To Bring Some Heat to You
Up until this point, I told you the story of how I met and earned the wonder that was Sirius Orion Black – it was a story of forbidden love, stolen devotions. But now comes the moment within it all when I must tell you a different story. And so, here it begins – the story of how I lost him.
It starts fairly uneventfully, as most of my stories tend to, with myself resting up after a full moon, Peter still at work, and James off at the gentleman’s club. Sirius’ leg was twitching, as it was prone to when he was deep in thought, concocting some new plan I would hate but go along with regardless. And then, he seemingly came to a conclusion, because he put out the cigarette he was smoking, and got up, walking over to his room.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Out,” he answered tartly, and I felt any further questions would be met with no answer at all. He locked himself in his room – a thing he rarely did before we first collided, never when we were at our closest, and more and more frequently since the news about Regulus. I frowned, but did not question it, returning my gaze to the sun outside the window.
After a moment, he reemerged, dressed in a dark suit, and spoke to me again with much more humility. “Will you come with me, please?” I nodded.
“Always,” I said, and without question, walked over to Sirius, kissed him gently, and went to put on the ivory suit he had for me – and soon we were gone. I did not know where we were headed, but I didn’t care all that much. Sirius needed me.
As we walked through the streets of London, Sirius did not look at me, nor did he deign to touch me in any way, and I struggled with my own internal and neverending need to comfort him. After a moment, I noticed our evident destination, the gentlemen’s club, looming over us, and understood in an instance why he behaved in such a way. He nodded curtly at the attendant, and a muttered ‘He’s with me’ was enough for us to enter the pinnacle of wizarding pureblood society. The club was everything I couldn’t have imagined it to be, with a musician-less band in one corner and a bar with floating bar stools in the other, and a corner with mahogany floorboards and marble tables in another (James was seated at one, deep in conversation with a dark-haired young man, perhaps a year or two younger than us, with vivid green eyes), and a dance floor in the last. Finally, Sirius took my hand in his, kissed it gently, to my imminent surprise, and led me towards the bar. I had no way of understanding why he did that until I noticed other queer couples around the establishment – and a certain realisation came over me with an aching pain, that I had been raised in a muggle way of thinking, sent to church every Sunday to confess my reality away and with magical use limited to meetings with the Pettigrews. And it made sense, now – all of Sirius’ questions, Peter and James’ complete indifference to being queer – and I felt like crying, right there and then.
“Are you ok?” Sirius asked me, concern in his eyes. I turned to him with tears in mine.
“Better than ever, love,” I replied, smiling. “I don’t think I’m afraid.” He blinked, surprised – but quickly let it wash away, and smiled.
Sirius nodded. “I should’ve brought you here sooner, shouldn’t I?” I shook my head, and spoke no more.
We ordered two drinks, and Sirius leant against the bar, observing the bustle of wizarding society.
“What are we looking for?” I asked quietly.
“My brother,” Sirius replied dryly, and I nodded. Silence fell between us for a moment, and I believed it to be caused by the general ruckus the band and conversations provided.
And then… that must’ve been him, I concurred. A young man, similar in age and posture to the one James was talking to on the other side of the club, in the most gorgeous of dress robes, with that trademarked black curly hair, same as Sirius’, but kept shorter. To a less knowing man, the two would have looked identical – but I could tell the difference quite easily. After all, I knew every crevice of Sirius’ body like my own, and I could tell that Regulus’ face was sharper than Sirius’, and that Sirius had more of an athlete’s build, while Regulus stood slender and rather undefined in that area. Regulus’ eyes were just as black as Sirius’, but after a moment’s observation, I noticed the characteristic glow of gold I had become used to in Sirius’ was absent from his brother’s eyes. Regulus’ had a glow, yes – but was silver, not gold, and that made all the difference.
“That’s Regulus,” Sirius pointed out, and I nodded. I knew.
I turned to Sirius. “Do you want to talk to him?”
He shook his head. “No, I just… I needed to see him for myself. To see if he’s… well.” ‘If he’s ok,’ I finished the sentiment in my own head, and nodded.
“You can go up to him though. If you wanted to.” I said, and he nodded.
