Chapter 4
The dream begins as usual:
Dark night with strong killing intent vibrates in the air
Heart racing and chakra dangerously low
Fear - tiredness - determination - a jutsu
The sound of a thousand birds singing and - bursting, blood, blood, blood
Ka - kashi...
no no no
~~~
Kakashi wakes up from his dream startled, sweating and gasping with his Sharingan spinning wildly.
He needs to wash his hands. He needs it, he needs it NOW
-
In the morning Kakashi wakes up tired and struggles to get up. He drags himself up and then gets ready for work because today is training day at ANBU HQ.
(He comes back full of purple bruises, cuts and sores)
The cave shakes and dust spills everywhere. Everything is dark and blurry. He is hit, stumbles and falls
KAKASHI! ~ a scream
He's dizzy. Firm hands grab him with a strong grip, then turn and throw him hard to the ground
*Shaking* *crying* *gasps*
“Ka - kashi, Rin, are you all right?”
No no no no
~~
Kakashi wakes up from his dream with tears in his eyes and the taste of dirt in his mouth.
In the morning he wakes up tired and struggles to get up. He drags himself along and then gets ready for work because today he has a mission.
(He comes back hurt)
The night is calm. People walk the streets carefree and Kakashi waits for news of his Sensei and Kushina
The night is calm, until suddenly it's not.
The worst of evil kill intentions descends on all of them and momentarily paralyzes them.
It came suddenly. It burns his senses. He suffocates with raw chakra and then there are screams. Lots of screams.
*A loud, deafening animalistic roar cuts through the air. *
Kakashi jerks and runs and runs with his heart racing and then stops as he sees the outline of the greatest titan of all legends: under the glow of the moon the Kyuubi no Yoko is standing in all its towering glory that reaches the heights of heaven.
Long tails wind as if they had a life of their own. There are growls in the air. The beast emits more killing intent. Its tails attack and knock down everything around it. Kakashi doesn't know what to do. The beast turns around and – red irises with slit pupils glow in the dark.
Oh my G-
~~
Kakashi wakes up from his dream startled. The Kyuubi's roar is still ringing in his ears.
He doesn't sleep for the rest of the night, too busy looking at the sinister moon through the window
The next morning, he wakes up tired and struggles to get up. He drags himself up and then gets ready for work because today he has an assassination mission.
(He gets back quickly. The mission was a success)
“I'm home,” he says cheerlessly, but Dad doesn't answer back. How strange.
After the failure of that mission, his Father is always at home sad in the corners, but now the house is quiet and the lights are off.
He enters and leaves his sandals on the gekan and walks towards his room, but a strange smell makes him stop. He sniffs the air and the heavy smell of something metallic reaches him.
“Dad?” he calls out and there's no answer. His heart races. He follows the smell that grows stronger as he gets closer to his father's chambers.
He slides open the doors and sees his father's body on the floor. There is blood all over the carpet.
No no no no
He stands there paralyzed just watching his father's body bleed all the blood out
~~
In the morning Kakashi wakes up tired and struggles to get up. He drags himself up and then gets ready for work because today he has a sabotage mission to do.
(The mission is a success and some poor unsuspecting person will take the blame for it)
A thousand birds sound in the air
Lightning trembles in his hand in the dark forest
He rushes towards the masked Kiri-nin, but a shadow suddenly jumps in front of him and – *screams* blood, bones from the ribcage scratching his arm and the blood gushing and spurting from the wound and Her mouth
No no no no
Ka - Kashi ~ she whispers
~~
He wakes up from his dream startled, panting and with his Sharingan spinning. There's blood all over his hands and he desperately needs to wash it off.
Forgive me forgive me forgive me, I have failed
-
In the morning Kakashi wakes up tired and struggles to get up. He drags himself up and then gets ready for work because today he has a mission.
(He returns with chakra exhaustion and his arm shaking from overusing the Chidori.
