Chapter 3
In the weeks that followed their fallout, The Sage's toads occasionally arrived with a letter for Kakashi. The discreet messages were typically curt, always lacking information and demanding updates. Kakashi almost never replied by letter, as much for secrecy as for spite, and while the amphibians grudgingly dispatched his verbal codes for a time, gradually they stopped coming altogether. Any hope Kakashi harbored for Jiraiya to conclude his investigation, to avenge his sensei, to secure justice for Naruto was indefinitely deferred.
Hope deferred made the heart sick, as the saying went, and so Kakashi despaired. It wasn't long until Danzo sniffed him out and pressed him in his moment of weakness to join his sordid organization, Root. As foul as the idea was to him, Kakashi felt it might be an indispensable opportunity for several reasons, not the least of them to pick up where the Sage left off. He took the oath and endured yet one more seal on his body, feeling it was now a small price to pay for valuable intel. For a while, it did benefit him to be the fulcrum between the two powers of Konoha, because one generally had information or assets the other lacked. So Kakashi spied on his Hokage while he also served him. He did Danzo's bidding while keeping a mental catalog of his crimes. He kept his enemies closer than his friends in his quest for the truth. And it cost him.
His hope was ruthlessly resurrected only once, while he perused the local bookstore. Kakashi happened upon the first volume of a new series authored by the Legendary Toad Sage. Hardly believing his random luck, Kakashi instantly snatched up Icha Icha Paradise and began scanning for Jiraiya's familiar cryptograms. He nearly absconded with the book without paying - by accident of course - enraptured as he was by the possibility of a coded update about Jiraiya's search. He absently fished the coin from his pocket while never taking his eyes from the text, oblivious to the shop keep's judgmental glares.
Kakashi skimmed to the end of the book on his walk home. Having found nothing recognizable, he flipped back to the front to read it through again, slower this time, paying closer attention to the context for clues. However, aside from thoroughly educating him about romantic relationships, the story proved absolutely fruitless. Face aflame, Kakashi hurled the book to his bedroom floor, feeling cheated and angry. Jiraiya's audacious quest for justice had stooped to a lesser endeavor: publishing dirty romance novels.
Kakashi spent his time between Anbu missions and Root mischief sulking on the roof of the nursery. His sharp ears were well tuned for what made Naruto's frequent cries unique, and with practice, he came to know it like he knew his own voice. It seemed the demon fox already tormented the child: the pitiful sound of the baby's wails sometimes escalated to the fever pitch of a possessed and tortured soul. Kakashi often wondered at the immensity of such notable chakra, all contained within a small child, otherwise too young to burn so brightly with the promise of so much power. But it was on those awful days that Kakashi felt particularly wretched to hear the boy's suffering, and it devastated him to no end that his kind-hearted sensei had done this to his own son.
Weeks became months, missions stretched longer, and after Kakashi befriended the boy they now called Tenzo, his personal visits to Naruto became less frequent. Being subsequently expelled from Root meant Kakashi had to get more creative with his reasons for his disappearances and personal missions pursuing ambiguous leads. Still, he kept tabs on the child almost daily, normally by sending his ninken in his place. The dogs were galvanized to take turns haunting the nondescript little building like so many canine ghosts. At first, they were a little too eager, and Kakashi had to strictly forbid them to interact with anyone - especially Naruto. The orphanage staff and residents all remained mercifully oblivious to the watchful existence of the young Anbu and his faithful dogs, until the day Kakashi messed up.
When one of his half-baked trails led to a particularly bad outcome, Kakashi staggered back to Konoha in rough shape, dangerously low on chakra, and bleeding from too many places to keep track. Unable to even summon Pakkun for help, it occurred to Kakashi that this might very well be the end for him, and he had the devastating realization that Jiraiya expected something like this might happen.
Then you'll just have to outlive me.
The Sage had said it like a dare. Now Kakashi understood that it was a commission.
He'd failed. The thought crushed him. He wouldn't outlive the Sage, and he wouldn't be free of the curse in time to share his heart with Naruto. He wouldn't be around for Naruto at all. Ultimately, to satisfy his own innate desires, Kakashi limped far enough to squat in a bush with his back to the wall of the nursery, wheezing from the effort. If he couldn't fulfill his promise, he would simply be near Naruto until he breathed his last - even though the child would never know of it.
