Derealization

Minato wonders where he went wrong.

If he had failed Kakashi as a sensei that badly enough to the point where Kakashi wouldn't come to Minato if something was wrong.

Minato remembers first meeting Kakashi.

He remembers looking at Kakashi and wondering whether he too had also been that small when he had graduated. Kakashi was a tiny slip of a thing, his hitai-ate was big on his small head. It was reminiscent of a child who was trying on their parents' clothing, with the clothes being too big on their too small body.

Minato had not wanted any students, much less an apprentice. 

A part of him feels ashamed for it, the other part simply feels a resigned sense of understanding and acceptance.

He had only been fifteen at the time, a jonin in his own right. Fifteen with his hands drenched and sullied with blood, knees deep in the corpses of his enemies. Sometimes he felt like he was still drowning in it

“For the sake of the village” , Jiriaya-sensei had told him once after he had come back from a mission gone wrong drenched in the blood of enemy nin and fallen comrades.

He believed him at one point.

As a genin who would cling to every word that Jiriaya-sensei had said, he believed him. 

At fifteen he had known better.

He had seen Kakashi walk through the village as if it was not his own. The villagers cruel whispers trailing behind him. Voices scornful and their gazes full of judgment. As if they didn’t push Sakumo, a loyal and kind shinobi, to suicide and incriminate his son for a choice he didn’t even make.

Looking back, Jiraiya-sensei never really seemed to believe his own words. He had sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than Minato. Minato didn’t resent him too much for it.

He had been unsure when the sandaime asked him to take Kakashi as a student.

He still ended up agreeing to take on Kakashi.

Minato, despite all his grievances, loved Konoha.

So he put on a smile and tried his best to think positively.

He tried his best with Kakashi and saw the boy as one of his own.

Minato had always guarded those he considered his jealously. As an orphan who grew up with no one, he refused to lose anyone he had. His teammates dead and buried, he was too WEAK , he couldn't save THEM

“Possessive”, Shikaku had drawled out once to describe him. After he had witnessed Minato viciously slaughter an enemy squad that had nearly killed Kakashi during a supply run that had been ambushed by Iwa-nin.

He hadn't hesitated nor did he regret it, he probably never would. 

Despite contrary belief, Minato was not completely inherently kind. He was willing to drench his hands in the blood of anyone who threatened his family and not feel a shred of guilt. 

Shinobi are not meant to be kind or emotional. They were loyal weapons to the village, who will do anything in the name of keeping the village safe and secure. Every high ranking shinobi knew this fact all too well.

Minato in spite of his relatively kind nature, mild demeanor, and charisma was no exception to this.

Minato sometimes wonders what type of person that made him.

They deserved it though, they almost killed Kakashi. His student. His body was limp. Oh Kami he can’t see if he’s breathing . He can't DIE. No nO NO NO-

Kakashi had alway been his in a way.

And for all that he cared about Obito and Rin they weren’t his in the same way Kakashi was.

Not yet.

The point was- 

Minato knew Kakashi.

From the quiet and curious, five-year-old genin boy to the harsh, cold, and hurting nine-year-old chunin he was today.

‘A nightmare’

Minato knew that was a lie.

Kakashi didn’t show a single indication that he was lying, but Minato knew.

He didn’t say anything at first, because he knew Kakashi would instantly clam up at the slightest misstep. 

No, he had to ask Kakashi alone.

Bless Kushina’s heart, she had instantly given them privacy at Minato’s silent request, hidden under the guise of getting food for Kakashi. Although knowing her, she probably genuinely just wanted an excuse to eat some ramen.

Mentally sighing he turned back to Kakashi, he knew that he would have to carefully pry an answer out of Kakashi.

Then Minato could give in to his urges to wrap Kakashi in a bundle of blankets and hide him away from the world. (It wouldn’t be for long considering their profession, but the sentiment was there)

“So Kakashi”, he said, bringing himself back to the present, “what really happened?”

_______________________________________

Kakashi was fucked

Why did he think that he would be able to hide anything from Minato-sensei of all people?

Minato-sensei had always been for the most part able to read Kakashi well to the point it was rather uncanny. And that was coming from him .

His mind still couldn’t even wrap around the fact that he was still alive. He quickly dismissed the idea of this being a genjutsu. If that were the case then he would have snapped out of it during his earlier panic attack.

He was sure that he died; he had felt Kaguya’s attack hit. So then why-

Wait

Kamui

He had used kamui in a last ditch effort to land a hit on Kaguya. He faintly remembers Sasuke and Naruto had also sent an attack to try and block the blow heading for him before it failed and he remembers the feeling of being torn apart. ( He tries to forget his students screams of horror )

Fuck, then that meant that this was real.

His hands still stung, but he dismissed the pain easily. His pain tolerance in his nine year old body was shit compared to when he was twenty-nine, but Kakashi had long ago mastered the art of bullshitting his way through life.

“Kakashi?”

Oh right, Minato-sensei was still here.

It hurt looking at him, the decades old wound felt fresh seeing him alive. It was nothing compared to the Minato-sensei he last saw, with his pale, cracked skin, and his iris’s a pitch voidless black from the Edo-Tensei Jutsu. He had missed Kushina too, he never thought he'd see her again. She like he remembered her, hair a vibrant red, long and flowing, with her boisterous and blunt personality. 

Kami, she was alive now though, wasn't she.

They both were.

He pulled himself together, throwing his thoughts in the backburner of his mind.

He could have a breakdown later when he was alone. Right now he needs to keep Minato-sensei’s suspicions off him.

“It was a nightmare, Sensei, I'm fine. Just drop it”, It took him every ounce of his former anbu training to keep his voice from shaking. He maintained a level voice, a small victory on his part.

“Kakashi.”

Kakashi stiffened at the tone of Minato’s voice.

Shit, shit, shit, why did he keep doing this to himself.

Kakashi stayed quiet, eyes firmly looking away, hands clutching onto the blacket as if it could ground him to this reality.

Minato-sensei let out a sigh, “Kakashi, look at me”, he sounded tired and sad. Which was frankly worse in his opinion.

Kakashi looked up.

Minato-sensei’s expression was concerned and tired. Kakashi could tell that he didn't believe him.

Right Plan-B then.

Kakashi kept a straight face and while maintaining a blank tone simply quietly said, “I dreamt about father, about his death”.

A low blow, but at this point he had little to work with and sensei had always dropped the topic of his father quickly whenever mentioned.

He was right, Minato-sensei visibly faltered. His expression smoothing out to an unreadable expression. There was a beat of silence as they both just stared at each other. 

The silence was becoming suffocating. He stayed quiet as he watched Minato struggle to come up with something to say without sounding insensitive.

Just as Kakashi thought he would keep pushing, Minato-sensei's form deflated.

“Alright, Kakashi”, Minato-sensei sighed.

Instant relief. 

‘He bought it’ He couldn't help but think slightly hysterically.

Then his stomach rumbled, loudly, breaking the remaining tension. Kakashi’s face instantly went red, he looked at his stomach in betrayal.

Minato let out a startled laugh

“Not a word” He growled at Minato, who looked at him with an amused gleam in his eye.

“Come on, Kushina is probably waiting for us at this point,” Minato said.

Right, Kushina. He can do this.

…Probably

Minato carefully helped Kakashi from the bed, guiding him to the kitchen carefully. 

In Kakashi's absentminded state, he missed Minato’s critical and searching gaze.