The mission went south very quickly and two other agents from his squad sacrificed themselves, but for his superiors what matters is that the mission was successfully completed and Konoha's interests remain protected by the noble sacrifices of its ninjas. Kakashi doesn't feel noble or victorious about it)
The whole cave shakes and throws dirt on them. They are running and Kakashi tries, tries to avoid this nightmare, but nothing in this scene changes. It never changes. He still gets hit and still stumbles. Obito still shouts his name and grabs him and throws him away from the danger and - *quake*
no no no no
OBITO! ~ kakashi screams
Nothing changes
~~
He goes on the mission and kills all the targets and witnesses - children included - and then ignores Agent Hyena's attempts at conversation.
Hound is not up for conversation today
Dark and unusually quiet night
The worst kind of killing intent suddenly hits him.
Nine-tails snakes up behind the monster with its slit red eyes.
The beast opens its mouth and roars furiously
~~
Hound is tasked with killing a courtesan who was blackmailing one of the diplomats of the Crown of Fire – the woman threatened to expose the extramarital affair that the diplomat from Fire was having with the wife of another diplomat from Earth.
The diplomat didn't like being blackmailed, so he decided to pay to eliminate the problem.
On another mission, things go south. Hound fights to exhaustion with dangerously low chakra and Kumo's ANBU are very good and outnumbered.
Hound doesn't know how he manages to escape/kill his opponents, but he does and only recovers his mental faculties after waking up in an unknown hole, completely beaten, cut and full of dried, old, smelly blood on his body. But he's alive and most importantly: his Sharingan is still in his eye socket.
Two of his three body storage scrolls are filled with the dismembered bodies of the Kumo-ANBU.
Hound returns to Konoha four days late.
Ka - Kashi... ~ whisper
Sticky blood drips and drips from his hand
Obito screams and the world turns blood red
~~
Hound breaks into the target's house at night to frame his client's rival, and leaves.
Political sabotage is always so easy. So Hound barely makes it back to Konoha before taking on another mission: this time he must hunt down a young runaway couple.
According to the mission information, the runaway girl in question is a bride promised to another man and this man (a wealthy noble client with good political connections in the Land of Earth and Wind) wants to get his rebellious young bride back.
Hound follows orders to the letter, he kills the young male lover and brings the rebellious young bride screaming and begging back to her future husband.
(The mission is a success)
The next mission is also a success
The other one is also a success
(Your ANBU uniform is more red than dull gray)
“I'm home” ~ silence
“Dad?”
~~
Hound captures some enemy ninjas and tortures them to extract some information.
It's the first time he's used the Sharingan to enter someone else's mind. It doesn't go so well. He ends up with a severe migraine and his prisoners turn into drooling vegetables on the floor. Tsk. He'll need to capture another ninja if he wants that information.
He may be late, but he doesn't fail the mission
A few days later, on a different mission, Hound is tasked with getting rid of a civilian woman who has agreed to be the surrogate for a noble Madame in the capital who was unable to have children.
The woman hired as a surrogate ended up getting attached to the baby and didn't want to hand it over as agreed. (To emphasize, the baby was a boy . Madame really wanted this boy to be her husband's heir)
So Hound hands the baby over to his new mother.
He dreams of Minato. Minato has a hole in his chest that bleeds a lot and this reminds him of Rin.
~~
Hound has no missions today, but he does have compulsory ANBU courses that he needs to finish. Minato-sensei had been lenient with Kakashi, allowing this to be postponed for a while for the sake of learning fuuinjutsu.
But now Kakashi/Hound no longer have the privilege of being students of the active Hokage (because their sensei is dead ) and soon they will be sent to do black ops missions on foreign soil.
The situation in the Village has only just begun to normalize, but Konoha's network of espionage and secret operations can no longer be neglected. In their world, information is more valuable than gold.
