Suzaku
Suzaku didn’t want to get married at 27, yes he was getting older. But he was perfectly fine sticking to other things. Procreation was not on his list of a good time thank you very much. It did mean, as a jounin with no biological children or a genin team, he had to pick one. And one of those meant no significant others, diapers, toddlers, or tantrums. Well, that last one is in debate with Genin.
He ends up stuck with an Aburame, Uchiha and Clanless Genius. Not the worst he could’ve ended up with. Based on their profiles its probably one of the best teams he could’ve gotten. All of them are highly intelligent and quiet children. Of course no matter how smart they are, they are still children so he’ll have to make sure they are having fun as well…
And all three want to be ANBU… he’s never been ANBU. He of course knows what they do, the Nara probably have the most clan members in ANBU out of all of the clans in Konoha. But specifically training three children for the most harsh careers ever… this will be burdensome.
He teaches them Konoha Standard Sign first, it will help them when they move onto ANBU Sign. The brats aren’t a bother, he just sets them off with tasks, shows them a few things and then lets them off on the world. Definitely better than dealing with a wife or babies.
When they begin using Konoha Morse instead of talking he has to take a few deep breaths. These children are going to make him laugh to death. Nara are suppose to live to an old age playing Shogi, not dying because some brats made them laugh.
He trains them in capture, with easy adjustment these techniques can become assassination, and sabotage. He may be training them for ANBU but he refuses to train children for seduction. If they believe they want that in their future, that's up to them, but he will not train two eleven year old's and a seven year old for Honey Pot Missions.
The youngest was already shaping up to be the scariest, she always had that gleeful smile on her face even when pummeling enemies, or straight up killing them. Child genii were never completely all right in the head…
The other two were intelligent, but they weren’t graduate and kill before hitting double digits intelligent. Not that you need to be particularly intelligent to kill, as seen by half of Konoha’s forces. But to graduate that early and be allowed in a situation were killing was allowed… they simply weren’t at that standard.
She hid it well enough when she felt like it. But sometimes when he looked into her eyes, she looked so tired. Too tired for a seven year old.
Occasionally they ran into a target that they couldn't take down with intelligence alone, yet. It meant he would subdue them long enough for the kids to get their heads on straight before allowing them to try again. Every moment is a teaching moment after all.
There was only once where he didn’t allow the target back out of his shadow. This was an enemy that children shouldn’t even be around much less having to subdue.
His youngest uses ANBU training exercises as an excuse for protecting the clans with doujutsu from Kumo. He made sure Yudai was away from his own clan and paired him with Takumi over at the Hyuuga. And figured any idiot going after the Uchiha having to deal with Miho and the Uchiha and whatever burning disasters that occur with both together will deserve it.
He, of course, doesn’t feel like dealing with the political fallout, and tells his clan head his brats will fill out the reports for the council. He then tells the kids he’s teaching them about paperwork and gets out scot free with everyone else believing he was in charge the whole time.
Only a year into teaching them does he sign them up for the Chuunin exams. As a man who sees those kids as his kids, it's hard to put them forth into the exams. As a teacher proud of how strong they’ve gotten, it's an easy choice. They are ready despite their youth.
After all three make chuunin he is pulled into a bunch of meetings by people wanting to complain. He listens to them prattle on in jealousy and defends his children from The Councilman. It is when Shimura gets involved that he makes the decision to tell the children. They need to know what to defend against after all.
He is surprised by their knowledge of the situation when he brings it up, but it is Miho’s reaction that is most worrying. As she tells her story, she slowly becomes more and more like the mourning child she is. She was five when they died. When she uncovered the darkness of Konoha.
She had to research her village laws to protect herself. She found a decade old conspiracy against a clan in her bid to protect herself. But he looks at this mature eight year old, and he mourns the child she could’ve been. The Ninja in him doesn’t mourn for the weapon he is forging, without her hardships would she have been who she is today. He's sure both the man who mourns for her childhood and the ninja who would not agree, they would miss their child.
