Auntie Ethel's lair
“Where have you been?”
“Got lost,” Orochimaru answers, before Astarion can do it and say something stupid.
Shadowheart raises an eyebrow at them, but before she can ask any follow-up questions, they come upon a rickety old building.
“I guess this is the place, huh?” Hidan says, putting his hands on his hips. “Seems pretty out of the way."
"There must be a good reason for it," Gale reassures the others- though he's mostly trying to reassure himself.
They hesitate at the doorway for a moment before walking in, perhaps wondering if it’s rude to do so unannounced.
Eventually they cross the threshold into the cozy little cottage, warmed by a roaring fire in the spacious hearth at the far end.
Astarion flinches as he does so, startled when he encounters no resistance.
“I can just… walk into people’s homes now,” he mutters to himself. “This keeps getting better.”
He quickly falls silent though, when they hear voices arguing.
It’s Ethel, standing there with the sweetest smile on her face, scolding a rather plain looking woman hunched over a table, cradling her swollen belly with both hands as she tries to plead.
(This must be the Mayrina those men were searching for…)
“I don’t want a crumb left on that plate, girl!” Ethel warns, though she keeps a sickly sweet tone.
“I can’t eat another bite or that pie’s gonna be coming back up to say hello…”
“None of that- you’re eating for two, so I don’t want to hear any complaining!”
“But Ethel, I-”
“Oh, gods grant my patience-”
Hidan steps forward to speak before anyone else can, clearing his throat to get their attention. Both women fall silent, and he raises his hand in an awkward greeting.
“Well it looks like ya made it back okay.”
Ethel whips around and grins, approaching him and grabbing his shoulders in a warm greeting.
“Oh of course- thanks to you, petal! Sit down, have a cuppa with yer ol’ Auntie Ethel and let ‘er cure what ails ya!”
The others look a bit uncomfortable, but find seats anyway while Ethel fetches teacups and saucers for everyone.
Out of seemingly nowhere, she produces an enormous pot of tea and some kind of tart, handing out ample portions to everybody while Mayrina sits in the corner, looking either terrified, nauseous, or both.
This all just feels so wrong, but none of them gather the nerve to say anything- though Wyll keeps his gaze on the girl in the corner.
“Cream and sugar, loves?”
“In tea…?” Orochimaru asks, in such a scandalized tone that Ethel bursts out laughing.
“You’re not from around here, are ye petal?”
Orochimaru raises an eyebrow.
“No, no I’m not. We take our tea straight where I’m from.”
“Oh, take a chance and try somethin’ new, love!” Ethel urges.
Orochimaru cringes at the very thought (as well as being called pet names), but Itachi leans forward, apparently intrigued. He accepts a cup loaded with what appears to be more cream and sugar than actual tea, and perks up when he takes a sip of it.
“Yeah lemme try some of that,” Hidan says, digging into the pastry eagerly. “We don’t have stuff like this where we’re from, either.”
“Oh, enjoy, sweetness! Auntie Ethel is always eager to take care of any wayward souls! Folks come from far and wide to see little old me for help- and you poor dears need all the help you can get."
As she says this, she gives Hidan an adoring pat on the head.
“You’re lucky ducks, you know- you’ve made friends with a very powerful lady!
“Yeah?”
Ethel’s smile gets a sinister sort of tinge to it that immediately sets everyone on edge.
“Ye need all the help you can get, doncha? That worm wrigglin’ around in yer brain juice must be quite the inconvenience, eh?”
All eyes turn to Hidan, silently screaming you told her?! in unison.
“I mean, yeah we’re pretty much lookin’ for anything that can help.” Hidan admits, as his own parasite squirms in and out of his field of vision, making his stomach churn. “If you know anything about them…”
Ethel waves her hand dismissively, scoffing at him.
“Don’t you fret- I’ve actually dealt with these little monsters before. So whaddaya say- want me to take care of the little buggers?”
Wyll looks up from his cup and gives the woman an uneasy glance.
“I suppose that would depend on what you’re asking for in return.”
“Oh, nothing too big- you’ll hardly notice a difference, I swear-”
Hidan yelps in indignance as she grabs his face and tilts his head upward.
“All I want is one of yer pretty peepers, petal. I’ll pluck it out, give it a little kiss for luck, then pop it right back in. that’s all- it’s not bad at all.”
