How Nariko Became Naruto part 1
(5 years, 20 December)
They were giggling again, thought Nariko dryly to herself, trying not to admit to the painful shards in her heart that betrayed her jealousy. It wasn’t as if it mattered to her that she wasn’t included. So, what if all the other girls were there? She didn’t need to have her hair brushed gently, she didn’t need to have it braided while singing songs and telling funny stories. Nariko was FINE. She definitely didn’t care at ALL.
Besides, what did it matter anyway? Nariko didn’t have long hair for the girls to braid, not when the Matron always shaves it so short. She couldn’t even share her funny stories, not when no one wants to talk to her. She was fine with being left alone, sitting in the attic on her own, hearing them laughing without her. So, what if her chest feels funny like a bruise. She didn’t need them, being a girl was far too troublesome anyway. The girls in the orphanage always had to stay clean and weren’t allowed to climb trees or play with mud or be loud. Not that Nariko was allowed either, but she felt like she wanted to, it looked much more fun than the knitting lessons the girls had to take.
Looking out the window where a few men of the village were teaching the boys to be ‘men’ she sighed wistfully. What would it have been like if she had been born a boy?
It would probably not have made much of a difference Nariko winced. Nariko always tried at least to be honest with herself and being born a boy would not have made her any more popular than she was now. But people looked differently at little boys than at little girls and she liked to think this would have held true for her as well.
Except people do look differently at her, and not in the way with the expectations of a little girl’s behaviour but as if she was ‘wrong’ as if she wasn’t the same as the other children. As… as if she was worth less and her very presence tainted the people around her. Nariko swallowed. It was always a heavy thought, knowing that everyone around you thought that you were worth less than anything else alive.
Nariko was sure that no one even knew she was a girl. She once thought that the Matron had to know but had to acknowledge that the Matron didn’t care, and since Nariko has been caring for herself for so long, she had probably already forgotten (if she even knew in the first place). Even to herself it sounds a bit ridiculous, not one person knowing her gender, but Nariko had been caring for herself for as long as she has been able. Nobody wanted to take care of her, so she did it herself. Sure, they gave her things like water to bathe with, but it was always the filthy water left over from the other children’s bathing. And she always had this ratty dull grey shirt and holey grey pants (it did not look like grey was the original colour for either but after constant use, the colour had faded out and dulled to a muted shade of grey) to dress herself in. She didn’t know if anyone has ever seen her naked. If Nariko was totally brutally honest, she had not known her own gender either. Constantly being referred to as an it, demon or monster had made her think she might not be either and may have been born a different species. She feels silly about it now, but she still remembered her confusion.
She had been sitting across the Sandaime Hokage at a ramen stand when the question came up. He sometimes comes and takes her for little walks around the village or, if he had time, to eat ramen. He could not do it often as he was Hokage and had a village to run, but Nariko always treasured the time they spent together. He has never been afraid to be seen with her and he has never, even before she knew him, glared at her with the cold hate-filled eyes of everyone else. It’s why she had taken to calling him ‘Jiji’ as he is the closest thing to family that she has ever had. Sometimes she likes to pretend he likes it and that’s why he never tells her to stop. He had been asking her about her day, how she was and what she’s been doing when the question had tumbled out of her mouth.
. “Jiji” Nariko begins uncertain, “Am I a monster?” she wants to kick herself once the words are out, she cringes as she waits for him to scold her. She is pretty sure he wouldn’t cause Jiji isn’t like the others, but she can’t stop her reaction. He looks at her like he’s examining her from head to toe like he can see everything about her. She fidgets as she waits for his verdict. “Why would you think you’re a monster?” He calmly asks her, yet his eyes are sharp and focused on her, taking everything into account as he waits for her answer. Nariko fidgets some more and tries to find the words. “I’m different” she finally exhales. “The best of us are” he replies his tone of voice calm and soothing.
