Chapter 7
The Professor as Hiruzen is known, had lived through two great shinobi wars, he is a man tempered by adversity and hardship, he’s a man that has been dealt his fair share of fuckery throughout the years… yet, nothing he had seen so far had made himself ready to see what he was seeing.
“I’m very impressed at how fast you work”, Hiruzen says, using all his shinobi training to stop him from throwing up, “but, why is he…”.
“encased in ice?”, Naruto asks, as he counts his money, “to avoid decomposition”.
“y-yeah we get that”, Tsume says.
It just had to happen that the delivery day of Danzo’s corpse had to be the same day as one of the council meeting.
The other two elders that were on Hiruze’s team had long fainted.
“but, why does he look like…”, Tsume continues, pointing at mask of unbridled horror that was Danzo’s face.
“let’s just say, mortal minds are not equipped to stare into the deepest depths of primordial chaos”, Naruto answers, still counting his money.
“let’s put that aside for a moment”, Hiruzen says, examining the frozen remains of his former friend, “anyway, you did a great job”.
“thanks jiji, now of you guys excuse me, I’m almost cracking a the code for something really big”, Naruto says as he puts the money back into the suitcase and makes his way out of the office.
“what exactly would be this big thing?”, Shikaku, who was furiously trying to find a way to get Naruto into the Nara clan (because lets be real, shadows are a Nara thing and nobody outshadows the Nara).
“if everything goes right, I might be able to bring the Uzumaki clan back from the dead”, Naruto says, leaving without saying another word.
There’s a fat minute of dead silence before the whole room runs out the door in an ungodly hurry.
“hey, sensei, good to see you here I have…”, Jiraiya the gallant greets his old teacher and is promptly ran over by him and the clan heads as they make way to the Senju compound.
“explain to me again”, Tsunade says, watching with her arms crossed as Naruto sets up what she can only describe as a ritual.
“ok, the short version is, Lady Mito and my mother’s soul are trapped this side of the veil, so I’m going to try to commune with them”, Naruto answers while setting black candles in a pentagram formation around a small table inside the storehouse-turned-workshop.
“I got that part, what I didn’t got is why are you doing this and how do you know they aren’t I the Pure Lands”, Tsunade says, with a sight.
“for the latter, I know they aren’t in the Pure Lands because when I opened the gates to allow you to have a talk with Dan and Nawaki, I did a research there and I couldn’t find their souls. As a matter of fact I couldn’t find a single Uzumaki woman’s soul on that place”, Naruto explains.
Now that was something and Tsunade could pretty much tell that.
“as for the former, I’m doing this to satiate my curiosity”, Naruto says, “I have a hunch as of why there’s no Uzumaki women in the Pure Lands and if my hunch is correct, I might be able to bring then back”.
“I got it, but is it safe?”, Tsunade asks, she wasn’t afraid of ghosts, but she pretty much would rather not fuck with them.
“as safe as it can be”, Naruto says, finishing the preparations, “now, let’s beging”.
He extends his hand and pulls from a small misty purple cloud a bottle of a very expensive looking sake.
“wait a damn second, is that a bottle of golden label Mirutake sake?”, Tsunade, ever the boozehound asks, snatching it from Naruto’s hand while drooling, “it is!! They only make ten bottles of this thing per year and they cost the equivalent of half a small village’s income, how did you get your hands on this?!”.
“it’s one of my super freaky skills, well, actually two, super online market and infinity currency”, Naruto explains, “the former, allows me to buy anything in the world, from both this life and the previous one (both of them, but she doesn’t need to know that) and the latter is self-explanatory”.
“wait, so you have a supermarket with everything at you back and call and infinite money?!”, Tsunade asks, hugging the bottle, “when did you plan on telling me that?!”.
“probably never, last thing I want is having you nagging me for free booze”, Naruto says, snapping the bottle out of her hand.
“is that an option?!”, Tsunade asks with her eyes wide open.
“it is if you want me to cast a reverse Jesus on you!”, Naruto quips back.
“the hell is that?”, Tsunade asks.
“Jesus was a religious figure in my previous life, he was regarded as the son of God and was widely known for performing miracles, one of which was to turn water into wine”, Naruto explains, “a reverse Jesus is a curse I came up with that makes anyone who’s afflicted with it turn alcohol into water”.
At that Tsunade shudders, booze was one of her vices, yes it was bad and all, but still and the tough of never being able to drink again was number three on her list of worst nightmares.
“you are cruel and inhumane, if I had the authority I would make this reverse Jesus a kinjutsu (forbidden jutsu)”, Tsunade says.
“bah, you say that because you are boozehound and if you are so concerned about the lack of authority, I’m pretty sure jiji would gladly surrender the hat to you if you asked”, Naruto says, laying the bottle on the table, “now shit up, I need to concentrate here”.
“it’s gonna be a very cold day in hell the day I get conned into being a Hokage”, Tsunade retorts, with a huff.
“fun fact, anything below the eight circle of the abyss is actually a freezing desert of ice and snow”, Naruto says, going back to his chanting.
“do I want to know how you know that?”, she asks, to no answer, “fine keep your secrets”.
As he chants, the room temperature starts dropping violently, until it was so cold they could see the moisture of their breaths, the candles forming the pentagram lit themselves with black flames.
In the middle of the circle, two blurry shapes starts forming, slowly but steadily getting more and more defined, the first this that becomes clear was that both were wearing white robes, the second one, was that both had blood-red hair, one of them, wore her hair into two hair buns and the other just let it flow down her shoulders.
When the two figures where finally visible enough, Naruto opened his eyes to greet them.
“hello mom, Lady Mito”, he says with a polite bow, “would you like to join us for a drink? We have a lot to talk about”.