Before Lae’zel can finish saying absolutely not, Hidan nods.
“Lady I’ll take anything that’ll get this bastard outta my head.”
“That’s what I thought-”
Mayrina groans from her spot in the corner.
“Ethel, I don’t think I can-”
“Oh for the gods’ sake, Mayrina, you’ve been coddled enough!”
With a gesture of her hand, Ethel summons a cloud of green smoke that banishes Mayrina to somewhere away from them.
“Alright, just a moment, Petal- Auntie’s gonna need her nails for this one.”
“Eh? Hold on-”
In a flash, the frail old woman in front of them is replaced by a hulking, hunched over, barely humanoid figure. Mushrooms sprout from her body, her hair hanging in stringy strips like seaweed. Moss grows along her skin in great patches, and she reeks of the swamp just beyond the door.
Wyll’s one living eye goes wide.
“So you are a hag.”
“Aye- and aren’t I a beautiful one?” Ethel purrs. “Aren’t you lucky, petal? Not a lot of folks get to see a hag in all her glory, y’know.”
Hidan shakes his head rapidly to get his dignity back, and stands up straight.
“Alright, let’s get this over with.”
“Ah right- don’t worry, this won’t hurt a bit-”
Despite her reassurance, Hidan yowls like a stuck pig when Ethel plucks his eye out, still connected by blood vessels and nervous tissue.
True to her word, she presses a kiss right to the cornea, then, with a small giggle, pops it back into its socket.
It's clouded over now, like thick cataracts have suddenly grown over it.
“Holy fuckin’ hell that hurt- ”
“Ah don’t be a baby, it’s all over! Now hold still, you don’t want me pokin’ whatever brain matter ye got trying to get the bastard-”
Hidan braces himself, eager to get this over with.
He does his best to stay still despite the agony, but with this lady’s sharp, ragged fingernails digging around in his skull, it’s difficult to say the least.
Suddenly, he feels the tadpole squirm, surging with power, and Ethel cries out in frustration.
“Bloody hells-”
She yanks her hand away, glaring at Hidan.
“You didn’t tell me it was tainted with Netherese magic!” she spits.
“Netherwhat now?”
“That worm of yours is tampered with! Tainted! I’m not fucking with that!”
“Eh? What about my eye-”
“I kept my side of the deal! Yer on your own, petal!”
Looking utterly disgusted, Ethel makes a strange motion with her gnarled hands and vanishes in yet another puff of smoke.
“...Well that was a waste of time,” Itachi mumbles.
Hidan gingerly touches his mutilated eye, frowning.
“Does it look bad?” he asks.
“I mean- it looked better before,” Karlach answers, sheepishly. “Does it still work?”
“I guess so. But that still leaves us stuck with these fuckin’ worms.”
“So long as it works let’s just get out of here,” Shadowheart grumbles. “We’ve wasted enough time.”
“For once you make a good suggestion,” Lae’zel snipes, which Shadowheart ignores.
“Well what about that woman?” Karlach asks. “She seemed like she’s in trouble-”
“We can't take time to help every lonesome soul in need,” Astarion scolds. “If we're smart, we'll just see ourselves out and forget we were ever here.”
If looks could kill, the look Itachi gives Astarion for saying that would strike him dead right there.
“She’s pregnant,” Itachi says, not wavering from his careful monotone, though his eyes burn holes in the vampire’s soul. “We are not leaving her here.”
“He’s right,” Wyll says, looking relieved he’s not the only one to think this.
“I couldn’t agree more,” Gale adds. “An innocent woman is in danger, it would be wrong to just leave her.”
“Oh my gods, I’m stuck with a bunch of bleeding hearts,” Astarion grumbles under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose in agitation.
"Well we might find something of use if we raid the place, at any rate," Orochimaru offers, trying to get him to stop whining.
“Do we even know where she went…?”
Karlach peers through the fireplace, squinting at something just beyond it that the others can't see.
“In here, maybe?”
“I don’t like where this is going,” Astarion grumbles.
They step into the fireplace, and strangely enough are not burned by the flames- nothing more than an illusion.
They descend down a steep slope, following a dim light and a rank smell as they make their way forward.
It’s like the reek of the swamp, but amplified a thousandfold.
