Seeing through the fog
Sasuke didn't join him at supper the following night.
Naruto picked at his food, hardly tasting the succulent roast beef Iruka had prepared. He glanced up at the sound of footsteps, felt the hope in his heart grow cold when Iruka entered the room.
"Is the meal not to your liking, young master?" Iruka asked solicitously. "I can prepare something else, if you wish."
"No, thank you." Naruto pushed his plate away. "I find I have little appetite this evening." Iruka nodded, a wealth of understanding in his eyes.
"Would you bring me a glass of wine?" Naruto asked. "Perhaps the vintage Lord Sasuke prefers?"
A look of horror crossed Iruka's face, and then he shook his head. "It's a very strong vintage, young master," he said. "Might I recommend something more... subtle?"
"Never mind." Rising, Naruto dropped his napkin on the table. "I don't suppose you know where he is.”
"In the gardens, I believe."
"Thank you, Iruka." He smiled at the elder brunette. "If he asks, I won't tell him that you told me."
"He'll know," Iruka said, a note of resignation in his tone. "Best take a cloak. The night is cool." His feet felt suddenly light as he grabbed his cloak and left the house.
The maze, he thought. Sasuke would be in the maze. His footsteps slowed as he neared the entrance to the labyrinth. Did he dare? Why not? Everything else had failed. Feeling somewhat reassured by the darkness, he began to undress and then, wrapped only in his cloak, he ran toward the heart of the maze.
Sasuke drew in a deep breath. He had known Naruto would seek him out, had sensed the blond’s presence long before he stepped into view.
But he had not been prepared for the sight that greeted his eyes. Silver moonlight danced in blond hair like fairy dust, caressed his tanned face, his long firm and lean and very bare legs. A cloak that revealed far more than it hid, covered the blond from his shoulders to his knees.
Sasuke stood up, his breath trapped in his throat.
Naruto took a step towards the dark lord, then stopped, all bravado gone now that he was in the lion's den.
Hunger and desire rose up within Sasuke’s throat, hotter than the flames of an endless, fiery hell. Naruto was Venus rising from the sea, just like the colour of his eyes.
"Naruto." The name whispered past his lips, soft as a sigh. The last desperate prayer of a dying man. His cloak wrapped more tightly around him.
"Good evening, my lord," Naruto said, and let go of the cloak.
It slid to the ground, pooling around his feet like stardust, and Sasuke was tempted to do the same, to drop to his knees and worship the beauty, to beg his forgiveness. Surely such a god could absolve him of his sins.
"Leave me, Naruto." It was not a demand, but an urgent plea for salvation.
Slowly, Naruto walked toward him, and it seemed as if the moonlight followed him.
"Naruto…”
"I love you," Naruto said softly.
"Don't." He tried to draw his gaze from the blond’s face, from the sheer beauty and perfection of his lean and slender figure. His tanned chest was firm with fine lines of muscle, his belly flat and smooth, waist so narrow he was sure he could span it with his hands.
Naruto was the first completely naked man he had seen in over four hundred years, the first man who had professed to love him since he became a vampire. The first who had begged for his touch. Sasuke waged a silent inner battle, the last vestiges of honour and humanity at war with the monster he had become.
"My lord?" Naruto’s voice was gentle and sweetly entreating as he reached a tentative hand toward him. "Sasuke?"
The sound of his name on pink lips was like music to his ears.
"Naruto, please." He forced the words past a throat gone dry. "Please don't do this to me. I'm afraid…”
Slowly, Naruto lowered his arm. "You? Afraid?" Disbelief flickered in blue eyes.
Sasuke closed his eyes, an image of the first and only person he had ever taken to his bed since he'd been made a vampire rising in his mind. She had been nothing more than a harlot, a woman whose favours he had purchased to ease the hunger of the flesh. She had been young, but wise beyond her years. He had felt nothing for her, had thought he could satisfy his lust without arousing his hunger.
He had been wrong, and his error in judgement, in control, had cost the woman her life. That had been almost four hundred years ago, he mused.
Fearful of the consequences, he had not sought a woman or man's affection since.
He had learned to control the desires of the flesh, to keep his lust under tight rein, until Naruto. Knowing he dared not possess the blond had made it easier to hold his passion in check. He had never, in his wildest dreams, expected Naruto to want him.
Certainly he had never expected to find Naruto standing naked before him on a moonlit night, silently begging for his touch.
"I can't." He took a step backward, and his cloak wrapped itself more tightly around him, as if to shield him from harm. "I can't." He wanted to turn away, to leave the blond before it was too late, but the yearning in blue eyes held him spellbound. No one had ever looked at him with such longing, such tender regard.
