23 December
Rhaenyra never was the biggest fan of christmas.
Of course she loved the 2 weeks of vacation and opening her gifts like every child but beside that, nothing was really special about the holiday. It was resumed by big parties that her father used to throw where she was forced to socialize or by evenings spent with a babysitter ‘cause her parents were busy at other parties…
But then she met Alicent Hightower and everything changed. The girl didn’t make her change her opinion on christmas, it was still nothing special for the Targaryen, but Alicent’s presence did make it more fun. There was someone she actually wanted to speak to in the big boring parties, and the evenings in front of the tv alone were now spent with the Higtower as they’ll giggle the whole time.
Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever and the holiday wasn’t just “not that special”. It was now a bitter and sad memory too and that was Alicent’s fault.
Alicent…Rhaenyra didn’t want to think about her, but it was like the woman refused to leave her mind since she saw her at the restaurant the day before. The Targaryen thought that she had moved on after those 3 long years as she would only think about Alicent on the 25 of december. But apparently she was wrong as she couldn’t stop thinking about her now.
She realized how bad it was when her cousin Laena called her out as she brought up the Hightower for the third time since yesterday.
“Just let it go Nyra…” But it was easier to say than to do…
She had to stop with Alicent though, so she did something she was really good at, burying herself in work to forget about it.
And Rhaenyra had the perfect occasion to do so, the annual company’s christmas cocktail party. Her company’s party. Because yes, it was her company now and in maybe four years she would be in total control.
For the moment Rhaenyra totally trusted her aunt Rhaenys to deal with everything but she could ask for few things to be done…Like firing this idiot of Otto.
She obviously wasn’t on a vendetta against the Hightowers, the decision was thought and discussed for a long moment and she came to a logical conclusion ; Her father trusted Otto Hightower with his life, she absolutely didn’t. And she needed to have people she trusted around her, so she got rid of the old man..
The Targaryen realized that she’ll still have to deal with Otto and his family just one last time as she was looking down at the guest list and saw their name on it.
She didn’t want them there, but Rhaenys told her that she couldn’t just take them off the list because of everything Otto did for the company.
But enough with this horrendous family, she was organizing the best party ever.
It was 5 pm and Rhaenyra was currently running around in her house with her heels on making sure that everything was fine with the preparations.
The house she grew up in was fully decorated for the occasion and she was really proud of herself right now. It looked just like when her mother used to organize the party when she was still here and that was exactly what she wanted.
Finally, everything was done just in time to welcome all her guests. A few people started to arrive around 7pm and the whole house was full thirty minutes later.
She was going left and right, smiling, making small talk with people she didn’t even remember. It was annoying but the worst was probably how everyone brought up her father.
“He would’ve loved this party…”, “Im so sorry for your loss”, “He was a great man”
Almost every person she was talking to had to bring her dad and Rhaenyra had to stand there and listen to people praise her father and be nostalgic about him like they were at his funerals again. And just like when she was at funerals, she had to restrain herself from saying how this great man was also a neglectful and absent dad for most of her life…
Don’t get it wrong, Rhaenyra didn’t hate her dad. She thought she did for a moment and even tried to do it but the loss and emptiness she felt for the past months showed her that it was impossible.
But still, this party wasn’t about him so why was he brought in all of her conversations ? Why were all the compliments she received were related to her dad ? She organized everything while thinking about her mother and every decoration was inspired by her mother’s parties, so why was she never brought up ?
“You know Rhaenyra…” M.Baratheon started as Rhaenyra came to him and his wife to say hello. “...I didn’t understand why your father chose you as his successor but if your skills are as good as this party then maybe there’s some hope for this company.”
Everybody around them laughed. It was a joke. Rhaenyra could take a joke…at least she could act like she did. So as her blood started boiling and her fist closed tightly, she laughed like everyone around them.
After this Rhaenyra’s whole social energy just disappeared, she didn’t want to speak with anyone anymore. She didn’t want to hear about her father for the hundred time or how people didn’t trust her at all to maintain her company.
So she waited alone for people to forget she was here to slip away. She felt a little childish for leaving to be alone in the middle of her party but the Targaryen really needed some fresh hair.
She climbed the stairs two by two and walked very quickly towards the library. There, she noticed that the light was already on but didn’t give it too much attention. The Targaryen went towards the desk to open a drawer and she took the packet of cigarettes and the lighter she knew her father used to “hide” there.
Rhaenyra calmly opened the door of the balcony but she jumped a little when she saw that someone was already there. The Targaryen immediately recognised who it was and sighed loudly, so loudly that the person turned around.
Alicent Hightower looked at her almost frightened and Rhaenyra just looked back annoyed. But she ended up sighing and lighting the cigarette that she really needed now.
