Midnight thoughts
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Despite what people think Kakashi isn't loyal to Konoha. Kakashi knows the village is corrupt. He always has, when his father killed himself all they could do was glare at him. A part of him died that day. If it wasn’t for Team 7 back then he truly would have lost himself. Then Obito took a boulder for him and gave him his goddamned eye. Rin died by his hands, Rin whom he promised to keep safe. Logically he knows that Minato and Kushina sensei's deaths weren’t his fault he knows he does but that doesn't stop him from blaming himself. It doesn’t stop him from thinking what if? What if he was faster, what if he was stronger, smarter, and more alert even though he knows nothing he could have done would have changed a thing?
They whisper hush whispers, They speak foolish gossip and treat it as the truth. So no he’s not loyal to the village but rather the people of the village. He’s loyal to Itachi who was his subordinate forced to shoulder a burden too heavy so young. He’s loyal to Tenzo the kid who's seen too much. He’s loyal to Teuchi and Ayame who are kind to anyone who enters their stall. He’s loyal to Gai who kept him afloat when he was drowning. He’s loyal to Naruto whose heart is so big whose smile is so wide who deserves so much more than the consent disrespect that he accepts with a small smile. He’s loyal to them and so many more because he owes them for preventing him from being swallowed up by the darkness
Sometimes in the middle of the night as he tries his damn hard to scrub the dried blood off his skin he wonders what they would say and what they would think. What would his senseis think? How would they react to how their only child is treated would they be disgusted, terrified, or both? If Obito were to see him now would he despise him or would he feel pity? If Rin were to see him now hunched over his sink scrubbing the invisible blood off until he makes himself bleed would she cry silently or let out a blood-curdling scream? Perhaps maybe just maybe this is the reason his father killed himself all those years ago.
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Sakura’s parents love her she knows this. She knows that everything they do is for her she knows this she does. Though sometimes, she wished they would spend a little more time with her and not with the merchants. Don’t get her wrong she’s grateful for them she is but she just wishes that they were home more often or that they took her with them. She doesn't like it when her parents leave her at home alone. She gets lonely and sure she’s friends with Ino but she can't stay with her forever she has to go home eventually.
The walk back home is short as always. She wishes that it was a little longer so that she could pretend that her home wasn't empty. She gets started on making dinner for herself ignoring how a piece of her feels missing. Sometimes when it’s dark out and her parents aren’t home she’ll walk out into the pretty garden that her Okasan doesn’t let her touch and lay down under the stars and wish really hard that she were someone else. Maybe someone like Ino or Shikamaru or the smiling blond kid on the swings who's always alone but never sad.
She likes the blond kid Naruto. Pretty loud but he’s also nice even if her parents don’t like him and tell her to stay away she still likes him. A stuffy suffocating feeling clogs her throat as she looks at the two chairs at the dinner table forever collecting dust.
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Ni-san’s the best. It's not his option but a fact. nii-san graduated early from the academy when he was seven. nii-san became a genin at 8 and a chunin at 10. Otosan always praises Nii-san. He always says that he’s the clan's future, that he’ll lead our clan to glory but I’m not supposed to tell people that. Nii-san doesn't like it when he says that though for some reason. Otosan doesn’t praise him nearly as much as he praises his Nii-san.
That's okay though it's only cause he’s still little when he gets all big and strong both his Otosan, Nii-san, and Okasan will praise him lots. It’s why he works hard in both the academy and in training so that when he grows up he’s going to become a great ninja just like his Ni-san. Besides Ni-san says he’ll make a great ninja one day and Nii-san I almost always right.
Everyone says his Nii-san is the best of the best of the shinobi but sometimes in the dead of night when he can’t sleep but too scared to move he wishes that he was home more often. He understands he does he really does. He knows he’s a Konoha shinobi first and a clan member second. He knows a lot of things even if people don’t know them he still does. After all, you can’t be a shinobi if you don’t know things.
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Despite what people think Naruto isn't dumb. Sure he has a hard time understanding big words and yeah reading is hard for him and history’s boring, and chakra control is hard but that doesn't mean he’s dumb.
He’s not dumb
He knows people don’t wantlike him even if Jiji insists it's not like that. He hears the insults the older kids herl at him. He hears the whispers about him when the adults think he’s not listening. He sees the dirty looks that people give him on the streets. He knows they tell their kids to stay away from him. He knows because he’s learned to run. To run when an old man with a bottle in his hand is “angry” mad, learned to run when the adults start yelling and throwing things at him, learned to hide on his birthday but not in his house cause they would be the first place they look for him at.
He’s gotten used to it sure but he still wanted to know the reason for it. Wanted to know why, why they hated him, why they despised him, why they detested him so so much. He doesn’t know they yet they still hate him it confuses him. It’s part of the reason why he wants to be Hokage so much. People listen to the Hokage, they respect the Hokage.Maybe if he were Hokage they wouldn’t hate him anymore.
Realistically he knew it wouldn't change anything he knew that but for some reason, he still held on to hope. Even when he knew he’d only get hurt he still held on. He held on because of people like Teuchi and Ayame who welcomed him kindly with warm smiles and food. People like Iruka sensei who buys him ramen even when he’s disruptive. People like Misaki, Tsukiko, Hikari, and Homura from the redlight district. They don’t have their hearts on their selves so neither does he yet he still hopes. It’s for that reason alone he’s persevered this long.