Chapter 5
Life was supposed to get easier at some point, or at least become less troublesome. Shikamaru envied the days he could just stare up at the clouds or feed the deer in the forest. Envied the time back before this mark appeared on his wrist or even back at the academy when that blonde haired knucklehead had begun to ruin his life. Truthfully, he knew he was complaining more out of habit than anything. He wouldn’t be him if he didn’t complain and the last time he’d stopped whining for more than a few days, Temari had asked if he was sick. Troublesome woman.
“You’re hiding.”
“I’m not. I’m doing what I normally do,” Shikamaru paused before slowly looking at the blond woman who could perhaps, in another life, ruin his life. In another life, he could love her. In another life, he could have the wife and their child, live in a house within the Nara Compound and just die happily of old age. But that was not the life he found he truly wanted, hence why he was hiding.
Sitting on his favorite hill, watching the clouds go by, it was easy to pretend for a little while that life was normal. That he wasn't panicking on the inside because Naruto…Naruto…
“Ne, Shikamaru, can I ask for some advice?”
Brown eyes blinked upwards with a frown, narrowing in on the orange and black blur that had cornered him in the missions office. When did Naruto get taller than him? Shikamaru could admit to being prone to bouts of staring at the blond, even before he went with Jiraiya to train, but it hit him then that he hadn’t seen too much of his soulmate in the last few months. Which, now thinking of it, Naruto coming to him for advice seemed out of character.
“Oh, you’re probably busy,” the blond said, lips pursed in thought and already moving away. When had they gotten outside of the tower?
“No wait,” the genius, in all of his infinite wisdom, managed to stutter out, reaching up to grab the blond’s jacket. “Sorry, Naruto, was lost in thought. Sure, what can I help you with?” The brunette smiled softly as he was rewarded with a million-watt smile that showed like the sun itself. The flush that glowed on his cheeks was precious and Shikamaru wanted to kiss the red skin to feel the heat of that sun.
“Not here, c’mon.” The Nara had a brief moment to appreciate the warmth of Naruto’s hand sliding in his before he was tugged along the streets.
“N-Naruto,” Shikamaru flushed brightly as people began to stare. It seemed the blond didn’t care though as he wound his way through villagers. At some point they left the streets and took to the rooftops, and after an embarrassing moment where the Nara stumbled in an attempt to catch up as Naruto had caught him. Luckily, the redness of his face would only be seen by Naruto and the occasional ANBU that Shikamaru hoped he didn’t see.
They didn’t stop until they reached the cliffs overlooking the village and Naruto was tugging him down to sit beside him on top of the 3rd Hokage’s stone face. Finally, they were sitting and Shikamaru for once had to force himself to be lazy by laying back and staring at the sky. He didn’t want to interrupt the silence, not right away. Instead he attempted to will his heart to slow down and for his breathing to get easier. Once he couldn’t focus on pretending to be normal anymore, his brain started to wonder.
Why were they up here?
What kind of advice did Naruto need?
Battle advice? Likely, but his face was too relaxed.
Love advice? Did he need Shikamaru to help him go after Sasuke? Possibly, and the Nara ignored how much that hurt.
It was Naruto, something more simple? Was a friend of his in need?
Life lessons?
“N-Naruto?” he started, unable to take the silence any more. Instead of an answer, he was rewarded with a huff that sounded a little too self-deprecating and the blond throwing himself to lie down beside him.
“I wanted to know if it was possible to reject a soulmate.”
Shikamaru sat up so fast his head spun. Did Naruto figure it out? Was he rejecting him? Did Naruto know that Sasuke wasn’t his and still wanted him? He was vaguely aware he wasn’t getting in enough air, his chest heaving. They were outside and there was still not enough air. Black spots began to dance in the corner of his vision and he knew he’d probably pass out. How troublesome…
And yet, two small points of contact grounded him as a voice broke through his muddled mind like the sun chasing away the shadows.
“Shikamaru…Shika! Just breathe!” The hand on the back of his neck, rubbing circles into the skin, gave him something to focus on as another hand had slipped under the sleeve of his shirt to press against his forearm through the mesh. The roaring in his ears slowly died down and the black spots disappeared.
“You good? I thought you were going to pass out, Shikamaru!” Naruto laughed as the contact was broken, running a hand through his blond hair.
“Why would you ask me that Naruto?” Shikamaru managed to say, because he had to know. Of everyone, why was he asking him that?
