Don't touch me, darling (you don't know where I've been)

Baldur's Gate (Video Games) Naruto
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Don't touch me, darling (you don't know where I've been)
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The Necromacy of Thay

It’s eerily quiet in the cavern they find themselves in. Not so much as an echo around them as they step forward, the path lit by some dimly luminescent mushrooms growing off the cave walls.

“I wonder how long this has been here…”

“Long time!” Basket chirps. “Ily used this place to hide special stuff he didn’t want other people putting their paws on!”

Gossamer webbing stretches from every possible surface, catching against their clothing, trailing behind them as they walk.

“Ugh,’ Astarion complains, trying to pick the sticky webbing off him. “Absolutely disgusting.”

Orochimaru doesn’t complain with him, more fascinated by the way the light plays off it than anything. 

“So what does this thing look like, exactly?” he asks their quasit companion.

“Big rock," Basket says, holding her hands out to approximate the size. "Purple. Kinda egg-shaped."

When they step around a corner, Astarion suppresses an undignified squeal of fright and recoils backward. Orochimaru is about to ask him what the problem is before he spots the huge arachnid wandering about leisurely.

The spider is quite the pretty thing, with a shiny blue carapace with striking red markings. It steps forward, pedipalps feeling around in the air curiously. Like it already knows they’re there.

“Let me guess,” Orochimaru says, turning to Astarion. “On top of being the size of a grown man, they’re probably venomous too?”

“Oh, incredibly so,” Astarion answers. “I hear their toxin can fetch you a pretty penny in the Underdark- if you survive your attempt to harvest it.”

“Hm. And what, pray tell, does this toxin do to a person?”

“Oh, nothing much. Bleeding from every orifice, your innards turning to liquid- that sort of thing.”

“Fascinating.”

He isn’t being entirely facetious there. This unusual beast creeping around not three feet from them is absolutely captivating, like nothing he’s ever seen before. When it bares its fangs, its teeth are bright red, coated in its fatal venom, only visible for a split second before vanishing again.

“I want to get a closer look,” he says, stepping out of hiding before Astarion can grab him or demand he stay where it’s safe.

Such a fascinating thing. Such a pretty thing. His curiosity will never be sated if he doesn’t see it up close.

It doesn’t take long for the spider to spot him, obviously. Eight beady eyes look at him, and it creeps toward him while Astarion stays paralyzed in stunned fear.

What are you doing? He mouths, but Orochimaru says nothing. He reaches out, the tips of his fingers brushing against the spider’s head.

It has a thin coat of fuzz, sort of like a peach. The spider recoils slightly, its pedipalps twitching as if to swat the touch away.

“Shh,” Orochimaru soothes it. “You’re alright.”

He reaches out more boldly, so he can properly pet the creature. The spider twitches, but then seems to relax, though it keeps its many eyes fixated on him.

“There you go. No need to be so jumpy.”

Astarion stares slack-jawed, wondering what he’s possibly trying to accomplish.

With slow, deliberate motions, Orochimaru brings himself closer to the creature, giddy with excitement.

“We don’t have creatures like you where I’m from,” he says, barely above a whisper so as to not frighten the spider. “You’re a pretty thing, aren't you?"

He looks it over, committing all its features to memory.

“You’re still young, aren’t you? That must mean there’s a mother nearby…”

He reaches out to touch one of its pedipalps, and evidently that's a step too far for the spider. Quicker than he can register, it sinks those wickedly sharp fangs into his shoulder.

Stars pop into his vision, burning hot acid coursing through his veins.

Apparently that’s enough to spur Astarion into action, launching himself at the spider and embedding a dagger firmly into the center of its head.

The creature lets out a shrill cry, then falls limp onto the damp cave floor.

“What the hells were you thinking?!” he demands, wild-eyed with panic. “Didn’t I tell you those things were dangerous?!”

“You did.”

“Now we’re stuck here and you’ve gotten yourself bitten when we’ve got no bloody antidote! Are you daft?!”

Orochimaru fumbles around to take stock of the injury- a nasty bite, for sure. But nothing he hasn't dealt with before.

“How are you so calm about this?! Are you already going loopy?!”

Orochimaru rocks his head from one side to another in a noncommittal sort of way.

In truth, he does feel a little lightheaded, and he’s sure he’ll be sore from it later. But, other than that, he’s fine.

“Oh, if I got paid every time I wound up poisoned in my life, I’d be fabulously rich. It won’t do much to me, so you don’t need to worry that pretty head of yours about it. I’ll get it patched up when we get the chance, and it’ll be like it never happened.”

Astarion blinks a few times in rapid succession as his brain processes the words.

“What? But you- how-”

Orochimaru holds his hands out with a cheeky smile- a bit wobbly, but still functional.

“It would take a lot more than a bit of venom to do me in. No matter how big and scary the spider is.”

He turns toward Basket, putting his hands on his hips.

“Now then,” he says, “lead on.”

Basket gives an exaggerated salute.

“Leave it to Basket!” she giggles, then scampers onward.

“Are you sure we can trust that hideous little beast?” Astarion asks.

Orochimaru shrugs in response.

“If nothing else, it’ll make good spider bait.”

“Basket heard that!” the indignant quasit cries.

“Oh, you’ll live. Now be quiet, in case there’s more of those things lurking around.”

The sound of running water fills the silence, covering up the sounds of their footsteps.

Climbing down rocky outcroppings and tangled vines, they descend deeper, following Basket’s lead.

A faint purple glow in the distance catches Basket’s attention.

“There! There! See it?!”

