Tomorrow, I’ll Still Tread Between Reality and Dreams

Mizuki, for a moment, was starting to rethink the whole atheism thing.

Why? She and Ena had somehow managed to convince both their parents to let Mizuki stay over at Ena’s house for the entire weekend.

Either god was real, or the universe just felt bad for Mizuki. Now that she thought about it, the latter was somehow more plausible.

After cleaning the cut on her arm, Mizuki finished getting ready and picked out clothes to bring over before walking over to Ena’s house.

“Can you please explain the ‘pimp Kamishiro’ thing? It’s been haunting me for the past two days.”

Shinei was at his studio, and Ena’s mother had left to get groceries and run errands. That meant Ena, Akito, and Mizuki were home alone, so Ena posed that question while she and Mizuki were standing in the kitchen.

Mizuki stared at Ena blankly for a moment, confused.

“We haven’t even— I just got here—!”

Ena stared back, arms crossed. She was dead serious.

“Well?”

“Fine… So basically, I think people started saying I was a whore pretty early in middle school, but I didn’t actually hear anything about pimp Rui until we had been dating for about a month—“

“You dated Kamishiro??”

Ena didn’t even realize she was yelling until she heard Akito get up from the living room and walk into the dining room.

“That actually is not surprising. Hi, Akiyama.”

“Hi, lil bro. Why are you surprised, Ena?”

Mizuki turned back to Ena, sipping her coffee.

“I mean, he did say you guys were lonely in middle school, but I didn’t realize you guys were that lonely…”

Mizuki choked on her coffee. He did not tell her about that discussion.

“…When was that?”

“When you still weren’t talking to anyone. Doesn’t matter. Continue.”

Mizuki set her coffee down on the counter.

“Anyways… Someone saw us hanging out and decided that since I was a whore, that somehow made him my pimp. Thus the pimp Rui allegations were born. That one was actually kind of funny, I’m surprised it didn’t follow us to Kamiyama.”

Both Shinonomes went quiet for a minute. Did Mizuki trauma dump too close to the sun again?

“Anyways, do you guys have ibuprofen?”

Ena nodded, setting her drink down next to Mizuki’s before walking over to a cabinet and pulling out two bottles.

“Ibuprofen and tylenol, take your pick.”

Mizuki took both bottles from Ena, taking 4 ibuprofen and six extra strength tylenol without the slightest hesitation. Ena slowly took the bottles back, looking at Mizuki with concern.

“Please don’t overdose in my house.”

Ena wasn’t entirely serious, but Mizuki turned to her and responded anyway.

“You can’t overdose on anything over-the-counter. Tried that in middle school.”

“Liver failure speedrun?”

Mizuki had forgotten Akito was standing in the dining room. Mizuki was also the only person who found Akito’s joke funny, Ena was glaring at him like she was trying to kill him with her eyes.

“Ena, you can laugh. It was four years ago.”

Mizuki took a sip of her coffee, meanwhile Ena just stood there, arms crossed, completely unamused.

“It’s not funny.”

Mizuki knew exactly what she was going to say, exactly what An told her and exactly what her parents used to tell her.

“If you always joke about it, how are we supposed to know when you’re serious?”

“You just got here, I’m not going to argue with you about it. Yet.”

Thank god, Mizuki was not mentally prepared for that conversation. Well, it’s not like she ever was. It falls into the same category as the relapse conversations; every time it comes around, you lie to yourself, tell yourself it gets easier, yet every time, it’s just as difficult as the first.

It never got easier, it never gets easier, and it never will get easier. It’s something Mizuki accepted years ago, yet she let herself fall for her own tricks time after time.

“Hey, tell mom I’m going to practice, okay?”

Both girls looked over at Akito, who was putting on his jacket. Apparently, he had already left the room, put his shoes on, and came back.

“Are you actually going to practice, or are you going over to your boyfriend’s house?”

Akito turned around, glaring at Ena.

“I am going to practice. You know Toya’s dad doesn’t like me.”

“Fine, fine. Get out.”

Akito briefly flipped Ena off as he picked up his drink and walked out the door, to which Ena rolled her eyes.

“Dipshit… Anyways, what do you want to do?”

Mizuki paused, thinking for a moment before turning back to Ena.

“I mean, we’ll have to work on the music video later, but there’s a few things we can do to kill some time…”

One Alien Stage binge watch and two musicals later, Ena and Mizuki were sitting, working on their current music video with Mizuki’s playlist in the background.

“Ena?”

“Yeah?”

“How bad are the rumors?”

Ena paused for a moment before setting down her stylus and her tablet.

“…Which ones?”

“The ones about me trying to kill myself.”

