Epilogue
Kakashi stepped purposefully toward the hospital with external confidence but internal trepidation. Unfortunately for him, he knew the place better than most people. The maze of floors and halls were a permanent escape map etched in his mind. His pace slowed as he neared the door, but someone inside held it open for him, the sharp reek of antiseptic wafting over him. It struck like a tidal wave, making him dizzy with dread and bad memories, but he bravely plodded forward so as not to flout the stranger's courtesy.
Armed only with a porcelain pot that required both his hands to hold, he carried the lush flowering plant that Ino persuaded him was a fitting gift for such an occasion. Suitable as it may have been, the thing entirely obscured his view, and he had to constantly brush its invasive tendrils out of his face just to see where he was going. The lobby appeared to be unusually crowded, and he had to weave his way through a gaggle of shinobi who greeted him. The receptionist flashed him a kind smile and a respectful nod as he reached her counter. He wasn't wearing the customary robe or obnoxious hat, but he was still instantly recognizable as the Hokage.
"How can I help you today, Lord Sixth?" she asked him brightly.
"I'm here to visit a patient, Hyuuga Hinata. I believe she is in the maternity ward."
"I take it you wish to see Uzumaki-san?" she clarified. Kakashi was still getting used to Hinata's new surname, and at his delayed nod, she consulted her notes with a slight frown.
"All is well, I hope?" His heart gave a fleeting lurch at her expression, but his concern was short-lived.
"Yes, sir, but I'm told she needs her rest. The doctor requires all scheduled visits be brief, no more than fifteen minutes, please."
"Of course," the Hokage agreed softly. "So there is a schedule?"
"Yes, and a list." The receptionist explained apologetically. "There have been so many well-wishers arriving unannounced that we've had to impose some restrictions. I'm sure you understand."
"Certainly. I suppose I'm very lucky to be on it." Kakashi chuckled sheepishly. "Am I late, then?"
"Yes, sir, but that's to be expected," she replied graciously, standing from her chair. "Allow me to show you to her room."
Hinata was a vision.
It may have been personal bias, but Kakashi didn't think he'd ever seen a new mother glow so brightly. The dazzling aura of Hinata's serene smile was only outshone by her husband, who stood grinning like an absolute cheese.
"Kaka-sensei!" he whisper-shouted, cradling a small bundle in his arm. "You came!"
The receptionist excused herself, carefully closing the door behind him in the genkan of the maternity suite. "Was there ever any question?" Kakashi asked, slipping out of his shoes.
"Well, we never know these days since you're so busy," Naruto rolled his eyes. "We told them to give the Hokage priority, if he ever showed up, ya know."
"Maa, we'll see how well you manage the time when it's your turn," he retorted mildly. He crossed the room to deposit his gift by a sunny window, extricating his limbs from its clingy grasp as he turned his gaze to Hinata. She graced the bed like a divine queen on her royal throne. There were dark circles under her entrancing eyes, but otherwise she looked nothing short of ethereal. It elevated his spirits to see her appearing so transcendently happy. As far as Kakashi was concerned, she deserved his attentions first, and an apology to boot. He bowed his head to greet her formally. "My congratulations to you both! I'm so sorry to come late."
She beamed up at him and shook her dark head, modestly clutching a silk robe around herself. "Not at all. You honor us, Lord Hokage," she said earnestly.
"Ah, please drop the 'Lord'," Kakashi murmured out of habit. He swatted at a wayward frond still attached to his arm. Good riddance, he thought. Let Naruto tame that troublesome beast.
"What a lovely arrangement!" Hinata practically sang, and the shrub might have shivered with pleasure at the worship. Kakashi tutted.
"Not as lovely as you, Lady Hinata," he declared reverently, "You look as beautiful as ever. Motherhood suits you."
Hinata went pink at his words of praise. Naruto's smile softened, and he bounced the bundle in his arms gently as he studied his wife. "It's true," he concurred. "She's... amazing."
The blond might not have been gifted with wit or words, but his open affection for her was indubitable. Husband and wife locked eyes for an endearing moment, silently reveling in all they'd accomplished together in just the last twenty-four hours. Naruto's face blazed as though he were ready to conquer the world, or ravish her with kisses, whatever came first. Kakashi, suddenly feeling as though he were intruding on an intimate encounter, averted his eyes and cleared his throat.
"Rumor has it you've had quite the turnout of visitors. I feel fortunate to have been admitted!"
Hinata gave her husband a fondly exasperated glance. "Well, Naruto was rather ambitious with the news."