Naruto stared at him, his longing turning to confusion. "Is there ...?" He felt a rush of embarrassment flood his cheeks. "Are you ...?" The fire in his cheeks burned hotter. "I mean..." He took a deep breath and said it all in a rush. "Are you unable to perform, my lord?"
The thought amused Sasuke even as it pricked his vanity. Was that what Naruto thought, that he was some impotent fop? If only he were, he thought wryly. How much easier it would be for them both.
A breeze stirred the land, ruffling the leaves on the rose bushes. Naruto shivered, not from the cold, but from the knowledge that he had offered himself to the dark lord, heart and soul, and Sasuke didn't want him.
Naruto felt suddenly cold inside and out, naked to the very depths of his soul. He had not felt this vulnerable, this exposed, since that awful night in Shushu-ya Tavern when he stood next to Chiyo in front of a crowd of leering men.
Certain he would never be able to face Sasuke again, he bent down to retrieve his cloak. And then felt hands on his shoulders; strong, capable hands drawing him up, pulling him close.
"Naruto, if I could have one wish, it would be to make love to you here and now. But I dare not." He saw the question in blue eyes, the doubts. "It has nothing to do with you. Believe me when I say I want you as I've wanted no other." Tears glistened in sky blue eyes, clinging to blond lashes like morning dew. Tears of shame and humiliation.
"I don't believe you."
"Naruto, please…”
Naruto shook his head. "I was wrong to come here, wrong to think I could make you care." He stepped away, feeling suddenly bereft as Sasuke’s fingers slid from his shoulders. "I'll leave here tomorrow, and you need never see me again."
It was what Sasuke wanted, what he knew was best for the blond, yet the words pierced the deepest regions of his worthless soul. And in that instant, he knew that he could not face a future without Naruto. Four hundred years of solitude were enough.
"Naruto! Don't go." The words were dragged from the depths of his heart.
"My lord?" A tiny flame of hope ignited in Naruto's chest, warming him inside and out.
"Stay with me, Naruto. Give me the year I promised you.”
"It will be my pleasure, my lord."
In a single fluid movement, Sasuke bent over, picked up the cloak, and draped it around tanned shoulders. "You are the most beautiful, desirable man I have ever known." His hands tightened on Naruto’s shoulders. "We will have our year, sweet Naruto. A year to get acquainted."
He was standing behind him. Slowly, he lowered his head, his lips grazing the side of Naruto’s neck. "Go back to the house," Sasuke said, his breath fanning the hair at the blond’s nape. "I'll see you at dinner tomorrow night." After I've fed the beast within.
"As you wish, my lord."
He watched Naruto walk away and feared, in that instant, that he would never be able to let the blond go.
===================================================================
Naruto had been afraid he wouldn't be able to face Sasuke again, but he felt surprisingly calm when Sasuke joined him at the dinner table the following evening.
He had dressed with care in a shirt of soft blue wool. The colour matched his eyes. The shirt managed to outline his every curve, he left two buttons undone and his blue sapphire glimmered in the candlelight.
"Good evening, sweet Naruto."
"Good evening, my lord."
Sasuke sat down across from him and picked up the glass of wine that Iruka had poured for him as soon as he entered the room. Sasuke took a sip, nodded his approval to Iruka, then sat back in his chair.
"So," he said, regarding the blond over the rim of his goblet, "what did you do today?"
Naruto met his gaze, unable to shake off the feeling that Sasuke knew exactly how he had spent the day.
"I learned a new piece of music this morning," he started, "and this afternoon, I began to prepare the soil for the new rose bushes." Sasuake nodded, one brow arching upward as he waited for him to continue.
"I took a nap this afternoon, and then I read for a while." Naruto met the black eyed gaze squarely. "What did you do today, my lord?"
"How I spend my days is none of your business, my sweet.”
"Forgive me, my lord," Naruto said, his voice icy. "I did not mean to pry."
"Didn't you?"
"I've never seen you during the day. I simply wondered what it was that kept you away from the castle from dawn till dark."
"I hope you never find out."
Sasuke’s reply should have made Naruto angry, but it was spoken so softly, and with such bitterness, that he found himself feeling sorry for the dark lord, wishing he could do something to erase the sudden sadness in his eyes.
"Tell me about Hyuuga," Sasuke said.
"There's nothing to tell. He came by this afternoon, and Iruka sent him away."
"No doubt I shall hear all about it next time I visit Shushu-ya," Sasuke muttered.
"I'm sure Lord Hyuuga thought it quite rude, being sent away as if he were a stranger."
"To be sure," Sasuke agreed.
"But you don't care," Naruto huffed.
"Not a whit."
"I don't understand you." He shook his head slightly.