“Oh. Those. Uhh…”

Ena went quiet for a few minutes.

“I probably wouldn’t know about it since I’m not a second year. However…”

That was when Mizuki probably should’ve covered her ears.

“Akito!!”

Mizuki hadn’t realized how sensitive her ears were after that concussion.

Not until that moment, at least. Mizuki hit the ground with her hands over her ears so fast, one would think there were bombs going off nearby. Well, she was already on the ground, but unlike Mizuki, the point still stands.

“Ena, if this is another errand, I’m leaving.”

Ena spun her chair around to glare at Akito.

“No. Mizuki has a question, though.”

Mizuki gave Ena a petulant look before sitting up and turning to Akito.

“Yeah, how bad are the rumors?”

Akito sighed heavily, leaning against the doorframe.

“Pretty bad. Me, An, and Toya have all been asked about it more than once, and even Kusanagi mentioned it to Toya, which is… surprising, at the very least. Why?”

Now it was Mizuki’s turn to sigh.

“The school called my mom about it, so I figured it was pretty bad.”

Ena spun her chair back towards Mizuki, and Akito stepped through the doorway before shutting the door behind him.

“What did they tell her?”

“Exactly what people are saying.”

Both Shinonomes went silent, so Mizuki took that as her cue to keep talking.

“She came to my room last night after dinner and said that the school called and told her that people at school were talking out… that. I tried to convince her that people at school were just being weird and making shit up, and I almost convinced her. Then she wanted to check my wrists for proof. And my legs. And my sides.”

Mizuki received two very concerned looks in response to that last part before Ena spoke.

“How did she…?”

Mizuki hesitated before giving her an answer.

“There’s not many places I haven’t gotten busted playing fruit ninja on. Specifically, in middle school.”

The concerned looks slowly shifted to confusion, which lasted for an agonizingly long moment before the joke finally clicked.

Part of Mizuki was a little surprised that neither of them had noticed her scars before. They weren’t all super obvious, but they definitely weren’t invisible, either.

While Ena was scolding Akito for laughing, and eventually vice versa, gears were turning in Mizuki’s head. Actually, she was willing to bet that if the two of them were quiet enough, they’d be able to hear it.

…Nevermind. Her ears were just ringing.

The gears kept turning, and the other two kept arguing.

Mizuki had told her mother that she had gone to the ER with Rui twice.

That wasn’t untrue, it just… omitted certain details.

Certain people.

She had to explain the situation from a couple weeks prior, along with the confrontation with Suzuki, and Rui had, in fact, taken her to the ER both times. She just left Ena, Akito, and An out of the story.

Mizuki’s mother knew Rui’s mother. They were friends.

Close friends.

Mizuki’s mother didn’t know Rui, too, had gone behind his parent’s backs to help Mizuki.

Mizuki’s mother might assume otherwise.

Meaning…

“I should text him.”

Ena stopped verbally assaulting her brother to turn her chair back to Mizuki. She clearly liked that swivel chair.

“That sentence has so many potential meanings, Mizuki. Please specify.”

Mizuki was already scrambling, searching for her phone.

“Not like that, Ena. My parents are friends with Rui’s parents. I had to tell my mom about the ER visits, and there’s a chance my mother will ask Rui’s mother about it. Rui hasn’t told her about any of this yet. I should, for lack of a better term, warn him.”

By the time Mizuki reached the end of her sentence, she had found her phone and opened up the Messages app.

Messages:

Mizuki Akiyama: Hey Rui

Mizuki Akiyama: I have bad news

Rui Kamishiro: WONDAHOY (≧▽≦)

Rui Kamishiro: OH NO NOT WONDAHOY :((((

Mizuki Akiyama: Emu why are you on Ruis phone?

Rui Kamishiro: RUIS A LITTLE BUSYYYY

Mizuki Akiyama: Dare I ask what he’s busy with…?

Rui Kamishiro: WHO**

Mizuki Akiyama: ?

Rui Kamishiro: RUIS BUSY FRENCH KJSSKNG HIS BOYFRIEND
(∗∕ ∕•̥̥̥̥∕ω∕•̥̥̥̥∕)

Mizuki Akiyama: Oh!

“Oh my god, what the fuck was that conversation.”

Ena and Akito had resumed their verbal warfare while Mizuki was texting, though they stopped pretty quickly when they realized Mizuki was talking.

“Did you get a hold of Rui?”

Ena answered first, to which Mizuki silently motioned for her to come closer.

“I got Emu instead. Rui is, allegedly, quote, ‘busy french kissing his boyfriend.’ Her words, not mine.”