The blond shrugged gleefully, all the whites of his teeth showing again. "But you're the first person outside of the Hyuuga clan to be allowed in!" he boasted.
Kakashi's eyes formed cheerful crests as he smiled under his mask. "I'm honored," he replied. "Truly."
Evidently deciding to move on from all the pleasantries, Naruto's proud grin changed shape and he met Kakashi's eyes, hefting the tiny cocoon of white muslin with his bandaged arm. "Come meet our son, Kaka-sensei," he insisted, lifting his elbow to present the baby to him.
Nodding to the new mother, Kakashi stepped deftly around her bed for the monumental moment, the coveted opportunity to lay eyes on the child of the esteemed Hyuuga heiress and the prominent village hero. Naruto fingered the folds of the blanket, his gleaming gaze directing Kakashi toward the face of a miniature sleeping Naruto.
It was like deja-vu. Kakashi was smitten yet again by the unveiling of platinum hair, brows, and lashes. His breath escaped him in a sigh at the privilege of beholding his sensei's grandson.
"Oh, Naruto, he's..." Kakashi groped for words. "He's perfect."
Kakashi's voice cracked as he said it, and he realized with a jolt that the word was rooted to a nearly identical memory, in the voice of a man long since estranged to him, reacquainted to him, and now dead. Naruto had nearly been crushed by Jiraiya's violent and untimely end, but now here he was, thriving and bringing forward new life.
Naruto hummed, admiring his child with elation, oblivious to Kakashi's internal dialogue.
Kakashi blinked at his old protege, suddenly gripped with an old familiar longing to reconcile things in his heart. "May I hold him?" he blurted.
Naruto's baby blues went wide, and his head snapped up with surprise, but the request clearly pleased him. "Yeah, of course!" He belatedly glanced to his wife for permission, who nodded with tranquility.
"Here, let me sit down," Kakashi instructed, backing himself into the small chair in one corner. "You may not believe me, but I've actually done this before."
Naruto laughed out loud, which caused the baby to startle, and two little fists leapt from their swaddle to punch the air. The boisterous father bit his lip and nuzzled his infant nose to nose, cooing apologies to him. He carefully passed the child into Kakashi's waiting arms, a fond expression crossing his features when he straightened and stepped back, but Kakashi wasn't watching Naruto. Kakashi was staring down into the newborn's face, rapt.
"Your old Master and I once held you just like this, you know," Kakashi told Naruto, slipping his face free of his mask and beaming down at the baby with an unhampered smile.
"Yeah?" Naruto asked on a breath, momentarily stunned by both revelations.
"Yeah." Kakashi swallowed, letting the tears come freely, because this was safe, familiar territory. "Exactly like this."
A new little person lay cradled in his same old hands, but this child was just as soft as his fingers remembered. As he stroked the velvety shell of the baby's ear, Kakashi recalled the day Jiraiya made it possible for him to meet his sensei's newborn son. The Toad Sage was a man he once hated for many reasons, but because of Naruto, he found he finally had the strength to forgive him. After all, Naruto loved Jiraiya, and without him, this precious moment might never have come to be.
Forgiveness. Closure. Peace. Words rang through time like the chime of a bell to this place, beckoning him into a new covenant.
"Hello, little one," he greeted when the newborn's stormy blue eyes made a fleeting appearance. "Welcome to the world."
Disinterested in the old man, the baby yawned and let his eyes slip closed, content to return to his slumber. Kakashi sniffed a soft laugh, allowing himself one more indulgence and brushed the tiny fist with the pad of his thumb in a gentle circle.
"You look exactly like your father, when he was your size," he explained softly, glancing in the parents' direction. "You see, the Toad Sage Master Jiraiya once brought a broken boy to meet him." Hinata sat listening in awed silence, and Naruto's mouth hung open as he processed the words. "It helped mend that boy's shattered heart."
The infant was purring obliviously with snores. Kakashi smiled at him through his tears as though he were conversing back. "Oh yes, I knew him, even before he knew me. I also knew his father before him. You come from lines of kind, courageous men and women, who are very special to me. I love them dearly."
If Naruto dashed his hand across his face, Kakashi didn't let it affect him.
"For the rest of my days, I'll help them keep you safe. And if I must, I'll shield you with my own life, because you are now precious to me."
Pressing his lips between the child's brows, Kakashi sealed the contract of his care and protection once more.
