us? Would she be disgusted by me? Would she never talk with me again? I would rather continue pining after her instead of losing her completely…”
Itachi nodded thoughtfully. “I see…that’s truly an unfortunate situation. Hmm…did Konan ever show you hints about being interested in you?”
Nagato shrugged. “I honestly don’t know, and even if, I sincerely doubt I would have noticed.”
Itachi took another sip of tea. He was friendly enough with Konan, but not enough to accurately read her behavior and emotions, but someone else might.
“Say, you two are very close with another boy, I think his name is Yahiko?”
Nagato raised one eyebrow and nodded. “Yes, why?”
“I was just wondering, could you compare Konan’s behavior towards you and Yahiko? Are there any differences that could show some insights into her feelings?”
Nagato sighed heavily. He had hoped that Itachi didn’t open that can of worms.
“Yes, I think there are some…differences.”, he said with a hint of steel in his voice and Itachi gave him a nod to continue.
“For example, last Valentine’s day she gave each of us a box of chocolates, heart-shaped ones of Yahiko and simple round ones for me.”, he said bitterly.
—
Behind the doors Kisame winced in sympathy. This wasn’t just the friendzone, that was the flaming friendfortress! Poor Nagato, being spit in the face would be less humiliating.
—
To understand why Itachi was about to say what he said, one has to know a bit more about Itachi’s hobbies and childhood. Growing up in the strict and formal way of Clan politics, Itachi was raised with idealistic views of romance and companionship, romance meant complicated and intricate courting rituals between man and woman - every word and action having layers of layers of meaning. Also, as the natural genius that he is, Itachi learned to read much better and quicker than kids his age, which meant many hours spent in the Uchiha library. Highly unusual for his gender and age, Itachi loved to read romance novels since he was a child and that passion never left him. Because of that Itachi Uchiha sadly developed quite the skewed perception of love, especially of love in the modern time.
“You seem saddened and discouraged by that fact. I beg to differ, it obviously means she’s interested in you.”
Both Nagato and Kisame raised their eyebrows to their hairline.
“You think so?”, Nagato asked and laughed quietly. “Why?”
“From what I gather, Konan is a proper lady, she could never give a boy heart-shaped chocolates. It would be indecent and too forward.”
“But she gave some to Yahiko?”
“Because to her he is…how do I say that, one of the girls. A lot of girls give their female friends heart chocolates on Valentine’s day and they don’t read romantic love into it. It’s just a symbol of their platonic love to another. Now that she gave you both different chocolates, knowing that both of you will know about the other one's content, she is subtly telling Yahiko that she only likes him as a friend and that you are, well, different.”
—
Kisame slapped his hand against his forehead. If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic sport you would be gathering gold medals without end. What the fuck, man? Don’t give Nagato any hope, he’s just already on the course for a disaster.
—
Nagato slowly nodded in thought. He had never seen it that way, Konan was always very honest and up-front, but he could understand that a girl would be a bit shy about that sort of thing. Butterflies started to flutter in his belly. Maybe his chances were much better than he thought they were. But there was still one thing that didn’t sit right with him.
“Itachi, do you remember last year's New Year’s party?”
The council president sighed deeply, very deeply. “Yes.”, he croaked, sounding as if one was on the verge of tears. “What about it?”, he asked, pain deeply etched onto his face.
“Well, after everyone got a bit drunk and…honest…, Konan and her friends asked me if I had ever kissed a girl. I decided to tell the truth that I did not and Konan and her friends gave each other the look.”
“The look?”, Itachi inquired.
“Well, that look that girls give each other when they think something is immensely funny, but they don’t want to laugh out loud. They think they are being polite with that, but they actually just make it worse…”, Nagato muttered.
Itachi gave the Uzumaki an encouraging smile. “I think your memory is warped by the alcohol. I for one have never seen girls do that look, and I don’t think that any upstanding young woman would be so deceptive. I think Konan wanted to know because she wants to be your first kiss. By asking you in front of her friends, she is subtly telling them to back off, that your lips are hers to claim.”
Nagato was furiously blushing, his skin finally as red as his hair.
“W-what? Do…do you truly think all the time she was, she was… uhm…”, he burned even brighter.
“Yes, Konan was always romantically interested in you and all her schemes were to ensure that no one would come between you two.”
—
Oh my god, oh my fucking god! What the hell are you talking about?
Kisame was so close to storming into the council room and shaking both of them out of their little dreamland. You both are two of Ame’s finest, how are you so stupid?! How delusional can you be? This isn’t some weird rom-com, this is reality! REALITY! Konan is not into you, I’m not even sure she generally likes you that much.
—
Nagato took a few deep breaths and drank the rest of the tea. “Even so, I don’t know how to proceed now. Should I just tell her in a quiet moment, invite her to tea? What do you think?”
Itachi smiled and his eyes sparkled. Love confessions were always his favorite part in the stories - when, after hundreds of pages of misunderstandings and pining, all the emotions climaxed in a firework of romance and poetry.
“Well, luckily I have a wonderful idea.”
The council president stood up and walked to the slightly opened door.
“Now, imagine Konan standing here. You will be tempted to go down on one knee, but that's only for a proposal, not for a simple love confession. Just stand here, your back straight and smiling softly - not grinning! You neither want to be seen as either rigid, gutless or crazy. In my opinion you should bring her a single flower, a bouquet is far too risky and too much, while nothing at all is just boring. If you know her favorite flower, choose that, or if you don’t, a red or pink rose always gets the message across. Now, at first you give her the flower and bow respectfully. Give her a moment to look at and smell the flower before you continue. If you have her full attention, say this.”