Mizuki coughed, hiding a laugh as she passed her phone to Ena. She scrolled back through the messages, simultaneously trying not to laugh and trying not to throw the phone across the room. As soon as she hit the end of the messages, she passed the phone over to Akito.

Akito read the messages purely out of curiosity. Curiosity didn’t quite kill the cat, but the cat was mildly traumatized by the time he returned the phone to Mizuki.

“Thanks, I’m traumatized now.”

Mizuki snickered a little as she took her phone back.

“After everything you saw Wednesday, gay people making out is where you draw the line, lil bro? The call is coming from inside the house.”

“Mizuki, Wednesday, he was busy arguing with An about whether or not he sucks dick.”

Ena’s answer caught Mizuki more off guard than she’d like to admit.

The memories from Wednesday were blurry, at best. She had forgotten about that entire conversation.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Fuck, what did I even ask about?”

Mizuki zones out a little, fiddling with her laptop while racking her brain, trying to figure out what she had been talking about.

“Oh! You said people asked you about the rumors, yeah?”

Akito glanced up from his phone.

“Me, An, Toya, and Kusanagi. Yep.”

“What did you tell them? The people asking, I mean.”

After a moment of silent thought, he just shrugged, tucking his phone into his pocket before looking back at Mizuki.

“That we didn’t know anything, and if we did, we wouldn’t tell them.”

Mizuki closed her eyes, letting out a deep sigh of relief. She could practically feel the weight lifting off her shoulders.

“Did you think we’d rat you out or something?”

Right.

Akito, An, Toya, and Nene hadn’t done anything to break Mizuki’s trust.

Mizuki’s ability to trust others had been shattered a long, long time ago.

It didn’t have anything to do with them.

“I mean… I guess I just assume that by default. Force of habit, it’s not your fault.”

Mizuki chose staring at her laptop while her After Effects rendered in favor of holding eye contact. No use in making an awkward situation more awkward than it already is.

“Valid. Not relevant, but why are you on the floor?”

Mizuki peered over her laptop at Akito with a blank stare.

“Ena’s in the only chair, and if I sit on her bed, I’ll fall asleep.”

“Damn, how bad is your sleep schedule? It’s six o’clock.”

Mizuki unironically yawned before answering.

“Same as Ena’s. Also, hypersomnia. Estoy Depriminda.”

Akito went completely silent for a minute, staring back at Mizuki with immense confusion.

“…Was that Spanish? Why do you know fucking Spanish?”

“It's not like I’m fluent in Spanish, I just know a couple phrases.”

Mizuki was trying so hard not to laugh, and it wasn’t even working. Akito looked exactly like Ena when he was annoyed, it was absolutely comical.

At least to Mizuki.

“Still. Not fair.”

Ena was laughing by now, so Mizuki gave up on trying not to. That’s when Akito decided to leave. Actually, he got halfway out the door before turning back around.

“By the way, dinner’s probably soon. Don’t flirt with each other at the table, mom already thinks you’re dating as it is.”

Ena gave him an exasperated glare in record time, while Mizuki took a moment to even register the last part of his sentence.

“I already told you, I wasn’t— Huh??”

“Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Just saying.”

Akito was gone before Mizuki could ask any more questions, so of course she turned to Ena instead.

“You knew…? When did that—?”

“When you were sleeping on the train. Rui took a picture of you, actually, it was kinda cute.”

Ena said that so naturally, Mizuki almost didn’t catch it.

Mizuki.

‘Cute.’

Ena was calling Mizuki cute.

By the time Ena had pulled up the picture, Mizuki’s face was buried in her hands, and she knew exactly why.

“Holy shit, you’re blushing.”

“No, I’m not—!”

“Oh yeah? Move your hands.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

Ena giggled for a moment before poking Mizuki’s shoulder.

“Seriously, though, I have to show you the picture.”

The younger girl didn’t budge.

“Just send it to me.”

“If you insist…”

With the ‘Yoka ni Mitorete’ music video finally finished, despite five failed rendering attempts, Mizuki and Ena were finally logging off Nightcord around 4:30. That meant they had successfully laid out the futon and settled into their respective beds fifteen minutes later, and by 5:30, both girls were out cold.

Ena was curled up in a ball on her side, completely still. Mizuki, however…

Cold.

The bathroom floor was cold. Mizuki couldn’t tell if that was why she was getting chills or not.

Distantly, she heard the door opening downstairs.

Her parents couldn’t be home. It was too early.

Who was that?

It couldn’t be Rui. Well, it shouldn’t be Rui. Mizuki had been quite clear in her message, she thought.

‘Don’t come after me.’

“Mizuki?”

Rui wasn’t a good listener, obviously.

She could hear the doorknob rattling.

