Chapter 17
Naruto was having an excellent day, he was relaxing near the stream on his backyard, enjoying a cold glass of iced tea while smoking some damn good pipeweed, just shilaxing like a balla in a hammock under a shade.
Until god decided to shit on his dinner.
How you may ask?
“there’s a body floating down the stream”, Hiruzen’s voice rings inside his head.
“I can see that”, Naruto says, lifting his shades and promptly putting them back.
“won’t you, I don’t know, fish it out?”, Asura says, a little uncomfortable and worried, “they may need help”.
“it crossed my barrier, no living human being should be able to do it, so it’s already dead”, Naruto says, taking a drag of his smoking pipe.
“still, you should fish it out of the water to at least see if there’s any identification, so it can be sent back to their family”, Hiruzen says, taking a drag of his own smoking pipe.
“jiji, I love you, but that”, Naruto points to the corpse getting stuck in some sticks with his smoking pipe, “is one big pile of not my problem”.
“it will be your problem once it starts rotting and now that I take a good look at it, that is clearly a shinobi, sooner or later a searching party will be launched and when they reach here, that that will be one big headache I’m pretty sure you don’t want to have”, Hiruzen says.
“fuck, ok, ill fish it out”, Naruto says using giant aetherial hands to pull the body out of the water, “as soon as I’m finished here, I’m going to find a way to get you out of my head, I hate having a sentient conscience”.
“keep lying to yourself as much as you want, deep down I know that you have a good heart filled with the will of fire burning brighter than ever”, Hiruzen says with a chuckle.
“the only will of fire I have is the will to set someone’s else on fire”, Naruto says, laying he corpse down, “also, keep talking, I might make true of your clan’s name and turn you into a monkey”.
“jokes on you brat, it’s my childhood dream to be a monkey”, Hiruzen chuckles again, “can you imagine just how much more badass would my taijutsu be if I had four hands instead of two?”.
Naruto was about to answer when suddenly, the corpse he just fished out of the water, which by now he saw was a woman, coffs of a lungful of water and comes back to life.
“oh fuck me!!”, Naruto says, still using the magical hand to bring her with him to the house, “now I can’t leave her to die!!”.
At that, Hiruzen and Asura smirk all the while Kurama just kept napping unbothered.
“cut that out”, Naruto says, using a spell to blow some hot air on the woman to dry her.
“wow, I come to visit and you are already bringing another woman here”, Mito says with mock jealously, “am I not good enough to you?!”.
“for fucks sake woman!”, Naruto says, “can you stop raiding my pantry and be of help?”.
“sheesh, is that how you talk with your future teammate?”, Mito says, “I just got here, no need to be rude, what’s wrong with her?”.
“she”, Naruto points to the unconscious and barely breathing woman he was holding like a sack of potatoes, “just decided to die somewhere up stream, fall into the river and come back to live just to ruin my otherwise perfectly good day and now I can’t leave her to die”.
“we really need to work on your sociability”, Mito says, with a sight, “lay her down on the couch, I’ll check up on her”.
“I’m perfectly sociable, mind you, all things considered I might be the most functional member of this society”, Naruto says, laying the woman down and patting her.
“her pulse is weak, her skin is pale and her lips are blue, clear hypothermia”, Mito runs a quick diagnose before going back to the main topic, “and me and Hashi never had a clone gangbang, you are as sociable as an explosive diarrhea”.
“I would pretty much like for you to keep the nightly activities you’ve had in your previous life to yourself, thank you very much”, Naruto says, finding the woman’s identification, “let’s see, Anko Mitarashi, Jounin I also don’t see any open wounds”.
Naruto pull Anko’s eyelids open to check her eyes.
“it look like a concussion”, Naruto states, “I don’t need to know about how you husband used to give you his hard wood”.
“prude”, Mito says under her breath.
“bitch, if you knew half of what I did behind closed doors you would understand that a prude is the last thing I am”, Naruto says, putting the woman’s ID down and cracking his fingers.
“oh sure, if you are so good them prove it”, Mito says with a smug tone, “put your money were your mouth is”.
There’s a second of silence between the two.
“are you trying to piss me into fucking you?”, Naruto asks.
“no, but I’m up for some hate fucking”, Mito says.
“you are a pervert, did you know that?”, Naruto says with a heavy sight, “also aren’t we kind of related?”.
“bah, number three rule of the shinobi world, keep it in the family, we are probably thrice removed great-cousins or some shit like that”, Mito says with a playful huff, “cousin fuckery is by far the least uncommon thing in the world, that’s how we keep the bloodline strong”.
“you don’t have to lecture me about it”, Naruto says, cracking his neck, “if there’s a thing any high elf is obsessed is blood purity. Unfortunately due to our long life span our birth rates were low, by the time I departed into my final journey, the only options for me to mate if I was to keep lineage pure were my grand-nieces”.
