Chapter 5
It was early evening, a cigarette burning down between her fingers, and Williams found herself once again thinking about the girl from the shop as she blew a breath of smoke out the window.
At first, it had only been when her stitches pulled at her side, a quick reminder of that night, of her exhaustion and her fascination with a nurse afraid of blood. But as the days passed, and her skin healed, Williams still found her thoughts drifting back to that night, to the way shaky hands had grasped her and held on, the warmth of another body cradled in hers. The scared but determined look in the girl's eyes as she stitched her back together, alternating between blushing and yelling at Williams.
The memory makes her smile before she can catch herself. She's been doing that a lot recently.
Williams found herself pressing down on her own shoulders sometimes, trying to figure out why it seemed to help the girl so much. Being a professional assassin, she was accustomed to seeing fear in peoples faces. Even more used to being the reason for that fear. But the shop girl had been terrified, and by blood of all things. The way she seemed to cave in on herself, as if she could only shrink herself enough, she would be able to distance herself from what, to Williams, was just warm liquid.
Williams couldn't understand it, but the girl's fear had been so prominent it had piqued something in her. She knew that made her probably a bit psychotic, but it wasn't as if she had enjoyed the girl's fear, more like marveled at its intensity. She’d never felt anything that strongly, fear or otherwise. It had been amazing to watch, the girl's face pale and her body shaking one moment, then slack and relaxed once Williams had wrapped her arms around her.
And she had made it happen. Williams knew she was capable of a great many things, but hadn't thought comfort was one of them.
The whole experience had been strange to her and she couldn't understand it, both why she did it, and why it actually worked.
And why she wanted to do it again.
Williams placed the cigarette between her lips so that she could cross her arms and press down her shoulders again.
She felt nothing, besides a slight soreness in her arms.
She supposed that in order to understand, she would probably have to experience an extreme level of panic or fear. Unfortunately, that was something she no longer seemed capable of. Years of having to watch her back, fighting, and killing had left her perpetually jaded. Now, the biggest surge of anything she felt was adrenaline.
Still, the look on the girl's face when she had held her remained frozen in Williams memory.
She'd seen many faces up close and personal. Ones full of hate and fear, usually, right before she put a bullet in them. Others, blurry and fleeting, full of drunken pleasure. Even the stoic blankness that people like Helen and Lenny wore when making deals.
But Williams had never before seen someone look so relaxed and comfortable with her so near. Oh, she had held girls before, held them against walls and over her face, held them down until they were both exhausted. But those faces were always painted with the ecstasy of pleasure, never such blissful peace.
The girl's head had fallen heavy against her chest, as if she had become a rag doll. For a moment, Williams had nearly thought she might have fainted again, but she could feel the girl's fingers clutching her waist tightly, and very much awake.
It felt nice, oddly enough.
Nothing like the desperately passionate touches she was used to receiving from strangers, gentler, and more delicate, somehow. Gentleness was not something she was used to, and Williams found herself strangely enjoying it, disappointed when the girl had pulled away. It was a strange feeling to puzzle through.
Even so, one thing she had always excelled at was walking away. Never getting too attached to her partners, never too comfortable with a certain job or boss.
Stay cold, stay alive.
And though strange and admittedly enjoyable, Williams never expected that night to be any different, walking out the door not expecting or intending to see the girl ever again.
But here she was, the plastic wrapper of a dried pineapple packet crumpled in her hand as she gazed at it in silence. It wasn't even that she wanted to see the girl again, Williams told herself, she just wanted to understand why she couldn't get her out of her mind. It irritated her to no end.
She was distracted, and distraction always led to sloppiness.
Sloppiness got you killed, and Williams very much did not want to be killed. And so, she resolved to put the girl, and that night out of her head completely, once and for all.
"Elanor!" She shouted, stubbing out the remains of the cigarette and closing the window.
"Yeah?" Came the reply from somewhere in the apartment.
"Spar with me?" Williams yelled back, not waiting for a response before she shed her jacket and flicked the wrapper into the bin without a second glance. A good spar would be the perfect thing to get her mind off of distractions.
