New Friends, Old Regrets
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Sometimes, Kakashi wonders if it’s worth it— living this endless, heavy existence weighed down by memories that claw at him with unrelenting force. Attached to him like a bolder dragging him down to the bottom of the lake and sometimes he thinks he’ll let it. He wonders, too, what might change if he simply walked away, if he could just set down the burdens he’s carried for so long. But those thoughts rarely offer comfort. They linger in the quiet hours of the night, circling his mind like vultures when the past comes alive, haunting and gnawing at him. The phantoms of his regrets and mistakes creep into his room, casting shadows that remind him he’ll never escape. He’ll never be free of the blood staining his hands, however many times he scrubs them till they bleed, nor the crushing guilt that gnaws at his heart.
Every life he couldn’t save flashes before him as he lies awake. The faces of those he failed—Obito, Rin, sensei Minato, Lady Kushina—are etched into his memory, just as vivid as when he last saw them alive. He can still feel the fleeting warmth of their bodies, close yet so distant, a reminder of everything he has lost and everything he believes he doesn’t deserve to regain. Their fleeting warmth is a painful paradox, a haunting memory, still fresh, yet as unreachable as the stars. And that frightens him in ways he can never articulate, the painful ache of holding onto something that’s slipped through his grasp.
It’s a reminder, a warning. A message that won’t let him forget. He can’t forget. He won’t. Every day he lives with the weight of his broken promises, to Minato-sensei, Kushina, Obito, Rin, and even himself. He owes it to Yamato, Gai, Kurenai, Asuma, Iruka, Anko, Naruto—and to the boy he once was, the one who dared to dream of being something more. Living, even as a shell, is the least he can do. It’s the penance he has accepted, a way to honor those he loved and lost, even if it means living with the scars, even if it means feeling like a ghost himself, haunting the world as much as it haunts him.
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A new kid entered the academy today. He’s short, skinny, has weird whisker-looking marks on his face and quite frankly she doesn’t believe he’s old enough even to be here. She’d seen him before at the front of the academy sitting on that lonely swing slowly rocking back and forth. He looks so happy yet he’s alone. It’s odd honestly he looks so kind yet he’s always alone.
She’d like to play with him but the other kids avoid him and the adults always glare at him. She tried to ask her parents about it before dinner once and never more. The business trip Mom and Dad had returned from was a success so Mom had made Shirataki noodles mixed in with beef broccoli tofu and soy sauce.
She prefers syrup-coated anko dumplings but that is not a meal. Her hands felt oddly cold that day and for some reason, she remembers that detail vividly while the other details were fuzzy and blurred. It wasn't winter or fall the convection took place during spring yet her hands were frozen. She is not sure why though. She had placed her chopsticks down for a moment and attempted to stare her parents down.
Her father paused from his meal looking back at her with a questioning look. Understandable really She never really stopped eating unless her mother told her to. Her mother caught on at this point. ‘What's the matter dear?’ they had asked it was then that I asked “Why does everyone avoid that blonde kid?”
they were frozen I thought I would have had to describe him more yet they knew somehow they knew who I was talking about. ‘ Don’t associate with that thing it is trouble’ was the response. Father looked angry while Mother looked terrified. I didn’t understand what they were talking about sure he was a little weird but it's not like he was a monster. Still, she promised never to bring it up again.
Today she found herself watching him again. She’s been doing that quite a lot recently. He was sitting by himself during lunch, playing with a broken chopstick like it was some kind of toy sword. His grin was wide, and his eyes sparkled as if the world around him wasn’t filled with glares and whispers. She finds him drawn to him. Not in the way the older girls describe falling in love but more so in how she felt when she befriended someone. It was odd she really didn't understand it. Why did everyone treat him like this? The way he played, the way he smiled, it felt so... normal.
It was too normal for someone her parents would call “trouble.” Against her better judgment—or maybe because of her growing curiosity—she decided to approach him. It wasn’t fair that he had to eat alone every day, and besides, she wasn’t scared. Her parents weren't going to be home for at least another week so they won’t know. He was sitting in a fairly isolated area so no one would even really see them. She felt like she was being watched for some reason but she brushed it off as paranoia.
“Hey,” she said, standing in front of him. He looked up, startled at first, but then his expression softened into a wary smile. “Hey,” he replied cautiously. “You’re not here to take my lunch, are you? I don’t have much, but—uh—you can have some if you’re really hungry.” She blinked, confused. “No, I have lunch why would you even think that I just... wanted to sit with you.” He shrugged, his smile a little smaller now. “People don’t usually come over just to talk. They either want something or…” He trailed off, looking down at the table.
“Never mind.” Her face heated up with a mix of embarrassment and irritation—not at him, but at whoever had made him think that way. “Well, I don’t want anything, okay? I just thought you looked lonely, so I came over. You’re welcome, by the way,” she added, crossing her arms.
The boy blinked at her once then twice then thrice as if he was trying to wrap his mind around the concept. The expression he wore mirrored hers when her cousins would call her a bastard even though that's not how you use the word after all her parents are married. “What's your name?”
“Huh?” he paused for a second and blinked up owlishly at me “I said what's your name my name is Haruno Sakura so what's yours?” Again the expression he wore mirrored one she’d worn many times before it almost made her feel pity. “ Oh ..well my name was Uzumaki Naruto Dattebayo!”