“No! I’m different! Not like you different, different different! Different from the kids at the orphanage and the others in the village, people treat me different and so I thought maybe it’s because I’m not the same as them, you know that instead of being a child, I am a monster.” Nariko breathes nervously feeling her heartbeat rapidly as the tension at the table rises.
The Sandaime pauses as he thinks, still examining her with thoughtful eyes. His expression never changed but the air around him became charged. “Nariko, I assure you that you are no more a monster than I am.” He calmly says before he focuses on her intently. “No one has the right to treat you different, you are a child of this village, and are valuable to us all.”
The Hokage let out a sigh as he seems to sag slightly in his chair as if a heavy burden rests on his shoulders “Unfortunately not everyone acknowledges this, and even as Hokage I can’t force people to follow my decree.” He let out another sigh.
“Then why do they hate me?” Nariko asks a bit tearfully, her heart still hammering in her chest, but painful as if it was being slowly squeezed. She did not like this feeling as her throat felt closed and she started feeling warm. “I didn’t do anything Jiji! I promise!”
The third closed his eyes in sorrow, seeing her like this, it reminds him of his failure to protect her. He can almost see Minato behind her glaring at him for the pain his village is causing his daughter.
“I don’t know Nariko,” he said quietly looking at the girl who was supposed to be the hero of the village. “I think you remind them of the terrible night 5 years ago.”
“That’s stupid” muttered Nariko glaring at the saltshakers. “I’m not a monster! I’m a child! Right, Jiji?” The Hokage smiled, laughing a bit under his breath. “Right Nariko, you are not a monster but a precious little girl.” He relaxed his shoulders as the tense atmosphere around the table once more became relaxed.
“Um, Jiji…?” Nariko began uncomfortably again. “What does being a girl mean?” The Sandaime looked at her in slight disbelief before looking uncomfortable. Nariko has never seen Jiji this uncomfortable and wondered if she said something wrong. “You said I’m a girl, right?” She wondered aloud.
Hiruzen Sarutobi wondered how it had come to this and who is to blame. Staring at Nariko in disbelief he can’t help but think of how bad her carers were failing her. He took a deep breath and while trying to think of a way to explain the concept. Thankfully he had his own sons, so he was not totally unprepared, but still how to explain.
“A boy is basically the same as a girl, they only have different body parts, which you don’t have to worry about until you’re older.” He explained trying to keep it as basic as possible. “Usually, girls will have long hair and wear pretty dresses and boys will have short hair and be messier.” He hoped that that would be enough explanation to explain the difference to her. She was only five years old; she didn’t need more than the basics.
“So, girls have long hair and boys don’t?” Nariko asked for confirmation. “Yes and no. Usually, which means most of the time, girls have long hair.” Sarutobi explained. “So how am I a girl if I have short hair?” Nariko asked gesturing to her short-cropped hairstyle.
“Girls can have short hair too Nariko, it the body parts we can’t see that make the difference.” The Hokage patiently explained more at ease with the topic.
“If we can’t see them, how do we know the difference?” Nariko was confused, how did invisible body parts fit into this? The Hokage chuckled at her confusion. “It’s not invisible Nariko, it’s just hidden under our clothes, no one is supposed to see those body parts, it’s private.” Nariko was still not sure she totally understood but she nodded her head and said “Ok” anyway.
The rest of the meal had gone more calmly, and no strange conversation topics had come up, but as they went their separate ways both had a lot on their mind. Nariko tried to find peace with the fact that it was not her fault, all the anger and hate, and that she wasn’t a monster or demon. But that hurt more, to know she should have been treated like the other kids, so she rather tried to think of the ramen she had. The Sandaime was tired after seeing how far the villagers that Nariko was sacrificed to protect would go to see harm to her. For her to not even know she was a child! He could not let this go on. The orphanage was obviously not the best place for her, and she was five… He had to think about this.