Ka - Kashi... ~ Rin's blood drips and drips from his hand. Kakashi staggers with sudden weakness; tears flow from his eyes and his ( no, not his) – Sharingan burns and burns horribly and before he passes out he hears angry, angry shouts
NO! NO! NO! AAAAAH - Obito screams; the world turns blood red
~~
Hound takes his first ANBU course. There's nothing new in the curriculum as he already knows how to infiltrate and assassinate silently – but ANBU has different ways and tactics of doing this and all agents must learn the ANBU style, so Hound learns their pattern
He dreams of the cave collapsing again. Everything happens the same way: Obito saves him; Obito is crushed; Obito gives him the Sharingan; they abandon Obito in the cave; (the dream changes and then Obito is no longer dying. He is alive and blind, crushed and in pain and alone. He stays alive and is buried alive, Oh gods no no no please no! - Obito was buried alive and they abandoned him there
~~
Kakashi wakes up startled, coughing, crying and choking on the taste of dirt in his mouth
It was my fault, he whispers, my fault
Hound takes his second ANBU course. The curriculum teaches him how to get rid of all evidence and traces in the most effective and impeccable way so that nothing can be traced back to Konoha.
Kakashi already knows how to do this, but ANBU has a wide range of better techniques. So Hound learns to be better.
Kakashi dreams of red eyes. Sometimes it's the Sharingan, but sometimes it's not.
Things get very confusing sometimes. He knows, although he doesn't want to confess it to anyone, that his mind is sinking
He tries to meditate and plug all the cracks in his mental landscape. He tries to keep himself together and sane, but it doesn't always work.
When he's not dreaming about the tragic events in his life, his mind imagines even stranger scenarios with his teammates dead.
He dreams a lot about Obito. Obito buried alive; Obito trapped in the cave; Obito in the forest seeing how he killed Rin; Obito angry, upset and bathed in blood; Obito roaring louder than the Kyuubi.
At one point Kakashi seriously considered taking sleeping pills to have a dreamless sleep, but he is a war veteran shinobi. He wouldn't risk being vulnerable while doped up while his agility is seriously compromised by some sleeping drug.
So no. He prefers not to use it outside the supervision of a competent hospital doctor-nin.
His remaining options - those that don't involve addictive drugs - are to compact all his traumas into a box and abandon it in the far corner of his mind.
It can work , he knows, because he heard a Yamanaka mention something similar before.
Kakashi will try it. He sincerely hopes it doesn't backfire. (He doesn't want to consider what it would be like to go into an uncontrolled psychotic break at any moment.)
Hound continues to attend his ANBU courses. This time he learns specialized anatomy, medical ninjutsu, honeypot tactics, sexual security and instruction in dealing with honeypot targets.
On the fourth day of the course he learns what to do if an agent is captured.
The fourth day's lesson comes with the added bonus of practical lessons given by agents from the T&I department.
Hound has to prove that he can handle it and that he is loyal to the leaf even if he is trapped in enemy territory.
In the end, Hound successfully passes the course, but has to stay in hospital for four days because of the “simulated” capture and torture session. He coped well. He didn't say a word.
(He is barely released from hospital and already has a mission call waiting for him)
They are fourteen when they go on their first honeypot mission. It's basically information gathering, but due to their target's habits and the places he likes to go, the mission rating had to be raised.
Hound doesn't have to seduce anyone, he just has to collect information. His superior has given him the name of a contact who lives in Madame M's establishment. His contact is a woman who works there – an elegant pleasure house well known in the area, according to the information his target likes to frequent the red districts she passes through.
Hound arrives early and makes contact with his informant. His target arrives hours later and his contact there - young Li - wastes no time in taking action.
The target drinks and parties nonchalantly and then takes two women to his room. Hound hides invisibly near their bedroom door waiting for Li to let him in to attack the target.
The sound of loud music and laughter downstairs does little to drown out the sounds coming from the room and the corridors.
Hound, who has sensitive hearing, tries to ignore the noise and, above all, tries to control the undesirable reaction of his own stupid, hormonal body.
How embarrassing. Don't think about it. Don't let your thoughts wander there, you're a shinobi!