“That’s why you wear the band, right? You were rejected?”
“No, I…What do you mean I was rejected? How do you know I didn’t reject them?” He snapped, trying to find some semblance of control.
“Because it’d be troublesome for you.” A single eyebrow raise from the Nara prompted the blond to continue. “You’re the guy to do something even if you aren’t happy. Even if everyone calls you lazy, you’re still self-sacrificing. You complain, but you’d do anything to make others around you happy. I know you would.”
Shikamaru looked away at that, throat thick with emotion he didn’t want to analyze because that was exactly what he had done, at least at first. A part of him had always wanted Naruto to figure it out, but now he was afraid that when he did, if he did, Naruto would hate him. At some point, he hoped Naruto would love him without knowing about the mark, to see him in the same way he saw Sasuke. Like he was someone precious to chase after.
“They didn’t reject me. I’m protecting them, Naruto,” he found himself saying softly.
“Protecting them, why?”
“Because I would be used against them and that would kill me.” Silence reigned down again. The genius knew Naruto was smart, knew he could figure things out even when he was his most oblivious. If anything, the man was adaptive and resourceful, so he continued on before Naruto could put pieces together. “Are you wanting to reject your soulmate?” He asked, swallowing around the lump in his throat.
“I think so. Sasuke’s not good for me.” Shikamaru hated the way his heart flipped and he wanted to tell Naruto ‘I told you so.’ Instead, he continued to watch the other as it was Naruto’s turn to look away.
“You know it’s Sasuke?”
“No, but if it is, I don’t think I want to be with him.”
“Is there…someone else?” Shikamaru was never one for gossip. People deserved their privacy but he had to know, needed to know.
“No, nothing like that. I just…I’m not giving up on him, but I don’t think I see him like that. I thought I did, at first. But now I know it’s just because he was one of my first bonds. I don’t want him to throw his life away because he is hurting.”
“That’s… That’s really mature of you, Naruto, but I’m not the one to ask about rejection.”
“No, I suppose not. You’re just the smartest person I know. You were the first one I thought of to ask.”
Shikamaru found himself smiling, his body acting of its own accord to reach out and grab the blond’s hand. He was selfish and he knew it as he leeched the warmth of their connected hands. “Don’t give up hope yet. It may not be Sasuke, but you are still a good friend, Naruto. Anyone would be lucky to have you as theirs. Just uh, when you do find them, remember to love them for who they are and not because your name is on their wrist, ok?”
Shikamaru watched as the blond processed his words before he stood and dragged the genius up with him. He found himself surrounded by the sun as Naruto wrapped his arms around his waist and tugged him into a hug. They were pressed together from cheek to knee and Shikamaru wanted to stay. All too soon though, Naruto was pulling away but not before he pressed their lips together briefly.
“Thanks Shika, you really are a good friend.” The blond grinned before leaping down.
“The fact of the matter is, you’re still hiding. Ino said you’ve been in your apartment for several days. I saw instant Ramen on your table.”
“Fucking Ino,” he cursed, brown eyes glaring balefully at Temari before he rolled over to put his back to her. If looks could kill, he would feel the kunai in his back. With a groan, he rolled back over because if anyone would make him feel better, it would be the Kunoichi from the Sand, after she got done kicking his ass. “Naruto kissed me.” He took brief pleasure in seeing her green eyes widen before he continued. “He asked me about rejecting Sasuke as a soulmate, then kissed me briefly and called me a good friend before he left.” He didn’t look at her, but knew she had sat down beside him, just as shell-shocked as he was. “He thought I rejected my soulmate and I told him I was protecting them. He doesn’t know, but I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him at that moment, Tem.”
“So he kissed you and you’re hiding because you want to go back to him.” The hand rubbing circles on his shoulder was comforting and he found himself nodding.
“I want to stay by his side until he starts seeing me as more than a friend, but I don’t want to take advantage of the situation.” Silence dropped between them again but it was comforting. They were both tacticians and Temari was one of the more intelligent people he knew, especially when it came to dealing with other people. However, he never got the advice he needed as a figure in a porcelain mask flickered into existence beside them. Shikamaru’s hand was wrapped around a kunai and on his feet before he registered who was there.
“Nara-san, summons from the Hokage,” the ANBU bowed before handing him a scroll. He quickly glanced at Temari who had also stood before opening the scroll and reading.
“Jiraiya-Sama is dead,” he murmured.