It was extremely awkward and she could feel the tension between them but Rhaenyra didn’t ask her to leave as it would just be weirder and she didn’t want to speak to Alicent anyway.
Apparently Alicent did want to speak to her since she looked right back at her just staring a moment before speaking.
“Rhaenyra…” The Hightower mumbled quietly and weakly.
She suddenly stopped and the two women just stared at each other. Rhaenyra felt a heavy thing on her chest that she couldn’t describe.
Everything felt so familiar though ; she knew the brown eyes that were staring at her so well and it made her sick.
“...you look great.” Alicent finally finished.
Rhaenyra felt her anger build up the second Alicent said that. How dare she ?! Coming here in her house and telling her that she looks good like everything was normal, like she was just someone she used to know…
“Absolutely not, we're not doing that” Rhaenyra said firmly before smoking the cigarette in her mouth.
Alicent looked at her with a now confused frown.
“Not doing what ?”
“We’re not acting like nothing happened, like we’re just old friends…”
The Hightower looked at her even more shocked before shaking her head clearly confused.
“That’s not- I’m not…I'm just trying to be polite !”
This answer only made Rhaenyra roll her eyes and scoff. She smoked again before speaking back.
“Oh yeah, always so nice and polite aren’t you ?” She decided to not lose her temper, it wasn’t worth it. “Why are you even here Alicent ?”
The Hightower sighed loudly and broke their eye contact to look at her feet.
“My father insisted for me to come and-”
Rhaenyra didn’t let her finish by scoffing again. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing but she totally could at the same time.
“So your father asked you to come and you just did it ? Didn’t you ? God you didn’t change at all Alicent…”
Maybe she was being a little dramatic here, even mean, but she couldn’t help it and it’s not like Alicent didn’t do anything to deserve it.
The Hightower looked back at her in disbelief before smirking and shaking her head, clearly annoyed, an expression Rhaenyra saw a million times.
“You didn’t change that much either, you’re still so fucking immature !” This time it was Alicent that looked like she needed to keep her cool. “I just wanted to have a normal conversation…”
Rhaenyra scoffed before looking down at her feet as she smoked again.
“You really thought we could have a normal little chat ? Really ?”
They both stayed in a heavy silence before Alicent shook and finally moved to go towards the door.
“No…you’re right, it was stupid to think we could.”
She opened the door to go back to the library and just when Rhaenyra thought she was leaving, Alicent turned around to look at her again.
“I probably have no right to say that but…you did great with this party, Aemma would’ve loved this”
The Hightower then finally left the balcony and closed the door behind her; Rhaenyra was now all alone in the cold night.
She waited for a specific compliment this whole night, she waited for the mention of her mother this whole evening and the person that gave it to her had to be Alicent Hightower of all people. She felt sick. She was angry too. She hated how Alicent could still find the perfect thing to say to her; she hated Alicent.
All her guests were gone and the house was completely clean around 9pm, which was great since the news announced that the roads will be blocked soon because of the snow, so her timing was quite perfect.
Rhaenyra decided to spend the rest of her night watching a bunch of movies while drinking wine until she was tired and passed out on the couch.
But her first moment of calm since this morning was interrupted after only thirty minutes when the doorbell started to ring. Rhaenyra hesitated for a quick moment before reluctantly leaving the couch and to go open the door.
She instantly regretted opening this door. Not only because of the gust of wind and snow that slapped her face but also because of the person that was standing on the porch.
Alicent was covered in snow and was just silently staring at her like she regretted ringing the doorbell. Since Rhaenyra couldn’t support the cold any longer she grabbed the woman in front her by the arm to force her to get in.
She immediately closed the door behind and took a second to close her eyes and compose herself before turning around to face Alicent.
The woman was shivering in her big coat and her cheeks were red, wich was logical with all the snow falling and the violent wind.
“Why are you here Alicent ?! Did you drive under that weather ?”
Rhaenyra realized she had been a little harsh with her questions only after she asked it. Alicent looked at her clearly embarrassed before looking down at her feet
“I forgot my purse, my phone and my wallet are in there and-”
“You could’ve waited until tomorrow.” Rhaenyra cut her out pretty sternly and the woman responded by giving her a death stare.
She was apparently never getting rid of Alicent hightower.
“I wanted it to be over today…so we could both just…forget about each other again”
“So…you drove here even though the roads are blocked ?”
“No I walked…”
This answer genuinely made Rhaenyra laugh, she forgot how Alicent could be quite stubborn too.
“Yeah because that’s so much smarter…walking like what ? Thirty minutes for a purse.”
This time it was Alicent who rolled her eyes before pinching the top of her nose.