Despite her initial confusion Nariko tried being a ‘girl’. She tried learning to giggle softly instead of guffaw when she laughed, tried to sit primly when seated and to be dainty and soft-spoken. Except no one noticed or cared and trying to do them felt wrong. Nariko liked laughing loudly, liked sitting comfortably and having to eat slowly when at any time her food could be taken made her anxious. She was just starting to decide being a girl is troublesome when she learned the truth. Being a girl is dangerous.
She had been locked outside again, it was a stormy and cold night even in the Fire Country. Nariko was briskly walking with her head down in the shadows not wanting anyone to spot her. Her heart hurt knowing that all the other at the orphanage were warm in their beds and that only she was locked out. She sort-of accepted it, in a resigned way of accepting her lot in life, and knew there was nothing she could do, so she pushed back her emotions and started searching for shelter. It was getting colder, and she was sure she heard some footsteps coming from the front, so Nariko quickly turned right at the next turn into an alley between two buildings. She was so focused on hearing if the footsteps came closer that she almost missed the scuffle taking place next to her.
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Her back against the wall and her heart in her throat Nariko tried to see into the dark beside where she was standing. She could sort of see a shape in the dark, maybe a big man? And was there someone else? She had thought maybe it was a couple of drunks like she sometimes saw when she got locked outside, then she heard a whimper and a half-choked sob. Shocked she looked closer and saw that the big shape was pushing the smaller into the wall. It was a girl! A flash of lightning had streaked through the sky and for a split-second Nariko took in the scene. She wished she hadn’t. There was a man choking a girl against the wall, she was crying but he was smothering her. Another pained sound escaped her, and the man slammed her head against the wall. ‘’Shut up!” He snarled at her.
Nariko felt frozen, fear was choking her, and she couldn’t breathe right. She wanted to run but the face of the girl kept staring at her in her head, kept begging for someone to save her. But Nariko didn’t know what to do either, she was so much smaller than them. Still, Nariko remembered the fear of fighting for her life from the mobs, the absolute terror of thinking that no one would save her.
Taking a deep shaky breath to gather her courage Nariko yelled “Stop it!” at the top of her lungs hoping someone would hear her and come help. She jumped on the trash can before jumping on his back trying to force him back. The man startled before getting angry. Being so close to him she could smell the alcohol on him (It’s not the first time she has smelt it). He reached up behind him and dragged her off his back. She kicked and scratched at him, but he was stronger than her and firmly got a hold on her. “Why you little brat!’’ He hurled Nariko into the wall and started walking towards her.
Nariko's head hurt when she collapsed against the wall, it felt as if someone ran over her with a merchant’s caravan. She could spot the other girl lying limp against the trashcan, could hear her crying alongside the ringing in her ears. Run! She wanted to yell but her head felt muted, and her lungs strained for air. She looked up at the man looming over her as he pulled his leg back to give her a kick. The girl was now in hysterics and Nariko was bracing herself for the pain.
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“Not so fast,” said a voice from behind the man. There was suddenly someone standing there, a weasel mask adorned their face, and they had a restraining hand on the man’s shoulder. The ANBU Nariko thought in relief. They were safe now. She could see another masked ninja attending to the girl while the one in the weasel mask apprehended the man who assaulted her. Nariko heard a whoosh sound and suddenly the busy alley was startlingly empty.
Nariko sighed before winching, her back and chest hurt from where the man had hurled her into the brick wall. She got up and started heading out of the alley. She still didn’t know where she was going to sleep tonight, and the storm was still building. She had almost made it out when there was another whoosh sound, and the ANBU Weasel was standing in front of Nariko. He crouched down in front of her frozen form.
