Chapter 25
Later that day, after the sun had set, Kurenai and Anko make their way to Naruto’s house.
“well, that’s it”, Anko says as they stand in front of the door, “I just hope I’m not stuck on corpse duty, I already have to much of it at the T&I”.
“ugh, this the last time I let you drag me into something like this”, Kurenai says, “if we are lucky we will be able to keep our clothes on”.
“speak for yourself, I’m looking forward to the sexy maid dress”, Anko says, getting a glare from Kurenai, “what?! Compared with what I usually wear it would be an upgrade”.
Kurenai had to agree.
“besides, you cute ass would look amazing on a miniskirt”, Anko says, getting her hands all over Kurenai.
“my front porch is not a motel”, Naruto says as the door opens by itself.
“well, no use stalling”, Anko says as her nose is assaulted by a delicious smell, “oh boy, I don’t know what he’s cooking but I want some”.
“then drag you horny ass inside already, we are having dinner”, Naruto says.
Entering the house, the duo is surprised to see how well kept and clean the place was, actually, it was quite luxurious if they were being honest.
One thing they weren’t expecting to see, was the head of the Uzumaki branch having dinner with them.
“I didn’t knew you were rubbing elbows with the head honchos”, Anko says as she approached the dinner table and takes a deep whiff of what is served.
“I’m not, but it seems the only thing harder than drawing blood from a stone is getting rid of an Uzumaki”, Naruto says as the red-haired clan head fill her plate with another serving.
“damn right you are boy”, both Mitos says, with a cheerful tone.
“especially when you always make ‘sure to get laid’ food every night”, Mito, the reincarnated says, with a bright smile after she finishes her second serving and goes for a third, “are you sure you aren’t trying to get into my panties?”.
“as if you are wearing any”, Naruto says, as he watches in abject horror the cola braised short ribs with risotto he worked three days in advance to make vanishing at concerning speeds, “you aren’t even wearing pans for that matter, the only thing stopping you from being completely naked at the dinner table is the bath robe you shamelssly stole from my bathroom”.
“and I’m not giving it back, this thing is so soft and fluffy it’s like wearing a cloud”, Mito says, and the other adults who actually live there agree, “but if you are so bothered, I can go full nudist, my girls need some air from time to time”.
“your utter lack of shame never fails to baffle me”, Naruto says as he stops Mito from undressing.
“I’ve told you once, I’ll tell you again, we are shinobi, and as shinobi shame and an empty sack is worth the sack”, Mito says.
“amen!”, Mito the clan head says with a class of wine on her hands, “by the way, I’m totally moving in after I retire”.
“one, oh hell nah!!”, Naruto says turning to the first, First Lady of Konoha with his eye twitching, “and second, you have your own home, I’m not housing you too. I’m already bothered to no end with Tsunade; I don’t need another person eating my whole snack cabinet on one sitting on the daily”.
“it’s always me, I never hear you complaining about Shizune!”, Tsunade says narrowing her eyes at him.
“that’s because Shizune is a delightful roommate”, Naruto says, making Shizune blush, “the fact she doesn’t steal my shampoo or tries to evict me from my bedroom are just a bonus”.
“this, is really different from what I was expecting”, Kurenai says, watching in a mix of horror and amusement.
“what? Were you expecting chains, corpses and torture devices?”, Naruto raises the eyebrow of the eye he no longer had.
“phewtty much”, Anko answers with her mouth full.
“first, swallow your food, then speak and second, it’s bad manner to practice dissections where you eat… I have a basement for a reason”, Naruto says.
As if to punctuate his argument, grunts and a banging door coming from the basement door.
“gosh, it’s like visiting Tobirama’s place all over again”, Mito the adult says with a sight, “I still remember that time he sought a dozen or so shambling zombies on Hashirama”.
“was that before or after the undead pigeons?”, Tsunade asks, her memory a little hazy.
“after”, Mito completes taking another sip of the wine, “oh fuck me, this is some really good wine”.
“I would say something about how crude it is to use pigeons for necromantic spells, but I do have a penchant for making undead exploding raccoons, so…”, Naruto says, eating his food without losing a single iota of elegance.
“yep, gruncle Tobi would have loved you”, Tsunade says.
“I don’t know what I was expecting, but it sure as hell it wasn’t this”, Kurenai says, taking a sip of wine, “hum, indeed this some really good wine”.
“of course it is”, Naruto says, taking a sip from his own class, then he notices Anko’s look, “you look disappointed, is it because I’m not making you both wear a sexy maid outfit?”.
“partially”, Anko says, with a sight, “I’m more worried than disappointed, look, I know it may be far too late, but can’t you… I don’t know, let Kure-chan go, like I don’t care what you do to me, but Kure-chan is another story, she has a lot to look forward, she recently got together with Asuma…”.
“and I’ll stop you right there”, Naruto says, putting his glass down, “contrary to common belief, I do have morals and whatever you think I’m going to do with her goes straight against them the same way as leaving a debt unsettled”.
“so you won’t…”, Kurenai asks.
“bend you over and fuck you in the ass? No”, Naruto answers.
“well, that’s bummer”, Anko says with a joking tone, “I was hoping for some back door fun”.
“keep talking, I still have to break out the hole scrubber 3000”, Naruto quips back.
“jokes on you, my holes could use some scrubbing”, Anko says after barking a laugh, “but in all seriousness, do I have to worry about being a test subject?”.