Itachi cleared his throat.
—
Just a couple of centimeters across the wood, Kisame was rolling his eyes. I don’t know what is worse. If you just came up with this shit on the spot or if you had planned this for a long time.
He grinned. Well, if it’s the latter, I wonder why? Is there actually someone you fancy, Itachi-san? Do you doodle their name in your notebook with hearts underneath? Do you watch romance movies and sigh dramatically, wishing you could experience the same magic? Do you stare at them in class and turn red when they look at your general reaction?
Now he had to stifle a laugh. The notion was just too funny for him, but also a bit cute…
“You are probably wondering what I am doing and maybe you already have a general idea. Maybe you already know what I am about to say, maybe you have already noticed how I look at you, how I treasure any moment spent with you, how much I care about you. The truth is that I have fallen in love with you, for quite a while actually. I have fallen in love with your smile, with your laughter, with the sparkling in your eyes and the beating of your heart. I don’t know how you feel about me and you don’t have to love me back, I just had to get this off my chest and tell you. I love you.”
Kisames breath caught in his throat. He wasn’t aware how close Itachi was to the door, how easily the voice traveled to the air. A strange feeling fluttered in his chest and his cheeks were on fire. He vigorously shook his head, banishing the stray thoughts that started to blubber up in his brain. Also, this confession is cheesy as hell, if someone told me this I would probably just laugh at them. No one can say this unironically to another person, I refuse to believe that Itachi thinks this is a serious thing to say! You can’t rise to be student council president with such a lack of human communication?!
—
Nagato nodded slowly. “Yes, I can see this working. I think Konan likes purple roses so I’ll buy a fresh one first thing tomorrow.”
He smiled widely. “Thank you, Itachi, you are truly a reliable friend. I mean, your ideas seemed to work just fine with Hoshigaki.”
Itachi stared at him. “Pardon me?”
Nagato smiled innocently, but there was a spark of challenge in his eyes. “Aren’t you two a couple? Everyone says so.”
Itachi looked him deep in his eyes, black meeting lilac. “I am not in a relationship with Kisame.”
The Uzumaki kept on smiling. “Oh, forgive me then. You two just seem to be so close with each other…”
Itachi sighed deeply. He remembered the whole fiasco with the bento boxes. He still wasn’t sure what Kisame was thinking back then, and he didn’t really wanted to know.
“I thought so too, but I think I might have accidentally offended him. I wasn’t always the perfect council president in every meeting.”
—
Kisame frowned. What are you talking about? Did I say something rude? If I did, I surely didn’t mean to…
—
Nagato cocked his head in curiosity. “Before you think about his feelings, you should be clear about your own. What do you think about Hoshigaki, personally?”
Itachi thought for a moment and he felt the sudden urge to say things that he could never say to the other council members or most classmates. But he knew that he could trust Nagato to keep his mouth shut. “Well, he is obviously a talented and hardworking athlete, but his constant snark and side comments are often out of line and he doesn’t take anything serious and he often stares creepily at people and that hair…”
Itachi instantly stopped his rant as he caught a glimpse of said hair behind one of the door panels. It seemed his coworker had just arrived at the chamber but stopped to listen to his complaints…about him. Itachi cringed at the memory of his scary, staring, yellow eyes.
“...is truly unique and shows his status as one of Ame’s most important students! He is always helpful, patient and kind. He’s an ace in every science class, he knows so much about sports and culture. Kisame is truly the best vice-president I could have ever asked for.”
Nagato smiled knowingly. “Isn’t that nice to hear.”, he said and stood up.
“Well then, thank you again for helping me, Itachi.”
“No problem, that's what I’m here for.”
After Nagato had left, Itachi had assumed Kisame would quickly waltz in, smirking like a fox, but he didn’t. Itachi stared at his empty tea cup. He wondered if he had heard only the first half of his opinionated rant. If so, he was stuck in even deeper shit. He ran through his long hair, staring at the few hairs stuck between his fingers. Too much stress…Always too much stress. Being the Uchiha clan heir, the student council president and best of his year was obviously bringing him to his limit. Now personal conflict was also added to the picture.
Itachi sighed again and stood up to make himself a cup of extra strong coffee. Maybe he should have done the same as Nagato, be content with only two things. But now it was too late, he was the first-born, the elected president and it would honestly hurt his pride if he were to fall off his number one spot.
“Hello, Itachi.”
A bit sluggishly, the president turned around and saw Kisame walking into the council chamber.
“I bought some Taiyaki from the bakery down the street. Do you want to wait for Deidara, or should we eat them all together?”
He gave him a grin that was all teeth and Itachi smiled back at him. “If we don’t leave one for Deidara, he is going to smash his clay plates on our heads.”
—
The next day, after the last class had ended, Nagato had taken a beautiful dark purple rose from his locker and presented it to Konan. Following Itachi’s exact instructions he had bowed, waited and then confessed his undying love for his classmate.
Yahiko had stared in confusion, Konan’s friends in shock, but to everyone's (especially Nagato’s) surprise, she had kissed him on the cheek and asked him out for coffee.
Itachi had watched from a proper distance and smiled, happy for his friend.
Confessions were truly his favorite part from any love story. He couldn’t wait for his own.
Today's result: Nagato-samas victory