Chapter 8
“Hi.”
Jinx stared.
“The fuck?”
Caitlyn swallowed and nervously smoothed out her shirt as she looked down at Jinx.
A too-big sweater hung off her frame, sliding down one shoulder and offering a tantalizing view of blue ink on soft skin. Her hair was freed from their braids and hung down like a blanket of the silkiest blue Caitlyn had ever seen and that she wanted to touch so badly. There were dark circles around her blue eyes and they looked like they were almost glowing in the dim light from the hallway and the darkness from her apartment.
“C-Can I come in?” The tremble in her voice made her face burn and she hoped dearly that the low lighting kept Jinx from seeing that.
Jinx cocked her head to the side and continued staring at her like she’d grown two heads on the drive over. Caitlyn started fidgeting with her sleeves as the silence dragged on and stuffed them in her pockets to try to keep her nerves from being so obviously visible.
The burning gaze was doing nothing to make Caitlyn’s face cool down, embarrassment at what she was doing and how bedraggled she no doubt looked made her sure she was about to burst into real, actual flames any second now.
“Jinx?” She asked tentatively, shifting from one foot to the other.
Eyebrows pulled together and lips parted slightly as Jinx kept just staring at her.
Jinx took a step back, never looking away, and Caitlyn was sure she was about to slam the door in her face, but to her surprise she opened it further and stepped aside in silent permission.
Awkwardly Caitlyn shuffled past her into the apartment, hearing the door click shut behind her before the light shuffling of bare feet on the floor sidled past her into the kitchen that took up a corner of the apartment.
“Can I getcha something?” Jinx offered with rare politeness, made more out of place by the fact that Caitlyn had showed up in the middle of the night looking like a bedraggled stray. The lack of hostility made Caitlyn’s stupidly hopeful heart soar as she shrugged her soaked coat off.
“Just water, please.” Her voice was lower than she intended but Jinx must have heard as she pulled a mug from a cupboard.
Neither of them said anything as Jinx filled the mug and pushed it into Caitlyn’s hands. Her previous resolve melted away to give way for a sense of such anxiety that she had to hold on to the mug for dear life to keep her hands from shaking.
Jinx’s eyes burned with such intensity that Caitlyn felt more like a puzzle than a person under their searching gaze.
She shifted her weight and brought the mug up for a sip, scrambling to find the courage she had lost when Jinx had opened the door. It was becoming clear Jinx wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence, suspicion clear in the way she held herself as she stared Caitlyn down a three meters away with her arms crossed over the sweater threatening to swallow her whole.
…swallow her whole…
‘That’s just great, am I jealous of a bloody sweater now?’
Her throat struggled to swallow the cold water thanks to the clump of embarrassment that had appeared to block her airways.
“I-”
“-what I mean is-”
“-uh, I w-wanted to-”
“-no, I mean, neede-”
Oh, her grandmother must be rolling in her grave over the utter collapse of the eloquence and steadiness of voice that had been hammered into Caitlyn her entire life. A lifetime of lessons from tutors and her own mother, all of it nowhere to be found in the moment she needed it most.
’Somebody strike me down, please.’ Caitlyn mentally beseeched any deity watching to stop her from further embarrassment.
Concern had joined suspicion in Jinx’s gaze and Caitlyn forced the blush wanting to spill across her cheeks down as she straightened her back and scoured every inch of her mind for where she might have left her vocabulary.
“Jinx.” Said person raised an eyebrow when Caitlyn finally mustered a tone that wasn’t that of a flustered schoolgirl.
She set the mug down on the counter and took a single step closer to Jinx.
“I’m sorry for disturbing you so late,” Amusement, well, that’s better than just suspicion at least, “but I have realised this is something that must be done, for my sanity if nothing else.”
“You’re not here to kill me, right?” Jinx’s lips quirked up into a tiny smile and Caitlyn’s heart skipped a beat at having such a thing directed at her.
She ignored what Jinx had said, had to in order to not give herself any time to change her mind.
“I came here to ask you something.” She swallowed around the ball in her throat, palms sweaty and stomach twisting inside of her. “Something I have wanted to ask for a while.”
“And to clear up any misunderstandings between us,” Caitlyn grimaced, “ones that I’m aware are entirely my fault, ones I should’ve dealt with long ago.”
She took a deep breath as Jinx’s face filled with confusion, brows pulling together and mouth falling open just a bit in an expression that Caitlyn found so endearing she wanted nothing more than to take a picture of it, to preserve it in case she never saw it, saw Jinx, again after tonight.
Another deep breath.
She couldn’t tear her eyes away from Jinx.