“Oh my god, Mizuki!”

She could hear the panic in his breaking voice.

Mizuki jolted awake with a gasp.

It took a moment of her just sitting there, staring blankly at the wall, panting to realize it wasn’t real.

None of it was real.

Not anymore.

She heard a yawn, and it was most definitely not hers.

Shit.

Ena.

“Mizuki…?”

Mizuki had never wiped her tears so fast.

…Tears?

She didn’t realize she was crying.

Regardless, wiping them away didn’t help, since they were very quickly replaced.

“I’m fine, Ena. Go back to sleep.”

Ena had already tossed the covers aside and sat up.

Mizuki wasn’t winning this argument.

“You don’t sound fine.”

Mizuki checked her phone, squinting through her tears.

7:18.

She definitely woke Ena up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up—“

Ena interrupted her, loudly patting the spot beside her on the bed.

“I’m not going to force you to talk about it, but I’m not going to sit and watch you cry alone, either. That’s just mean.”

Mizuki, once more, fruitlessly tried to wipe her tears as she glanced up at Ena with a sniffle.

She wasn’t exactly in any position to say no, was she?

Mizuki must’ve spent almost an hour with her face buried in Ena’s shoulder, just sobbing relentlessly. Not because her dream was inherently upsetting, in the same sense as the average nightmare. She was upset by it because it was, at one point, a reality. There were so many details that she had just never been able to remember until now, and she had to relive the entire ordeal all over again.

As much as she hated having to burden her best friend with her problems, Mizuki was actually grateful that this hadn’t happened while she was home.

If Mizuki had been at home, she would’ve been dealing with the aftermath alone, which meant she would inevitably be caving and resorting to… less than ideal coping mechanisms. Hell, even with Ena actively holding her and reassuring her, the urges were very much present, so who knows what Mizuki would’ve done if she were left to her own devices?

Oh, yeah, Ena was holding her. After… Fifteen minutes, maybe? Of Mizuki crying, she had gone completely limp against Ena. Eventually, Ena tried to lay back down because her back was killing her, and Mizuki didn’t budge, so they ended up with Ena laying on her back and Mizuki draped over her like a living, breathing weighted blanket.

Ena wasn’t complaining, really. Especially once Mizuki had calmed down enough to fall asleep. Usually, Ena wasn’t very fond of physical touch, but she could tolerate it if it was Mizuki.

…What?

Yeah, no, Ena was going back to sleep. She wasn’t having another gay crisis at this hour.

Mizuki didn’t open her eyes right away when she woke up. She stayed completely still, attempting to will herself back to sleep. Plus, Ena was already awake, idly running her fingers through Mizuki’s hair, and Mizuki figured that if she moved, Ena would stop.

Mizuki figured out pretty quickly that she was in way too much pain to actually fall back asleep, so her next best option was to just… think.

She was confused. Extremely confused. Specifically, confused about what she was feeling. On one hand, Mizuki absolutely despised being vulnerable. She learned from a very young age that vulnerability was a shortcut to getting yourself hurt, so Mizuki avoided vulnerability at all costs. She always had, and she always will.

Yet, if that were the case, then why did this feel so right? Why did she let Ena comfort her so easily? Why was she letting Ena hold her like this? Why was she okay with this? Why was she doing the one thing she had always sworn against?

Why did it come so naturally??

It didn’t make any sense!!

Mizuki sighed, apparently a little too loudly because Ena realized she was awake. Just as Mizuki expected, she stopped running her fingers through her hair, to which Mizuki responded with a plaintive, almost petulant noise.

She didn’t look up, but she could feel the look Ena was giving her.

Thank god Ena couldn’t see the humiliating amount of blush on Mizuki’s face.

“What?”

“…Keep doing that.”

Ena could’ve teased her. She could’ve made it difficult, made her be specific or found another way to get on Mizuki’s nerves.

But she didn’t. She simply hummed in agreement, continuing with a small smile.

At least until someone decided he was above knocking.

“Hey, Toya’s coming ov— What the fuck.”

Ena immediately stopped finger-combing Mizuki’s hair, glancing over at her brother, who was standing in the doorway. Mizuki lifted her head just enough to look at Akito with one eye, which only lasted a couple seconds before she buried her face in Ena’s shoulder again.

Ena and Akito just stared blankly at one another for at least fifteen seconds before Ena started yelling.

“Are you fucking incapable of knocking? Get out! Fuck off!!”

Akito eventually just started laughing. To be fair, he tried not to, it just… didn’t really work. Probably because he had blackmail on Ena that would be valid for months, at a minimum.

“Yeah, there’s… no platonic explanation for that.”

That was all he said before he turned around and left.

