Don't get sentimental
Chapter title: Let Down by Radiohead
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Monday 06/09/2024
It wasn't long past 7:30am, as Keating walked through campus. He relished in the silence before the chaos that would soon make an appearance by 8:50am when all the 1st year students would make a last minute dash to their classes, not wanting to be late on their first day. He smiled, looking around. The leaves above him were turning from their bright greens into pale oranges, yellows, and browns, some already falling around him. In his mind, this weather perfectly fit the aesthetic of his new workplace, the old red brick and victorian buildings towering over him. As he looked at the signs on the buildings, he made his way into the Laurence lecture building
Walking through the door of his classroom filled him with a sentimental feeling. It reminded him of his classroom back at Welton (oh how he loved and yet hated that place), the classroom was small and yet still cosy. He put his coffee and laptop on his desk, logging into his Spotify account before putting on some classical music. Keating always found that to be the best way to spend his morning. He made quick work of decorating his classroom, standing on a desk chair at the front of his classroom, hanging up his favourite picture above his board - Walt Whitman, the greatest poet he had ever read in his opinion. He busied himself by putting plants on windowsills, one drooping down from the shelf by the door, and a simple fern on his desk, although he made a mental note to move it for a future class. He stood on his desk, looking around, shaking his head. He moved some of the desks so they were spread out a bit more, similar to his old classroom.
Keating waltzed over to his desk, finally sitting down at 8:30am to look over the register of his new classes. He noticed his first class had a double period with him, meaning they would be stuck with him babbling about Whitman and the biggies for 2 and a half hours. He smiled at that, laughing to himself at how bored half of these students would look, but he knew that wouldn't last very long. Looking over his register, he recognised the first name on the list, sticking out like a sore thumb.
Anderson, Todd.
Looking over the rest of his list, Keating saw more familiar names that brought a smile to his face.
Cameron, Richard.
Dalton, Charlie.
Meeks, Steven.
Overstreet, Knox.
Perry, Neil.
Pitts, Gerard.
That name stuck out to him unlike any of the others. Neil Perry. He never thought he'd see that name again, especially after that night.
Looking down at the clock on his laptop. 8:45am. Keating quickly rushed out of the room, going into the little side-room attached to his classroom, peeking around the door as he saw the students flood into his room, running to choose their seats for the year. Then he heard it, the familiar laugh of mischief maker Charlie Dalton, accompanied by the chatter from Neil and quiet mumbling of Todd.
He waited until the clock on his watch indicated the time, 9am. He walked out of the cupboard in his room, whistling Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture, as he did at Welton, and continued to walk until he was out of the room. He heard the immediate scrapes of chairs and 7 loud sets of footsteps rush across the room and out of the door. He smiled, seeing his favourite students again. He winked knowingly to them before leaning around the door frame of his classroom. "Well come on then! These 7 boys got the idea already, now keep up." As soon as he heard a chorus of chair scrapes he began moving again, walking down the hallway and out of the lecture building. Looking at the map beside the building, he smiled, heading for a tall red brick building covered in green ivy and vines just across the courtyard from the lecture building. To him, the building was stunning, and knew it would prove to be useful for his classes. Keating followed the path around the grass, taking in the scenery.
He soon stopped outside the building, looking as all of his students quickly crowded around him, noting how the poets stood at the front. "Now, I know you are all first years here. But so am I, a first year teacher here, But I know what this building is. But, do you?"
Keating scanned the faces of his students, quickly seeing two hands shoot up in front of him. One surprisingly was Charlie. "Yes, Mr Dalton?"
Charlie smirked as he answered. "A gym, captain."
Laughing, Keating shook his head. "No, Charlie." He looked to the other hand, even more surprised to see it was Todd who raised his hand, his other one tightly holding Neil's for comfort. He smiled knowingly. "Yes, Mr Anderson?"
Todd shyly looked up, making eye contact with Keating before looking back down at his feet. He mumbled quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. "It's the library, captain."
Keating smiled softly, nodding. "Correct, Mr Anderson! You and Mr Dalton have led me onto my next point perfectly as well. 'Oh Captain, My Captain!'. A poem by Walt Whitman about Abraham Lincoln. In this class you can refer to me as Mr Keating, or if you choose to be more daring like Todd and Charlie, Oh Captain, My Captain." He heard a few laughs from his students. Keating looked at them all, "Now, you are probably wondering why I have brought you to the library, but it's a very simple reason really. I would like you all to go into the library and choose a book to use for your homework. It can be any book of your choice, comic book, classics, fantasy, biographies, cookbooks, anything of your choosing. You have one hour to find a book. Off you go!"
