Kisame-san wants to taste
It happened after the president and his vice-president returned from a meeting with the presidents of the various art clubs, when - on their way back to the council chamber - they passed a lovey-dovey couple sharing their food.
“Stop teasing me! Just a small bite…”, the brown haired girl said in a high-pitched, childlike voice and her boyfriend giggled. “What’s the magic word?”, he asked with a smug smile.
“Please?”, the girl said with huge puppy eyes, but the white haired boy shook his head.
“Pretty please with sugar on top? One hundred please?”
The boy laughed. “Alright, alright, but don’t eat everything.”
Kisame fake gagged and Itachi raised his eyebrows. “Is everything alright with you?”
He shuddered and said: “Doesn’t it bother you?”
Itachi just shrugged. “Why should it, it’s none of my business and they are not bothering anyone.”
“Well they are bothering me!”
Itachi gave him a weird side-look, which Kisame took as an invitation to elaborate.
“Maybe it’s just me, but it always annoys me when couples do that - it’s especially bad in our swimming team, which is why I always eat in the council room. It’s just obnoxious and their dumb, little game is never as funny and cute as they think it is!”
Itachi chuckled. “I never thought I would see you getting worked up over such a trivial thing.”
He smirked. “One might think you were jeal - ouch!”
Itachi glared at Kisame, who had punched his shoulder and now smirked down on him.
“Who's now complaining about something trivial?”
“Your comparison is thoroughly lacking…”
Back in the council room, Kisame was surprised as Itachi took out his Bento box as well.
“Huh, you usually never eat here.”, he mentioned and the other boy shrugged.
“Yes, usually I eat with Sasuke, but his class is on a trip, so I don’t have to walk all the way to the middle school building and just eat here.”
A smile spread out on his lips. “Another upside is that my mum had more time preparing my food.”
Kisame raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Your mum makes you your food herself?”
Itachi nodded proudly. “With a mum like mine, our house never needs a cook or take-out!”
“Must be nice.”, Kisame muttered and sat down on his couch.
To be fair, Kisame was somewhat intrigued. At home he had always been taught that a proper diet was the key for success and the cooks of the Hoshigaki’s city estate were instructed to make him the best and most ideal food to support his athletic career - did Itachi’s mum have a similar mindset? And if so, what was the food that fueled the genius mind of her son?
Kisames eyes comically widened as Itachi took off the lid of the box.
Inside were four perfectly shaped onigiri, an assortment of vegetables cut into stars and flowers, a few meatballs topped with melted mozzarella and most importantly, nestled behind the veggies, candied apricots!
Now actual jealousy burned through Kisame's veins. This lunch box was the perfect student lunch - filled with all of the students favorite food, handmade by his own mother!
He gritted his teeth. How he yearned for something more than salads, fish, chicken, eggs, tofu and those weird, thick, muddy smoothies!
He wondered if it was too forward to ask for a bite and he was sure Itachi would indulge him - if it wasn’t for…
The pressure on his jaws increased. If it wasn’t for this goddamned couple earlier. While he had forgiven them he couldn’t risk being ridiculed by Itachi.
Oh, so now you want to share your food, isn’t that too bothersome for you? Well, if you really want to, sure…but first, what's the magic word?
He bit down on his cheek and tasted blood. No, he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t give him the satisfaction! No one looked down on him, no one, never!
Over the gritting of his teeth he barely registered that the door opened again and Deidara waltzed in the room.
“Did your mum make that?”, he asked, pointing at the bento box, before sitting down next to Kisame.
Itachi gave him a wary look. “Yes…why?”, he asked carefully.
Deidara gave him a genuine smile. “It looks great, my mum sometimes makes my lunch too - when she’s suddenly in the mood - and while it’s delicious it never looks as fancy as yours, hn!”
Itachi looked a bit taken aback. “Oh, thank you.”
Grasping the obvious opportunity to relieve the tension between them, Deidara took out his lunch box as well and asked. “If it’s okay with you, can I have a bite of yours? You can have some of mine as well, our cook makes the best gyozas ever!”