Setting his glass aside, he leaned across the table to brush his knuckles gently over Naruto’s cheek. "You never will, Naruto," he said quietly. "There are things I cannot tell you, things you must never know." He smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Things you would not want to know even if I could tell you."
But Naruto wanted to know. He wanted desperately to know where Sasuke went during the day, what secrets lay behind the sadness that shadowed midnight coloured eyes, why Sasuke lived in self imposed isolation in a huge drafty castle on top of a fog shrouded mountain.
"Can you tell me why you never dine with me?"
Slowly, Sasuke shook his head.
"Are you ill? Is that why you live here alone, why I never see you during the day?"
"Ill?" Sasuke smiled that melancholy smile again. "I suppose you could call it that." He picked up his wineglass and took a drink. “Finish your supper my sweet, and then I should like you to read to me. Something sad and tragically romantic, I think."
A short time later, they retired to Sasuke’s study.
Naruto sat on the floor, his legs crossed, his back to the hearth. They came here rarely. The room was panelled in dark wood and held little furniture save for a large desk and a few chairs. Naruto wondered why Sasuke had chosen to come here tonight.
Sasuke sat in the chair beside the hearth, his cloak loosely wrapped around him. Iruka had refilled his wine glass, and he stared into the ruby red depths while Naruto read. He knew Naruto didn't care for this room, but tonight it's very darkness appealed to him.
Occasionally, Naruto slid a glance in his direction, wondering at Sasuke’s sombre mood. He seemed more withdrawn than usual tonight, his thoughts turned inward, wandering paths he would not share. Naruto wondered if Sasuke had been wounded by some great tragedy in his life. Had he been the victim of some terrible malady, or had some lover hurt him so badly that he had turned his back on life and vowed never to love again?
After an hour, Naruto closed the book and stood up. "I'm going to ask Iruka to make me a cup of hot chocolate," he said. "Would you like some?"
Sasuke looked up at him, a corner of his mouth turned down in wry amusement. "What do you think?"
"I just thought I'd ask." Naruto huffed and put the book aside. He gestured at his empty glass. "Would you like more wine?"
With a nod, he handed over the crystal goblet.
Iruka was sitting in the kitchen, polishing a silver teapot. He stood up as Naruto entered the room. "Something I can do for you, young master?"
"Yes. I'd like some hot cocoa, please." He handed Iruka the empty glass. "And Lord Sasuke would like some more wine."
A hint of something disapproval, perhaps— flickered in the depths of Iruka's eyes as he took the goblet. "I'll see to it immediately."
"I'll wait," Naruto said. Sitting down in the chair Iruka had vacated, he picked up the cloth he’d been using and began to polish the teapot.
"Young master…”
"What?"
"I don't think ... that is, you shouldn't…”
Naruto frowned. "Shouldn't what?"
Iruka jerked his chin toward the silver. "You needn't do that."
"I want to. How long have you worked for Lord Sasuke?"
"More years than I care to remember."
"Do you know why he's so sad?"
"Sad, young master?"
Naruto nodded. "I've never seen such sadness in a man's eyes before. Sometimes it makes me want to cry.”
Iruka blinked at the blond, his expression at first surprised and then disbelieving, as if Naruto just expressed sympathy for a wild animal. And then he turned away to fill a pan with milk. "You're very perceptive for one so young," he remarked as he lit the fire and placed the pan over it.
"You know why he's so sad, don't you?"
Iruka shook his head. "I'm afraid I couldn't say.”
"Couldn't, or wouldn't?" Naruto raised a brow suspiciously.
"I don't know, young master, truly I don't."
"Has Sasuke ever been in love? Been married?"
"Not to my knowledge."
Naruto set the teapot aside. Propping his elbows on the table, he rested his chin on his folded hands. "I wish I could make him happy."
"You do, young master. I'm sure of it."
"Do you really think so?" Sasuke had begged him to stay, but he hadn't seemed happy about it.
Iruka glanced at the kitchen door, his expression wary, as if he feared being overheard. "He needs you, young master. He needs you, and he doesn't like it."
"Did he tell you that?"
Iruka shook his head and then, to discourage any further conversation, he turned away and busied himself at the stove.
Naruto watched in amazement as Iruka removed the pan of milk from the stove and set it aside, then took another pan from the cupboard, poured some wine into it, and placed it over the fire.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Lord Sasuke likes his wine to be quite warm.” Iruka prepared the cocoa, then poured the wine into the crystal goblet and set both containers on a tray. "Anything else, young master? A biscuit, perhaps?"
"No, this is fine." Naruto reached for the tray.
“I’ll bring them to you, young master."
"That won't be necessary," Naruto said, smiling, and lifted the cup and the goblet from the tray. "Thank you, Iruka. Good night."
"But, Master Naruto…”
"What is it?"