“Just let me get my purse so I can go home and we can just never speak again or whatever…”
“Absolutely not.”
The sternness and determination in her voice surprised both her and the Hightower.
“Alicent, the snowstorm is just getting worse, the roads are blocked and you can’t stop shivering…I can’t let you walk outside for half an hour in good conscience.”
She saw the Hightower biting the inside of her cheek before sighing, probably realizing that she was right.
“So…what do we do now ?”
The Targaryen sighed before forcing a sarcastic smile on her face.
“Guess you're staying here…”
Rhaenyra then left the entryway to go straight back to the living room.
This was definitely NOT a good situation but she also couldn’t be blamed for Alicent having hypothermia because she let her walk around in a snowstorm.
She sat back on the couch and drank the glass of wine that she really needed now.
Alicent took some time to come into the living room herself, she had got rid of her coat and got her purse. She was standing in front of the door, clearly not knowing what to do now.
Rhaenyra couldn’t help but think how this sight of Alicent just standing there was quite adorable.
“You're just going to stand there the whole night ?”
“I'm staying the whole night?!”
Rhaenyra rolled her eyes at question, being nice with this woman was getting hard.
“The storm isn’t stopping until tomorrow morning so yeah Alicent you’re staying for quite a time…” Rhaenyra breathed in and out. If she was indeed spending the night with the Hightower she’ll have to put aside her resentment. “Just come sit down and we will deal with the details later”
Alicent didn’t argue and just sat on the couch like asked, making sure to put a good distance between them.
The Targaryen put back on the movie she was watching and they both silently watched. Her eyes went from the TV to Alicent then back on the TV. She couldn’t believe that the Hightower was in her old house with her, on the couch , watching a (bad) Christmas movie, it was like they were teenagers again, except that back then there wasn’t any heavy tension and feeling of discomfort between them.
Rhaenyra looked back at Alicent for probably the fifth time already, except that this time Alicent was looking at her too. They both awkwardly looked away at the same time. Rhaenyra couldn’t spend the rest of her evening like that…
Apparently God heard her but not in a good way as the light and the tv suddenly turned off. She really hated her life right now.
“Fuck…” Rhaenyra grumbled before putting the lamp on her phone.
Alicent did the same with her own phone. The two women pointed the lamp at each other and Alicent gave Rhaenyra a reassuring smile that the Targaryen knew all too well.
“Well we’re really unlucky…”
Rhaenyra couldn’t help but smile weakly while shaking her head. Alicent was right, they were extremely unlucky.
Rhaenyra kept her eyes on Alicent as they were not anything else to look at now. The Hightower honestly didn’t change that much. Her hair was longer but still so curly and perfectly styled, she didn’t get any taller and she still had the same cross necklace around her neck. She was also wearing some Christmas pajamas that Rhaenyra probably saw at least a million times.
“You still fit in those ?” Rhaenyra finally broke the silence and pointed at Alicent’s pajamas with her chin.
Alicent looked down at her outfit before looking back at Rhaenyra
“Well yeah I guess…” Alicent smiled before timidly adding “...look who’s doing the small talk now.”
This genuinely made Rhaenyra laugh, they both laughed and it was like the tension between them magically disappeared.
Both of them took a good moment to calm down before Alicent could talk again.
“You know…since we’re here for a good moment we could make peace ? Just for tonight.”
Rhaenyra took a moment to think. Yes they would be there in the same house for a long time so she could at least try to put their history behind her for tonight.
“ Okay…peace for tonight.” She then extended her hand for Alicent to shake to show her agreement, a hand that Alicent immediately accepted.
Rhaenyra then stood up and left the living room but quickly came back with a new glass that she put on the coffee table as she sat back on the couch.
“You still don’t drink or you want a glass of wine ?”
“No I drink now…and yes a glass of wine would be nice, thank you” Alicent answered with an amused eye roll.
Rhaenyra served Alicent and they both drank silently. Then another drink and another…all of this in a not so awkward silence.
This time it was Alicent that broke this silence.
“I really like what you did with your hair…It looks nice when it's Short and wavy like this.” The Hightower in a tone that showed that the four glasses of wine were getting to her.
“Oh well thanks…you look good too Ali.” The nickname blurred out of her mouth before she realized it but she didn’t feel embarrassed.
Alicent blushed a little at the compliment. Rhaenyra forgot how easy it was to flusterate her…she forgot how much she liked to make her blush.
The Hightower started to look around like it would hide her red cheeks before changing the topic.
“This place didn’t change at all…”
“Yeah, didn’t feel like changing anything after…well you know”
“Yes I know…I’m really sorry about your dad by the way.”
