He found it difficult to breathe. The smell of the damp walls and dried blood had diminished the quality of the air, or was it something else? Had not he always been like this? Weak, pathetic and good for nothing.
His father knew him well, a stain on the clan. Had anything changed since he had sat in the dark of his room at the age of seven, clutching his knees and crying his heart out, thinking that maybe he was not a real Uchiha because he still had not awakened the Sharingan, or because his father had never called him his "son"? Had anything changed since he had locked himself at home when he was thirteen and skipped training just because he was jealous of Naruto and scared to death that he might surpass him? Had anything changed since then, when Orochimaru had beaten him up for being a useless coward who could not finish a mission properly without messing up, without being scared, without shivering at the sight of blood? What had changed since then? Probably the fact that he was now sitting in a straitjacket and was blindfolded in a cell in Konoha prison, waiting for some people to decide whether he deserved to live or not. It did not matter. Nothing mattered anymore, he just wanted it all to end faster.
He just wanted to be free, free of all this. He just couldn't stand these chains anymore and he certainly wasn't ready for what awaited him outside of this place. The thought of having to be Konoha's puppy, a lost dog indeed, made him sick.
How could he dare to think that he deserved freedom at all, that he deserved to live a life. He was ready for the worst of all punishments, for he saw execution as redemption.
His feelings were a contrast. He wanted to be freed from his sins by death, and yet he wanted to live for his friends, wanted to make up for all the years he had been away, and yet a voice whispered to him that they would be better off without him. They would mourn him for a while and then forget him, his memory left as a rogue ninja who had to be stopped, a lost cause.
He had Naruto on his mind, who had not abandoned him despite all he had done. Naruto, who insisted on being his friend even though he hated it every time he said it, despised that word from the bottom of his heart, especially when it came out of his mouth. Sakura, who had loved him blindly, although he had assured her that there was no hope for them. He thought of their last reunion and the pain he had made Sakura suffer. He could not think about meeting her again, because he could not look her in the eyes anymore. Kakashi, his master, the father figure he had longed for all his life, even when his own father was still alive, the father who had ignored him for as long as he could remember and who had then wasted his last words asking Itachi to promise him he will protect Sasuke. And how well his brother had kept that promise... . Oh, his brother...
How badly had he messed up? He felt sick just thinking about it. The guilt crawled up his throat, pressed on his heart and turned into tears and blood that flowed from his eyes, ears and finally his head.
how could he always be so wrong? How could he always be on the wrong side? He avoided everyone while they were trying to be friends, he had joined Orochimaru right after he had attacked the village and caused many deaths, harmed many people, he had joined Orochimaru right after he had hurt him. He feels disgusted just thinking about the guy's lips touching his neck. How could he join Orochimaru after something like that?
Oh, how desperate he was. He would do anything to see Itachi's dead, unconscious body. It's funny how the image haunts him now. It's funny how he sacrificed everything to kill his beloved brother and with it a part of himself. Oh, how wrong he was about Itachi.
Poor boy had had enough. So when Kakashi visited him in his cell for the first time and asked him how he was doing, Sasuke had only asked: "When will I be executed?"
He had asked the same question again and again during the interrogations and he never earned an answer. Now, Sasuke waited anxiously, praying that whatever the judgement was, he wouldn’t witness the sadness and disappointment in Naruto’s eyes when the verdict was delivered.
Everyone wanted him dead, except Naruto and probably Sakura and Kakashi. They wanted him dead from a long time ago, when he was still a small child, a lonely child who had lost his family, the last member of his clan, a misfit. No one wanted their child to be friends with this strange, cursed Orphant. They wanted him dead when they ordered Itachi to commit genocide. Why hadn't Itachi just killed him? Wasn't he an Uchiha? Or was he simply not worth it?
He had thought Itachi was a hero, but he had been wrong again. Was the village that important to kill his own parents? Was a coup so damaging that genocide was committed to prevent it? Was gaining power and improving the Sharingan so important that he'd torture his little brother? Kakashi had said these things, but Sasuke was deaf. He was the one who was always wrong, Itachi was the perfect brother.
The image of Itachi's lifeless body came to his mind. Just the thought of him made his heart clench. How could he still be alive while his elder brother lay in the ground? Why was he still breathing when he had hurt so many people? How could he think of forgiveness? That he deserved Naruto's love? And how? How?
Being trapped in this lonely cell had done nothing but make him think too much. He was just so tired of all his thoughts that he wished his brain would rot. He was tired of waiting, he just wanted to be sentenced to what they thought he deserved and then end his pitiful life. He was super exhausted from all of this, plus the sleeplessness.
His father hated him. His brother was killed by him. His classmates couldn't stand him. The whole village was afraid of him. And he would die alone, just as he had always been alone.
The raven's eyelids slowly closed, sending him into a dreamless dream, so that he didn't notice the sunshine boy who arrived with a packet of ramen.