Sideways

“Do you ever regret it?” Her words were soft as she looked over to him. His pale skin seemed bright as the morning light filled the room, curtains never closed anymore. He had been living in darkness too long to keep doing it now that he didn’t have to. He was laying in gray lounge pants head to foot with her on his bed. It was larger than any bed she’d ever seen in her life, she was sure it wouldn’t even fit in her bedroom at the burrow. He had the softest white sheets she’d ever laid on, it looked almost royal with the tall wooden structures and elegance.

Ginny’s red hair against the green silk pajamas he’d given her to wear reminded him of Christmas, he wanted to reach out and touch her, to run his fingers through her hair again like he had done in school so easily. He wanted to draw her against him, but he couldn’t do that now. It was hard to keep in mind that he had to restrain himself now. “Regret what?” Her fingers reached over and touched his left forearm where the mark was once black it was now just a scar that marred his porcelain skin. He watched her fingers move over his skin and nearly shivered at her touch, especially there. He furrowed his brow for a second. “If I said no would you hate me?” He asked her in return, already giving his answer.

“You know I couldn’t hate you.” She told him, her eyes locked on his. He had to know by now, she was still there after everything she knew he’d done, knowing he’d been marked, knowing he’d been plotting a murder while he was secretly seeing her; despite the risk of losing her because of it, he had never kept the dark side of himself from her.

“I can’t regret it.” He told her with a slight shrug, eyes never looking away from her. “It changed everything for me, for my mother…in the end, if I hadn’t done everything I did...” He sighed a little. “You know I wouldn’t have gotten to meet you like I did.” He tried to find the words to explain how he felt. “It was hard, it was painful and a miserable experience in my life, but…I feel like over the time I became a different person, became a man. And I don’t know if I’d like myself much if I hadn’t been through it all.” He looked to her, not sure if she would understand what he meant. But she smiled at him and her hand stayed resting on his forearm and as he spoke and watched him, he understood, it wasn’t about her asking him as much as it was her trying to find more understanding of this life.

“Did it hurt?” She asked softly, her fingers still on the scarred skin.

Draco watched her fingers move over his skin. She wasn’t overly girly, her nails weren’t manicured like his mother, and he knew her to be sporty, but he still found her hands feminine and beautiful. He nodded to her question. “Yeah.” His brow furrowed slightly. “Like being branded with actual fire.”

Ginny was quiet for a while, her mind filling with questions but only one came out. “Do you think…if I’d been raised here…I’d have done it too?” She asked him, her eyes were on his arm now as she honestly wondered what kind of person she would be without the upbringing she had. “You think I’d have gotten a mark?”

He looked at her for a long moment and then decided to just be honest. “Yes.” Her eyes looked up at him not sure if she should be offended or not. “You would.” He told her honesty in his eyes. “You’d do anything to protect your family, I don’t think that’s something you learned growing up with your family, I think it’s just in you.” She was quiet, taking in what he had to say. “Although, who’s to say if you were here all along what kind of life we’d all be living, you know?” They had been asking these kind of questions of one another since the beginning, so it was nothing new to pose them now.

They had been talking all night, Ginny trying to figure out who she was, trying to stop feeling empty inside after finding out her family wasn’t her blood. They saw the sun come up as exhaustion slowly set in. “Draco?” She whispered, her head on his pillow, breathing in his scent as it surrounded her. He’d moved, head on another pillow near her, his eyes fighting to stay open, to keep them on her. “Do you love me?” She asked him, eyes fluttering open to see him looking at her.

He nodded to her silently, sliding his fingers between hers if only to keep them out of her vibrant hair. “Yeah, I do.” He told her, his slight smile was a sad one…he had loved her for a long time but everything was different now and he didn’t know if he should any longer, if he was wrong to still love her knowing what he knew.