Rhaenyra smiled weakly and a silence fell again. She drank some wine and looked around her too.
“I think I'm going to sell the house.”
She could see Alicent's surprised expression from the corner of her eyes.
“Wait, what ?... Why ?”
The Targaryen shrugged while looking down at her hands, a sad expression starting to appear on her face.
“Well it feels weird to be here alone in this big house and there's so many bad memories in here.”
Surprisingly, Rhaenyra felt a hand resting on hers, Alicent was touching her hand. Alicent was touching and it made her feel calm and safe.
“I get it really…but there are nice memories too… like when we used to bake with your mum.”
They both giggled at the memories of their baking session with her mother and Rhaenyra intertwined their fingers.
“ I miss building blanket forts in the living room with you.” Rhaenyra looked back at the Hightower with eyes filled with nostalgia. “I just miss being a kid honestly, everything was easy, there was nobody stressing me out about a company or my studies…”
Alicent laughed sadly.
“Tell me about it…”
They both stayed silent for a moment. Rhaenyra was only now realizing how closer they got to each other on the couch during this whole conversation.
Her eyes fell on Alicent’s hand in hers and she couldn't help but notice how red the other girl’s cuticles were.
“You’re still doing that”
“Well yes…I really didn’t change, did I ?” Alicent answered a little embarrassed but quickly looked back up at the blond girl with a soft smile back on her face. “I missed you you know”
Rhaenyra was a little surprised by the sudden words but she rapidly gave Alicent’s hand a gentle squeeze before even realizing it.
“ I missed you too”
Rhaenyra could’ve left it there. It was a nice way to end this conversation, but she couldn’t…she just couldn’t.
She let go of the other girl’s hand and sat up a little better on the couch.
“Why Alicent ? We could’ve had something great, but you ruined it. You basically outed me and then you pushed me away before leaving without saying anything.”
She closed her eyes a second to compose herself before looking back at Alicent. “Just tell me why, I need an explanation…I deserve an explanation actually.”
Alicent imitated her and sat up better on the couch while looking down at her feet.
“Well my father learned about us and…he immediately assumed that you were the one who influenced me into being gay. I didn’t have the guts to argue with him and I just let him go around and tell everybody about how you kissed me…” Alicent looked back at her and it was she was holding back tears. “I wasn’t ready and I was a coward, and you suffered because of it and I'm so sorry Rhaenyra.”
Rhaenyra didn’t have time to answer that Alicent had already grabbed back her hand.
“I remember what I said three years ago, but I want you to know I was lying to you and myself, I genuinely loved you Rhaenyra, you were…everything.” Alicent gave her hand a quick squeeze before whispering. “I still love you.’’
Rhaenyra just stayed silent, totally speechless. She looked into Alicent’s big brown eyes then at their intertwined and then back at Alicent.
The girl's words were resonating in her head.
Before giving it any second thoughts, Rhaenyra leaned towards Alicent and kissed her, a kiss that was almost immediately deepened by the Hightower.
The Targaryen took a moment to realize what she was doing and the pure joy she was feeling from the kiss turned into confusion and frustration.
She broke it and stood up from the couch.
“No, no I can’t do that…” Rhaenyra mumbled with her hand resting on her forehead.
Alicent just looked at her from the couch in confusion.
“What, what’s wrong ?”
The targaryen paced around a moment before looking back at the other girl with determination and even some hope in her eyes.
“Are you really ready to be with me this timeAlicent ? Ready to hold my hand in the street and call me your girlfriend when people ask you who I am ?”
Rhaenyra hated how silent the Hightower was after she asked that.
“Hum well… It’s a little complicated.” Alicent mumbled while looking down at her hands.
Rhaenyra's face fell for a moment but anger quickly took over the sadness.
“So you’re not.” She said a little louder than intended. “You just said you were sorry for something that you’re currently doing again ?!”
“I said, it’s complicated !” Alicent matched Rhaenyra’s tone.
Rhaenyra was not only angry now, she was genuinely hurt too. Just when she thought that there was maybe some hope for them…
“No it’s not ! You’re either assuming me fully or you don’t !” She only realized that she was crying when she felt a tear running down her cheek.
“I'm not going to be your dirty secret a second time Alicent…”
Silence fell in the room again. Alicent just looked at her with teary eyes and a pitiful expression.
“Rhaenyra can we just talk about it…”
The Targaryen didn’t let her finish and immediately shook her head.
“I don’t want to talk about it…I said everything I wanted and you’re just going to come up with excuses like always.” She then looked down at her feet while sniffing.
“You can sleep in my old bed, I'll sleep on the couch…”
Alicent opened her mouth like she wanted to argue about but she quickly resigned and got up to go upstairs.