He's a shinobi. Shinobis need to have absolute control over their own bodies and Hound has to be one hundred percent in control of his - he tries
When young Li has finished, she opens the door and gives the signal. Hound enters and goes towards the target sleeping naked on the bed.
Hound uses his Sharingan to enter the target's mind and get his information to make sure that this man is not a problem for Konoha's interests.
When he's finished, Hound pays Li and leaves.
(Puberty, when it comes, sucks. Hound/Kakashi would like to skip this, please)
The weeks go by, the months go by and Hound doesn't slow down.
Kakashi trains and goes on missions. He dreams his usual nightmares, and sometimes, very rarely, he dreams good dreams.
He dreams that he can dodge Chidori;
He dreams that Minato sensei survives; He dreams that Kushina is alive and taking care of her baby;
He dreams that he manages to rescue Obito alive;
Dreams of his father; Dreams of his team alive and well and getting up to mischief.
Kakashi likes these alternative dreams where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. He likes it so much that sometimes he wishes he'd never wake up.
Life in the dream is good. Being a shinobi in the dream is good because he is more like a protector than an elite cold killer who plays dirty.
In the dream world, her father is a hero who has never been disgraced;
Rin was never kidnapped to be a defective Jinchuuriki and so she becomes a doctor specializing in high-risk operations;
Nine-tails never attacked the village;
Kakashi is still an ANBU, but he works more as a guard for Minato-sensei, Kushina and baby Naruto.
Sometimes he still goes on assassination missions, but he only kills terrorists, lineage thieves and scum in general.
And as for Obito... he's definitely there in the dream too. He's alive and he's always there by their side.
Obito in the dream is so real that it hurts . His presence is so big and strong. The Uchiha has the opportunity to grow, to fill out all his muscles and grow in his vast power. Obito becomes the man with the mischievous smile with that aristocratic Uchiha air that leaves Kakashi breathless and blushing and thinking: handsome .
Oh. Oh
But as always, the harsh reality always catches up with him the next day.
Your last day of the ANBU course consists mainly of a bunch of boring lectures. It's basically military propaganda reiterating and emphasizing the ninja's absolute loyalty to their Villages and Kages and what would happen to those they chose to disown.
Hound already knows a lot about these speeches. But this was Black Ops.
Things here are different from the rest, including the ninja code of conduct, ethics, morals and indoctrination.
There are no colored lenses here. Here there are no teachers taking it easy on you. Here you are a weapon, a tool, an object for your village to use and above all: you are replaceable.
You don't question orders or the interests of the Village. You don't refuse any mission unless you have a doctor's note. Here you must not fail.
To protect the interests of the Village or secure advantages for Konoha, you must do whatever is necessary. Anything at all. Including killing or stealing children, sacrificing or leaving your compatriots behind, framing innocent people, sabotaging politicians or blackmailing them, prostituting yourself, etc.
Hound/Kakashi already knew all this. He's been doing all this recently. But. Knowing doesn't make it any easier to do.
Seeing the dark side of Konoha leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He wonders...
Without a doubt, Obito would have hated it here.
Obito would hate the way the rules here reduce people to nothing.
But Obito is dead and no matter how hard Kakashi tries to live up to Obito's philosophies, he can't. Their world tarnishes everything it touches. Their world stains everything it touches and sometimes when Kakashi is in the silence of his room lost in dark thoughts, he wonders: if Obito survived, would he make it out of all this clean and with his old convictions intact?
(The answer is: No. Obito couldn't do it. He always had that somewhat insubordinate streak that put Kakashi on edge. The Uchiha would probably do or say something foolish that would get him into trouble or worse: disciplinary punishment. A lot of that.
But one thing was certain: sooner or later, Obito would have been forced to change because no one could stay young, bright and optimistic in this profession – and Kakashi would mourn the loss of that silly boy)
Hound is almost fifteen when he goes for his second honeypot. He's not alone, as Agent Rat is with him, but they have different targets.
