Where true loyalty dwell (in the heart that beats for you)

During the night the same nightmares, in the morning the same difficulty getting up. But with enough effort Kakashi overcomes his own heavy limbs, gets off the futon and gets ready.

After that he goes into automatic mode, leaves the house and throws himself into training and ANBU work as if hours before he hadn't been struggling with the simple act of getting out of bed.

He had promised to try, even if it was so difficult. He is a shinobi and shinobi endure at any cost.

The ANBU's routine hadn't changed at all - it still continued at a grueling pace due to their low numbers. The Hokage even tried to ease the burden by summoning back agents who were outside the Village on missions that, ultimately, Hiruzen determined were not essential to the Village's interests and therefore finished their work early - but even having the return of these other ANBU was still not enough to fill their ranks. 

The ranks of the ANBU were difficult to fill because Konoha had many criteria for selecting new agents and they couldn't just put anyone there.

ANBU was the elite. Everyone knew that; The cream of the crop. It wasn't enough just to be a good jounin or a powerful jounin. You had to have a certain difference from the others, and this difference was usually pointed out by a scout, who would then invite you to undergo a series of tests and in the end the ANBU Commander himself and the Hokage would decide together if the candidate had exactly what they were looking for.

But as it was – barely recovered from the war and severely trampled by the Kyuubi –  Konoha didn't have the luxury of being picky with the newcomers. 

That's why Kakashi was doing his part. He probably works too much, but he didn't want to slow down. So he managed to get himself assigned to surveillance missions on the country's border.

(He never leaves without saying goodbye to his teammates at the memorial stone)

The nightmares always subside when Kakashi is on missions outside the Village. This is because he doesn't allow himself to go into deep sleep in places that are unreliable, or too open, or simply unfamiliar.

This could be the border of the Land of Fire, a place familiar to many Konohan-nins. Kakashi may know these trees and their posts and hiding places very well, but he is too paranoid to let his guard down near the Villages of Tanigakure, Amegakure, Kusagakure and Takigakure –  because these were places where he, a few years ago, used to fight there during the war. 

So no. There's no way he's letting his guard down.

Besides, Kannabi Bright wasn't too far away either –  just a few kilometers in the direction of Kusa. That was a real trigger for his PTSD 

Unsurprisingly, Kakashi avoids acknowledging the existence of his PTSD

He prefers to concentrate on doing his job and therefore doesn't socialize much with the other ANBU. Kakashi is usually quiet, only speaking when spoken to directly. Perhaps this makes him a little isolated, but that's okay. Kakashi doesn't worry about it because he prefers to be alone. He prefers to work alone as much as possible, in fact. 

Sometimes Kakashi has his ninkens with him, and he also has his special gift that always passively eats up some of his chakra, letting Kakashi know that a part of Him is always with him too and that's enough for him.

Kakashi lives in a haze of work/shallow naps/work and food pills, and at this rate he can't keep up with the passing of time. 

When Kakashi finally realizes it, a whole month has passed and it's time to return to the Village.

He packs his things and waits for the group of replacements to arrive. His tired and worn-out group travels back to Konoha at a slow and calm pace as there is no rush to pressure them into running. Even at their calmest pace and taking breaks every few hours, they manage to reach the Village on time. 

The unit leader gives his final instructions before each agent separates inside the ANBU HQ.

Kakashi goes to the changing rooms to shower and change. He leaves his worn-out uniform in the replacement office and leaves.

On his way to the memorial stone he sees how much the village has changed in the last month that he has been away.

There is still construction going on here and there, but visibly a lot of the original layout has changed and this means that at some point in the future Kakashi will have to take time to familiarize himself with these new changes –  and just the thought of walking around makes Kakashi feel tired.

The glow of the memorial stone catches his eye. Softly he greets: “Hi”

“It's been a while. I've only just arrived,” Kakashi traces with his fingers the names engraved on the dark, smooth surface of the stone, thinking of two smiling faces.

“Looks like things have changed a lot around here. Your favorite candy store is still closed, Obito” –  he says and so Hatake Kakashi spends the next few minutes in a one-sided conversation full of trivia for his dead friends to hear.

“Maa,” he looks up at the vast gusty sky above him as the wind ruffles his hair. “Well, I guess that's all for today folks. I'll be back tomorrow. Don't be so anxious, Obito.” –  Kakashi snorts, imagining the complaints the other boy used to make.

“I'll be back tomorrow.”

He says goodbye and leaves.

Halfway to his apartment, Kakashi remembers that he needs to restock his pantry.

Momentarily he considers skipping the market shopping today and simply eating the rest of the ration bars left over from the mission, but... It's not ideal. Due to their lifestyles full of physical training and continuous use of chakra, ninjas had to maintain a certain dietary pattern, otherwise they could develop problems.

Kakashi knows that he is being negligent with his own diet. He knows the risks. He needs to fix this soon, otherwise...

The ANBU doctor is sure to bring this to his attention when he's having his routine check-ups, and Kakashi really doesn't want to hear another lecture about proper nutrition and (real) threats of being put on hold at the bank.

Sighing heavily, he drags himself to the nearest store for a quick purchase 

Kakashi unlocks the door to his apartment and steps inside. A thick layer of dust rises from the floor where he steps and the air inside urgently needs to be aired out before his sensitive nose starts sneezing.

In the kitchen, the table is in no better condition. He runs his gloved hand over the smooth surface to remove some of the accumulated dust and places his bags on it. He's not going to put anything in the cupboards because he knows they also need a good clean and right now Kakashi doesn't feel like cleaning anything.

Heading for the window, Kakashi opens the panel to air out the room a little and get rid of the smell that is bothering his sensitive nose. A little household jutsu cleans the excess dust from the kitchen, living room and bedroom. He takes extra care to clean the sofa, the futon and his bedroom. He really doesn't want to have an allergic attack

The apartment no longer smells of dusty old air, but it's not really clean either. Some surfaces need scrubbing

Back in the kitchen, Kakashi sets the canned goods aside and pulls out the packages of hot, ready-to-eat food. He says a small, almost inaudible itadakimasu and starts to eat.

When he has finished, he throws the packages in the trash and goes to the bathroom to do his ablutions before going to sleep.

When he has finished, Kakashi goes to the only table in the room, where a dirty incense burner rests next to a photograph of Team Minato 

He picks up the frame and carefully wipes off the dusty glass. 

He looks at the faces in the photograph and then mutters a low “good night” to them.

When Kakashi sleeps, he dreams of red eyes.