Mizuki waited half an hour before caving in and going downstairs to get pain meds. Maybe, if she was lucky, Akito might’ve forgotten about earlier.

“Morning, lil bro. Morning, Toya.”

The end of her sentence was punctuated with a yawn as she walked past the two boys sitting at the table.

“Good morning, Akiyama.”

The overly cordial tone of Akito’s voice told Mizuki all she needed to know.

She and Ena were never living this down.

“Morning. Is that safe?”

Mizuki turned to Toya with a puzzled look. Eventually, he gestured to the pills in her hand.

It wasn’t that much, really. She just hadn’t bothered counting them. Yes, that’s a bad habit, but her back hurt too much for her to care.

“I’ll be fine.”

Toya was visibly skeptical, but he didn’t make any further comments.

Ena walked into the kitchen around then, giving Mizuki a similar look of skepticism.

“You shouldn’t take those on an empty stomach.”

“I do it all the time. Morning, by the way.”

Ena rolled her eyes, breaking off half of her protein bar and handing it to Mizuki.

“And you wonder why you’re nauseous all the time? Here, I’ll make pancakes in a minute. Morning to you, too.”

“What’s the point of greeting each other if you were in the same bed ten minutes ago?”

Was that kind of comment inevitable? Yes.

Did it still catch Mizuki and Ena completely off guard? Yes.

Mizuki was honestly more surprised that he hadn’t already told Toya. Generally, he wasn’t very readable, but the shock on his face would’ve been visible from miles away. His eyes drifted from Akito, over to Ena and Mizuki, then back to Akito as he slowly put his coffee mug back on the table.

“…Pardon?”

“Fuck off, lil bro. We were platonically cuddling. Emphasis on platonically.”

Akito was distracted enough to not realize Ena walking around the table until she smacked him in the back of the head.

“Really? Didn’t— Ena, what the fuck? Didn’t look very platonic to me.”

Ena hit him again when he finished his sentence before wandering back into the kitchen.

“You’re allowed to sit down, by the way.”

After analyzing Ena’s expression for about ten seconds, Mizuki figured that was Ena’s way of politely evicting her from the kitchen so she could cook. She picked up her monster and half a protein bar and took a seat at the table next to Toya, and across from Akito. The first thing that caught her attention was her notifications.

5 Messages: Rui Kamishiro

41 Messages: Suzuki hate club!!

She could guess what Rui’s messages were about.

What the hell was going on in the group chat?

Direct Messages:

Rui Kamishiro: I am so sorry for taking this long to respond, I got home super late from practice and fell asleep before my head hit the pillow :p

Rui Kamishiro: Knowing you, you’re probably still sleeping, so I don’t expect a fast response.

Rui Kamishiro: But I’m not doing anything today, so either texting or calling me when you get the chance is fine.

Rui Kamishiro: But on a separate note

Rui Kamishiro: If you do not delete those screenshots, I will equip a drone with a burner phone bomb and fly said drone to your exact location. <3

Mizuki Akiyama: No <3

Mizuki Akiyama: Plus, I’m at Ena’s house

Mizuki Akiyama: You wouldn’t bomb an innocent family of four**, would you?

Mizuki Akiyama: *Five if you count Toya because he’s here as well

Group Messages:

Suzuki hate club!!

An Shiraishi: @Akito Shinonome if Toya already knows everything, would that mean we should/could add him here?

Akito Shinonome: It would make sense

Akito Shinonome: He does have more classes with Akiyama than we do

Akito Shinonome: But it isn’t my choice

Akito Shinonome: And she and Ena are still asleep

An Shiraishi: How do you know that?

An Shiraishi: That they’re still asleep, I mean

An Shiraishi: Maybe they’re avoiding you, you never know

“Who’s Suzuki? Actually, why are you two named ‘Cutting’ and ‘Sucking Dick?’ Am I missing something?”

Literally everyone else in the room burst out laughing. Ena made an effort to keep it together, but it didn’t last. Mizuki only stopped laughing out of pure guilt, because she knew that feeling too well to laugh at it.

Being on the outside of an inside joke.

Being the only one who didn’t understand.

Being the only one left out.

Being laughed at.

“It’s, um… It’s kind of a long story…? Suzuki is just a guy who doesn’t like me.”

“As in a guy who put her in the ER.”

“Yeah.”

Toya nodded, very slowly. Concern was an understatement for the look on his face.

“Tuesday?”

Mizuki froze for a second.

He already knows about it.

There’s no point in tiptoeing around it.

He knows.

“No, Wednesday. Tuesday was when Rui took me to get stitches in my arm because… Well, I think you heard about it.”

“Ah.”