Hiashi, beside himself with joy at the arrival of his first grandchild, had insisted Kakashi join the family at the Hyuuga Estate for the Seventh Night ceremonial naming dinner. It was an offer the Hokage simply could not refuse, once he had sworn to Shikamaru he would dutifully return to the office before midnight, of course.
"Sober!" the Nara might have shouted behind him as he hastily absconded from the office, but Kakashi figured he only heard an errant wind.
The former Hyuuga clan leader was highly amusing company, well into his ample supply of sake by the time Kakashi arrived. Dinner had already started, and at Naruto's profound expense, Hiashi was soliciting bets from his guests as to when the next child might be born, which led to some debate over the date of conception. Naruto gave the men a good-natured grin and attempted to redirect the conversation, but he wilted when Kakashi - plied with drinks and hot food - gladly entered the fray. Hiashi's delighted laughter resounded at the Hokage's impressive wager, and he raised another toast to the merry company.
"Kaka-sensei!" Naruto hissed beside him, his face a tomato.
Kakashi shrugged one shoulder, tipping his cup to his mouth. "You can't blame me for capitalizing on a good opportunity."
"You're encouraging them!" Naruto accused.
"Of course I am," Kakashi replied, deadpan. "Children are a blessing in more than one way, and we all can benefit here. So be sure to get busy and help me win some money."
Naruto dropped his head into his hands and cringed.
As much as he was enjoying Naruto's torment, Kakashi acquiesced to change the subject. "Perhaps we should up the ante!" The Hokage beckoned loud enough for the other side of the table to hear. "Are we placing bets on the name as well?"
So much for the shinobi code. Some of the more inebriated guests beat their empty cups on the table excitedly. "Fifteen thousand yen on 'Neji'!" called Ko, and this was followed by a chorus of applause and approving grunts. Other names were offered up, incurring laughter or playful discourse. The esteemed ladies of the house chose to make their appearance in the midst of this noise, likely to tame it.
"Stop spoiling his moment!" Hanabi chided her relatives, entering the dining room with her usual regal air. Nestled in the arms of her kimono lay the star of the evening, her newborn nephew. The babe snoozed contentedly, heedless to the sudden crowd of admirers that gathered around him.
Hinata stood behind her sister, always in her shadow these days, treasuring the amorous gazes and flow of compliments over her infant.
"Looks just like his father!" One of the women proclaimed fondly. "Will they call him Naruto, I wonder?"
The chatter rose in volume, and Naruto scratched at his head uneasily. Hinata noticed his discomfort, and with divine stealth, joined her husband at the table. Kakashi spied the small white roll of parchment she covertly pressed into his hand.
"We've chosen the perfect name," she told him softly. "Don't let them cause you any doubt."
Before the zealots were finished fawning over the newest Hyuuga celebrity, Hiashi restored order and re-convened the assembly. All eyes turned expectantly to the blessed couple, and Naruto gave his wife a tentative smile. When she returned the gesture, he unrolled the scroll upon the table in front of him. Hinata helpfully placed a brush at his elbow, which he took up with the bound and wrapped fingers of his right hand.
All were silent. Kakashi felt his breath catch, realizing Naruto had struggled with the dexterity of his prosthesis for some time since his surgery. Weaving hand signs may have required fine motor skills, but calligraphy wasn't his strong suit even before he had lost his arm. Still, with painstaking strokes and fortitude, Naruto labored to spell out the name they had chosen for their firstborn son. If Hinata occasionally had to steady his hand, he humbly accepted her help, and no one breathed a critical word of it.
Naruto lifted his eyes to the congregation and passed the paper to Kakashi, giving him the high honor of being the first to speak it aloud. The characters were flawed, but bold, written out bravely with the ghost of the limb he had lost and the flesh of the limb he was given, a joint endeavor by mother and father both. Kakashi smiled and cleared his throat. "His name is Uzumaki Boruto."
Boruto.
Not exactly his uncle's namesake, but not exactly not his namesake, either.
"In Neji's honor," Naruto echoed, and as Hanabi approached, Hinata turned to accept her child into her arms and declared, "Bound to no fate."
Wordlessly, Naruto withdrew a kunai from the folds of his robe, and Hinata drew back the blanket to expose the golden head of their newborn. The sight of the knife caused the onlookers to recoil slightly, but Kakashi recognized the ritual about to take place. With extreme care, Naruto shaved the fine strands, the "fire hair", from the baby's pink scalp. The babe squawked sleepily, stirred awake by the sensation, but the job was over quickly enough to disturb him no further.