The president's features softened as he took the olive branch handed to him. “Sure, I don’t mind. The onigiri are filled with salmon and teriyaki sauce, in case you have any allergies.”
Deidara shook his head and scooted closer to the table. “Nah, I love salmon.”
Kisame glared at him. And so do I, you treacherous piece of shit! Without me you would have never gotten this position! I vouched for you, I brought you up here and this is how you repay me? I thought you hated Itachi but now you mingle with him like a common bitch! Don’t you have a single shred of decency?
Itachi tried to suppress his smirk as he saw Kisame ripping Deidara to pieces in his inner eye. So he truly is the jealous type. Though he wondered what it was that he was jealous of? The food? He knew what a person like him had to eat to keep this physique and he could imagine that one could quickly grow tired of it. Or maybe…the attention?
Well, Itachi was the efficient type and this opportunity was very fruitful. Time to take a second step.
“Deidara-kun, do you like apricots? They were grown in our own garden, harvested and dried by my grandmother and lastly candied by my mum.”
The secretary nodded and swallowed the mouthful of rice. “Homegrown is always best…unfortunately hop is the only thing growing by us.”
He picked out an especially juicy piece and handed it to Deidara, making sure to visibly brush his fingertips against his. The junior obliviously shoved the apricot in his mouth and started munching.
Itachi nibbled on a piece himself and watched Kisame from the corner of his eye. It looked like he was about to burst every blood vessel in his body.
“Wow!”, Deidara exclaimed. “These are really good! I’ve never had dried fruit that is still so juicy. It’s sweet but it’s not overwhelming and still a little bit sour - just as a perfect apricot should be, hn!”
Itachi smiled warmly. “I’m glad you are enjoying it.”
Kisame stared down at the two newly found lovebirds. Deidara, I would feed you to Samehada if I weren’t so concerned about her intestinal flora! And you, Itachi - you are not as subtle as you think you are, I know what you are playing at!
Itachi's smile grew colder as he reached into his bag. I know what I am about to do is needlessly cruel, but if you should fall in love with me you first have to understand how deep this darkness in me is. I’m sorry, Kisame, I hope I am not going too far. Even if you actually don’t have a crush on me - which obviously you have - I just hope this won’t destroy any feeling of friendship and camaraderie between us.
“When we are finished with our bento boxes we could have some dessert, my mum baked fresh pain au chocolat.”
“Oh man, is your mum single?”
Itachi bit down on his lip. Well, I suppose I’ll get used to him…eventually.
He turned as he heard a rustling noise and saw Kisame taking his bag and walking out of the room. “Hey, where are you going?”, Deidara asked and cold, vengeful eyes dashed to him.
“I’m going to go eat lunch with my friends.”, he answered quickly and slammed the door behind him.
Kisame stormed down the hall, out of the building and to the direction of the swimming pool.
You’ll regret this, Itachi. I will make you pay for what you did to me!
—
Kisame waited patiently in the council room for Itachi's return. He had assessed the situation as so dire that he had cashed in his monthly cheat day earlier than usual.
His mood immediately fell as Itachi didn’t enter the room alone - no, he was accompanied by Deidara and they seem to be chatting quite amiably with each other.
“Oh, you are already here, we thought you were at the swimming pool with your friends?”, Deidara asked with a slightly smug smile.
Kisame pretended as if he had not heard him.
“So, are you going to eat lunch too? I’m practically starving.”, he said and sat down, opening his box. Shown was a bowl of freshly made tonkatsu, a portion of crisp golden tempura and juicy, ripe peaches. Feeling the heavy looks on his back, Kisame also opened a second, smaller container that revealed a colorful variety of daifuku cakes.
“Wow, that looks great, did your mum make that?”, Deidara said curiously and sat down across from the vice-president, next to Itachi.
Kisame’s eyelid twitched.
“No.”, he said after a moment. “My mother doesn’t care for cooking, the house chéf made it.”
His eyes fell on Itachi who was staring at the daifuku.
Good, good, perfect, perfect! Everyone knows about your sweet tooth and now you have fallen right into my trap! Go on, ask me for one, there are enough there for everyone (and I shouldn’t eat many of them anyway). And if you get one of my daifuku, it is only fair to get some of your candied apricots, right?
