I don't wanna talk about anything
Chapter title: Anything by Adrianne Lenker
----------------
Monday 06/09/2024
If anyone had to ask Todd what the worst part of being overstimulated was, he'd easily tell them it was the aftermath.
Todd believed he could make it through the rest of classes, but oh how wrong he was. He couldn't make it 15 minutes into his journalism lecture before he had to get up and leave just as quick as he arrived because he could feel himself becoming overwhelmed again. With all of this, Todd now found himself curled up in his room in the comfiest clothes he owned (Charlie labelled as 'Todd's overstimulated clothes') which consisted of a baggy set of flannel pyjama pants, a very oversized Radiohead hoodie, and his glasses, which he didn't wear often since he wears contacts.
It was moments like these where Todd was now thankful Charlie had convinced Mr Dalton to find an apartment close to their college with 7 separate bedrooms, as Todd was now realising he would not have coped. He thrived on having his own space that he could decorate how he wanted without conflict from someone else.
He had spent time over the weekend meticulously decorating and putting his room together. Todd was very aware of the fact he wasn't allowed to paint the walls, so he instead covered it with posters up to the ceiling (which he had to stand on a chair to reach and occasionally get Pitts' help with) and bookshelves almost taller than him. In the furthest corner of the room sat Todd's rather large fluffy rug, which had been covered with 2 beanbags and a plethora of soft, but not fluffy blankets, as Todd didn't like when fluffy blankets lost their fluffiness after being washed.
Todd had decorated the corner of his room like this specifically as he knew he wouldn't cope with sitting in his bed for hours on end. He'd be able to feel the mattress sheet pooling around him as it became loose from the corners, and the duvet wouldn't perfectly align with the corners of its cover. With beanbags and blankets, he wouldn't have this issue, the beanbag would perfectly fit around him when he curled into them, and the blanket would be the perfect texture without being to heavy on his body.
So that is how Todd now found himself curled up on his beanbags with a soft grey blanket draped over him as he lay down, his noise cancelling headphones glued to his head, and fidgeting with a red panda teddy he'd had since he was little, running his hands over the artificial fur. He didn't know how long he had been lay like that now, but it had to have been at least a few hours, because now there was a set of shoes beside his door and someone sat cross legged a few steps away from him. He looked up to see Meeks looking at him with a soft yet understanding smile.
Meeks was the exception of a rule Todd had put in place after befriending the poets back at Welton. 'Do not go in Todd's room when he's overstimulated until he comes out and says you can'. Meeks had been the exception to that rule ever since Todd found out they were both autistic and Meeks had helped him through his first bout of over-stimulation at Welton after he was made to read an improvised poem in Keating's class. Meeks had been diagnosed years before him, so he had a fair amount of experience in calming himself when overstimulated or in a meltdown, and he had kindly bestowed this knowledge to Todd in the hopes it would benefit him.
Meeks gave Todd a little wave before setting a bowl of plain pasta in front of him, along with his water bottle (which he had proudly decorated in red panda and raccoon stickers when he first bought it) that had been refilled with ice cold water. Todd moved his headphones slightly so one ear was uncovered. "I thought you might like a snack, so i made you some pasta. It's plain, and it's not wet from the water either, and I got you water. You left your bottle in Keating's class and it didn't feel cold anymore so i put some ice in it too to keep it cold." Todd gave him a small smile in appreciation, slowly reaching a hand to get a piece of pasta, nibbling on it. "Thank you..." Meeks grinned at the appreciation, nodding his head slightly. "You feel any better than earlier. The others are in their rooms, and are planning on ordering Chinese takeaway for tea tonight. Do you want the usual vegetable spring rolls and egg fried rice?" Todd nodded quickly. "Yeah, please... I think I'll stick to safe foods for the next day or two.."
Meeks nodded in understanding. He was always patient with Todd when he was overstimulated because he too knew how it felt, and he knew Todd would need someone in his corner who understood him the way others wouldn't.