The conversation stopped for a moment after that. Akito was pushing a piece of his pancakes around in the puddle of maple syrup on his plate. Toya was silently stirring his coffee. Mizuki was swishing around her monster in the can. Ena was eavesdropping from the kitchen.

“I didn’t actually do it Tuesday, if that’s what you’re wondering. It happened a few weeks before, but I wasn’t taking care of my arm so it got infected and it wasn’t healing. Hence the stitches.”

“Mhm.”

Mizuki took another sip from her monster. She already regretted saying anything about it. Not because she didn’t trust Toya with that information, but because the mere thought of anyone knowing about it made her want to scrape her skin off and run away from it.

And the closest she could get to that was—

“Anyways, the ‘cutting and sucking dick’ joke was from after Suzuki and I got in a fight Wednesday, and somehow, An and Akito ended up arguing about whether or not Akito sucks dick or not. Ena told them to cut it out, no pun intended, and Rui had just come back with bandages and asked why we were talking about cutting and sucking dick.”

Toya, after a moment’s silence, slowly turned to Akito.

“Akito, my love, I have a question.”

“Hm?”

“Are you familiar with reading the room?”

It was completely unclear whether the question was intended to be funny, but paired with the completely deadpan tone and expression on his face, it was impossible to take seriously.

“Wh— An started it!!”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does!!”

Aside from brainstorming for another music video, Ena and Mizuki didn’t have much to do on Nightcord, since they had already uploaded the two music videos.

That meant it was only 3 when the two girls settled into bed.

As in, Ena fell asleep, and Mizuki tossed and turned restlessly on the futon.

Yes, her back hurt, but that had nothing to do with her inability to sleep.

Mizuki couldn’t sleep because of the overwhelming need to feel pain.

Not the kind of pain she could get from ‘accidentally’ moving her arms a little too far over her head.

The kind of pain that she could only obtain via a sharp object and a couple minutes of alone time.

Despite the fact that she was considering it quite seriously, Mizuki wasn’t deranged enough to hurt herself in her best friend’s bathroom with whatever sharp object she could lay her hands on.

That was precisely the problem, though.

She literally couldn’t give in. It wasn’t a matter of whether or not she wanted to throw away her progress, or whether she’d be able to hide it well enough. She just… didn’t have the necessary facilities to act on the urges.

She should be grateful for that, yet she wasn’t.

Because if she didn’t have anything, that meant she’d have to just wait it out. Nine times out of ten, that made the urges worse.

With a heavy sigh, she rolled over and opened her Messages app.

There was almost no way he was awake at… 4:17, but it was worth a shot.

Direct Messages:

Mizuki Akiyama: Are you awake by any chance?

Rui Kamishiro: Yes, why?

Mizuki Akiyama: God damn

Mizuki Akiyama: Go to sleep

Rui Kamishiro: I could say the same thing for you.

Mizuki Akiyama: I can’ttttttt :(((((

Rui Kamishiro: Why’s that?

Mizuki Akiyama: Are you stable enough to hear about it?

Rui Kamishiro: Ah.

Rui’s advice worked. Kind of.

Music did help with the urges, but it didn’t make it any easier to fall asleep. Mizuki ended up pulling an all nighter.

In hopes of letting Ena sleep a little longer, Mizuki went downstairs around 6:30 to eat breakfast. Ena had made extra pancakes the morning prior, so Mizuki just put a couple onto a plate and tossed them in the microwave.

“Morning.”

Mizuki must’ve been more tired than she initially thought, because she did not hear anyone coming down the stairs, much less into the kitchen.

“Mornin’ lil bro. Why are you up?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

Mizuki grabbed her plate and a fork before moving to the other side of the kitchen to top her pancakes. She felt too lazy to do much, so she just dusted them with powdered sugar and called it a day.

“Huh. That’s what Rui said.”

“When did you talk to him?”

“When I couldn’t sleep. Well, I didn’t sleep at all, actually.”

“Oh. Why?”

Of course he was going to ask. Of fucking course.

“I just couldn’t, I don’t know.”

It was a lie. A very obvious lie.

A lie that Akito didn’t question.

Mizuki, after taking a moment to thank her past self for going to the store with Ena yesterday, opened another monster and grabbed more pain meds.

Again, she didn’t bother counting them.

Again, she got a skeptical side eye from a witness.

“Please don’t overdose in my house.”

Mizuki was too tired to tell if Akito was saying that genuinely, or just for the bit, so she responded anyway.

“If I were going to overdose again, I’d do it in my own house. I’m not that mentally ill.”

“…Again? I thought it didn’t work.”

Mizuki turned, staring blankly at Akito for a moment in the dark kitchen.