Sirius tilted his head. “I’m more curious about the woman he’s dancing with,” he admitted, and I turned my gaze to the woman in question. She had a similar sort of mousy-brown hair to me, but perhaps a bit darker. It was cut similarly to how Sirius cut his, that is wild and unkempt – but she had it pulled back into a classy bun. Her dress was flowing and red, quite the scandal to see in London, and gloves white with golden thread, covering her elbows. She made a pretty contrast with Regulus, whose suit was a deep emerald green, and cravat white, glistening with silver.
“Alice Fortescue,” James said, walking up to where we sat alongside his green-eyed company from the other side of the club, “heiress to two parliament seats if Florean Fortescue relinquishes his, which everyone expects him to,” he added, before turning back to the man standing beside him. “Gentlemen, this is Bartemius Crouch Junior, heir Crouch and friend of heir Black’s. The two met in… Paris, was it not?” Mr. Crouch nodded.
“Yes, yes we did.” He extended a hand, teeth glistening white behind a grin. I shook it, and Sirius followed suit. “And you two must be the fine men Mr. Potter was telling me about – Sirius Black and… Remus Lupin, is it?”
I nodded. “Yes sir, that would be correct.”
Sirius cleared his throat. “Please forgive me, gentlemen,” he said, “but I think I shall be going to the dance floor – I have someone I need to talk to, on second thought.” He bowed slightly, and strode briskly towards Regulus and Miss Fortescue.
“He seems exactly like what Regulus told me he’d be,” Mr. Crouch laughed.
I frowned slightly. “What do you mean by that?”
“Oh, don’t take it personally,” he waved me off. “I know you two are involved. I’ll just say that I really do hope nothing bad comes out of all of this.” I agreed, and we returned to our drinks. Of course, we had no way of knowing the fallout of the evening, and no way of knowing that Mr. Crouch, by expressing his hopes, jinxed the lot of us beyond measure.
~~~~~~
The day crowd was already moving out by the time I found Sirius again, nursing a glass of firewhiskey by the bar. James had left with Mr. Crouch, and I had no doubt about the two of them growing mutual fascination. A message had been sent to Peter not to expect any of us back in the apartment anytime soon, and now it was just me and Sirius. Sirius and I.
“Are you ok?” I asked timidly, hand placed on the small of his back.
He laughed hollowly. “Positively peachy, Moony.” He turned where he sat and pulled my arms around his, his breath pleasantly toxic and his touch tingling with a wild sort of desire, firewhiskey abandoned. “Especially now that you’re here.”
I smiled, goofy from my own infatuated intoxication. “What say you we get out of here, love?” I whispered, voice low. Sirius’ hair stood upright, and I felt proud I could bring him the same sort of thrill he brought me. He nodded, cheeks flushed, and pulled me out of the gentleman’s club and back to the heretic’s haven that was our apartment.
The place was empty, but I doubt either of us noticed – mouths moving as one, and my hand sliding up Sirius’ shirt. Soon, both our suits lay abandoned on the floor, and we took our obsession to the bedroom, where both of us knew its place to inevitably be.
…
The morning sun was warm on my face, and the hangover felt like a gentle hug from someone who knew the consequences of actions. I smiled to myself, half still asleep, and turned to Sirius. “Good morning, love.” I said softly.
But for some strange reason, he didn’t answer. I sat up, groggily, to see Sirius was not, in fact, laying beside me, and that his side of the mattress was cold and empty. But I thought nothing of it, convinced he was still somewhere around, making breakfast maybe, or taking a morning smoke. I got dressed as usual and made my way into the living room – but he wasn’t there either. The only one there was James, who looked fucked up and bitter. He looked over at me, and I looked at him with a question in my eyes. He shook his head.
“He’s gone, Remus.” He said simply, “and I don’t think he’s coming back this time.”
“What? Why… why would you say that?” My head was whirling, and I didn’t want to hear the answer.
James gave it to me anyway. “He’s gotten married, the dumb sod. To Alice Fortescue.”
And in that moment, I felt my world collapse, fall apart, and drown. And for the first time since I met him, I wished I never knew Sirius Orion Black.