Elanor came into the living room, her face covered in glitter. “Sure thing.” She said easily.
"Fuck is that?" Williams asked and her partner looked sheepishly towards the bedroom.
"Kai-ming said she wanted to go clubbing later. She wanted to give me a makeover."
"Right." Williams deadpanned. "So, do you want me to knock you on your ass with a face full of glitter or do you want to wash it off first?”
Elanor grinned. "You wish. Remember who won last time?"
Williams side eyed her. "That didn't count. You cheated. Everyone knows there's no biting in sparring.”
Elanor shrugged. “No rules in a fight, and you know it.”
Williams did, so she didn't argue the point further.
Still, when she had pinned down Eleanor last time they sparred, the last thing she had expected was for her partner to sink her teeth into her forearm. She still had the marks, a little crescent shaped scar. Eleanor called it her shark mark.
It was a dirty play, but they were triggermen. They weren't supposed to play fair, not even with each other. It was the only way to stay sharp enough to stay alive. The mark was a reminder of that.
Williams resolved to not hold back during their spar, and she hoped Eleanor wouldn't either. She needed the heart pumping intensity of a challenging fight to take her mind off of things.
Elanor made her way to the center of the room, stretching out her arms as Williams pushed back some of the furniture to give them more room.
"Kai-ming, come ref for us." Eleanor called to the other room. To Williams, she said. "If I win, you come with us tonight. You've been acting weird lately. We have a big job next week and I need to know you're straight. Let loose, you look like you could use it."
Williams rolled her eyes. “If I’ve gone off the rails, you’ll be the first to know.”
Kai-ming came into the room and clapped excitedly. "Yes! Come with us! Elanor is right, you've been so moody lately. You need to get drunk and have some fun.”
“Yeah, right, says the addict.” Williams said under her breath, but she didn't disagree with her. "Fine. But if I win, I'm giving you a matching shark mark."
“Deal.” Elanor grinned, crouching into a fighting stance.
Kai-ming climbed onto the table and flourished a napkin like a racing flag. "Fight!"
***
In the end, Kai-ming forced them to call it a tie. Neither one had been willing to give up, and now they were both sweaty and tired, laid out on the floor.
Williams pushed to her feet, wiping the sweat from her forehead with the bottom of her shirt, then extended a hand down to her partner.
Elanor took it gratefully. "Good spa–AHH YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER!" She yelped as Williams sunk her teeth into the meat of her arm.
Williams released her, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth and proudly looking down at the matching crescent bite mark now on Elanor's arm. “I’m a homosexual, love. You know this. Call me a ‘fucking pussymuncher’, at the very least.”
"I’ll call you what you are: a fucking CHEAT!" Came her roommates' indignant reply as she stared up at Williams, nursing her arm.
Williams knew it hadn't really hurt, she hadn't even drawn blood. It was more the shock of being bit, really. When they were so used to dealing and expecting violence in the form of punches and hits, the savagery of a bite was a both starling and humbling experience. Williams knew because she had experienced it herself when Elanor had bit her. She had simply returned the favor of helping her partner expect the unexpected. All in the name of training, of course.
"There’s no such thing as cheating in sparring." Williams said, throwing the words back at her roommate, unable to hide her grin.
But as her heart rate slowed and she became aware of all the aches in her body, Williams couldn't help her fingers from trailing over the spot of her stitches, the same way she couldn't help her mind returning to what she had been trying to forget.
She needed something stronger than a spar, it seemed. She rubbed the back of her neck. “A deal is a deal though. I’ll go out with you guys tonight.”
Kai-ming cheered. “I’ll get the glitter!”
Williams dropped her head into her hands, too distraught over the fact that she was still thinking of the girl that she could hardly be bothered to care about being glitter-fied.
“I need a shot.” She muttered.
“I could take care of that, you know.” Came Elanor's reply, still bitter over the fact that Williams had bit her.
She didn't have to look up to know that her partner was aiming a gun at her.
Williams flicked her off instead.