“Oh, yeah. Didn’t work ‘cause Rui called an ambulance.”

Thank fuck Mizuki had taken her Zofran already, or she’d be skipping breakfast today.

“…Oh.”

Mizuki picked up her monster and her plate and brought them over to the table, where she sat down and promptly slammed her head against the table.

One.

Fucking.

Interaction.

And she fucked it up.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

Now her head hurts.

“Are you okay?”

Mizuki didn’t bother lifting her head off the table.

“I miss aspirin.”

Akito sat down across the table from Mizuki, putting down… something. Mizuki wasn’t paying attention to what he was eating.

“Why can’t you take aspirin?”

“It’s a… anti-conjugant? A blood thinner. You’re not supposed to take them with open wounds, it messes up the healing process or makes you bleed out or something.”

Akito went quiet for a moment, typing something on his phone.

“…You mean it’s an anticoagulant?”

“Yeah. That.”

Mizuki was too tired to find it funny.

Akito clearly wasn’t, though.

Bzzt.

Group Messages:

Suzuki hate club!!

Sucking dick nicknamed “Sucking Dick” “Akito Shinonome”

Akito Shinonome nicknamed “Cutting” “Mizuki Akiyama”

Akito Shinonome: “Aspirin is an anti conjugant” @Mizuki Akiyama

Mizuki Akiyama: I’M TIRED LEAVE ME ALONE

Akito Shinonome: No.

“You changed the names back?”

“Do you want to have to explain those to a teacher?”

Mizuki sighed, taking a bite of her pancakes.

“No.”

“Exactly.”

The two sat in silence for a solid 20 minutes until Ena and Toya unearthed themselves from their beds and came downstairs.

“Why are you two up already?”

Ena flicked Akito’s head as she walked by, earning her a halfhearted glare.

“Couldn’t fall back asleep.”

Ena shut the microwave before turning to Mizuki.

“What about you?”

“Didn’t sleep. At all.”

Ena frowned, taking her pancakes out of the microwave before sitting down next to Mizuki.

“Why not?”

“It’s… complicated. I’ll tell you later.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Mizuki was honestly surprised Ena didn’t push her to explain.

Mizuki was also surprised that Toya hadn’t said a single thing.

“Toya? You alive in there?”

“Mhm…”

Mizuki briefly glanced over at him before turning to Akito with a quizzical expression.

“Is he okay…?”

“He’s always like this in the morning. He’s fine.”

“Mizuki, you woke up the other day and thought Rui was the fucking hat man. You cannot be talking.”

If Mizuki looked confused before, there was no way to explain the look she gave Ena.

“He told you about that—? I was concussed!”

Akito was dead silent for a moment, while Ena was busy laughing her ass off.

“…’a shadowy figure that appears in sleep paralysis and dreams, and is often associated with the abuse of Benadryl.’ Oh. I mean...”

“Huh?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

Ena sighed. She couldn’t tell if Mizuki actually had any intention of telling her, or if she was just saying that to get her off her case, but she wasn’t going to get anywhere asking.

“Alright.”

“Mizuki, I am so sorry for yelling at you the other day! I just— I was so worried, and I don’t know what got into me—“

Literally the second An saw Mizuki, she was immediately rambling and apologizing and crushing Mizuki’s ribs.

Well, the rib crushing wasn’t what was bothering Mizuki. Her sides were sensitive due to other things.

Friday was… rough.

“An. You’re killing me. Please.”

An was… not exactly listening. Thank god Toya and Akito had noticed Mizuki’s agony and pried An off her.

“Thanks… Fuck, that hurt…”

“Sorry!! Wait, what did I do?”

Mizuki stood there completely still for a moment. She was putting 110% of her energy into acting like that didn’t hurt, but it somehow wasn’t enough.

“Uh… Don’t worry about it. Just… ow.”

“I’m sorry!!”

“Stop apologizing so much, you sound Canadian.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

That somehow sparked an argument about Canadian stereotypes, which lasted until a certain blonde jumpscared all five parties present.

“Good wondahoi!!!!”

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

Akito’s reaction made Mizuki feel a little bit better about covering her ears. At least Mizuki had an excuse for that. Seriously, how many decibels did Tsukasa even speak at?

“Akito, don’t be rude. Good morning, Tsukasa-senpai.”

An, Ena, and Toya ended up being the only ones to actually interact with Tsukasa. Akito was just standing there in a halfhearted attempt to humor his boyfriend, and Mizuki ended up talking to Rui, who showed up shortly after Tsukasa.

“Did you get any sleep?”

“Nope. Pulled an all nighter.”