It was likely he blacked out. There was a gap of time missing from his memory, though he couldn't ever place how long. At some point, the sound of a window sliding open startled him awake enough to make him jerk his head toward the sound. The blond head of a small boy popped out, and he gasped when he beheld Kakashi laying in a broken heap under the sill. Mouth stretched wide in a grin bearing all baby teeth, Naruto - of all people - inadvertently sold him out. "'Nobi!" he exclaimed gleefully. "'Nobi, 'Nobi!"
A heartbeat later, a woman's shriek from inside the establishment sounded, followed by the swift clatter of the window slamming closed. Clearly the staff had been alerted to his presence because in a matter of what felt like mere seconds, a fellow Anbu materialized beside him and seized him by the throat. Any unsanctioned shinobi presence discovered skulking under the window of a Children's Home would naturally incur protective wrath, so Kakashi braced for the final strike to put him out of his misery. But perhaps his face was not so disfigured as it felt, because the blow never fell. Someone recognized him.
"Senpai?!" Tenzo's voice scolded harshly in his ear, incredulous. "What are you doing here?!"
His comrade gave him a hard shake for good measure, probably enraged to find himself so close to killing his own compatriot. Kakashi was too disoriented to invent an explanation as his cohort peeled him bodily off the wall. When the movement revealed an alarming smear of blood across the exterior, Tenzo gave a colorful curse. He yelped for a medic's assistance before directing two more Anbu to lock down the facility. They all assumed a threat lurked nearby that not only compromised the safety of the residents, but also incapacitated one of Konoha's best ninja.
Thus it all blew out of proportion quickly. Several more squads of Anbu arrived to secure the perimeter, weapons drawn and voices shouting with the urgency to locate and neutralize a nonexistent enemy. Tenzo hovered in his vision, frantic with questions and commands. Kakashi tried to communicate that it was all a mistake, but the medic who arrived was doing painful things to him that took his breath away, and at length, his consciousness.
When Kakashi finally awoke in the hospital two days later, the Hokage was understandably livid. Kakashi already had many reasons to despise that place, but being grilled by the Sandaime himself while the entire medical team crowded in the hall to witness his mortification was now the cherry on top.
In short, he had been cut from the Anbu mission roster and stripped of any other active duties until he was 'otherwise informed'. And as if the Sandaime's indignation and punishments were not sufficient, he was forced to endure Tenzo's tirade next.
"I've always known you've had a death wish, Kakashi, but this is something else entirely," his young friend berated him from his chair. He held a quill in one hand, hovering over a blank sheet of parchment, but he was glowering at his injured friend. "Do you really hate me so much?"
It was a terrible, immature tactic. It wasn't true, but Kakashi didn't know what he could say to refute it. He couldn't say much of anything to him anyway, partly due to the curse on his tongue, but mostly due to shame and physical exhaustion. "Don't do this," he rasped, turning his face away from his kohai.
Tenzo audibly swallowed and swiveled his head to glare out the window, his dark eyes angry and his brown hair unkempt. "After all we've been through, don't you consider me your friend?"
"You know I do," Kakashi wheezed as clearly as he could.
"But not trustworthy."
Kakashi tried to roll his eyes, but they stayed shut a shade too long, thanks to whatever they were pumping into him. "Ten-"
The quill slapped soundly on the empty scroll, discarded. "You lied to me, Kakashi."
The bitter accusation enticed Kakashi to defend himself.
"'s not what you think," he tried to reason, realizing that Tenzo, of all people, could relate to the problem of the seal on a personal level. For the first time, Kakashi considered risking a test against the effectiveness of the curses on his body. Raising an unsteady hand, he tried to gesture to the forgotten paper and ink, but his younger companion - intent on his rant - missed the motion entirely. Tenzo frowned at the ceiling and threw up his hands.
"Then tell me what to think. Off the record. Why did we find you half dead under a bush at the orphanage, after disappearing on an unauthorized 'mission' by yourself?"