"Nothing." Iruka glanced quickly at the goblet in Naruto’s hand, then looked away. "Good night, young master."
Naruto then left the kitchen, his steps slow as he made his way back to the study. Warm wine? He stopped in the hallway, glanced around to make sure he was alone, and took a sip from Sasuke's goblet.
Warm or cold, he knew he had never tasted anything like it. It was thicker than any wine he knew of and had a strange flavour that made his stomach churn. He licked his lips clean so Sasuke wouldn't know he had tasted his drink. A special vintage, indeed, he thought, grimacing. Well, Sasuke could have it.
Sasuke was standing in front of the hearth, gazing into the flames, when Naruto returned to the study. The dark lord stood with his back to him, one arm braced against the mantle. His cloak fell in soft folds down his back, and Naruto noticed again how the thick black velvet seemed to cling to him.
Sasuke didn't turn around as he stepped into the room. He seemed to be deep in thought, and Naruto wondered if Sasuke even knew he was there.
But of course he did. Sasuke was attuned to his every breath, his every movement. Without looking, Sasuke knew exactly where he was in the room.
Sasuke could feel the blond’s gaze on his back, knew when Naruto had placed his wineglass on the table beside his chair, knew he was exactly five steps behind him, slightly to his left. Knew he had been talking about him to Iruka.
"Did you learn anything?" he asked, his voice deceptively mild.
"My lord?"
"From Iruka. Did he tell you anything you didn't know?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't you?" He turned to face the blond, his cloak swirling around his ankles.
"I… I just asked him if he knew why you're so sad," Naruto replied, and then he frowned at the other. "How do you know I asked about you? Were you spying on me? Eavesdropping?"
Sasuke shook his head. He had no need to spy on the blond. His preternatural hearing had allowed him to hear every word that had passed between he and his servant.
"Why are you so sad?" Naruto asked plainly.
Black eyes narrowed to ominous slits as he met Naruto’s gaze.
"Iruka said you needed me," Naruto went on, determined not to let Sasuke frighten him into silence. "Do you?"
I need you, Sasuke thought. Need you in ways you cannot imagine. Ways that would sicken you if you knew.
He watched blue eyes widen with alarm as he closed the distance between them. Taking the hot cocoa cup from his hand, Sasuke placed it on the table, then took Naruto in his arms.
"This is what I need," he said, and crushing his body to the other, he kissed those plump pink lips, his tongue boldly plundering the blond’s mouth.
Almost immediately, he drew back. Staring down at the blond, he took a deep breath. No, he hadn't been mistaken. Naruto tasted of wine. And blood. "What have you done?" he demanded, his voice no less intimidating for its softness.
"Done?" Naruto stared up at him, his heart pounding.
Sasuke took a deep breath and then bent his head to Naruto’s again, savouring the taste of his wine on the blond’s tongue. He closed his eyes as he deepened the kiss. Naruto felt sorry for him, thought he'd experienced some horrible tragedy in his life.
His arms imprisoned the blond as he kissed him again, and yet again. He'd teach Naruto to feel sorry for him.
Naruto moaned softly as Sasuke’s mouth punished him. He tried to turn his head, but Sasuke’s hands came up to imprison his face. A red haze swam before his eyes and then, within the crimson mist, he saw a man running from a dark shadow. He heard the man’s cry of terror as the darkness engulfed him, saw a pair of eyes that burned with hell's own fury…
The man's fear took hold of him. He felt death hovering over him, stealing his breath, his life, and Naruto began to struggle wildly in Sasuke's embrace. He had to get away, away from those hideous red eyes.
"My lord! Sasuke! You're hurting me!"
Slowly, Naruto’s words penetrated the thick red haze that had settled over him. Muttering an oath, he released the blond.
Naruto stumbled back, his heart pounding frantically as he stared up at Sasuke. The cloak rippled, as though it had a life of its own, and Naruto knew, knew, that Sasuke's cloak had been the dark shadow he had seen in his mind.
"What happened?" Naruto gasped. "Who was that man? What have you done?"
Sasuke looked down at the blond, his dark eyes glittering like shards of black glass. "Now you know what I need," he said.
Naruto stared at the man, his thoughts churning as he sought to decipher Sasuke’s meaning. He tried to draw his gaze from the other, but could only stand there, weak and helpless as a mouse in the jaws of a lion. Caught in the web of his hypnotic eyes, unable to think or speak, Naruto could only stare up at him, silent, vulnerable.
Abruptly, Sasuke pivoted on his heel, his cloak swirling like black smoke around his ankles, and then he was gone.
Naruto sank to his knees, his arms wrapped around his body to still its trembling. He didn't understand what had just happened, but he knew, for the first time, what it was to be truly afraid.