The glow turns out to be a rather large amethyst, sitting amongst a cluster of spiderwebs, just as Basket had described it.

“That’ll get the book open for Master! Here it is! See, Basket told you!”

She hands over the gem, tail wagging like she’s a particularly excitable dog. Orochimaru pulls the book out of his pack, examining the gaping mouth on the cover.

“Put it in!” she demands. “Put it in the mouth hole and the book will open! It won’t fry your brain, probably!”

“W-why don’t you let me handle that for you?” Astarion asks, though Orochimaru pretends not to hear it.

He pops the gem into the mouth of the leather-bound tome. The gem lets out an eerie glow, and the latch holding the book open releases.

Opening the book, Orochimaru fully expects to not be able to read whatever is inside, but wants to see out of curiosity.

The moment he lays eyes on the pages, strange voices start to whisper at him from the corners of his mind. Incoherent at first, not really loud enough to be audible.

The runes in front of him are totally foreign, yet somehow, as he stares at the weathered parchment that forms the tome’s pages, he almost understands them.

Images flicker through his mind, too quickly for him to comprehend at first. 

He tries to catch them as they fly past his mind, but it’s like trying to catch a leaf as it flies by in a hurricane. 

Focus. There has to be a way through this. A way to think clearly enough for this to work.

His concentration pays off after a few seconds, and the glyphs in front of him somehow start to make sense.

Promises of the secrets of life and death. Knowledge that people are not meant to know. Right there, ready and waiting for the soul brave enough to take them.

Enlightening. Horrifying, but enlightening.

But perhaps too much for this setting.

With great effort he manages to slam the book shut, determined to dig more into it when they get the time to do so.

“Well?” Astarion pesters. “What’s in it?’

“...It’s a lot to take in,” Orochimaru answers. “For now, I could do with some fresh air.”

He turns around, ready to head out-

-Only to meet the angry eyes of a much larger, much more aggressive-looking spider. 

She rears back, threatening to strike, venom dripping from her fangs, flanked by a half-dozen of her offspring.

He and Astarion look over at each other, blinking a few times, then back at the spider queen.

“...Well shit,” they say in unison, realizing that this may be a bigger problem than they thought.

 


 

A pleasant breeze caresses them, the sun warming their skin- pleasant even though it makes Itachi’s eyes hurt terribly.

(He has to find a way to bring it up to get some help without making himself sound too pathetic.)

When the wind shifts, he catches a faint iron scent in the air.

“...Something is wrong.”

He follows the smell, Gale following behind him though he doesn’t smell the same thing.

Soon, they spy blood in the grass, confirming Itachi’s suspicions.

They drop low and creep forward, creeping through the grass until they spy a bloodied boot.

That boot is attached to a body, thankfully. Unfortunately, though, that body is limp, pale, and obviously very, very dead.

Whatever caused this blood, it seems to be long gone.

Beside the body, a white dog paces back and forth, ears flicking about listening for threats, whining in distress. 

When he spots the two men approaching him, his ears lay back flat, and he bares his teeth in a warning snarl.

Itachi approaches the terrified dog carefully, crouching down low so he doesn’t frighten the poor animal.

“Be careful,” Gale says. “Poor little thing is terrified.’

An idea forms in Itachi’s mind. He reaches into his pack and pulls out a small green bottle he picked up from the grove that he was told should allow him to speak with animals.

He isn’t sure how true it is, but supposes there’s only one way to find out.

It smells horrible, and tastes even worse when he downs it. Fighting back the gag reflex, he decides to give it a try.

“We aren’t going to hurt you,” he says, keeping his voice low. 

Just as he was promised, when the dog opens its mouth, instead of barking he hears actual words.

“I told you to go!” the dog shouts, hackles raised, tail rigid and body tense.

Itachi holds out his hand for the dog to smell, frowning at the lifeless body the poor animal is so diligently guarding.

“Hey. Let us help. We aren’t here to hurt you.”

The dog lets out a low whine, nudging his fallen human’s hand with his snout.

“...My friend isn’t well,” he says. “He needs rest. Please.” 

“Rest?” Gale can’t help but say. “A grave is what he needs.”

“I don’t think he’s going to be waking up again.” Itachi says, deciding to take a more tactful approach.

“He will!” the dog insists. “And then we can go home…”

He paws at his master’s face, nudging him with his nose to try to get a response, all in vain.

“...Well, maybe we can help. What’s your name?”

The dog’s tail swishes back and forth slowly, his ears flicking as he considers his situation.

“Master calls me Scratch,” he says. “You can do the same.”

Itachi’s eyes dart around as he tries to think about what he can say, seeing as he cannot persuade this unfortunate creature that his master is dead.

“What happened?” he asks.

“We were attacked,” Scratch whimpers. “Big, cackling, furry things on two legs…”

“Gnolls, it sounds like,” Gale remarks.

Itachi nods, though he doesn’t know what gnolls are.

“...Just in case he doesn’t wake up,” he says, reaching into his pocket, “you can come find us. We have a camp, you’ll be safe there.”

He holds out a handkerchief. Scratch approaches and sniffs it, committing the scent to memory.

“If it comes to that, I may.” he says, hesitantly. “Thank you.”

Scratch allows Itachi to pet the top of his head, tail wagging a bit faster.

“We should go,” Itachi says, wincing when his knees scream at him as he stands up.

“Probably for the best. The others will wonder where we’ve gone.”

“Right then. Onward we go.”

Itachi hates to leave the dog behind when he is still clearly grieving, and in desperate need of something to eat from how rail-think he is.

He only hopes that Scratch will seek them out again. He’ll make sure there’s room around the fire for him when he does.

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