where I walk you don't follow, will you cry if I let go?
Would it not kill to say goodbye?
"What if I wanted to come with you?" Sakura shyly asked looking up at Sasuke. His handsome face, the stoic expression on his face like aways. Sakura's heart was loud in her ears, the nervousness scattering all over her limbs. "You know," she pinches her fingers getting more nervous, the air around her suffocating. Push through Sakura, "it'd be beneficial to have a medic with you...I would like to accompany you, personally as well. My feelings are the same. As they’ve always been." Sakura holds her hands up to her chest, on top of her heart.
Sakura avoided eye contact for a few moments. Then she looked up to his eyes. "Sasuke." She softly spoke. Please say something.
"Why don’t you try moving on for once? Might make it easier."
The wind was knocked out of her. She stood frozen. Those words cut deep. Sakura's mouth hung open.
"It won't work like that."
There it was the final blow.
Walking through her with her heart in his hands, the broken reverie. Death probably felt better than this.
Sakura's shoulders slumped as she watched Sasuke walk away. The outline of Sasuke's body getting smaller in the distance. She was thankful Naruto and Kakashi left her alone.
Going back to her apartment, she sat down and laughed until she started crying. It went from all to nothing.
~~~
"Sakura! Hellooo!" Naruto waves his hand in front of her.
"Hey." Sakura steps back. "What are you doing at the hospital?"
"Thought you'd be hungry. It's lunch time. Ramen?" Naruto raises a blond eyebrow. A goofy smile is always plastered on his face. A ray of sunshine in her life.
Sakura makes a face, but agrees. Both of them walk to Naruto's favorite place.
"On me." Naruto says as they sit down. He pokes Sakura with his elbow. "Thanks." Sakura nods.
It's quiet between the two best friends. Normally they would be loud, joking around. Now it's just the two of them eating ramen. Naruto looks over at Sakura, her shoulders hunched, eyes down. He knows something's up.
"Uh, I saw Kakashi-sensei with a different book, not Make-out Paradise." Naruto jokes.
"Wow nice." Sakura’s uninterested voice answers.
"Hey are you okay? Anything on your mind?"
Sakura puts down her chopsticks, and rubs her wrist. Guilt swarming her mind, Naruto isn't the best person to talk to about this. It would just be putting him in the middle again, just like when she asked him to bring back Sasuke.
"No, no. I'm sorry." The tears blind Sakura's eyes, she stands up, the chair creaking. Fists are at her eyes, trying to wipe the tears. She turns around to exit the stand, but runs into someone.
Sasuke enters the ramen shop running into Sakura, her hands at her eyes. He grabs one hand by her wrist, pulling it down. Her eyes are stained with tears. Bright green eyes dilated by sadness.
Seeing who it is, Sakura yanks her hand away from him. She runs out, by going around him.
Where I walk, you don’t follow.
This whole day has been shit for Sakura. It started when Kakashi told her Sasuke would be back. That next day she cut her hair again. It had gotten long again. It was her way of trying to regain control.
She touched the new length and sighed. Looking at the hospital schedule, she added two double shifts to take up her time.
Sakura only went to her apartment and the hospital. No pit stops, or wandering around in case she would see Sasuke.
And on the worst day she saw him. She was plagued by him, the never-ending heartbreak in her chest, the residual haunting ground of his ghost.
*
There was a time when Sakura would escape to her secret hideaway. It was deep in the forest hidden. She would spend afternoons there as a child in her own world.
When she joined team 7 she took down everything down. Her drawings, flowers, and trinkets.
She feared Naruto or Kakashi or God forbid Sasuke would show up to her apartment. The forest it is.
It’s all muscle memory and she’s back to her childhood. Deep insecurity over her forehead and wanting to be accepted.
Taking a deep breath, she got on the ground and crawled into the cave that now seemed so small compared to when she was a child.
Looking around she imagined it as she was a child. Drawings all over, flowers in pots, blankets on the ground. She used to have a handheld mirror that she'd stare into for hours, trying ways to cover her forehead. The flowers she nurtured and had all over. The lonely afternoons she'd spend there until she became friends with Ino. She didn't need this sweet escape anymore, until now.
She hugged her knees to her chest. Breathe in, breath out.
Being a child was so much easier than being an adult. Everything was so much more simpler, the world a lot bigger. Boys were just boys and not men who broke hearts so casually.
If child Sakura was looking at adult Sakura what would she say?
She'd probably be confused as to why the hell she's still here hiding away. Why do you still think about him after all this time?
Sakura's heart still pounded in her ears as she thought about Sasuke. This kind of love, even after all this time would never mend. Ghosts that follow you around, tormenting the what could have been.
I can't get an answer out of him, would it hurt less if he loved me?
"What if I came with you?"
"It won't work like that."
"Revenge won't solve anything."
"I'm traveling a path the rest of you can't follow."
"Don't leave me! I'll scream."
"Thank you, Sakura."
Would I still love him if I met him now?
Would I?