“Me too.” She whispered, eyes falling closed again. She smiled a small sleepy smile. She held his hand a little tighter and gave it a pull, as he moved in closer to her they shifted to hold one another. So close together in the large bed that they only took up a small tiny space in the middle. Neither had been sleeping much in the past few months, too much had happened that neither could stop their mind when it was quiet but now they seemed to calm enough to finally sleep. They fell so deep that they slept the entire day. Laying in the soft bed while sunlight came through at least one window of the massive room no matter the time of day until it was completely dark again.

Ginny woke with a start, not knowing where she was for a moment. It was pitch black in the room and she felt her breath shorten as her eyes darted around. Draco sat up, eyes adjusting a little faster than hers as he knew where he was. “Gin,” he said softly, his arm going around her. “Ginny it’s okay, we just fell asleep.” His voice, his touch, and the realization that it was his scent all around her began to calm her. Her breathing slowed from the panic it had become and she turned towards his voice. Draco reached for his wand and flicked it towards the fireplace, lighting it instantly. The room glowed and the flickering made the light dance across their pale skin. Draco reached, his fingers glided through her hair, calming her and himself.

She took a deep breath and nodded a little, slowly the previous day came to her. She’d told her mother she needed to talk to the Malfoys, that she was going to take some time away and figure some things out. She’d arrived in the dead of night and never left the manor. She had talked to Draco about their lives, and what they could be if it were different. She’d asked him if he loved her…and said she loved him in return. With a few more deep breaths, she leaned back against him and looked around the room. His bedroom. An antique clock on the mantle over the fireplace in his bedroom showed 3 am.

Ginny turned to Draco and his hand paused, deep in her hair, nearly cradling the back of her head. Much like him, it was hard sometimes to forget all they had shared in the past, all they’d felt for one another before the truth had come out. His eyes looked silver in the glowing light from the fire and they locked on hers. She reached up slowly, her fingers touching his hair. It was unkempt, and she straightened it a little with her fingers.

She looked from his eyes to his lips, she wanted so much to kiss him again, to feel the way he held her when his mouth crashed into hers. The way he claimed her with each kiss. He watched her eyes and knew she was thinking the same thing he was. His fingers slid through her hair once more, sliding out this time. “I would kiss you right now if…”

“If?” She asked him softly.

“If I didn’t think you’d regret it after.” He told her with a strange sadness in his voice. Her frown was heartbreaking to him but she nodded a little. If it weren’t so dark, he may have seen the spark in her eyes, he may have seen the determination behind the warm brown hues. But the fireplace only gave them so much light in the darkness. He didn’t expect it when she shifted, her hands quickly taking his face as she moved in to kiss him.

“I regret nothing.” She told him as she pulled back and he looked to her in shock. She took a deep breath, not breaking his gaze and he nodded as well.

“Regret nothing.” He agreed as he leaned his forehead against hers. She nodded slightly against his head, sighing with a hint of relief. She’d been fighting her feelings for him since she discovered what they were to one another, what their blood dictated them to be. She didn’t care in that moment what they were supposed to be to one another, she didn’t care what people would think. She just wanted to be close to him, wanted to feel something familiar and right. His hand raked through her hair as he looked into her eyes.

They moved back in, the kiss starting slow but quickly escalating to something deep and more passionate than they’d shared in the past. His fingers pushed into her hair again and as he kissed her, he leaned her back against the bed. She moved her legs some to kick away the blanket she’d been tangled in. Her nails scraped against his scalp and the back of his neck. He let out the softest groan and kissed her that much harder. They had been trying so hard to hold it all back that they were overwhelmed with the feelings inside themselves.

He laid half beside her half on her as his lips moved across her jaw and down her neck. He couldn’t help himself, he wanted to let his lips touch as much of her as he could. When her nails went down his bare back his instincts took over. His lips parted and his teeth grazed her neck, with a sharp intake of air, her back arched towards him and she tilted her chin to catch his lips with hers once more. Draco’s long fingers roamed her body as he kissed her long and deep. Neither tried to stop anything that was happening between them, in the late hour neither cared about blood and rules of society. In the firelight of that room, they only cared about each other.