They step forward in unison, keeping close together and bracing for whatever awaits them.
“Stay near. Be cautious,” Wyll warns, as if it needed to be said.
Their feet drag through the muck and grime, reaching for weapons and for each other.
“-Does anyone else hear that?” Itachi asks, stopping mid-stride to look around.
“Hear what?”
“Shut up and listen.”
They oblige him, stopping in their tracks to look around.
It’s faint at first, but unmistakable.
“You’re in my playground now, darlings. You’ll regret your meddling soon enough.”
It's Ethel’s voice, echoing all around them, mocking them.
"Ignore it-" Wyll tries to say.
“Look who it is- little baby Ravengard, daddy’s biggest regret.”
Wyll’s face goes gray.
“What’s going on…?”
“And over there- looks like the hells shat out another tragic tiefling. Got off Zariel’s leash finally, did you?”
“What the fuck-”
“And what about you- still got rat in your teeth, slave?”
It’s Astarion’s turn to tense up, head whipping around.
“Who said that?! Show yourself!”
“You love lying to yourself, but deep down you like being leashed, don’t you? You never really got away, you're just looking for a new place to grovel.”
“That’s enough!” Astarion shouts, his voice cracking in a thoroughly inelegant way as he does.
“Just don’t listen, we need to keep going-”
As soon as Itachi speaks, the voice’s attention is on him.
“And look what we’ve got here- the shining star of his darling baby brother's nightmares! if only you'd cut a bit deeper he'd be better off, eh?”
Itachi’s blank expression doesn’t change, but his hands tremble ever so slightly.
“...She's trying to scare us off,” he says, trying to soothe himself more than anything. “Let's keep going.”
“Right,” Gale says, trying to be reassuring. “Let’s just-”
“You're all rot and ruin under those bandages, wizard. Try to hide it all you want, I know what you are- Mystra's disgrace."
“What-”
Gale stays rooted to the spot, like he can’t will himself to put one foot in front of the other.
Kisame gives him a soft elbow to the ribs.
“C’mon. The longer we stay here, the worse she’s gonna get into our heads.”
“The fuck did we ever to to her to get her to bitch us out like this?” Hidan huffs.
“I would say being born, petal. Your dear mummy always thought she’d be better off if you wound up on the sharp end of a coat hanger, but you insist on taking up space anyway.”
Hidan goes bright red, and yells at the dank, dripping ceiling.
“Oh cram it up your crusty cunt, ya old windbag!” he howls. "Don't fuck with me!"
A sharp, shrill laugh follows after that. Then, silence other than the dripping of leaky walls and ceiling all around them.
Everyone’s nerves become a mess of live wires as they creep forward, stepping over slime and tangled vines and piles of unidentifiable something to find their way forward.
Whatever is going on in this pit of despair and desperation, Ethel very much does not want them to be there. Which of course just makes Orochimaru more interested in what’s going on.
Ethel has at least gone quiet for now, but now they can hear someone else.
Sharp, petrified screaming, shrill and impossible to ignore. Not dissimilar to a cat being tortured.
They follow the source of the sound, nobody daring to call out for fear of attracting the attention of something nasty.
“Mustn’t look, mustn’t see-” they hear the voice sobbing. “Mustn’tlookmustn’tsee-”
Stepping forward, they see a terrified elf huddled on the filthy ground, clutching the sides of his head and wailing.
“What’s wrong with him-”
Wyll tries to approach the man, kneeling down and reaching a hand out.
“It’s alright, we’re here to help-”
The man’s green eyes meet his gaze for a second, and he starts screaming all over again, swatting his hand away.
“Mind flayer!” he shrieks. “Mind flayer! Get away from me!”
“Easy,” Wyll tries to reassure him, still insistent. “Nobody here is a mind flayer. Nobody is going to hurt you.”
“No! No! Mind flayer! Go away! Please! I beg you!"
He scrambles backward to try to put more distance between them, but he hits the wall and can’t go any further.
“We should leave him,” Shadowheart scolds. “We need to keep moving- whatever’s wrong with him, we can’t fix it.”
Wyll gives the man a look of anguish, but he knows Shadowheart is right. He stands up and follows them down, further and further still.
(This is probably a foolish venture. Almost certainly, in fact. But turning back is not an option anymore.)