Kakashi's jaw locked of its own accord, and his lip curled under his mask in frustration. "I can't tell you," he hissed. "But I-"
"They nearly labeled you a rogue!" Tenzo exploded out of his chair to pace the room. "It isn't like you! I know you wouldn't do anything without reason, even if it was reckless and self-sacrificing." When the venomous words were out, Tenzo deflated a little, then finally looked back to his friend. "Look - if you're in trouble, I won't report it. I just want to help."
Kakashi could not dignify that with a response. He was in so much trouble, and poor Tenzo could do nothing to help.
Tenzo smoldered at his silence. "They'll force you to submit to the psych eval."
Well if Kakashi let it come to that, it certainly would fulfill his supposed death wish. Giving a forceful sigh that emerged more like a growl, Kakashi hooked a finger in his mask, lifting his chin free of it to expose his face. That rare sight had his young cohort's attention, and Kakashi shot him a baleful look before he opened his mouth and presented his tongue like one of his own ninken. When his surprise passed and understanding dawned, Tenzo went as rigid as though someone dumped ice down his gear.
"He's behind this?"
'He' implied Danzo. Kakashi shook his head firmly. He hoped it might temper Tenzo's fury to know his predicament was not due to Danzo's nefarious dealings, but this knowledge only fanned the flames of Tenzo's anger. The young Anbu went scarlet and leaned into his face to whisper his vehement displeasure.
"What have you done? We were free from that bondage, Kakashi! You freed me, only to go back to it yourself?!"
Kakashi withered in the wake of Tenzo's outrage, but spoke the truth. "We aren't really free yet."
"What could have possessed you?" Tenzo demanded.
"It was already done," Kakashi snarled impatiently, "well before that snake got to me."
He didn't think it was possible for Tenzo to lose his temper, but he appeared on the verge of it, as purple as he was.
"Now hand me those," Kakashi insisted, jutting his chin toward the writing utensils on the small table. "I want to try something."
Tenzo's calculating eyes narrowed on the stationary, and his lower jaw hung ajar as he connected Kakashi's intentions. "I don't think that's wise," he forewarned.
"Do you want answers or not?"
The younger Anbu hesitated, but his need to know won out quickly. He passed the parchment to Kakashi, and dipped the nib into the ink pot for him. Licking his lips, Kakashi scrawled out one word experimentally.
Protecting.
When nothing unusual happened, Tenzo plucked up the writing utensil and scratched out his inquiry.
Who?
"No," Kakashi answered bluntly. Naruto's name could not be compromised. Resting his palm against his heart, he thought maybe he would be able to feel its rhythm change if he started to cross a line. Tenzo frowned at the action - and the answer - but scribbled on.
From?
Kakashi shook his head again and shrugged. Tenzo gave a frustrated sigh, then changed subjects, his brush strokes tight and sharp.
Why you?
This question Kakashi could answer concisely.
Abandoned.
It might have been too much information. Tenzo was sharp as a tack, and his dark eyes spoke volumes. The orphanage probably made more sense to him now, but if he was curious, he didn't pry. His next inquiry led in a different direction.
Same curse?
Kakashi began to nod, then shook his head and snatched the pen from his kohai's grasp. He chewed his lip a moment, considering how he might convey the complication of the layered seal, then decided to push his luck a little further and write out the words 'blood pact'.
But before the ink could meet the paper, Kakashi's entire body went taut. He didn't understand what exactly triggered it - perhaps just the thought - but his tongue went stiff, his mouth unyielding. Tenzo's eyes went wide while he watched, hardly able to believe Kakashi's sudden, full body paralysis. Kakashi tried to groan, to raise some sound of alarm, but then his lungs suddenly froze.
Tenzo leapt to his feet when Kakashi's complexion darkened due to a lack of oxygen exchange. "Nurse! Help!" he shouted, scrambling to the door, "Someone! Hurry! I think he's stopped breathing!" Meanwhile Kakashi dug his heels into the bed desperately, arching off of it and slamming his body down as though he could force his lungs to move, but it was all to no avail. Only the quill was knocked from his grasp while he strained for breath.