Kakashi handed the slip of paper to his neighbor, who whispered the baby's name like a prayer before passing it on to the next observer. He returned his gaze to the young parents, who curled protectively together over the new center of their universe. The pair touched foreheads tenderly, their arms entwined to shield their helpless, now bald offspring from any bad omen or ill will. Kakashi felt grieved that the weight of their shared history compelled them to conduct such ceremony, and he prayed for their sake that it would work.
Hinata eventually departed to nurse the baby in peaceful solitude, leaving the rest of them to lapse into more subdued conversation. Kakashi perceived that his old student was rather long in the face, absently fidgeting with the sleeve of his yukata and not speaking with any of the guests. Throwing back another drink, Kakashi decided to discover what undisclosed troubles had eclipsed the young man's normally sunny countenance.
"Maa, Naruto," Kakashi drawled, "Let's walk the engawa, shall we? I could use some fresh air."
The blond squinted at him doubtfully, but resigned himself to the task with a heavy sigh. "You can't piss in the garden, Hokage-sama," he warned, rising from the table. "And if you puke, I'm leaving you on your own. I have enough of that to deal with lately."
Kakashi merely chuckled, making a show of leaning heavily on his shoulder as he stood. "The joys of fatherhood!" he mused loudly, clapping Naruto on the back.
The pair managed to escape without any protest from their fellow diners, and after they were out of earshot, the Hokage gave Naruto a thump on the head.
"Tell me what's bothering you."
Naruto glared at him. "I knew you weren't drunk."
"Actually, I am one sip of sake away from being drunk," he corrected, pointing a finger into his own face. "But, unlike your father-in-law, I can hide it better."
His blond companion looked dubious. Whether he doubted the first statement or the last - or both - was hard to determine, but regardless, Naruto complied and sat down at the edge of the decking. His bare feet dangled in the cool wisps of grass that were stretching higher with the approach of spring. Kakashi joined him, wiggling his toes and relishing the sensation while he waited for his gloomy companion to gather his thoughts.
"I'm afraid," Naruto admitted quietly.
Kakashi signaled he was listening with a thoughtful hum.
"Terrified, actually. I didn't have my father in my life, and... well. I don't know what to do, how to do this. I suppose I'm just worried I'll mess up."
"You will mess up, Naruto," Kakashi guaranteed him.
Naruto side-eyed his sensei. Realizing it was interpreted as a mocking jab, Kakashi leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and kindly elaborated. "Every father messes up, I can assure you," he reiterated, spreading his hands and thinking of his own father. "Even the best of them. Trust me, I would know."
A deep crease formed between Naruto's brows, but he didn't reveal what was on his mind. Kakashi decided to give him an opening and shrugged one shoulder, adding, "You can ask."
Naruto swallowed and dropped his gaze to his feet. "But I don't want to make you sad on my happy day."
Ironic, coming from him. Kakashi shook his head. "Naruto, my joy for you today cannot be overshadowed by my past sorrow." He turned both eyes to his friend to emphasize his sincerity. "And even when it does cause me sadness, I still like to remember my father. I don't want him to be forgotten."
Naruto pondered silently for a few breaths as he chewed a fingernail, then asked, "Did you hate him for what he did?"
"For his suicide?" Kakashi assumed. It was the more obvious topic, he supposed.
Naruto winced but nodded.
"Mmm. I wasn't sure I could ever forgive him," Kakashi disclosed, recalling the dark anger, the brutal sense of betrayal. "I carried so much pain from that. But no, I never hated him for it."
"I know you loved him," Naruto mused as he folded his arms into his sleeves, "But you never talked about him. Maybe you could tell me your favorite memory of the White Fang?"
Kakashi cocked his head to one side, considering. "Well, that's hard to specify. There are many little moments I treasure." But for Naruto's sake, he selected a few of the more amusing stories to share. They came easily off his tongue, and inevitably, when there came a lull in the laughter, Naruto asked a different question - one Kakashi hadn't expected.
"He loved you?"
"Oh, yes," Kakashi answered without hesitation. "He did. In fact, he spoiled me, probably because I was motherless. He could also be stern, in the way fathers can be, but he made it no secret. He loved me fiercely."
Naruto's blue eyes sparkled hopefully at this candid answer. "And he messed up sometimes, too, didn't he?"
Kakashi gave a low sound in his throat to acknowledge this, as though it were evident, and Naruto backpedaled. "No, I- I don't mean... at the end. But were there other times you remember?"
Kakashi fell silent, but not for grief. He felt he was beginning to discern the root of Naruto's anxieties regarding fatherhood.
