One Modern Major General, And One Confused Cat. (Insanity Awaits?)
Catnap kneels in front of his self proclaimed god, worshipping him as always. Until of course he gets impaled by the slender and strong metal fingers, killing him on the spot...
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Catnap then wakes up with a jolt, a feeling of phantom pain left in his jaw. He scans his surroundings to see that he is in some kind of theatre area where he is sitting on one of the audience seats, with the rest being empty and one seat being occupied by him alone. And once he peers onto the stage he can see the smiling critters and even the nightmare critters onstage, recognizing Bobby, Crafty, Picky, Hoppy, Baba, Rabie, and Maggie on one side, while Kickin, Bubba, Icky, Allister, Simon, Poe, and Touille on the other, both groups paused in time. Quickly he gets up from the chair and gets up on stage, looking at them all closely, they looked to be the cartoon counterparts of themselves, and looking at his own body he noticed that he was also quite plush and had a vibrant color, far different to the muted and bloodstained he was used to. Looking around he can see that the girls and boys were separated by gender, with the girls being dressed in frilly white dresses, with the exception of Hoppy being dressed as a man. While the other side, the boys were all dressed as pirates. Catnap had recognized this scene, it was a part in Pirates of Penzance, but he realized that there was someone missing. The General, and Dogday.
At that moment some music from an orchestra and applause comes from nowhere according to Catnap's ears and then one of the ladies start talking or singing?
"Hold, Monsters! Ere your pirate caravanserai proceed, against our will, to wed us all! Just bear in mind that we are Wards in Chancery...And father is a Major General!"
Yup, this is definitely hell. Catnap had thought to himself, if this were to repeat over and over again it would be hell. He had always disliked musicals, not in any element of the music or theatre, but it always ticked him off the wrong way.
"We'd Better pause, or danger may befall. Their father is a Major General!"
One of the pirates had replied. Catnap had tried to talk and even touch everyone, but his words fell on deaf ears. And his touch fazed right through them all, but Catnap didn't lose hope yet, for there was still one person to try.
"Yes! Yes! He is a Major General!"
All the ladies had sung in synch. At that moment Catnap saw a blur of orange come from backstage.
"Yes! Yes! I am a Major General!"
Dogday had finally showed up in a bright red uniform with gold accents, but sadly everything that Catnap tried did not work. So he decided to give in and watch the rest of it play out...
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Catnap had lost count at this point, but it was over 50,000 times that he had watch this godforsaken play. And he would rather perish again than listen to it another time. But fortunately for Catnap, he noticed that he could interact with objects, and interacting with objects would make the people notice that they were moved. And after careful examination, all of the bombs, swords, and firearms were actually real and had real black powder in them. So after some planning, and some preparation to kill his friends all over again, Catnap had begun his part in the play. And the ladies were to cue him in.
""Hold, Monsters! Ere your pirate caravanserai proceed, against our will, to wed us all! Just bear in mind that we are Wards in Chancery...And father is a Major General!"
Catnap had gathered as much bombs and black powder in crates that he could, because if he takes something, then in the next loop, the thing that he took would have reappeared while he still had the original. So more than enough explosives were gathered to blow the entire theatre sky high.
"We'd Better pause, or danger may befall. Their father is a Major General!"
"Yes! Yes! He is a Major General!"
"Yes! Yes! I am a Major General!"
Catnap had carefully and calmly started placing the explosives where they wont interfere with the play. Because if the play changes one bit, like if one of the actors take another step, then it all resets. So putting the explosives in places where they wont trip anyone took a lot of memorization.
"For he is a Major General!" "He is! Hurrah for the Major General!" "And it is-it is a glorious thing to be a Major General!"
After the music and applause had started, he then left explosives a bit before the starting positions of the actors.
"I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical."
Catnap still couldn't believe how good Dogday was at singing his lines. Perfectly clear and incredibly fast. But back to the plan at hand, Catnap had started placing explosives up on the stage lights. Many attempts have been tried before but if any bit of the theatre remains, everything would just repeat all over again. So he had to be incredibly thorough, and make sure to destroy every bit of this theatre.
"I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot o' news, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse."
"With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!, With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoten-potenuse!"
Catnap would then leave the stage to start focus on the auditorium and the rest of the theatre before focusing on the main stage. He could not escape from the large room for every door is locked, even blowing up the doors leading outside only yielded an empty black void. Thankfully the Backstage was also a black void so the only things needed to destroy were the theatre, the auditorium, and the stage.
"I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous, In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General."
"In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General!"
"I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's, I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous, I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard, Dows and Zoffanies, I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!, Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore"
"And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina-Pinafore!"
Since the stage would be occupied for a large bit of the play, putting explosives there would yield to one of the actors, usually Dogday as he was the one who moved around the most. So focusing on the auditorium was the smartest move.
"Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform, In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General."
"In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General!"
Every other explosive is in place, now all that's left is the main stage.
"In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin", When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat", When I have, learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery, In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy, You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!"
"You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!, You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!, You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a, sat a gee!"
Just wait for the right moment.
"For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century, But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General."
"But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, He is the very model of a modern Major-General!"
Frantically, Catnap had started placing the last of the explosives behind all of the actors while he followed Dogday up the stairs of the set, cradling a bomb in his arms as Dogday waved. And with one strike of a match, the entire theatre, along with its invisible audience, orchestra, actors, and the saboteur, had went up in a fiery explosion...
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Catnap had woken up in another theatre, this time it was all different. Different auditorium, different set, there was even an actual audience and orchestra. Catnap had hopes that he would now be out of the hell that he was in, but little did he know, it was just one performance in a whole musical. With applause from the crowd, a voice had came from the speakers which Catnap had recognized as Dogday's. "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your King. King George The Third. Welcome to Hamilton." The music had chimed its starting notes as Simon Smoke had walked onstage.
"How does a Bastard orphan son-"