He watched as all of his students walked into the library, almost all of his students. He looked back to see 7 familiar faces staring at him.
"Do you need any help boys? I can give recomendat-"
He didn't have the chance to finish his sentence before he was stumbling backwards, being hugged by Neil. The rest of the poets quickly followed Neil in hugging Keating. No words needed to be spoken by anyone for Keating to realise he had been greatly missed by the poets. The man chuckled softly, hugging them before moving a few steps back. "We can talk more later, okay? but for now you need to find a book for your assignment."
Todd was already speed walking towards the door of the library, putting on his headphones and walking inside. He didn't have to be told twice to go to the library. It was already his new favourite place, and he had been inside a few times since he arrived on Friday. He knew where the windowsill seats were, where the poetry and classics sections were, and he had found himself a favourite quiet corner he knew her would make good use of during his time at this school. Todd made a quick beeline for the poetry and classics section, scanning through the books before settling on Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. He plucked the book from its spot on the shelf, walking up a set of stairs before sitting at his favourite windowsill seat. He loved it because of the stained glass windows on either side of him, sending a hue of bright colours spread across the floor, and he had a great view of not only outside the library, but of the ground floor of the library. Looking down he could see Neil scanning the Shakespeare section, Meeks was looking through the fiction section before settling on The Sectret History by Donna Tartt, whilst Pitts was looking at the mechanics and technology books, Knox was looking over the romance section, Cameron was surprisingly upstairs looking and the comic book section, looking through the variety of DC comics. Charlie, however, was nowhere to be seen in Todd's eyesight. Looking alertly over the library from his seat, he finally spotted him. Charlie was wandering down the classics section just as Todd had done. Todd watched as he crouched down, plucking The Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. Todd nodded to himself before leaning his back against the wall of the windowsill seat, swinging his legs up onto the seat, hugging them to his chest as he began to read his book.
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It had to have been around an hour later when Neil was walking over to Todd, smiling at seeing him so comfortable. "Come on, dove. We have to get back to Keating. He spotted you up here and decided to give us an extra 10 minutes since you looked so invested in your book. But he said you'll like this next hour of his lesson." Neil stood up, helping Todd up off his seat, and intertwined their hands before walking downstairs with him.
Keating looked at the two of them smiling, looking more towards Todd. "Lovely to see you again, Mr Anderson. I trust you've found a good book?" Todd nodded shyly in response, looking down at the floor. His headphones were still on, but off on one ear so he could hear if people were talking to him, so he knew Keating wouldn't tell him to take them off. . He rarely listened to music on them unless he was completely on his own with no chance of people disturbing him. Keating spoke to the librarian for a few minutes before smiling and thanking her, quickly leading his students back to his classroom, and waiting for them to settle down into their seats again.
"Now, I can see a fantastic variety of books that have been chosen by you all. Now onto the actual assignment. I asked you all to choose a book you believe you would be interested, and as I can see many of you have already started reading your books of choice. For the assignment I would like you all to produce a report on your book of choice. This report can be done in any format, whether it be in an essay, some may choose to do it in the form of a poem, or you can even do it in the form of a powerpoint presentation. The last form of report can either be handed in to just me, or you can present it to the class if you choose. You can hand this assignment in to me at any point this term, but the official deadline is October 25th as that is when we will break for the half term and you get your lovely week of rest."
Charlie looked up at Keating at the mention of a powerpoint presentation, grinning slyly as he mentally planned how he would present it that way.
Keating looked around the class, before sitting on the edge of his desk, "For the last hour of this lesson, you may continue to read your books if you have already started, or you may now begin reading if you haven't started already. You can read anywhere you want, as long as you stay in the classroom. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Now, I will be pulling some of you to my desk to have a few quiet conversations, but it is nothing to worry about if i do ask to speak to you. Now, you may all begin reading!"
Todd scanned the classroom before noticing Keating had a windowsill seat overlooking the courtyard at the back of the classroom . He made a quick dash across the room for it before sitting down, tucking his legs to his chest, and getting back to reading his book. He got about a page in before he heard a voice across the classroom call his name. It was Mr Keating.
"Mr Anderson, could we have a quick chat? Nothing to worry about I promise." Keating gave him a kind smile, letting Todd make his way over at his own pace. Todd put his book down on the windowsill seat, claiming it as his seat for the lesson, before quickly walking to Keatings desk, sitting down in the spare seat that had been left for him.
"Hi Todd, It's wonderful to see you again, how have you been?"
Todd looked at him, shrugging his shoulders before looking down at his lap, fidgeting with his hands. "I've been okay... I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude but why did you want me here?"