Meeks could recall his own first over-stimulation episode. He had just been diagnosed at the age of 5, and about a month or so after that, it happened. He had been at home, playing with some of his teddies and observing the fish tank in his living room when everything became loud out of nowhere. The could hear the water dripping from the tank and sink in the kitchen, the cars driving down his street, his own breathing echoing in his ears, he could feel his heart beat pounding in his chest, and there was a loud ringing noise, but he didn't know where it was coming from. It was too bright, too loud, and his clothes didn't feel right. So he started tugging on his shirt, trying to rip it off to get rid of the suddenly offending scratchy fabric. He could hear his mum running down the hall, kneeling down next to him as she sat him in her lap, squeezing him gently as she rocked them back and forth. To this day Meeks could remember the sweet words she whispered to him, a quiet "You're okay, darling" here, and a "It'll be alright.. Shhh, you're safe, love." He could remember feeling how soft her hands were on his cheeks as she gently wiped away the hot tears that had been rushing down his face, he didn't know he had been crying. His mum had always been good at helping him calm down, and had even bought him ear defenders, ear buds, and headphones to help with his noise sensitivity growing up.
But now, Meeks had developed self soothing methods to help himself, he had showed them to Todd as well in the hopes it could help him too. So now he sat with Todd in silence, appreciating each other's company as Todd slowly became himself again bit by bit. He eventually sat up, sipping the water from his bottle, his finger tracing the outline of the red panda stickers that decorated it. He nibbled on some more of the pasta until it was gone before deciding he was ready to go to the living room. "I think I wanna go to the living room now.. I wanna socialise a bit, I haven't really done that today."
Meeks smiled understandingly, nodding as he listened. "Okay, well lets go to the living room, Neil will probably be in there so you can have some cuddles from him when you get there. And it's okay that you haven't socialised today. It's been a rough one for you, and mentally taxing, so it's okay to take a break when you need it." He helped Todd stand up, handing him the red panda teddy as they walked to the living room.
Todd had noticed Neil sat on the sofa, watching a TV show on a low volume as he didn't want to bother Todd in case he didn't have his headphones on whilst he was in hos room. Todd quickly sat next to Neil, curling into his side as he felt Neil's arms wrap around him, providing the perfect comforting deep pressure hug he knew he needed.
He listened as Charlie strutted into the room, looking at the Just Eat app on his phone as he ordered from their favourite Chinese takeaway place. "Okay, I have almost every ones orders. Meeks, my favourite ginger in the whole entire world, what would you like?" Meeks looked over his options on the menu, nodding to himself as he made his choice. "sweet and sour noodles, and vegetable spring rolls, please. And a diet coke if they have any." Charlie nodded, adding the food to their order before looking at Todd. He grinned softly at him. "Hey, good to see you Toddy boy. What do you want?" Todd didn't need to look over the menu to know what he wanted. "Uhm... Can i have egg fried rice, with a side container of soy sauce, and some vegetable spring rolls, please?" he mumbled quietly, looking up at Charlie, who grinned down at him as he added it to their order, looking at the drinks options. "Yeah, do you want anything to drink?" Todd nodded slowly, looking at the drink options. He gasped quietly, a small grin forming on his face. "Can I have mango juice? They've not had it for ages." Charlie watched as the smile appeared on Todd's face, happy to see him slowly feeling a bit more back to normal. "Of course you can, my dear Toddy. The food will arrive in about an hour. Wanna have a movie night guys?"
Charlie looked up, jumping as he saw all the poets in the living room. He was certain they hadn't been there 30 seconds ago. He saw everyone nod their head, including Todd, who was curled into Neil's chest while clutching his red panda teddy. He knew it was the boy's most prised comfort item that he had since he was a child as it was his favourite animal, it was one of the few toys he ever owned. Charlie grinned in response, running to secure his seat next to Knox as they flicked through movie sites before settling on Fight Club. It was Charlie's favourite movie, but upon hearing that almost all the poets aside from Neil had seen it, he had demanded they watch it for their first movie of movie night. Neil had originally showed it to Charlie when they were about 13 after having found it in his fathers DVD box at a sleepover. He had hidden in the basement of Neil's house to watch it whilst Neil's father was at work later than usual.
About halfway through the movie, after the food had arrived, Charlie managed to catch a sneaky selfie of himself with all the poets in the background, who were completely fixated on the movie, entranced by the plot. Looking closer at the photo, Charlie noticed Neil and Todd were both practically drooling at Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden. He giggled quietly to himself, but chose not to bring it up yet.
He smiled, sending it to his printer so he could later add it to his wall of memories with the poets.