The two sighed, almost in perfect sync. Rui, after a brief glance over to the rest of the group, turned back to Mizuki before asking,

“Did you end up…?”

He didn’t finish that sentence, nor did he have to. They thought on the same wavelength, Mizuki got the point.

“Nope.”

“See? I knew you could do it.”

“Was it really worth sacrificing a whole night’s sleep for?”

“Yes.”

Mizuki rolled her eyes with an exasperated groan. Rui, after making sure nobody was paying attention to them, leaned a little closer with a teasing glint in his eyes.

“You know, I’m sure she would’ve been willing to offer you some comfort again…~”

“Stop making everything sound gay!!”

“See? Even Kamishiro thinks it’s gay!”

Mizuki couldn’t even begin to understand how Akito could not only hear their conversation over the chatter around him, but also know what they were talking about.

“Stop eavesdropping!!”

“Stop being gay for my sister!!”

“We are not gay for each other!!”

Well, that statement was only half true.

But Akito didn’t need to know that.

Rui definitely knew, though, and the look he gave Mizuki was only a reminder of that fact. After a quick glare, Mizuki started walking back towards the rest of the group, and Rui followed her.

“Quit looking at me like that. You kissed your boyfriend for so long that Emu picked your phone up and texted me about it.”

“Oh, come on. It was like… three minutes. We have done worse.”

Mizuki stopped walking, slowly turning back to Rui.

“You and him or you and me?”

“Us. Either works, though.”

Mizuki was about to respond when she realized just how quiet their friends had gotten.

An, Toya, and Tsukasa basically had loading screens over their heads.

“You guys were dating?!”

An was the first to react, followed shortly by Toya. Tsukasa was still buffering.

“Yeah, in middle school. Is it that surprising?”

“Yes??”

“Kind of. It makes so much sense, but none at all at the same time.”

Mizuki shrugged. They were both valid answers.

None of it compared to the look Tsukasa was giving Rui.

“Tsukasa-kun, what’s wrong?”

Tsukasa was literally pouting. It might’ve been funny if he didn’t look like a sad puppy.

“Nothing, I just…”

“Are you jealous?”

Tsukasa didn’t even respond. He just walked over to Rui, taking his hand and shoving his face against his arm with a plaintive huff.

It didn’t make sense.

Tsukasa Tenma, self proclaimed future star, was butthurt because Mizuki dated Rui first?

Why on god’s green earth would he be jealous over Mizuki?

Now Mizuki was the one buffering.

The morning bell interrupted her thought process, and Tsukasa wasted no time in pulling his boyfriend away.

“Can I say goodbye to my friends first?”

“No, we’re going to be late. I will pick you up and carry you.”

They had a solid ten minutes before they actually had to be in their first class. Nobody had the heart to call out the obvious excuse.

“Good luck with that.”

Ena and Mizuki turned away to hug for all but five seconds, and when they turned around, Tsukasa was, in fact, throwing Rui over his shoulder and walking away with him.

“Tsukasa-kun—! Put me down!!”

“No.”

Mizuki’s eyes followed the two until Ena eventually left to go meet up with them. An was giggling uncontrollably for at least a couple minutes, long enough for Mizuki, Toya, and Akito to join.

“Anyways,”

An turned to Mizuki, still clutching her sides.

“What were you two talking about earlier? It had to be really gay if Kamishiro-senpai said it’s gay.”

Mizuki hesitated. Not because she didn’t want to tell her, but because she didn’t want to think too hard about the nightmare. Jokes aside, it was… not a pleasant experience, and it didn’t help with the thoughts regarding sharp objects.

“He’s being dramatic, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Nah, you guys were cuddling in her bed. No room for Jesus whatsoever. It was absolutely that bad.”

“It was platonic!!”

“‘Platonic’ my ass.”

Just to be a smartass, Akito then demonstrated in detail exactly what he saw, with Toya as a willing participant. Obviously, they were standing, but other than that, the details were exactly the same.

“Yeah, that’s… not platonic.”

“See? What about you, Toya?”

Toya was paying absolutely zero attention to anything Akito was saying. Actually, less than zero. Negative integers. Poor dude was catastrophically touch starved.

“Uhm… Sure?”

“You weren’t paying attention, were you?”

“Nope.”

Mizuki and An exchanged brief glances before turning back to Akito, who just gave them a halfhearted shrug.

“Oh, and don’t even get me started on whatever you texted her Thursday—“

“No.”

“Yeah, while we were eating dinner—“

“That was a joke!”

“Really? What was the joke?”

“Don’t worry about it…!”

“That’s what I thought.”

Mizuki was, allegedly, still blushing by the time they got to English, where she promptly fell asleep the second she sat down at her desk.

Very platonic.