Keating gave a soft smile, looking down at his notebook before looking back at Todd. "I noticed when looking through my register online that in your profile notes it says you have an autism diagnosis, I am assuming this is recent as it wasn't on my register at Welton, but that's besides the point. I wanted to know if there is anything I can do to help you feel more comfortable in my classes?"
The question was so simple, and yet the kindness of it and the sincerity of Keatings voice shocked Todd to his core. No one had ever asked that before. "Uhm... I got diagnosed maybe a month after you were... fired ... but none of my teachers have ever asked me that..."
Keating gave Todd a sad smile, "Well not to worry, I can pass these notes on to your other teachers later if you wish. I want you to feel comfortable in my classes, and I will do anything to make sure you are comfortable here. You don't have to rush to think of anything, but when you do, let me know."
Todd looked up a bit at Keating, nodding as he listened. "Could you maybe not call on me during classes for questions unless i have my hand up? And can i keep my headphones on during class? I always have one ear off so I can hear people, but they have noise cancelling so I don't get startled by any loud noises... I get overstimulated easily so they really help... And I have some communication cards in my bag, is it okay if i use those just in-case i go non-verbal?.. only if its not too much to ask..." He quickly stopped talking as he heard the sound of pen writing on paper beside him. Todd looked up to find Keating writing in his notebook, the page titled as Students Accommodations. And beneath that was his name, and a list of the accommodations he had asked for.
Keating looked over at Todd once he finished writing. "It's never too much to ask for, Todd. These are to help you, so I will always take them into account during my lessons. I want to make sure you feel included and never judged in my classroom. Now, if you feel you are happy with these accommodations for now, you may get back to reading. You chose a great book, one of my favourites."
Todd smiled shyly at that, nodding. "Thank you, Captain." He got up, going back to his windowsill seat, which he noticed Neil had sat beside on the floor. He sat back on the seat, back against the wall with his knees tucked to his chest. He could feel the back of Neil's head against his foot, but he didn't mind it. It reminded him that Neil was there. He quickly busied himself with reading his book again. He had already gotten several chapters in, and was thoroughly enjoying it, he could understand why it was one of Keatings favourites. He held his book with one hand, the other reaching down beside him to gently play with Neil's hair as he focused on his book.
Keating looked through his register again on his computer, taking note of who else he needed to speak to. One name stood out particularly to him, Steven Meeks. Looking through Stevens student profile he noticed under the additional needs section, that autism had been highlighted. he nodded to himself, writing Steven's name down in his notebook before looking up and towards where Meeks and Pitts were sat. "Mr Meeks, can we have a quick chat?"
Meeks' head shot up from the book he was reading, looking towards Keating. He nodded slowly, quickly getting up and sitting in the chair beside Keatings desk. "Yes Captain?"
Keating smiled towards Meeks, "I'm taking it upon myself to speak to some of the students in the class and you are one of the names on my list. It's nothing to worry about. Now, I was looking through your student profile and noticed it says you have Autism. So, i wanted to know how I can better support you in the classroom? I'm making some lists of things I can take into account in my lessons, and in general. Now, are there any accommodations you'd like me to know about?"
Meeks looked directly at Keating, noting the look of curiosity in his eyes that he could tell Keating was trying to hide. He looked down at the desk in front of him. "I've been diagnosed since I was 5, but I masked pretty well back when I started there to the point that Welton didn't see a point in putting it on my student profile, even though we asked them too. In terms of accommodations, I'm not too sure what to ask for... Maybe to always be sat with Pitts if the seating plans change? I feel a lot calmer and safer when I'm sat with him. I don't think there's anything else." He looked up to see Keating writing his request down, which he appreciated. Looking closer at the notebook, he recognised Charlie and Neil's names written below his and Todd's. "If it makes it easier, Captain, have Neil and Charlie come up at the same time. They will likely ask for the same accommodations."
Keating nodded in understanding, letting Meeks go back to his book. Throughout the class he spoke to the rest of the students on his list, writing down the accommodation requests below each student's name. He had also been given some tips about what to do to help students in certain situations, such as if a student may be overstimulated and overwhelmed, or how to adapt his classroom to feel more comforting as some students may feel more comfortable in class with different lighting. "The big lights!" Charlie exclaimed, pointing at it. "They're evil. The lights are always too bright, and when they flicker they can send Knox into a migraine. You should have lamps with adjustable brightness dotted around the room if possible. It'd still light up the room bright enough to keep focus, but won't feel too harsh." Keating didn't know just how helpful this advice would be for later.