“I don’t hate you!” She finally blurted out, feeling a weight lifting off her shoulders upon saying the words after all this time.
“I never did, I’m sorry for letting you think I did.”
The point of no return had been crossed when she had gotten in the elevator, nowhere to go but forward, nothing to do but keep going.
“The reason I started avoiding you-”
She should’ve rehearsed this. Or done it when she wasn’t several drinks deep; not drunk though, she was sure she was tipsy at worst…
…she hoped so at least.
“It’s…” She licked her dry lips as she watched Jinx’s face flash with a number of different emotions, none of them staying long before being replaced by another.
“The truth,” She felt frozen, she felt like she was burning, “is that I…”
“I don’t hate you… I never did, never could, because the truth is that I-”
“-that I…want -no- that I want to be...”
“...with you…” Her face was burning, her nails were stuck in her palm and she felt a river of sweat running down her back. She was sure she had just earned herself a place among the cosmic list of worst confessions ever with whatever-the-hell she had just done.
She really should’ve rehearsed.
No more words dared leave her as she awaited judgement; waited as her heart was weighed and her feelings judged by the slip of a woman in front of her.
“What?”
Jinx exclaimed in a squawk, her arms falling to her side as she stared at Caitlyn like she had just told her the world was made of chocolate and the moon of cheese.
“I-I mean-Just-” Jinx stammered, hands raised up to wave them around for emphasis.
"What?!"
Caitlyn winced at the volume of her voice and hoped the walls were thick enough to keep any neighbors from hearing them.
She gathered her nerves as Jinx continued to trip her way through the entire English language again. Caitlyn pulled her nails from her palms and took several long stops forward until she was close enough to touch her.
In a move both stupid and impulsive, Caitlyn put both hands on Jinx’s shoulders. Jinx went quiet and still as she looked up into her eyes. She steadied her heart as best she could and tilted her head down just a little.
“I mean it, Jinx.” She tried to sound firm enough to get the fact that she was deadly serious about this across, no more misunderstandings, she would not allow it.
“I have wanted this, you, since before Vi and I broke up.” Caitlyn’s voice held steady and she drank in the brightness of Jinx’s eyes, the softness of her skin, even the dark circles that had decorated the woman’s eyes since childhood.
“I am not joking. I am not lying. I mean every word, I swear.” Let it be enough, please. If it wasn’t she would talk until it was or Jinx threw her out on her ass, but she wasn’t going to back down now, not when she was closer than ever.
“You…” Jinx said, quiet and puzzled, as her brows knitted together again and her lips formed a sceptical line.
“...What is this, Caitlyn?” Her voice was so quiet, so wary and so lost. Caitlyn felt something ache at the dull tone that had replaced the vibrancy of her usual manner.
“It’s what I said it is.” She said again, somehow having Jinx so unbalanced allowed her to find her own footing again.
“I want to be with you.”
“Give me a chance, please. Just one and I’ll prove I’m serious.” Caitlyn felt Jinx begin dissecting her again, blue irises peeling away the layers of skin, muscle, fat and sinew until her bones and her truth was laid out for her to see.
Caitlyn’s heart was pounding in her ears as she held her breath while waiting for Jinx to respond. Her eyes burned from the unblinking gaze she had down on Jinx’s face.
Seconds or maybe hours passed as Caitlyn stood holding her shoulders and that piercing stare trying to see any deceit in her words.
’Come on, say something, say anything.’ Caitlyn pleaded in her head as the moment dragged on and the silence settled on her shoulders like a cloak that threatened to suffocate her.
“You’re serious?” Jinx finally asked, some life creeping back into her.
“Yes.” She reassured, not able to stop herself from squeezing Jinx’s shoulders in an attempt to convey the words physically as well as verbally.
“God, what the fuck is happening.” Jinx muttered under her breath. She took her eyes off Caitlyn and shrugged her hands off, wandering over to the couch and leaning on the armrest facing Caitlyn.
She pulled an arm around her middle and pinched the bridge of her nose with the other. Caitlyn cautiously took a few steps closer, not as close as before but still close enough to hear her muttering to herself.
Suddenly her hand fell from her face and her head snapped back up so quickly Caitlyn almost flinched as her eyes once again met hers, somehow blazing even brighter than before.
“Okay, fine, so you wanna… What? Take me out somewhere or something?” Jinx demanded confidence filling her back up.
Caitlyn swallowed hard and nodded sharply, failing to find words yet again.
If this condition lasted past tonight she might have to consider another career.
“Alright.” Jinx abruptly pushed off the armrest and stalked up to Caitlyn, invading her personal space with ease, her face now so close their noses almost brushed against each other.
“Prove it.” Jinx spat, uncaring of Caitlyn’s flinch.