Naruto misinterpreted his stillness to mean he didn't want to discuss it further, but Kakashi followed through with a response, if not an answer. "Hmm. Actually, I can't remember any specific instance. I know he wasn't perfect, but to be honest, I can't really recall another situation where he let me down."
Filling his lungs with a deep breath, Kakashi remembered that healing conversation at the edge of a campfire that felt so real, from so long ago. Sakumo's self-destruction was the one hurt that went unresolved, the one offense that burdened him, clearly to the surrender of any others. But even that great rift had been reconciled on the brink of Kakashi's own death. It had breathed new life in him, quite literally. Any other failures didn't exist or paled in comparison.
"You'll get it wrong sometimes," Kakashi told him, patting his shoulder. "But that's okay. I think it's what you do in the aftermath that matters most."
Naruto wasn't looking at him; his gaze was troubled, and he shrugged sulkily. "Kaka-sensei, what if I can't..." He paused to take a shuddering breath. "What if I don't... love him?" When his deepest confession was out, Naruto squeezed his eyes tight and hissed with frustration. "I know it sounds terrible, but the truth is, I just don't think I can love him the way I love Hinata, the way I love all the people already in my life..."
Kakashi quirked a silver brow, privately thinking it was a ludicrous thing to say, but did not interrupt.
"So what kind of father... How? I mean, how can I not love my own son the way he deserves to be loved?" the blond whispered, the words nearly too taboo to even speak aloud.
Kakashi gave him a lopsided grin beneath his mask. "Your heart feels too full, right?" he asked.
"Oh, to bursting!" Naruto agreed, flashing him a bright, genuine smile that faded as fast as it appeared. "But you know what I mean, right? I'm incredibly happy, but I just worry -"
"You worry there's a limit," Kakashi guessed. "Like there isn't any more room to love another person so much."
Naruto's eyes unfocused as he considered, and he nodded slightly.
"And you worry, perhaps, that you'll care for Hinata less, that this new little person in your world might compromise the love you hold for her."
The blond's countenance shifted from pensive to dismayed, then he nodded again.
"And maybe you worry Hinata's love for you might diminish as well."
Naruto closed his eyes, looking pained. "It all sounds silly," he complained, "when you say it out loud like that."
Kakashi tipped him sideways into an embrace, squeezing his shoulders tightly. "It's not silly at all, it's normal," he affirmed. "But I can promise you: those fears won't happen."
Naruto glanced at him and scoffed. "Oh yeah? How do you know that?"
Kakashi gave a throaty hum. "Maa, I may not have children of my own, Naruto, but give me some credit," he replied, allowing amusement to warm his tone. "I do know what it feels like for your world to grow bigger. You kids became very important to me, you know. Like my own."
Naruto's lips quirked.
"The heart is an amazing thing," Kakashi continued, poking his old student in the chest. "Especially yours, from what I've seen. It grows and accommodates more than you can ask or imagine. Give it time, and I think you'll be surprised by just how much more love can be contained and sustained there."
The blond shuddered in what Kakashi assumed at first was laughter, then realized were quiet sobs. Naruto bent forward and covered his face, trying to stifle his abrupt tears. Kakashi reached out and scratched through his yellow locks reassuringly.
"You musn't doubt your own heart, Naruto. It doesn't suit you."
"This is different," the blond rationalized thickly, voice muffled by his hands. "Fatherhood is so different from being a shinobi."
"In some ways, perhaps," Kakashi conceded, resting his palm on Naruto's back. "But your father would have argued that they are the same in some ways too."
Kakashi felt beneath his hand when Naruto inflated himself with breath, reflexively repelling the old anxiety he contended with for so long. The young man had come a long way in his life-long battle for self-control and inner peace.
"I'm so proud of you," he said softly, letting Naruto sniffle into his hands without patronizing him. "You have overcome so much, and this journey will be no different."
"But how can you know?" Naruto asked, swiping a sleeve across his face.
Kakashi shook his head. "I've seen the way you hold him, the way you look at him. You love him."
Naruto finally faced him, meeting both his dark eyes, grey as the dusk that meets the dawn. Kakashi was aware he could see more clearly now than he ever had with the Sharingan before. Perhaps he had earned some insight to pass on after all. He gripped his old student behind the neck like an old man would a son, to impart vital wisdom that they must know in order to survive, to thrive. Jiraiya's words came back to him once more.
Hurry and become a man that could be in one of my novels.
Naruto was well on his way. Perhaps it was not too late for Kakashi.
"There is no one better qualified to be a father to your son."