Looking towards the clock on his laptop, he noticed there was half an hour left in the lesson. He looked towards the record player he had set up in his room, grinning to himself as he got an idea. He got up, looking through his vinyls, before finally settling on 'Hunky Dory' by David Bowie. He let the vinyl begin to play before sitting down at his desk again to read one of the books he had stacked on his desk, The Great Gatsby was at the top of the small stack, so he settled on reading that. He noticed a few heads looking up at the sound of music playing, but they quickly went back to reading. However, Keating could head a few voices towards the back mumbling and singing along quietly to Changes. Looking up, he realised all the poets had moved to sit with Neil and Todd. Knox and Cameron were discussing the comic Cameron had chosen, while Neil, Charlie, Pitts, and Meeks had decided to quietly start singing along, not wanting to disturb the other students in the room by belting the lyrics at the top of their lungs.
Todd, however, had put his headphones on properly to cover both ears with the noise cancelling setting turned on. He couldn't focus on his book when he could hear his friends singing and talking next to him, because even if it was quiet to everyone else in the room, to Todd it was as if they were shouting in that moment. Everything was quickly beginning to feel overwhelming. The way his clothes felt on his body, the collar of his jumper felt too tight around his neck, the way his converse were laced felt too loose on one shoe and too tight on the other, he felt warm and yet cold at the same time. He bookmarked the page in his book before getting up and quickly walking out of the room, now running down the hallway to the bathrooms to hide. He locked himself in the stall furthest from the door, sitting on the floor as he hugged his legs to his chest, putting his head down on his knees, and put his hands on the back of his head, gripping his hair tight in his fists. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down before he got worked up further. But he could hear his own breathing, he could feel his heart beat, and he could hear a loud, piercing ringing in his ears. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill out and fall. He took his headphones off, placing them beside him as they felt uncomfortable on his head, and the pressure of them on his ears was becoming too much to handle now. Todd could hear a quick set of footsteps coming down the hallway and into the bathroom. Neil's footsteps. Neil had come to find him. But in that moment, Todd couldn't speak, he couldn't handle even the idea of someone hugging him. It made him want to cry. And he did. Quietly, Todd let the hot tears of frustration roll down his cheeks, sniffling as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to not let anymore tears fall, but they just kept coming, as if they were endless. Todd heard Neil move to sit on the other side of the stall door.
"Todd? What's the matter, my love?" Neil spoke softly on the other side of the door, not wanting to startle Todd with any loud noises.
Todd opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a choked sob of frustration. He couldn't find it in him to speak, no matter how much he wanted to, and he really wanted to. He wanted to tell Neil what was wrong, what he needed, how Neil could help. But all that came out was the small sob of frustration, and more hot tears rolling quickly down his cheeks. He wiped angrily at his eyes with the sleeve of his jumper, leaving tear stain patches on it. He pulled the lock on the door, unlocking and opening it to see Neil. He sniffled, taking a staggered deep breath. Neil looked at him sympathetically, holding both his hands out to Todd. "We're going to do either/or questions. So, left hand for wanting me to stay, right hand for wanting me to leave." Todd looked at Neil's hands, listening to his options before grabbing Neil's hand and then gently letting go. Neil smiled at that. "Okay, Keating said it's okay if you don't feel up to going back to class, but its your choice. So, left hand for going back to class, right hand for going back to our dorm." Todd listened intently to his options, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his jumper before gently tapping Neil's left hand. He opened his mouth to speak, "If I can't manage it when we get there, can I go back to our dorm?..." Neil looked at him, gently holding his hand. "Of course. I will sit with you until you feel okay again. The choice is always yours, dove."
Todd picked his headphones up, putting them on and leaving one ear uncovered. He slowly stood up with Neil's help. The tears had slowed down, but were still occasionally rolling down his cheeks. He gently grabbed onto Neil's hand, walking out of the bathroom and back to Keatings classroom. when he walked in, he noticed the music had been turned off, the lights had been dimmed, and all the students had left, but not the poets. And Keating was now sat with the poets, chatting quietly to them. He quickly climbed onto the windowsill seat, sitting with his legs pressed against his chest, now liking the pressure feeling of it again. Mr Keating was the first to speak. "Are you alright now, Todd? I thought it would be best to send Neil to help you as you two are so close, even closer now though it seems." He looked between the two boys knowingly, but let Todd answer at his own pace.
Todd took a small deep breath, sniffling as he rubbed at his eyes again. "Not one hundred percent, but I will be after some rest... This happens sometimes when everything feels too overwhelming... I'm sorry I ran out of class like that.."
Keating shook his head at Todd. "Nonsense, my dear boy. Feeling overwhelmed like that is nothing to be sorry about. It's not your fault, you can't control that. You'll never be at fault for that. If anyone gives you trouble for it, tell me and I will have it sorted. I promise."
Todd smiled softly, nodding a little bit. "Thank you, Captain."