Technically, the parameters of the mission don't require any sexual involvement, just infiltration and information gathering, the usual, but. If sex is the only way to get close enough to get the desired information, then they do it.
Their targets are a mother and daughter. According to the mission's intelligence, the mother - a widowed Madame of noble origin who has a penchant (preference) for young boys as companions.
They are targeting them because of their eldest son who is an influential politician in the Kaze Court.
With enough flirting and drinking, they can make them talk carelessly. Perhaps. Honeypots are unpredictable like that. They may need more attempts or actually have sex with the targets to get the information.
Agent Rat (in disguise) was the experienced seducer assigned to this mission. Hound is just the backup agent for the mission, since they have two targets to seduce, but if Agent Rat can't fulfill his schedule with the two, Hound must go and get the other remaining target.
(Agent Rat successfully seduces his target. He spends three days escorting the young woman and two nights sleeping with her. On the third night, Hound (in disguise) is invited by the other target to visit his private pensioners and there he does what he has to do. After all, the mission is important)
Back in Vila, Kakashi gets out of the bath after firmly ensuring that there are no traces left on him, and only then does he allow himself to look at the photographs on the little table in his semi-dark room.
He stands there not knowing what to say to them, what kind of subject to talk about. He is embarrassed. Terribly.
He puts the team photo face down.
He doesn't want to talk to his friends about his most recent missions because it seems inappropriate, somehow.
Kakashi doesn't want to admit how he's become some kind of object. Or how his hormonal body has reacted even though he tries not to care.
Kakashi doesn't want to look at their faces. But he needs some comfort, something familiar and safe. The team photo is his main anchor (as is the memorial stone, but Kakashi doesn't want to be there right now).
Kakashi can imagine the kind of reaction his friends would have: Minato would shake his head in disappointment or be angry with whoever had assigned the mission to Kakashi.
(Minato as Hokage would have blatantly spared Kakashi. He always favored his students - isn't that what every Hokage does?)
Kushina would be furious. She would say that he was too young to be subjected to missions of this nature. She has always been a strong defender of the Three Ninja Bans.
Rin... Kakashi couldn't imagine how Rin would react. She was a doctor-nin, a kunoiche to boot. She would certainly have been instructed in similar matters and wouldn't overreact.
Perhaps she would be sympathetic, offering comfort, tea and a friendly shoulder for Kakashi to lean on.
Obito would certainly have overreacted. Perhaps even horrified.
Kakashi remembers that the other boy used to have a romantic streak.
His Uchiha teammate probably had the opinion that someone's first time should be romantic and special – nothing like what Kakashi had, because his experience was neither romantic nor special nor important. It was just a mission. Things like that happen all the time in their world. Shit! Obito should have known that!
(He probably didn't. The idiot was a sentimental, dreamy fool. He couldn't even propose to Rin without stuttering or blushing like a red tomato. Kakashi doubts very much that Obito has ever thought of the word sex before without fainting)
Kakashi snorted with laughter. Obito was a funny figure when he got in Rin's way. In this, Kakashi will admit, he would purposely get in the way of the Uchiha's attempts at confessions just to see him panic. It was funny.
Kakashi thinks back to those childhood moments with fondness and nostalgia. Those times were better, gentler. Kakashi wants to preserve that. The image of them being silly and untouched by the blood and hatred of the world.
It's decided. Kakashi won't tarnish his friends with his stories of honeypots and baby stealing.
-
That night Kakashi dreams of red eyes, a familiar face distorted by scars into a stern, judgmental scowl. To make matters worse, his body decided to go crazy and burn up because of the hormones.
Unwanted scenes from his first time fly through his head, Kakashi is mortified - oh heavens Obito is right there!
He can't stop it.
His disturbed, hormone-filled mind only knows how to embarrass him in front of Obito. To make matters worse, Kakashi can only call out to Obito as the wet dream unfolds.
It's embarrassing, but he makes cum of himself like that in front of Obito, looking very disapproving.