“that seems rather unpleasant”, Mito admits.
“that was wasn’t relevant actually, back there, our once proud race was on the brink of extinction. Let’s just say just a couple babies being born every five hundred years don't make for a sustainable way of maintaining a healthy population”, Naruto says, raising his hands above Anko, “now shut up, I need to concentrate here”.
He extends his hands over her and with a small surge of aether; they start to glow into a soft green and golden light that spreads from his hands to her body a few seconds later, Anko was no longer pale as a corpse, instead, her skin had a healthy rosy tone as her pulse and her breathing strengthen.
“she’s fine now, she’s just asleep”, Naruto says, letting out a puff of smoke.
“that was amazing, Tsuna would kill to be able to do that”, Mito says, closely inspecting Anko, “it’s like she was never hurt to begin with”.
“hum”, Naruto says, his lonely eye wandering over her body, “it seems she’s afflicted with something else?”.
“like what, an STD?”, Mito asks, “those are really common amongst shinobi”.
“no, but if what I’m seeing is correct, chlamydia would be preferable”, Naruto says, “she seems to be branded with mark of rebirth”.
“a what now?”, both Mito and Hiruzen ask in unison.
“a mark of rebirth, is a especial kind of curse where a target is marked to be used as a vessel for someone else to rebirth in case of death”, Naruto explains, pointing to the three magatama markings in her neck, “she seems to be marked by one, a crude one but one nonetheless”.
“that is the curse mark Orochimaru placed on her when he was her jounin sensei”, Hiruzen says with a sad tone, “one of the many atrocities my student committed in his depraved search for immortality”.
“one of your students is a pervert, the other is a drunk and the last one is a mad wannabe necromancer”, Naruto chuckles, “looking at it this way it’s no wonder we got along so well”.
“who are you talking with?”, Mito asks, confused.
“with Hiruzen, an echo of his soul got stuck inside me when he sealed the soul of Kurama in me, he actually was my sensei before I was executed”, Naruto explains, “now back to the cursed chick passed out on my couch”.
He takes a look at her and ponders.
“you know, it is not like me to leave a job half finished”, Naruto says with a smirk.
He snaps his fingers and Anko’s body is covered in blue flames and when they are gone, so is the cursed mark.
“problem solved, nothing a great purification wouldn’t solve”, Naruto says.
“just like that?”, Hiruzen asks incredulous, “not even Minato and Kushina could remove the mark and all it takes you is a snap of your fingers?”.
“great purification gets rid of any impurity, physical, mental and spiritual”, Naruto explain, “the reason why they couldn’t remove it was because the seal was acting on all three fronts, prepping her body for a metamorphosis, infecting her mind and draining her soul and chakra. I was able to remove this seal because great purification attacks all three fronts simultaneously, if I was to address one or two instead of all, the remaining ones would compensate and reinstall the fallen parts”.
“care to repeat it, I didn’t quite got the last bit”, Mito says with a note book in hand.
“what are you doing?”, he asks.
“taking notes of course, this is valuable data, you may have used some bullshit voodoo, but that bullshit voodoo addresses seals and I think I can work on a new matrix based on what you said”, Mito says, frantically writing down her ideas.
“you aren’t going to try and replicate the cursed seal will you?”, Naruto asks.
“no… I’m going to create a better version”, Mito says, “I still remember how you brought me back to life in the previous world, if I can work around a way to do the same what you did there with what you did now, I think I can create something awesome”.
Oh, there is that look, the look Izuku knows excessively well. The look of a scholar that just found a new vein of study were many tried and failed to make something significant out of it and behind those eyes was the fire of determination to succeed where others failed.
If anything, Izuku could feel himself inflated with pride and nostalgia.
“you know what, I’m not even offended”, Naruto says, scouring Anko’s mind and soon after snapping his fingers again, this time a note appears and sticks to Anko.
The woman, still sleeping, proceed to fall over her best friend’s bed while said friend was not home.
“I wish you luck in your endeavor”, Naruto says with a smile on his face.
“luck is for fools and for tools, I have brains and I intend on using it”, Mito says, with her chest puffed, “but not today, today my parents aren’t home and won’t be for a week and my sister is on a long C-rank with her team, so I came here to hang out with you, so what’s the plan, Mr. Magic man?”.
“we are going grave robbing tonight”, Naruto says, nonchalantly.
“oh sweetheart, how did you knew I love grave robbing?”, Mito says, pulling a storage scroll and pulling a shovel out of it, “are you sure you aren’t trying to get into my pants?”.
“I would say something, but I’m a necromancer, so that’s actually sounds like a nice date, would like to have dinner first or after?”, Naruto asks.
“on one hand, I’m happy that you have some chance of finding love and possibly getting laid”, Asura says, with a sight, “on the other, what the fuck is wrong with you guys?”.