His kids begin to learn the Healing Arts. Yudai is a prodigy in it, and while Miho can’t use it on anyone but herself, she has plenty of ideas to give Yudai that he expands on. Takumi utilizes as any other tool in his arsenal, perfectly well trained but never quite creative or masterfully. Miho leaves corpses of fish in a trail behind her as she attempts to learn it.
Eventually he convinces her to leave it alone, the amount of healing she can do with herself has advanced to unimaginable levels, but the amount of fish she’s killing means she should put it to the side, preferably until she’s old enough to forget she murdered 456 fish while learning to heal.
His children have gotten quite a few looks from civilians and ninja alike as their reputation grows inside and outside of Konoha. His belief that they knew and were encouraging it falters due to an innocent question from Miho. Upon answering it, he feels a sense of impending doom for every poor soul she terrorizes from now on. It was bad enough when he thought she was encouraging it, now she actually will be.
His other children also began to pick up her bad habits and mask crafting became a team bonding pastime.
He eventually notices his youngest's addiction to Dango and learns how it's made through scientific dissections of all things. He is laughing about it with his own Genin teammates when Chiharu brings up a good point. The man had retired after a bad mission during the last war left him with a limp, but he could make a very good meal.
Whenever their team has time off, Suzaku finds himself in Chiharu’s kitchen along with Iori who had decided to go into the usual Yamanaka pastime of studying Konoha brains, Therapy and Knit on the side. He was occasionally able to convince his patients to knit as well, and had a very good turn over rate for well functioning Ninja. He and Iori ate and judged the food quickly compared to Chiharu's in depth analysis and tearing apart her cooking and baking skills. And yet his youngest seemed to appreciate Chiharu's scolding better? How bothersome.
When Yakushi died, Miho began calling her Pimp Mommy and correlated that back to Danzou as Pimp Daddy? Because they were pimping the children out? Look, Suzaku may be a Nara, but he’s not a Yamanaka and cannot tell you what goes on in Miho’s mind.
What a horrifying child.
His youngest is 12 when she starts building covers, her oddest yet is the Peach Farmer in Kiri. It may have been odd, but it certainly worked. She was consistently passing information about the ongoing revolution to Intelligence. It certainly made him think about how much information the merchants that sell their country learn just from speaking with loose lipped Ninja.
His youngest is 13, and his other two are 17 and 16 when they begin in ANBU. Their Chuunin masks get less violent when they become settled in ANBU, and he waits for them to adjust it back so it looks less suspicious and they eventually do. He is proud.
He may not have wanted children, but they are growing up wonderfully. His kids entered ANBU when he was 33, he’s still alive at 33 and has escaped the perils of marriage and babyhood.
His older students are 18 and expected to marry well. Because of focusing on their ANBU careers they never bothered to become Jounin and can’t gain teams to get out of marriage and reproduction. Thus they have to pick brides. They decide quite hilariously to pass it off to his younger student, and tell their clans this. She is not happy, but goes about it in her usual fashion of too much for normal people. It narrows down the pool, but not as much as it would’ve if his kids were such good prospects.
Both girls she ends up choosing are perfectly fine clan girls. They certainly wouldn’t have been the choices made by the clans if they hadn’t foolishly allowed the boys to put their teammate-sister as the final decision maker. But in the end no one was dissatisfied. Except for one Uchiha who lost her cat in the race for Yudai’s hand.
He never really bothered to check up on who his students were friends with. He regrets this when Uchiha Itachi and Uchiha Shisui inform him that Miho ran off after Itachi gave a particularly bad cough with a very ominous look on her face.
His dread is perfectly understandable when he watches Miho come back to Konoha with the Senju princess. Not even the woman's own sensei had been able to convince her back. He really doesn’t want to know how his student made it happen. He’ll probably be as traumatized as the woman following the Senju Princess around looks.
Eventually the Uchiha heir is healed and perfectly fine. And Suzaku notices that his kid has expanded her visiting pool to involve the Senju Princess as well.
It certainly wouldn’t hurt the village for her to be attached to one more person.
In fact it just might help.
When his grandchildren students children are born he knows exactly what’s coming next.
Now he has to sit and listen to his clan head complain about his youngest… how bothersome.