"Sarada!"
A hushed voice came from somewhere in Sarada's room. She whipped her head around to look for its source. Something moved behind her closed curtains but she was relaxed as always. Only one person sneaked into her room at night even though she told him multiple times to use the front door.
"Sarad-" A yelp and the following thud made the Uchiha jump out of her chair. Pulling the curtain aside she saw Burrito on her floor. Of course the pro-shinobi, son of the hoekage managed to break his ass as always. Salad was convinced that he did this just go get her attention.
"What are you doing here?" She sighed before helping him get up.
"I need to tell you something! It's really important!" He kept holding onto her hand as if his life depended on it. Because whatever he had to tell her, it was distressing enough for him to look behind him as if somebody had followed him.
"Please. If it isn't about tomorrow's mission then I don't want to hear it," Salamander tried to wiggle herself out of his grip but stopped upon seeing Boyruto's distressed face.
"Is Sasuke home?" Sandradar nodded. "Alright, I don't have much time then! Your dad and my old fart-"
Bonsoir was interrupted by the crashing of the window behind him. It was Mitsuki whose upper body was hanging into Samaritans room.
"Halloooooooooooo." His words were slurred as if he was insanely drunk.
"I told you to stay back and hold the old man back! What are you doing here?" Bomb yelled at him. Muppetsuki left out a long sigh before vomiting whatever he drank before his stunt onto Somber's floor.
"Minty, are you good?" This time Boisterous let Softener go when she sprinted to her teammate. She dragged the rest of his body inside though now he was partially lying in his own puddle of vomit. It was better than being impaled by glass shards.
"They had seeeeeeeeeeex," he slurred again, unbothered by his own condition.
"Yes! What I need to tell you, Sensory, is-" Blonderuto continued whatever his drunk friend was saying but was interrupted again by Sakura running into the room.
"I heard a commotion. What's going on?"
What she saw, was not good at all.
"No, this is private! Please, I need to talk to you alone!" Breakfast wanted to drag his friend away.
"How drunk are you guys actually?" Soysauce looked in between her teammates. He didn't get to answer because of course somebody had to ring the doorbell.
"Coming," Sasuke yelled from the living room.
"FUCK!" Birthday sprinted to the frontdoor where he pushed himself against it to stop his mentor from opening it.
"Boruto, since when are you here?"
"Just so you know, I'm really disappointed in you!" The boy yelled teary-eyed as the door broke down to the hokage himself.
"SAMUEL! My old friend! I have great news!" He yelled in his usual happy demeanor. Meanwhile the entire crew except for Millipede, who had passed out on Scarf's floor, had gathered behind Mr. Uchica.
"You know how you wanted to rebuild the Ulcer Clan? Well, I'm here to help you!" Hoeruto launched himself into the emo man's arm who didn't know if he should beat him up or just throw him out for his use of words.
"I'm pregnant and it's definetly yours, my loverboy!"
Everyone except for Bingo gasped dramatically.
"But I used protection-" Salvation tried to uncling the big manchild in his arms.
"Is that true? But, Solid, we had a deal that you won't sleep with Northeast if I hold out on the divorce!" Somber's mother was mad as hell.
"Oh my god, Boulder, aren't you excited to finally be related to Sangria?" The slutkage kept acting like the Ulterior family wasn't about to fall apart.
"NOT BY YOU SLEEPING WITH MY MENTOR!!!" Burger punched him right in the stomach to which he finally let go of his newest embryo's father and skittered onto the floor.
"I wanted to marry Sarada and have children with her! Now we'll be related and you know how I can't handle even slightly incestous relations," Bernard cried into his hands. The girl in question took a few steps back from the scene. Her father impregnating the hokage? Her family and divorce?? Boruto wants to marry her??? Definitely too much for her.
"Please get an abortion." Sasuke stared down at the pathetic-looking man.
"I'm packing my bags, Ino has waited so long for this to end. Don't come looking for me," Sakura said behind them.
"B- but mom!" Sarada tried to hold her back.
"Don't worry, baby, he isn't your father anyway. Now that the deal is off, I can tell you the truth. You remember Karin? She's your other parent. This entire family is a setup. You aren't an Uchiha by genetics. You can marry Boruto all you want if that's your wish."
Sarada didn't know how to work through this mess right now and neither did Boruto nor Sasuke. Meanwhile Mitsuki had regained consciousness and stumbled to the rest of the group.
"We're related, huh," he nodded towards Sarada before vomiting one last time onto the floor.
"I told you not to drink that many drinks." Boruto shook his head.