Emergency intervention arrived swiftly enough to save his life before the curse could end it. Chakra manipulation and supplemental oxygen forced his lungs to expand again after a harrowing forty-five seconds. Assuming the reaction was related to his injuries, the medical staff didn't seem inclined to investigate the cause of his pulmonary arrest, which was auspicious. The downside, however, was that someone had secured a mask to his face, smelling unpleasantly of silicone and something else he couldn't quite identify. He complained to every unfortunate soul that attended him and tried to dislodge it several times, which only earned him the threat of cuffing his wrists to the bed rails. In the end, he chose to behave himself, or at least give the temporary impression he would cooperate.
They banished Tenzo from his room, who at least had the presence of mind to destroy the evidence of their written conversation before questions could be asked. He imagined that was probably the end of their experimentation with the limits of the Tongue Seal, but it made little difference since Kakashi wasn't allowed any more visitors.
Word of his isolation must have reached his few friends because the next morning Kakashi rolled his head far enough to find a book had been left on the table within his reach. There was a note tucked under the cover, one corner sticking out to tempt his inquisitive nature. But it wasn't from Tenzo.
Kakashi, In my search to bring you some entertainment, I found this book in your room, under your bed. In the spirit of youthful camaraderie, I bought myself a copy so that we can read it together! We can discuss it as soon as you are released from the hospital. Get well! Forever your rival, Might Guy.
For the first time ever, Kakashi began to scheme how he might manage to extend his stay in hospital.
Somehow, Tenzo had secured enough standing with the Lord Third to effectively sway his opinion. He always suspected his influence simply came from the Sandaime's well concealed soft spot for the White Fang's son and himself, although the crotchety old man would sooner die than admit to it. Exactly how that sympathetic place had formed, Tenzo really couldn't say, but he was aware that there were always special circumstances surrounding his teammate. So, by proxy, he benefitted.
While it took some time, Tenzo had finally convinced the Hokage to refrain from pushing Kakashi for a psychiatric evaluation to be reinstated into active duty as a jonin. The need for his skill in the field was far too pressing, and now that the infamous Copy Ninja was back on his feet, there was little reason to delay. The Hokage had signed off on it that very afternoon.
Intent on delivering the good news to his senpai, Tenzo sought out Kakashi's quarters to find he wasn't at home. He was, in fact, out and about. Tenzo might have even missed seeing Kakashi on the road if it weren't for his shock of white hair, which was the only part of his head visible since his nose was stuck in a copy of The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi.
"Kakashi-senpai!" Tenzo called, waving him down.
One grey eye peered out from behind the cover while he aimlessly strolled down the street. "Yo! Yamato!" he replied, graciously reverting to his code name in the public space. When they met at the corner, Kakashi only lowered the novel marginally from his face.
"What are you reading?" Tenzo asked him.
"Some kind of trash," Kakashi answered honestly. "I can see why this one didn't sell as well."
Which definitely explained why he was reading it so intensely. Tenzo scratched at his head awkwardly for a moment before handing him a folded note. "I have good news."
Kakashi accepted the document, apparently already knowing what it was. "Ah, so you did it."
Tenzo modestly pocketed his hands. He would not preen. "The Sandaime seems inclined to make allowances for you."
Kakashi only gave a dubious grunt, slipping the paper into his book to mark his place. He snapped it closed so as to exchange it with another novel that was tucked in his back pouch, this one with a crisp new cover, labeled Icha Icha Violence.
"Well, I suppose this means we will be working together again soon," Tenzo tried conversationally.
"Likely tomorrow," Kakashi sighed. "I may as well get my reading in tonight, then."
Tenzo chewed his lip and gave a nod. As Kakashi made to leave, he chose to reveal what was on his mind.
"I decided I don't need answers, Senpai," he said without preamble. "I trust you regardless."
Kakashi cracked open the cover of Jiraiya's latest release and gave a vague sound of acknowledgement.
"And I trust you to reach out for help, next time," Tenzo added, if a little tersely.
That blank grey eye regarded him directly for an instant before drifting back down to the book. Kakashi said nothing, but Tenzo felt they were finally on the same page.