“no, I can fix anything I do to you”, Naruto says.
“that’s not reassuring”, Kurenai says.
“too bad, you signed up to this”, Naruto completes, “anything else?”.
“well…”, Anko says, averting her eyes.
“you asses are homeless aren’t you?”, Naruto asks, as the two women blush, “fuck of course you are…”.
“we can sleep on the couch”, Anko says, as a teasing grin spreads across her face, “or we could keep your bed nice and warm for you”.
“hell no, I just got the smell of alcohol and depression out of my sheets after miss big tidies there got into that funk”, Naruto says pointing to Tsunade.
“hey!!”, Tsunade protests, “I’ll let you know, a lot of people would pay good money to have their beds smelling like me!”.
“not when you were sweating booze and didn’t shower for a whole week!”, Naruto retorts, “not counting all the times I have to drag you by the foot out my bed!”.
“you have a triple king sized bed, there’s more than enough space for the two of us”, Tsunade retorts with a huff.
“a little daring aren’t you?”, Mito the teen says with a less than pure expression on her face.
“pfft, please, I’ve lived long enough to see the only man I loved die on my arms and to see everyone else to come at me after him to only see me as either a ticket for more prestige or just a good pair of tits”, Tsunade says, draining her glass in just one gulp, “and I kicked enough balls to know that the only way to make them stop is settling down with someone and I hardly believe I’ll find love again, so I might as well settle down with someone who’s gonna give me a good life”.
“amen!!”, Anko and Mito, the adult says raising their glasses.
“too bad it won’t be me”, Naruto says.
“I already live here, I’m you jounin sensei and I’m whipping Sakura into shape”, Tsunade says, “we are already married; we just don’t have the certificate”.
“again, I’m fourteen”, Naruto says.
“and a genin, old enough to kill, old enough to fuck an I’m too old and fed up to date”, Tsunade adds, “why keep arguing we can just tie the knot already”.
“can we not discuss this for once?!”, Naruto says, pinching the bride of his nose.
“fine, but this is far from over”, Tsunade says.
“especially because I want some great-grandkids to spoil”, Mito the adult says, causing Mito the teen to snicker, she shared the same opinion.
“I restored you to your prime that includes refilling all that juicy Uzumaki vitality that keeping the fox caged drained, if you want great-grandkids so badly, then what is stopping you from starting from scratch”, Naruto asks, while he sips on his wine.
“are you volunteering?”, Mito asks, with a teasing smile, “because let me tell you, Uzumaki women are pretty bendy in bed and once you get a taste of the turbo triple carped whirlpool you will never be able to go back”.
“you guys are insufferable”, Naruto says, much to the amusement of Kurenai and Anko.
“hey, I haven’t get any action since my dear sweet Hashi died, I’m old and about to be retired, if there’s a moment for me to enjoy the fine things in life it is now”, Mito says, her cheeks a little rosy from the wine.
“then you can do it with someone on your age range”, Naruto says.
“bah! Guys my age are more worried about how to take a shit without their asses bleeding or complaining about the price of adult diapers”, Mito says, with a smirk, “guys your age on the other hand…”.
“Tsunade, I think you grandma had enough of wine for the night, would you kindly take her home?”, Naruto asks already tired of that.
“nah, granny can spend the night here, she can take my bed and I take yours”, Tsunade says.
“correction, she takes your bed and you can take the couch”, Naruto corrects.
“nope, Tsuna can keep her bed, I don’t mind sharing yours with you”, Mito says, with a hick up, “also, come on, I’m drunk enough to not care about a one night stand, take this as way to fuck the council”.
Naruto takes a deep breath to calm himself as he feels a tick mark appearing on his forehead, then, he snaps his fingers and Mito is teleported back to her house something he clarifies to the remaining guests.
“why did asked me to take granny home when you could have just done that?”, Tsunade asks.
“because I intended for you to spend the night there too”, Naruto says, “now, can we finish eating in peace?”.
After dinner, Naruto goes upstairs, followed by Anko and Kurenai.
“let’s see…”, Naruto says, looking at a window where a 3-D schematic of the house was being displayed, while turned to the vacant part of the wall between Shizune’s bedroom and the bathroom, “do you two prefer separate rooms or you can share?”.
Anko and Kurenai look at each other and after a silent discussion Kurenai speaks.
“separate please”, Kurenai says, “I love Anko, but she’s too howdy to share a room with”.
“fine by me”, Naruto says, as they watch him drawn three more doors on the wall in the window, “I’m adding an extra bathroom just to make sure”.
After it’s done, three more doors appear on the wall, from left to right it was Shizune’s bedroom, bathroom, bedroom, bedroom and bathroom.
“kai!!”, both Anko and Kurenai says in unison, there’s no way what they just saw wasn’t a gebjutsu.
“now you guys choose which bedroom you want and get yourselves comfy, I’m going to bed”, Naruto says, turning around to go to his master suit.
“did he…”, Kurenai asks, looking inside one of the newly made bedroom.
“made two more bedrooms and a bathroom like it was nothing? Yes he did”, Shizune says, with a yawn, “you get used to it”.
“is there anything else we should be aware of?”, Kurenai asks.
“just don’t step on his toes and you’ll be fine”, Shizune says, feeling the weight of the day on her shoulders, “I really want to talk more, but I’m dead on my feet here, good night”.
“good night”, Kurenai and Anko says.