“How?” Is all she said, feeling as lost as Jinx had looked before.
Jinx stared for a long moment.
“Kiss me.”
What.
What!
Someone in Caitlyn’s head was squealing like a little girl as her mouth opened and closed like a fish.
’Kiss her?!’
‘She wants me to kiss her?!’
“-like you mean it.” Jinx jabbed a finger into Caitlyn’s chest. “If you don’t I’ll tell and you can fuck off back to Piltitown.”
“Got it, Cupcake?” Jinx hissed, but Caitlyn was far more interested in how suddenly inviting Jinx’s plush lips looked now that she didn’t see them as forbidden territory.
She paid no mind to the threat injected in the old nickname, far too busy with all the fireworks going off in her skull. Her knotted up insides unraveled and Caitlyn felt a stupidly large smile appear on her face.
’Jinx wants me to kiss her’ She thought dumbly, still looking down at her scowling lips.
“Well, Piltie? What’ll it b-!”
Caitlyn didn’t let her finish.
Her lips met Jinx’s in a hurried kiss, closing her eyes and reaching up to cradle Jinx’s cheeks. The other woman stiffened and then leaned into the kiss, her hands ghosting over Caitlyn’s hips.
The press of their lips continued as Caitlyn dazedly risked letting her tongue swipe across Jinx’s lips briefly and tasting bubblegum and a faint hint of coffee likely from earlier today.
It felt like a shock to her system when Jinx suddenly pushed her away and broke the kiss. Caitlyn mourned the feeling of Jinx’s face slipping out of her hands but when she looked into Jinx’s face again and saw her flushed and breathing heavily it almost made it worth it.
“...oh.” The word fell softly from Jinx’s mouth as she stared at Caitlyn like a deer-in-headlights.
Caitlyn licked her lips –tasting bubblegum– and reveled in the lingering sensation of the kiss, committing it to memory alongside the look on Jinx’s face.
“Well?” She couldn’t help but say it a bit smugly, a stupid smile still on her face.
“Uh…” Jinx said, her eyes darting around as the blush intensified on her face.
She shook her head, blue hair swaying like a curtain of blue silk, and averted her gaze while clearing her throat.
“Y-Yeah, um, I guess you did mean it.”
Satisfaction bloomed in her chest and Caitlyn felt drunker off of that admission than any of the drinks she’d had with Jayce and Viktor.
“Fine.” Jinx tilted her chin up defiantly, crossing her arms but still refusing to meet her eyes. “O-One chance.”
“But that’s it!” She waved a finger at Caitlyn. “I ain’t some air-headed Piltie broad you can pull around just because you're loaded and have great tits, capiche?”
Jinx finally managed to look back at her and Caitlyn brushed off the remark about her chest to instead give her most reassuring smile.
“I only need one.” A bit cocky perhaps, but Caitlyn had plenty of confidence in her wooing skills, however rusty she had been after Vi it hadn’t taken her long to find her footing in approaching new people.
Jinx shot her an unamused look.
“You got my number?” She asked and when Caitlyn nodded in confirmation, she still had it saved, something she was thankful for.
Jinx pulled her phone out and swiftly did something before putting it away again.
“There, I unblocked yours.” Knowing Jinx had had her number blocked should not have hurt the way it did but Caitlyn consoled herself with the fact that she had undone it now.
“Call or text or whatever when you wanna do this, but remember,” Jinx pursed her lips as the last bit of red on her cheeks faded, “one chance, that’s it.”
“One chance.” Caitlyn repeated, still smiling like an idiot.
“Great, you can crash on the couch tonight, I'm gonna go pass out in my bed.” Jinx muttered the last part without another word and walked to a small hallway that probably led to said bedroom.
“That’s not necessary, I can just-”
Jinx swiveled around and leveled an unconvinced look.
“I could taste the alcohol on ya, Cupcake,” She said, a bit of amusement in her voice, “the bathroom’s over there.” She jerked her head behind her, indicating one of the doors in the hallway was the bathroom.
“There’s a blanket and pillows on the couch.” With that Jinx turned back around and quickly disappeared behind one of the doors, which meant the other one was the restroom.
Caitlyn remained standing awkwardly in the middle of Jinx’s dark apartment before slowly making her way over to the couch.
The elevation at, against all odds, being given a chance by Jinx quickly had her forgetting any discomfort over sleeping her drinks off in her apartment, she sat down and let her head fall back on the back of the couch, smiling to herself while her mind raced with possibilities.
When her heart finally calmed down from the excitement she quickly fell asleep with her head on a pillow, a blanket over her and the smell of Jinx’s shampoo that lingered on them filling her lungs.