Itachi cleared his throat and opened his bag. “Well if you are eating, we should as well, right Deidara-kun?”
The secretary nodded, but didn’t take out his bento box himself.
Kisame watched with narrowed eyes as Itachi put two boxes on the table.
“So what did your mum make today?”, Deidara asked with unveiled greed.
“Karaage with a seasonal salad, omelets and of course…”, he said, taking off the lids. “Some more apricots from my grandmother and as a dessert…”
“Itachi-chaaan, it seems the chéf put a little too much daifuku in my box, would you like some of them?”, Kisame interrupted him and his yellow eyes burned into Itachi's soul.
Itachi paused for a second, weighing his options. He loved daifuku but the way Kisame smiled and talked was just…menacing. As if he was planning something, something sinister.
Let’s think about it for a moment. How will a person like him combat his jealousy? At first glance he just wants to be friendly and kind, possibly extinguishing his jealousy by putting me in a position where I would have to return both food and attention. But he can’t be that jealous about my food, after all, his own is quite indulging as well… so it’s just about Deidara? But why do I feel like there is something deeper, darker? Is the daifuku somewhat poisoned, maybe filled with a laxative of some kind? Oh god, I screwed up yesterday… I really provoked him too much… I should have known, as an athlete of his caliber he’s too competitive, too aggressive! I need to apologize, but I don’t think he is in a forgiving mood right now… what to do, what to do?!
Itachi smiled politely. “Sure, but first we should eat the main course, my mother always said that the sweets come last.”
Kisame bit down angrily on his lips and Itachi gulped. That came out more condescending as I thought, damn it! Why am I so nervous right now?
Deidara took one of the boxes and grabbed the chopsticks lying next to the omelets.
He noticed Kisame surprised (but not his enraged) look and explained: “Since I liked the cooking of Itachi’s mum so much, she made me an entire second portion for myself. Isn’t she super nice?”
Kisame stared down at him.
Deidara, did you know that the chliché of mafiosi drowning their victims by weighing their feet down with cement is, in fact, just a chliché and not the truth? Isn’t that disappointing? Don’t you wish there was at least one corpse laying down on the bottom of the sea, their flesh eaten and torn by sharks and squids? Their skeleton overgrown with barnacles and corals, the cement breaking away, freeing them after centuries of the tides? And when finally the remnants of your withered bones are washed ashore, no one will even remember your name!
Itachi swallowed heavily and picked up his pace eating. The last thing I need right now is a war-torn student council. I'd better stop eating in the council room altogether. At least Sasuke is back next week. It seems as if I miscalculated… Well, it won’t happen again, I never made one mistake twice!
Chewing the rest of his food and barely tasting it, Itachi immediately dashed through the door.
“Where are ya going, hn?”, Deidara said between bites and Itachi felt the blazing gaze of Kisame trying to burn itself into his spine.
“Sorry, I have to go already, I have an urgent meeting with the headmaster.”, Itachi lied and fled.
Deidara raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? Seems as if I, the secretary, should know that as well. Who the fuck does the Uchiha think he is?!”, he muttered angrily and Kisame couldn’t help but smirk.
“Anyway.”, the younger boy shrugged and held up the bento box. “The apricots are really tasty and if it’s your cheat day, anyway…You want some?”
Kisame melted and he smiled softly. Maybe I overreacted a little bit. I should have trusted you, Deidara. I should have known I could always rely on you.
“Sure, dude.”, he said and took the fruit slice.
Kisame hummed as the sweet and sour juice enveloped his tongue, his teeth biting down on the chewy fruit, luring more fresh divinity into his mouth.
“It’s really good, isn’t it?”, Deidara asked and Kisame nodded.
“Yeah, it’s delicious.”
His expressions softened and he patted Deidara comradely on the shoulder.
“And you are a great friend, that I would never drown in the ocean.”
“Hn, thanks.”, he answered with a smile and took another bite of his food.
“Hey, wait a second?!”
Todays result: Itachi-sama’s defeat