“Hello, little one” He gently greeted her. Nariko sort of gave a nod back she wasn’t sure, she was still reeling from the throw and the horror of the night. “What’s your name little one?” Nariko blinked sure there was someone talking to her. “Little one?” He tried again. “Nariko” She whispered feeling as if her senses were covered in a thick fog. “Nariko, a pretty name. Why are you outside Nariko?” Nariko tried to shake off the disorientation as she tried to understand what he was asking. “Walking” She looked at him confused did he not see her walking before he stopped her? Suddenly he looked intently at her. “Nariko look into my eyes” he demanded gently before peering carefully at her pupils. “Are you feeling dizzy? Can you count my fingers?” He held up his fingers for her to see. Nariko tried frowning at him, of course, she could count, she was five, not two but she was a bit dizzy and try as she might she could not actually see his fingers. “Two” She lied, before blushing at his unamused silence.
“Why are you outside Nariko,” He asked again, standing from his crouched position as he began leading her somewhere. “Orphage, Orph-o Orphan- ish – “She tried to explain. “Orphanage” he corrected her, “That one” She nodded wisely “It’s locked,” she said simply as if he should already know the answer. The fog was lifting from her; she started taking notice that he was leading her somewhere. “Where are we going?” she demanded trying to stop moving. “The Hospital” he stated now dragging her along. “Why?!” She started struggling harder than before. “You are injured” He stopped to look at her in question. “Why are you struggling?” Nariko was Indeed still struggling to getaway. She stopped “No reason” she mumbled, looking away from him. “Right” He started walking again. “Wait!” Nariko shouted, “I’m fine!” He paused in disbelief “Then why could you not count my fingers?” He was sure he had her there. “It was dark ok” she dared him with her eyes to refute the fact. “Ok,” He paused under a shop’s light crouching in front of her again “Then count them now” Nariko glared at his stupid masked face before looking at his fingers. She almost sighed with relief. “Three” she gloated. “Right” He started walking again. “What?! Why?” Nariko squawked as she was pulled away. “I was right!” he kept on walking, now ignoring her. Nariko tried pulling away but found herself truly stuck, she tried to ignore her growing fear as she tried to convince herself it would be ok. But the Matron would often threaten her with the hospital telling her that is where they take the unwanted children to experiment on.
“Please” Nariko finally whimpered close to tears. The ANBU agent Weasel paused this time in confusion. He looked closely at her face trying to see if this was a deception. Seeing she really was scared he debated in his head over what to do. With a sigh he started walking again but this time in a different direction. “Come on,” he said gesturing for her to walk beside him. Nariko sniffled and rubbed her eyes, she never cries, she can’t believe she almost cried tonight. She hesitantly walked beside him. “Weasel-san where are we going now?” she questioned. “I’m taking you home” he replied. “Home?!” Nariko stumbled to a stop bewildered. “The Orphanage” he clarified looking at her confused again. “oh” Nariko blushed at her reaction. “Where else would you go?” The Weasel faced ANBU questioned her. “Somewhere” She avoided the question, not looking at his face. “Nariko please look at me” he paused again. As she hesitantly looked at his face he continued “It’s not safe out here, especially for little girls. Look what happened in the alley tonight and she was only a few years older than you.” Nariko looked at him trying to think on how to phrase her question. “Isn’t the ANBU there to stop it from happening?” He stared back at her, his mask giving away none of his emotions but the air around him felt weighted. “The ANBU isn’t always on time, we work more for the Hokage than the civilians” Nariko swallowed nervously wondering what’s worse than being choked to death but before she could question him, he started walking again. Nariko thoughts occupied her during the walk-through town. Being a girl wasn’t just troublesome anymore, it was dangerous, and Nariko was sure that she didn’t want to be a girl anymore.
When the Matron opened the door to find an ANBU outside, she went white as a ghost, she didn’t even protest Nariko being inside, instead, Nariko was told to go to bed and then she locked the door with her hands shaking.
Nariko laid in her bed shaking slightly at the fact that she could have died tonight when he finished killing the girl, he would have surely killed her too. But more important to her was the fact that being a girl could get her killed or worse. And Nariko had no intention of that happening to her. Even though she wasn’t sure exactly sure what worse was, if being a girl was so dangerous, she would just have to be a boy.